As if summoned by his thoughts, Zamael appeared; he was too exhausted to be startled. His eyes cracked open slowly, ears flicking at the apology. For several beats, he did nothing— said nothing. His brother was here, again. Even after— everything.
Alarian found himself without words. He uncurled himself instead, moved almost frantically to press against Zamael if he was allowed. Or, rather, collapse against him. He didn't allow himself to feel relief; not yet, not until he knew his brother would come home with him. His breath hitched slightly then, a shudder running through him, and he found words, whispered and shaking: I want you to stay.
shhh it's not 2am
The embrace felt— it felt like being home, and that was when he realized he was. In the end, no amount of wishing or trying would change that no place could ever bring him this feeling. No other wolf could, either. Just... this one. He tucked himself tightly against his brother, ignoring for the moment the rawness that still hung between them. It would for awhile, he knew.
Relieved by the answer he received, Alarian nosed gently through the familiar grey fur, almost as if searching for the smallest differences. Truth be told, he was still convincing himself this was real. He could feel his breath catching again at Zamael's explanation— that didn't feel real, either. But he liked the sound of it— liked the idea that maybe, just maybe, someone did exist who loved him that much.
If he could believe it of anyone, it would be Zamael. Alarian fell quickly back into old habits; after some time, his nosing turned to soft but insistent grooming. There was so much to say, and none of it came to him now. He could only soak in the scent and feeling of his brother, commit the exact sound of each syllable he spoke to memory. He needed to save him, the memory of him, because—
Despite what he wanted to believe, and despite any pretty words Zamael might offer, he knew somewhere within himself that his beloved brother would leave him again. Time and time again it had been proven that the world never gave him gifts it did not intend on taking back. He accepted each one eagerly nonetheless— and this one, he took most eagerly of all, already picturing well the ruin it would make of him.
I love you,
He breathed, thinking then that he'd never stop saying it now that Zamael was here to listen.
He didn't think he deserved to be as happy as he was— no, he knew he didn't. It just didn't matter right then. Zamael's words caused a swell of emotion in his chest, and he swallowed hard, shivering slightly. This was so— strange. Alarian was quite used to being overwhelmed with emotion, but not this kind. The experience was both familiar and alien.
His brother's question drew a slightly shaky laugh from him. No— no, it's too cold here,
Alarian shivered again, as if his body was proving a point. It's east of here— the Bracken Sanctuary. We're uh— next to the Bracken Woods. I was um...
Oh, yeah. That. I was looking for Eris— Lanawyn— goddamnit, I just got used to that!
Already he was agitated again, panic creeping back as he remembered what had brought him here. More quietly, he continued: I— I told her that I ran into you, and— she was upset.
Was that the right word, even? He swallowed hard as he considered it. But— she didn't run away until I wanted to look for you.
There was some dark humor to the last sentence; he had managed to make it his fault, even when it hadn't been in the first place.
Anyway, I uh, gave up on looking...
Obviously.
He winced at the lack of emotion; it stung to hear him care so little, but he remembered that had always been their largest difference before— before they had other things to worry about. Eris,
Alarian corrected automatically. She goes by her middle name, now.
He was still a little confused, honestly, but you do you Lana.
I have to— find her, at some point,
He rose quickly after his brother, almost as if he intended to do that now. But he put a little too much weight on his bad leg, and it protested fiercely. Ah!—
It was a quiet cry, cut off as soon as he lessened the pressure. He realized at once that he could not search further today, and his expression fell at the thought.
Yeah,
Alarian agreed a little dully, pressing against Zamael for a few beats before he gestured to him and moved to lead him to Broken Boulder. It started to sink in, then— he was really staying. He brightened a little at that thought, offering his brother a tired smile. Honestly, things have been— hectic. I'm... I'm glad you're staying.