Firefly Glen in the name of carrying the world on your back

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Despite Kjalarr's talk of Gyda he had yet to meet her and, in all truthfulness, was not so sure that he honestly wanted to. Given his standing with most of his biological family he wasn't overly eager to destroy yet another blood relationship. He was lucky that through it all, Floki still loved him and forgave him. The excitement in his twin's expression caused Kjalarr to falter, unsure what was broken in him that he could not feel the same. He should have been excited to be a father but all he could muster was terror at it. “They were good wolves and they did not deserve an untimely end,” Still, some part of Kjalarr baffled at it. How he, as a small child and dumb teenager had managed to narrowly avoid death twice (three times if one was to count the famine and the lengths he'd went to avoid starving to death) but a single bear had done in not just Eshe but Scimitar too. It almost wasn't fair.

Floki asked then about Ondine, encouraging him to share details about her and in that Kjalarr floundered as well. Though he made an effort to be the mate that Ondine deserved there was still much they didn't know about one another and their mateship currently was more of convenience than love and Kjalarr was not a poetic romantic by any means. “She's stubborn,” That much he knew from her fights with Maude. “and beautiful. She's a little bit older than us.” Kjalarr didn't know exacts. He hadn't asked because it didn't really matter. “Our mateship it...it wasn't planned, exactly,” Because he couldn't lie to Floki. “I was stupid — not that it's probably much of a shock,” He mumbled the last half under his breath. “— and I took her during her cycle,” Kjalarr cringed slightly as he considered that it wouldn't be the last time he made an arrogant and hormone ruled decision in his life. “When she began showing signs of pregnancy I did what was right. At least, I think I did. I wasn't going to just leave her and my children. I can't.” If there was anything good at all about Kjalarr he liked to believe that it was his sense of duty.

“She's afraid of losing me and she says she cares for me and I think I am beginning to care for her but I don't know,” It was hard to tell with his emotions stretched thin and overwhelmed as they were. He wondered idly if Floki would think down on him for it all — he probably deserved it, in all honesty. “Honestly?” Kjalarr took a deep breath and let it out at Floki's question of how he felt about becoming a father. “I'm terrified. I want them, I do but I...I don't know how to be a father. Raising kids isn't like ruling a pack. What if I...what if I mess up? What if they hate me?” He'd aired these concerns out to Ondine herself but it felt good to get them off his chest to someone whom wasn't Ondine; because at the end of the day he trusted Floki's wisdom. Kjalarr wasn't fishing for hollow reassurances that he wouldn't believe, wasn't even sure he was looking for any kind of answer in truth. More than anything Kjalarr was just relieved that he could spill what was eating at him to his closest confidante.

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