Noctisardor Bypass I own that technology now.

was he so far in denial that he could not even think for a moment? heda's anger waned as his confusion blurred around them both. she began to feel immensely older than anselm, ageless, apparently, first in her understanding of what happened when you coupled with a woman, then how the timeline of pregnancy worked, then how perhaps your —
she was being unfair, but why should she recognize that? he had resented her from the beginning, through it all, directly after, directly before, and now, scintillating in shades of emotion — she pitched her voice low, only for his ears —
"wylla is my aunt."
nostrils flared; throat cleared; she could not afford to be devastated by this news, though later she would wonder in fierce silence to god if such a stain could ever be scrubbed from her soul, begging him in unsaid, unheard prayers to never allow ezra nor gideon to experience sorrow for the unknowing terrible thing she had done.
"you never liked me." her shoulders wilted in slow ebbing. "and i didn't expect you to like me. not even after we had to come to the mountains. i knew i was a burden to you, anselm. but i don't know why you chose me. and i don't know why i let you close, after all of it. i — maybe i thought you needed ... someone soft."
her voice was drained of rage, a vessel with a crack along the side;
seeking healing in trying to give it.
heda glanced at him now, finding she once more had to force her eyes up the side of his face. 
"maybe i sensed a safety in you that wasn't there."
her mind started to spin; she felt dizzy and inhaled deeply to keep her balance. "it's — it's better if everyone believes — something else. i didn't know when i — when glaukos — i didn't know. i just thought it was better that way. it meant you had no obligation and i didn't have to wonder if you were going to show up for them. now i'm glad i did."
she needed to get back to druid; she wanted to run away from anselm. from rivenwood, even; perhaps; she felt herself crumbling. "i love them. two boys. maybe you will too."
heda backed away on stiff legs and made to return to the den, verbal ability leaving her, tears filming her; head bowing as she faced more hours of prayer and the brutal backlash of regret for her leaping, horrible need to hurt anselm. it was her. it always had been.