Ocean's Breath Plateau dentalium

chakliux was — trying. red leaf found this to be endearing, in some way, and her heart leaps up in unspoken grace and affection. but, in her mind, none of it was of use. he does not care. he aims to make me lanzadoii, strip me of my blood. a cousin-claim on my end would not stop him. he paid his bride price to my family, and now he does what he wishes with me.
she thinks of what he had said about her finding another man. her throat tightens at the mere thought; cen was the one and only man she had ever even looked at in such a way! it was a solution, to some degree, but no matter how much part of her ached for that freedom, the rest of her longed to be at his side.
and there is more to the story, more that i didn't say, she swallows as she traces his smile with her gaze, feels around for his palm in the dark. there is a reason we left our glacier home.
when i met cen, he-- his wife, gheli, had just passed away. he was alone with their son. his name was ghaden. she chokes over his name. i was visiting the lanzadoii for a friend's wedding when i-- i thought i would offer to babysit. and so i did. i did not have much else better to do, and it was the off-season for the long march, so i would come across the path and watch ghaden. he was-- the sweetest thing, that boy. i grew to love him as if he were my own. and cen and i had just... clicked. he was perfect.
and then, a few months ago, i was taking ghaden for a little patrol along the cousin river. it had snowed pretty bad the night before, and he was so excited! and-- while we were playing, he tried to run across the river. he thought-- we both thought the ice was solid, and;
an indescribable expression crosses her haggard features.
i-i tried so hard to pull him out, but he was trapped, and when i tried to tell the chieftains what happened, no one believed me. cen, cen took me away to save me. but even he doesn't fully trust me, and how could he? i was the last person ghaden ever saw. cen had trusted me with him! i was supposed to keep him safe.
by the end of it, she can no longer look chakliux in the eye. i deserve it. the pain. i am responsible for what happened to ghaden. cen and the spirits are punishing me, and i deserve it.