The charcoal sky was almost a comfort in this world of chaos, this endless spiral of loss and pain. The darkness used to spark fear in his heart, like a shadowed beast with hidden fangs, but tonight it reminded him only of how very small he was. This life, it was a tragic, bitter thing, but he was only a wolf trying to make his way through, as all did. He was only a man, and there was only so much he could do. The stars provided him with as much company as he would need, but another soul was never a curse - in his heart, he could never wish to be alone.
It was Burr he thought about this night, as the stars twinkled in their places. Burr, with that serious frown adorning his face in a moment of confusion, of contemplation. The little grin curling his lips when he found something exciting, or the gleam in his eyes when faced with adventure - he'd been so innocent, a blessing to the world, but his life had been stolen from him far too early. If Mawk could turn back time, he'd switch places with the boy so that Burr Saefyn could live on as he was meant to, no questions asked. A soul so young should have a better chance to see how beautiful living could truly be, but his end had been ugly. Of course, life could be ugly too, but once you look past it, you're able to see the world in a new light. There is not only bad. Burr was at peace, now.
His tail curled around his hind as though it were a soft blanket to provide warmth as he stared at the sky. Another one on the Delta's mind was Illecebra. It deeply hurt that she had no memory of him or the kids, no recollection of the hardships they'd survived together, but he was aware it was not her fault at all - if anyone was to blame for this, it was Lonzo. He tried not to dwell on the memory of that bastard, but it was difficult at times. No matter... in the end, all that mattered was that Cebra was here at Easthollow, safe from harm. Mawk loved her so strongly, if he lost her, he'd be nothing. She didn't remember him... yes, it was painful. His heart ached, a longing for her to just have a flicker of recognition in her eyes as she looked at him, but his wishes had not yet been granted. Still, he had hope. She'd remember her husband one day, right?
The man let out a soft sigh, fiery gaze trained upon the horizon as the moon glowed a ghostly white, slight breeze ruffling his fur.
A short distance away so that his scent blew to her on the wind, Cebra slept. She hadn't intentionally settled down for the night so close by but perhaps it was her subconscious providing some sort of familiarity to her damaged mind. In her dreams images flashed by so fast she only got fleeting glances, but just enough to stir emotions and a sense of knowing that made her limbs twitch.
Three small lumps of fur, one pale, one grey like her, and the other was a creamy color with a mask like her own. They nestled and wriggled against her belly filling her with warmth. "Burr, Rowana, Cyron...Those shall be their names" a voice spoke and she knew it to be her own.
The stench of rot, blood and the fleeting glance of a shredded and mangled corpse. The view turned to the face of the dead child and she screamed.
"Burr! Oh god no!" she sat upright, flanks heaving and screamed again eyes wild with terror. She looked around and stood up, backing away from her new memories, from the pain and joy they brought simultaenously. Cyron,Rowana, Burr. Her babies. All three children that she had born and one she had lost so horribly. She retched as the memory of finding him came back and shook, the pain renewed in her mind. "Mawk.....Mawk!" She cried out and began to track his scent, finding it upon the breeze and finding him in the moonlight sitting quietly. Without hesitation she threw herself to him and pressed her nose against his fur, still not knowing the full extent of their relationship but trusting him to comfort her anyway. "I remember our children but I also remembered Burr and oh god...it's so horrible" she croaked.
If he had not been so in tune with the world around him that night, he might have been caught unaware by Cebra's approach. But he scented her upon the wind, and his ears found her movements - only a second after, her figure came barreling into his own. Hearing her cries, a deep crease formed between his brows and the man's gaze immediately shot downward to meet those bright eyes he'd always admired. But they were clouded with horror.
"Cebra..." He whispered, gently placing his chin on her forhead in attempts to bring comfort, whatever he could give. The loss of Burr was a dagger driven deep into his heart, a loss he'd never forget - Mawk supposed it was only expected that if his mate was to regain her memories, this would be one that hit her like a brick. At least... it was better than not remembering, right? Memories came with pain, but surely the pain was worth it if it allowed you to recollect the times you'd spent with family. At least she remembered who her family was. "I know, I know... but..." His eyes travelled back to the stars. "Think about it like this - he's at peace now. He's free from pain, and he is protected." It stung, but at least his son was in danger no longer. "Don't dwell on how his life ended, dwell on who he was. What he did. He was our little adventurer - he always will be. Just because he isn't standing beside us, doesn't mean he's not here. As cheesy as it sounds, he's in our hearts, and our memories - he's in our thoughts, and as long as this is the case, he is not gone."
When his chin touched her forehead she melted into his embrace almost instinctively. She may not have remembered the love they shared but it was in moments like this that almost felt it return in her chest....almost. She listened to his words and another memory, A small one but no less significant to her in this moment. "Burr Saefyn Adventurer Extrordinaire...now he can explore the heavens. An infinite space." she murmured. She remembered hearing him play a game one day, calling himself by that nickname with such pride it had brought an instant smile to his face. Cebra lifted her head and looked into Mawk's eyes, searching them for a few moments as if they held all the answers before she asked a question "Was I a good mother to him? To all of them? Truthfully." She asked in a small voice, wanting to know the truth of her relationship with Burr, with all her children.
He felt some sort of relief when she melted into his embrace, for a moment seeming as though nothing had changed - that she still remembered their love and the memories they had shared. Her words dug deep into his heart, and he peered upward again toward the stars, sadness lingering within his eyes of fire. Go on, little explorer. Maybe one day you can tell us what you found.
Then the silence was broken, and her question pierced through his head. Was I a good mother to him? To all of them? It was a tricky subject, truthfully. He inhaled slowly through his nose before releasing the breath and gazing directly at his wife. "Yes." He said it with confidence, hoping to assure her in this fact. "We could never have fortold the troubles we all suffered, and I regret a few things, but that's just how it is. You did your best, you loved your children unconditionally just as a mother should. Sure, you made a few minor mistakes, but so did I. You cannot expect to do everything perfectly, especially on the first try. You were, are, a good mother. Cyron struggles, but you tried your best to rekindle the bond, as did I. Rowana too. Things take time." Mawk paused for a brief moment, attempting to understand and take in her reaction to his words.
He looked right back into her eyes and for a moment she felt it . She felt her heart skip a beat and a surge of warmth, an almost memory trying to break free before in a matter of seconds it was gone leaving her confused and hurting. Was that it? Was that brief powerful burst how she had felt for Mawk, except every second of every day? The notion of loving someone with such strength scared her to death, what would she do if she lost him? She felt affection and love for Howl, but at a much safer level to her comfort.
When he spoke she let the words sink in, thinking them over. "Even..Even as a new mother those mistakes were not so Minor. Cyron being kidnapped and Burr murdered. And...where is Rowana? I haven't even scented her." she asked the last question with fear and hopelessness. She was scared to know the answer.
She wasn't the only one who felt that burst when they met each other's gaze, but it was a feeling he remembered. Still, it never failed to startle him with how powerful it was. Oh... he couldn't lose Cebra. The emotions, the connection he felt toward her, it was too strong for him to let go, and that was a fact he had no doubts about.
Mawk listened to his wife's spoken thoughts, seeing that she still was caught up in the losses and the self-doubt. "Illecebra." He mumbled, exhaling softly into her neck. "Not everything is your fault, you're not to blame. Burr's death in particular was not your fault, alright? What happened to Cyron could never have been predicted, but you did your best to fill the void that had grown inside him. Rowana... she's wandering. Searching for herself, I suppose - everyone reaches that age at some point, she's not gone."
Everything is okay, my love, I promise.
She closed her eyes at the proximity, the closeness warming her in spite of her emotional complications. He was right in a way...she couldn't blame herself now but she could blame her old self, the one that carelessly let all three kids go their seperate ways, two of them horrible paths and the other a distant but understandable one. She sighed softly and pressed her nose into his neck, feeling just as bad but not wanting Mawk to know this. "Thank you...for everything. I'm...Im sorry that I don't remember you...us." she said and she was, she was genuinely sorry that she currenty couldn't give him the love he needed and wanted from her.