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Broken Boulder what would my head be like - Printable Version

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what would my head be like - Alarian - May 27, 2018

Mature Content Warning


This thread has been marked as mature. By reading and/or participating in this thread, you acknowledge that you are of age or have permission from your parents to do so.

The participants have indicated the following reason(s) for this warning: explicit mentions of rape, incest. do not read this if you are triggered by these things
edit: forward-dated to present (06/05)
His return was marked by the sun's departure; beautiful golden rays dappled the ground, and the air was sweet with the scents of spring. The boy's ragged, exhausted form was undeniably out of place. The limp from Runion's assault on his thigh had not faded— perhaps it never would— and he had neglected caring for himself since arriving home.
He didn't quite feel distant, or fogged as he had come to expect. In his chest sat an awful, cold kind of sharpness— a clarity he desperately wished to shed. Each thought he dared allow himself stung and pulsed with an undertone of grief. Faintly, he thought of Aditya; it might have been nice to talk to him, now.
There was no one else he could talk to, after all. @Lanawyn was angry with him— Delight was... off, distant— and he didn't think he could bear to tell Lily.
Alarian wandered thoughtlessly towards Paradise Garden, pausing for a moment to work out a newly-developing mat in his chest fur. His stomach gnawed at him, empty and indignant, with each faint prey-scent on the wind; the thought of eating was nauseating. The thought of hunting... ha-ha. He flopped down among the flowers, exhausted, and planned to stay there for the night.



RE: what would my head be like - Eris - May 27, 2018

She had been gathering supplies to paint.  Absently, she thought that Lainie would have been good company and wondered where she had gotten off to.  She had isolated too, not as severely as the brother sister duo... Or maybe more.  Who knew.

Her paws were covered in wildflower dust when she came back into the meadow, and she nearly didn't see him as she trudged through the garden. 

"Ugh!" she scoffed, brow furrowed in frustration as she nearly stepped on him.


RE: what would my head be like - Alarian - May 28, 2018

The boy had drifted off, still slightly awake but mostly unaware of his surroundings; Lanawyn's arrival was sudden, unexpected. He flinched and was on his feet in an instant. It was difficult to see her expression in the blooming darkness, but Alarian kept his own passive nonetheless. Their last conversation rang fresh in his memory— her anger when he refused to answer her questions.
He would not apologize. Darkened hazel eyes found hers, ignoring the spike of pain at how similar they were to Celia's; their mother's eyes hadn't been quite so bright or fiery, but... Alarian swallowed hard and shifted, exhaustion forgotten. Now his nerves were alight, though he kept his composure— barely.



RE: what would my head be like - Eris - June 03, 2018

She continued to stare him down, both of them wordless.  The Governor's sister sucked a breath through her teeth and sank onto her haunches — if he wanted privacy, he would not find it today.  I can understand why you don't want to talk about it, she began abruptly, but it still hurts me.

And then, with her voice wavering, She was my mother too.


RE: what would my head be like - Alarian - June 05, 2018

Do you know why Zamael left? It was abrupt, almost rhetorical; she could not know why. Zamael was never around to speak the tale, and Alarian had never wanted to. He looked away as he spoke, focusing on keeping his breathing even for a few beats. The question was left hanging heavy in that time.
Even as he continued, he could not look at her. A few days after he attacked him, dad killed his boyfriend. I saw it. I didn't— I couldn't tell him until he was healed, because I knew it would hurt him. I knew it would hurt him so much he would leave, and I couldn't— He swallowed hard and stopped. Lanawyn wouldn't leave, he knew that— but there were more ways to lose someone than physically, and the Keils knew that perhaps better than most.
After several beats, he spoke again, voice low. I can't stop thinking about it. It just— it won't leave you alone, once you know. I wish I didn't.



RE: what would my head be like - Eris - June 05, 2018

Do you know what Dad did to me?  Furiously, she matched his height.  Her tail whipped behind her, and her eyes were intense, twinkling and queerly lit as she angled her face down, the soft features casting sharp, foreboding shadows. 

I was Celia.  Her words were quiet, but each syllable was defined and punctuated.  I lived what she lived through, I saw what she saw.  I felt what she felt.  She drew her tongue across her lips slowly, took a step forward.  She angled her face so that one simmering orange orb was boring directly at her brother.

They raped me.  Lanawyn had lived through atrocities that Zamael would never have to witness, that Alarian had never had to digest.  I know what she went through better than I hope you ever will.

She crumbled.


RE: what would my head be like - Alarian - June 05, 2018

He tried not to flinch from her words; he failed. The Governor sank down in response to her heightened posture, lowering himself with tail tucked as her words washed over him. For several beats, he could barely comprehend them. A cold, nauseating horror spread first through his chest, then pooled in his stomach and writhed agonizingly. All he could think was I didn't know, I didn't know.
But that was his own fault, wasn't it? Alarian had always been far too wrapped up in his own world— in many ways, he still was. Had he known, he would have—
Ha. He would have killed Arnlith, and Runion, too.
Somehow, he pushed past the thickness in his throat to speak, wanting to reach out to her but knowing he shouldn't. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never knew. It was too late to make promises, to tell her what he might have done— and what could he do now? He had only the truth to offer her— only more tragedy to give. She had pups. Runion's pups. She killed herself.



RE: what would my head be like - Eris - June 05, 2018

in this moment:

she was —

a racing pulse caught in the throat

she was —

cracked knuckles, bleeding knees

she was —

a girl

who had for too long been told to be quiet and bite down because it doesn't matter how much it hurts, you're not allowed to scream you disgusting little slut — !

but now she was a broken, shattered husk of a woman and she felt, oh god she felt!  and now everyone else would be forced to succumb to her jagged edges, her shiny, shiny teeth.

feral, she growled, her hackles sparked to life along her spine.  the animalistic "rrr" in her throat heightened to a prolonged, anguished scream because now she wasn't a fucking baby anymore and lanawyn eris keil would be silenced no more

— because celia had been silenced forever.

she collapsed to the ground in a heap, still jagged and broken and dangerous.  alarian would be allowed near if he dared and anyone else would be met with a raised lip, sharp teeth, sharp heart.


RE: what would my head be like - Alarian - June 05, 2018

Alarian could only watch his sister crumble, not even flinching at her scream; like so many times before in his life, he was helpless. Weariness dulled the white-hot surge through his veins, and he thought tiredly: I'm going to kill Runion. There was a certainty to it. No adrenaline came, no urge to rush forward and do the deed then— not like it had with his father. Only the sharp, crystalline realization that he would have to take another life. But not now.
Instead he crept toward Lanawyn, numb and blank and knowing only that he hoped she needed him as much as he needed her, then. He nosed her scruff gently, testing— and if she did not growl or flash teeth in warning, he would curl up alongside her quietly.