Backdated 5 days ago
She'd walked from Easthollow for a while and found the creek, sitting down and watching weird small brown creatures swimmimg around the waters. She perked her ears and slowly waded into the water, eyeing them curiously. One of them dove beneath the surface and she looked for it to resurface before suddenly she was attacked from her belly. She yelped and jumped, spinning around in the water to see the small brown thing floating away from her on its back. She growled and snapped at it, watching as it shrieked and swam away.
The annoying little brown things seemed to get the point that she would literally eat them if given the chance and backed off leaving her to just stand there bristling at the water. She thanked the stars that nobody had been around to see tha- "Oh shit!" she cursed and whirled around, startled. Her heart dropped and raced simultaneously at the sight of Howl and she stepped forward, almost rushing to greet him before she stopped completely and her face fell.
She had left to avoid this, to work out her emotions while resisting temptation in the form of a very handsome, very kind man. Now she was face to face with him and she flattened her ears back "Small brown water prey. They bit my belly" she explained in a soft voice. She sighed and climbed from the stream, standing next to him and resisting the urge to lean in and kiss his cheek. "We have to talk Howl. Something's happened" she said and sat down on her haunches.
"I know....I've been meaning to tell you" was the first thing he said to her. It didn't register in her mind properly at first but when it did she was still momentarily confused. Did Mawk confront him and Howl wanted to break it off? He continued speaking and her mind went blank for a moment, only registering everything he said but no reaction being given or shown on her expression. She had no right to be mad at him, especially when she had a mate and she'd known what she did was wrong. Howl had merely went behind the back of a female who he shared feelings with but not a real bond, like them. Even so her eyes flashed and ears went back and to the sides showing obvious displeasure. If she had known about Brynn she probably would have backed off, apologised and excused herself. The kiss never would have happened and there wouldn't be such a mess.
Slowly she lowered her haunches to the ground, eyes fierce and flashing as they stared directly at him. His confession continued on to have him admit that before both her and Brynn there had been yet another woman he had met and connected with. She slowly exhaled and looked down, mind racing. In her home pack men were shunned, but the women had many chosen breeding slaves to produce strong heirs. Was Howl trying to collect many women for that reason? She quickly dismissed that idea, he was too nice and genuine to ever want that type of thing. Maybe he just loved many women and wanted to treat them all as mates, she could sort of see that working. For her it would never work out, even though she was packmates with Brynn and would probably get along with her she was too possesive of her mates. When his apology was uttered she looked up, a sharp and angry look was given befoe she averted her eyes and spoke "That's not at all what I wanted to say Howl" she said in a surprisingly soft voice.
" A few nights after we kissed I began to remember Mawk and with the memories came pieces of myself that loved Mawk. I woke up from a particularly steamy one and went off to search for one of you. Mawk found me and for some reason it all just burst out. I confessed I love you and that we kissed" she felt her voice began to shake and she fell silent, looking back up at him and meeting his gaze. He would see the pain and regret in her gaze clear as day. "He was wounded, he began to avoid me, couldn't look at me or speak to me. I wanted to beg forgiveness but I was too proud. I avoided him too. Then I realised that the memories and Love for Mawk did nothing to rid me of my feelings for you. They're still here, I do still love you Howl but I wish you had told me of Brynn and the other woman. I don't share, I can't share. I am not someone who can do that even though I love you." the words spilled out before her voice cracked and she looked away, paws flexing so her nails dug into the dirt.
"Mawk is my first love and mate so i can't give you advice on what you are doing. However, it is best to tell everyone now rather then drag it out. If Brynn can share and the other woman agrees, i don't see why you can't have both of them. You just...you can't have me. We'll be friends...act like the kiss never happened. Mawk needs me and... i need him." she finished finally, her heart squeezing in an odd flash of pain. She felt like she had just done something terrible, but she knew it was the proper thing to do.
Last post! Cebra bolted!
She had expected him to be hurt and disappointed, not to tempt her even further. Her eyes widened at his words and though she wanted to step away when he moved forward she was rooted in place. Her heart quickened and also stabbed with grief at the same time, wanting him and wanting to deny him at the same time.
"Don't Howl.." she whispered and closed her eyes, whining as he pressed his forehead to hers. He was asking her to give up Mawk, he was asking her to risk losing everything she ever loved except for him. If he truly knew her, loved her, then would he ask her to stay with him now that she remembered her life?
She opened her eyes and felt her lips curl over her fangs, forcing a growl to leave her maw as she stepped away from him.
"My feelings for you won't magically vanish, they won't disappear...but they will fade Howl. Yours will fade for me. Because we have others who we love, you have two others. I have Mawk and my one remaining child to care for." she spoke more firmly, eyes flashing with the fierceness that was her trademark. She searched his gaze eyes softening for a moment as she took more steps backward.
"I wanted us Howl. Part of me still does. But the rest of me wants Mawk more, because he is the reason I've made it through everything. You can have my friendship, or you can have nothing at all...Im sorry. I really am. I...." she cut herself off before she could say those toxic three words that would have made everything worse. She looked away and then bolted, heading for Easthollow as fast as she could.