The fire of fear had burned a hole in her gut so deep that she felt she was beginning to wither away. She believed that she would turn to ash and drift with the wind; no one would find her once it had taken her away. It would have been for the best, she realized. For all that she was, the ghoul had not offered much to the world. In this, she felt that she had taken more than she was ever intended. The remainder of her life would be a fight, she knew, but even still... she was too afraid to die.
Wandering through the early morning of the wood, Lucy noted how desolate the terrain was. While the decimation was not recent, it could still be noted that a disaster had swept through the forest and taken everything with it. Life would return – as it always did – but it had left a dark scar. The ghoul swept her gaze from side to side in search of passersby. She did not want to be caught unaware. A small voice in the back of her skull reminded her of Skwol and she felt a pain seize her chest as she imagined him moving on without her. It would not have been right for the young girl to keep him, or weigh him down. She knew that he would find better companions in time, but Lucy still missed him and the golden sparkle of his gaze. It was what she held close in order to move forward.
Liffey was tired. Tired of guilt, tired of running, tired of searching. Tired of feeling miserable and wanting, and somehow so lonely still even though she was slowly becoming surrounded once again by friendly faces that seemed honestly excited to be with her on this venture. She took no credit for it, of course. If anything, they were excited for Rannoch and for Terance. No one was really there for her. Rannoch was there for her. Terance was there for Rannoch, and Wraen was there for Terance. The others... she had been so withdrawn, she wondered if they even knew her name. It made her feel terrible. Gods how she just wanted to find some peace...
They would be moving on soon, Liffey knew. She would be glad for it too. The further she got from Moonspear, the more she felt hopeful that she might truly manage to leave it all behind her. At least, she felt that way sometimes. Other times, the darkness clouded her mind and she was full of doubt once more. Doubt, regret, and guilt. The guilt was the worst, the most painful, the most soul-crushing of all that she felt. It took so much out of her and made optimism so difficult to grasp.
No.
Enough.
Liffey shut her eyes and stopped, forcing herself to take a deep breath. Her thoughts were so easily scattered these days and it was incredibly stupid for her to be off on her own, so unfocused. She was still for a few moments, just breathing and steadying herself. Then finally, she opened her eyes again and looked out at the barren landscape. A sound took her attention and she turned, peering through the morning haze until her gaze landed upon a dark shadow in the woods.
Her hackles prickled immediately and her muscles tensed. Her immediate thought was Hydra, but she hesitated as she squinted at the figure. There was something more frail about this black wolf, and something... she couldn't really place that said this wasn't one of the dark sisters. This was someone else entirely, though Liffey had no idea who. The Frostfur stepped towards the other girl slowly and though she wasn't convinced yet that she had any desire to engage in someone else's company at all, she woofed softly to get the other female's attention.
The sound of a stranger's voice was enough to startle the young girl from her stupor and bring her to lock a pair of robin egg blue eyes on the other female. Lucy peered at her with her head held close to the earth and her ears swiveled forward. There was a flush of wariness about her stance, but she did not flee. The ghoul was far enough away that she could escape with ease, but close enough to recognize the coat pattern that adorned this stranger's body. Her limbs became rigid and she lifted her skull upward, canting it to the right just slightly. With the spiky tendrils of her pelt rising along her neck and shoulders, the shadow took a tentative step toward the Finley twin. Though she did not remember her sister, she knew that there had to have been some relation.
“You know Finley?” the dark girl inquired with a small frown. Her voice was soft and her body shook somewhat as the inquiry left her lips. For all that she was, Lucy did not feel as though she was part of the Blackthorn family. Once, she had been, but that day seemed so long ago. Her kindness was not afforded to the unknown sister. All formality had vanished from her form as she looked upon the younger wolf – unique in her own right, but identical to the leader of the caldera.
Liffey could not remember her sister. They had been so young when she'd been taken. She couldn't remember missing her, or feeling any remorse for her loss that had been genuinely felt for her loss and not for Finley's. Their mother had taken it horribly and her pain had won Liffey's sympathies. But for Lucy's loss, she hadn't had the capacity to grieve. She was barely even real to her, not even when she was standing right in front of her.
The comment startled her. She hadn't expected her mother's name to pass from the stranger's lips, especially not so abruptly. Liffey gave the girl a quizzical look as her regard was unusual as well. However she knew Finley, Liffey was sensing that there were no fond memories for her. "Uh, yeah," she said, canting her head lightly, "She's my mother. Have you met her?" She wouldn't be surprised now if the other girl said she had and then told some ludicrous story about how Fin had once gotten her trapped in a cave once and then run away laughing. It would be less absurd than some of the stories she'd heard.
Ahh, of course, she thought to herself with a small grimace. It only made sense that she would have given birth to such a similar young girl. It was the pang that Lucy could tell this stranger was just around her own age that forced her to realize this was a sister. The frustration of having come across two of them was more astounding than she cared to indulge, so the shadow gritted her teeth together and swung her ears to flatten against her skull. Not sure how she would escape this particular conversation, she opened her mouth to answer and felt only anger.
“Yeah, I have,” she responded through gritted teeth. The ghoul felt like she was washed with fire. She had never really prepared herself to have a conversation of this nature with a sibling she couldn't have remembered if her life depended on it. Congratulations, you've just gained a sister, didn't seem at all appropriate for the situation, so she left her words short and sweet. If her sister pressed on, the truth would be unavoidable.
The other girl's response was clipped. There was agitation written on her features, leading Liffey's mind further towards the conclusion she'd already been piecing together in her mind. Her mom could be a delightfully exciting, loving and endearing wolf. But she could also be thoughtless, self-centered, and... not at all endearing. Her current companion must have experienced the latter side of her mother. Poor thing.
"I'm sensing that I owe you an apology for something she said or did to you," Liffey said, offering a small, sympathetic smile, "I swear she means well. She just ah... She's... unique..." An uncomfortable pause. She felt guilty putting her own mom down, but worse for whatever she had done to make the dark female unhappy.
There was a bubbling mixture of anger and jealousy that spilled into her chest. The other Blackthorn seemed as though she was familiar with some of the trouble Finley would get herself into. Lucy wondered what it would have been like if this sibling had been the one who was scooped up in her youth and taken from everything she knew. The shadow wondered if she would be having the conversation with Liffey, and not the other way around. The literal black sheep nodded her head softly and shrugged her shoulders in response to this wolf's response. She bit against her tongue and reminded herself that she needn't spill the truth just yet.
“Right, sure,” the ghoul answered her with a ghostly little smile on the edges of her lips. Finley was just... unique she reminded herself in the voice of her sister. It drove her to a distinct sort of madness and she breathed a heavy sigh. “Was she a good mother?” the dark girl then inquired with a tilt of her crown. Her pale blue gaze latched tightly to the features of her sister's face and the happiness that shone there.
It was clear that the other girl was still uncomfortable, though Liffey's understanding was beginning to wane. Certainly her mother couldn't have done anything that bad? Finley was reckless, sure, but generally rather harmless. She was a danger to herself more than to anyone else. Though the stories she'd told of when she was younger... Well, Liffey didn't like to remember all of them. But all of those stories had come from when Fin had been her age, and this girl seemed to be of similar age to Liffey. It didn't add up.
Liffey returned the small smile, but it was only a flicker across the thoughtful curiosity that was written on her face. Both brows rose at the next question that came from her lips. It was unexpected and rather an odd thing to ask. "Uh.. Yeah. I mean, we had our problems," she replied, a little hesitantly, "But she's always meant well. I actually left my birth pack because she was so overprotective, I couldn't stand it. But even then, I know she always meant well."
Liffey paused, then couldn't help but ask, "How is it that you know her?" Her mind was drawing conclusions that were beginning to make her nervous. She hoped to find her hypotheses were incorrect.
The shadow listened carefully to the girl's remarks and found a black pit of jealousy had formed in her gut. It was not that she was displeased with Liffey's well-meant upbringing, but more so that she would have liked to have felt the same. It would have been nice to refer to her mother as a troublesome, well-meaning individual with her own unique and endearing quirks. The words felt bitter in her mind and would surely sound the very same if they had been uttered. Still, she listened to her sister speak and nodded her head slowly. Lucy had had enough. She couldn't stomach any more of it, for her own sake.
Then, the question fell between them and her ears swiveled to stand straight, upright, rigid atop her skull. Her blue eyes darted fearfully to the other wolf and she frowned. There was no simple way to answer that question, unless she chanced a lie. The ink hound felt as though it would not have fallen on the tone of convincing, if she did.
“I don't really,” she stated in an offhanded sort of way. It wasn't a lie; Lucy knew very little about her mother, save for the few experiences she could recall. It seemed that few of them were looked back on with fondness, and she did not want that to be the feeling she led with. Surely, it would frighten the other off. “I mean, she's my mother.” The words were almost strangled from her throat. They burned until they touched the air at the tips of her lips and were carried away. Then, the shadow stood rigidly, her head held low and her gaze trained on the features of her sibling.
“But, I don't really know her.”
Nothing could have prepared her for the girl's short, awkward, and life-altering reply. Liffey blinked at her dumbly as she confessed her relation to her mother - their mother, apparently. The dots didn't connect at first. "Oh," she answered simply with a nod, as though it was the most normal thing in the world. It was a response made in an effort to continue to be a polite participant in the conversation, though her mind was reeling madly underneath. After a moment, she decided that in this instance at least, it was okay to have some sort of reaction. She had apparently just stumbled upon her long lost sister after all.
"I'm sorry, I don't..." she said, shaking her head in confusion. Her mother? When had Finley found the time to have a secret litter? Liffey frowned as she attempted to do the math in her head. This girl was about her age, so she would've had to have gotten pregnant like, immediately after giving birth to Liffey and her brother. How was that possible... And was Elwood this girl's dad too? There was no way. It just did not compute in her mind, though if any wolf in the world could pull something like this off, it would've been Finley...
Pause. Liffey blinked. Dots connected. Eyes widened.
"Lucy?"
elkajdsf i will be much more prompt with this wow i am sorry
It would have been ideal if Lucy had been able to respond with her sister’s own name. It would have shed a warm happiness on her life; something so rare and fleeting that she scarcely knew what it meant anymore. The thought that she could have been close to this slate-coated woman was astounding. It rattled her; it fastened her to the earth with such force and power that she feared she would never be uprooted from the spot where she stood. How sweet it would have felt to approach the other Blackthorn and drink in the scent of family. It would have been even humorous for the two girls to share that Liffey had found a way into Rannoch’s heart and that they were building a family. Lucy could have recounted tale after tale to the grey sister and they would have found a moment of irony in all of the heartache.
Unfortunately, it was not way things had been intended to unfold. When Liffey spilled her name, the dark girl’s eyes narrowed, and her ears flattened to her crown. Even the fur along her neck and spine began to bristle, but only because this entirely unfamiliar figure knew her. “Yeah… Lucy,” she echoed with a clipping of her tone and a tight lump that had lodged against the back of her throat. “What are you called?” It was – perhaps – a strange question to follow up with after meeting her sister for the first time that she could recall. Still, the ghoul did not know quite how she was intended to follow such a difficult outing of information.
haha you're fine! i will forgive you all things, love <3
The dark female confirmed the conclusion Liffey had come to, leaving her feeling quite overwhelmed. More than anything she felt confused, but guilt was soon to follow as she became specifically aware of her
lack of joy. It wasn't that she was
unhappy to have found her long lost sister. It was that she didn't really feel the things she should have - joy, relief, excitement. She mostly felt nothing, which made her feel confused, and terrible.
Liffey swallowed the emotions. Her sister's words actually came as a relief for it was apparent to her that Lucy didn't really know her either and also didn't seem as pleased with this reunion as Liffey felt they should. It took some of the pressure off, but she remained at a loss for where to go from here.
"Liffey," she answered. Silence followed. She had never even daydreamed about one day finding her sister again, so she had zero idea of what to say. She daydreamed about seeing her mother again, and seeing Lagan again - what she would say, how she would respond. She had never practiced for this. This possibility had never even occurred to her. Lucy actually hadn't even been real to her until this very moment...
"Mom's not that great," she said suddenly, awkwardly, immediately regrettably. In the split second before saying it, Liffey had thought that it might be a way of reassuring her sister that... I don't know. That it was somehow okay that she'd been kidnapped and had her entire life stolen from her because Finley was nothing spectacular? She hadn't missed out somehow since their mother was kind of crazy? Liffey glanced down at her paws uncomfortably, wanting to say something to make her last comment go away, but not trusting herself
at all to say a thing.
Where Liffey had found relief, Lucy could find only despair. She was frustrated that she didn’t even know how significant it was to cross paths with the slate-coated female. She didn’t know that they were from the same litter – though she could very well venture a guess. The dark girl was astounded that she had fought so hard against the idea of returning to her home, with their mother, and living out her days in the Caldera. That had been so long ago, though. Finley had searched for her when she had still been nothing more than a dark young pup, lost in the expanse of earth. Burning still from the feelings of abandonment, Lucy listened to her sister and swiveled only a single ear atop her crown.
Questions started to line up in her mind, unspoken, but ready to know some truth about her life and the family she had managed to leave behind. She looked at her sibling with an expression haunted by loss. The light blue of her eyes shot toward the earth as Liffey attempted to soften the confidence she had used with their mother. Lucy didn’t blame her; she had a better frame of reference for how great the Blackthorn matriarch had really been. The dark ghoul would never have known.
“How many are there? How many siblings?” she finally inquired.
Liffey didn't know what to say, or what to do. She felt compelled to speak, but the words wouldn't come. What do you say to a sister you haven't seen since before you could even fully retain memories? Especially when all Liffey could think was how bizarre to feel so utterly uncomfortable with her littermate. They were supposed to be close. They were supposed to be... They were supposed to be sisters for gods sake. But they were strangers. Complete strangers.
Lucy's voice interrupted the swirl of thoughts that had overwhelmed her mind. She stared blankly for a moment, uncertain of what to say, but only because she didn't really know the answer. "Well, we have an older brother - Eljay," Liffey replied, figuring she may as well just respond honestly with as much as she did know, "And we have one other littermate.. Lagan, another brother. We have four younger siblings too. I uh... I actually can't think of their names. They were barely a week old when I met them and that was almost a year ago. But there were two boys and two girls, I remember. So... Four brothers and two sisters. And maybe more by now, knowing mom."
She hadn't thought too much about what her parents had been up to since she and Rannoch had visited them last Summer. She knew bits and pieces of the turmoil the Caldera had gone through and had wanted to check in on them, but her own conflict with the wolves of Moonspear had prevented that. She assumed though that if Finley hadn't given birth to another litter by now then she was at least pregnant. It didn't bother her really that she didn't know them, not like it bothered her to not know the wolf before her that she had been born beside.
"Do you live around here?" Liffey asked suddenly, "Like.. Are you going somewhere? Are you staying?"
The answer the girl received was non-committal, cold, and seemed to serve as both response and farewell. Liffey felt somehow battered and bruised by the time she turned and headed back to her pack, but resolved in the end to keep this entire meeting to herself. Her mate did not need this in his head, and she wouldn't put it on him. They had other things to think about, and if nothing else had become clear to Liffey, it was that her sister did not hold rebuilding their family as a priority either. Yes, it was better left unmentioned.