Blackfoot Forest The Unicorn Lived in a Lilac Wood, and she lived all alone

Sunset. Lonely valleys. Quiet streams. Nothing and no one in sight except a long, peaceful dump. Wait -

His eyes swiveled in their sockets as his ears flattened. Large ears. Eyes like almonds. Cute over-stuffed paws. Fluffy body. A sniveling, disgusting pup. Why was new life always so helplessly badly-proportioned and troubled by stuttering, high pitched accents? As the creature spoke aloud, Gramps' ears nearly fell off his head.

"Eh!?", he shouted back at the pup, approaching. A second after he said it, the helium-alto voice echoed away in his head enough to understand what the thing had said. "What?", he added, for good measure, having heard.

He walked to stand a comfortable distance away from it, lest it accidentally do something "cute" like sneeze or poop or fart. "Give ya a noogie if you stick that up your butt. Two if you stick it up your nose and it crawls out yer eye-sockets.", he snickered. "Whatcha makin all that racket for, kiddo? Waiting for the booger-snatchers to come gobble up yer bones? Then you'd be boneless. What would you do now? Just wobble around like sea sludge?", he pictured sludge giggling like Jello.