Redhawk Caldera i loved you first [m]

He wasn't sure whether Lasher might respond with sadness or anger. He did not anticipate a denial and he did not receive one. Tearfully, his lover admitted that he couldn't live here. Peregrine swallowed thickly and nodded. He understood and wished there was something he could say or do to make Lasher stay. A thousand begging words sprung to the tip of his tongue, yet he held them back. He had been very selfish lately but he would not allow himself to ask his beloved companion to reconsider, nor make promises — that he would treat Lasher equally to Fox, for instance — he wasn't entirely sure he could keep.

With that said, he had envisioned the three of them raising the pups together, though it would be selfish to relegate Lasher to a role that meant nothing more than beloved uncle. As Peregrine realized this, his head tipped toward the ground and a tear sprung from each eye, leaving streaks down his muzzle as they raced to the tip of his nose and fell. Sniffling, he then lifted his face again, regarding Lasher through a watery sheen.

"I love you so much, Lasher. I never did justice by you, though. You deserve someone who can devote him- or herself to you totally. I'm sorry I'm not — and never really was — that person." His throat felt tight as he pressed his forehead against Lasher's. "I am a selfish man. You gave so much of yourself to me. I took it all and still didn't give in return. I'm sorry for being such a piece of shit." His voice shook and he steadied it with a deep breath. "Would it be too painful if we visited one another? Or... should I leave you alone from now on, Taltos?"