Bitterroot Valley shaken not stirred

@Smash maybe?

It had been a while since the blue-nosed wolf had met with Saena, since she had promised to return to him later so that they could leave this place together. She had  anchored him, albeit feebly, for a few days, but by now the white wolf was all but a wreck. He had to fight each step not to turn toward the maplewood, not to barge in and whisk her away from the one she was mated to. His trust in her promise had faltered greatly through no fault of her own, and had become simply a hope he clung to, for his confidence and optimism was badly broken.

His constant pacing, his inability to rest and look after himself, showed on his weary features, and in the jut of his bones along his gaunt frame. One sleek like a dancer, he was now merely thin and haggard.

It was a mild day under spring's influence, but the white wolf shivered as he lay in a small dip in the ground, between the rocks that characterized the northern half of the shrubland. He was fighting a war with himself, desperately trying to maintain his composure as he worked to convince himself that everything would be okay. It was not working too well, and soon he was obsessively licking his paws.

*swoops in to rescue hurt!Luke*

Soon, she would have to head home to Shiprock, whether or not she located Luke first. She hated to think that she had come all this way just to leave without seeing him, even if Reek's company was more than enough to justify the trip. Smash wanted him to know about his son and, hell, have the chance to come back with her to meet him if that's what he wanted. She mused about how Feenixpawl would react if she dragged her baby daddy back home with her, lips twitching into a mischievous grin as she traipsed across a sparsely-grassed valley spotted with shrubs.

A pale shape caught her eye and Smash drifted toward it, making curious noises out loud. When she saw something blue, recognition hit her like a slap to the face. "Luke?" What were the odds of finding him on some random plain like this? Hastily, the sprightly she-wolf made her way toward him, though she slowed, orange eyes widening, when she neared the gaunt, bedraggled wolf who looked like a ghost of his former self.

"Oh-my-gosh, Luke!" Smash shouted, dropping down beside him and nudging his cheek. "Are you actually dead this time?" But the joke fell flat and her mouth drew into a grim line as she peered into his face from an inch away, her eyes crossed as she stared at the nose that matched her son's perfectly.

He licked, and licked, and licked. He was consumed by this distraction, and did not notice the approach of a familiar face until she shouted at him, arriving at his side before he could shift to maintain a safety bubble. He flinched away from her nudge, scrambling to his paws and backing away several paces, hackles bristled from the startle.

Recognition had rose in the back of his skull immediately, but it took him a moment to realize who he was actually looking at. "You," he said, his fur smoothing but his wariness, and uncharacteristic coldness, was still evident on his face. He made no motion to greet her as he normally would have, standing back with an idly swishing tail. "I didn't think you were coming back."

His nose quickly retreated, along with the rest of him, as if Luke was a spooked colt. Smash blinked loudly. If not for the distinct features, she might have second-guessed herself. This was not the same wolf she had left behind last summer. Her Luke had been happy, healthy and headed toward a bright future. This wolf looked like a broken husk. If not for the fact that recognition eventually registered on his face, she might have convinced herself it was maybe his evil (or depressed) twin or something...

"Me," she agreed, trying to insert a lightness into her voice to counterbalance this heavy moment. "'Course I came back. I'm not a total piece of crap." There was a gentleness in her voice, an apology for standing him up way back when. Smash paused then, before asking quite directly, "Luke, what on earth happened to you?" because it just wasn't her style to ignore the elephant in the room.

He pursed his lips, and at length he stared at her. He was a guarded wolf now, and not inclined to allow others close for fear of being harmed. Of course, who he allowed and why was mostly irrational and nonsensical. He accepted Saena, but his male lover he would not, at least not easily, even though Lasher had done nothing against him and they had parted last on the same affectionate note as always. Smash? She had broken a promise to return to him, and she had all but gone from his thoughts. He truly had not expected her to return. Yet, there was a part of him that wanted to trust her, that wanted to tell her (or maybe just someone) what happened. It was said, after all, that in order to breathe it was necessary to get things off one's chest.

But, the white wolf said nothing, and merely shook his head. His ears fell back and his snout tipped down, his eyes lowering to stare at the ground with a hard, defiant expression. Though he wanted to, he refused to speak.

He didn't answer, only shook his head in silence. Smash let out a long breath. "I guess I deserve the silent treatment," she said lightly. "For what it's worth, I'm sorry I stood you up." She paused, wondering if that had sent Luke spiraling until he became, well, this. Don't flatter yourself, Smash. "I guess..." She had thought about this exact scenario so many times, yet it wasn't playing out at all like she had imagined, mostly because the Luke in her fantasies was not a broken, empty shell. "Can we just blame the pregnancy hormones?"

She let that hang in the air for only a moment before gently delivering the news. "Luke, you're a father," she said, unaware of how close she had just come to quoting Star Wars. "You have a son. We have a son, I mean." Smash shuffled her little chocolate feet, then stilled again. "I named him after you. He, ah, has your nose." She stopped there, holding her breath, wondering whether this news would make or break the poor guy in front of her.

He did not reply nor look up at her as she spoke, not until she said he was a father. It took a few moments for the hardness of his expression to soften, for him to life his eyes from their absent fixation on the snow. "I am?" murmured Luke, his gaze now resting on her face and occasionally meeting her own. "Does he have my tongue? My paws? My fur?" He asked. His thoughts, for the time, were shifted to the idea of a mini-him, or perhaps a brown pup with a blue nose for a mix of both his parents. He relaxed, ever so slightly, and his tail even swished in a way that was slightly quicker and livelier than before.

She had no idea how Luke would take the news in his current state, yet nothing would have stopped Smash from telling him, not after all this time, not after coming all this way. When he reacted in a seemingly positive fashion, asking questions about Luke II, a thread of careful delight pulsed through her. She smiled softly at him, her—their—son's beautiful face drifting in her mind's eye.

"His tongue's boring old pink. But some of his toes definitely have a blueish tint," she reported. She thought of the other three, who had also been a good mixture of their parents, but did not mention them. "He has my fur and eyes," Smash continued. "And he takes after both of us in the personality department. I mean..." She faltered slightly. Luke II was warm and bubbly, like she was and Luke had been, the last time she'd seen him.

"Luke..." Smash paused to gather her thoughts. It wasn't often that she was serious, yet she knew this occasion definitely called for it. "I really hope that I didn't have something to do with, well... this." She gestured at him, frowning. "I'm sorry if I did. And I don't know what's going on with you these days but you are more than welcome to come back with me to Shiprock to meet him. I'm sure he'd love to meet you."

He could picture the boy, a perfect blend of his parents, and it brought a small flicker of a smile on his lips, but it died quickly as she faltered at the mention of their personalities. It was a cold reminder that he had fallen far from the high cloud he previously floated on, and he slumped, his head hanging, as she worried that she had caused it. Luke swallowed thickly, feeling anxiety clutch at his heart as he warred inwardly. "I.." he started, but his voice quavered and he had to draw a deep breath to steady himself enough to continue.

"No," answered the white wolf. "It was not you. I don't... I don't know why, how... His face shifted into a myriad of conflicted expressions as he struggled to articulate. But the truth was the attack on him had really messed with his mind, and he spun out of control for reasons he could not fathom. He thought he knew, and understood, that it was a mere thirst for taking control back of his life, but, somehow he knew also that that alone was not it.

"I was attacked," he said as he lifted his head, and tried to draw strength from the face in front of him. Perhaps she had wronged him, but she was here now, and it was obvious even to him that she cared. "By a mountain lion. I was beaten and ra—" he swallowed hard. "Ra... Rape... d..." In an instant his jaws clenched, and the sorry sod before here became the hard and wrathful beast that had harmed a friend of his, tried to claim another, and had done the same crime against another male that had been done unto him.

Ears slicked against his skull, his eyes burning holes into the ground he now stared at, he trembled as he lowly declared. "I have so much anger."

The idea of meeting his son seemed to brighten Luke's haggard features, though this momentary hint at a smile fell nearly as rapidly as it had formed. Smash's head tilted to the side as he struggled to articulate, silent and patient. She could have teased him for stumbling so much, yet she didn't dare make light of him at this moment. She sensed something very heavy in the air between them and though her default setting was definitely "goofy as hell," Smash was more than capable of a little sincerity now and again.

She felt the blood drain from her face, her lips pressing together, at his admission. Being attacked was scary enough but being raped? By a mountain lion? That was brutal. Actually, that was beyond description. Smash's tongue felt thick in her mouth even as her lips parted again in an attempt to respond to Luke's confession. She couldn't find any words. What did you say to something like that? She knew she had to say something, though, because it could not have been easy for Luke to share that with her.

His last few words—"I have so much anger"—finally spurred Smash's tongue into life. "I bet," she whispered very quietly. "Luke, I'll admit I'm not sure what to say other than that I'm really sorry this happened to you." She paused thoughtfully, weighing out more words. "Is there anything—anything—I can do to help?"

Besides the anger, he was overwhelmed by a torrent of humiliation, pain... an entire cocktail of unpleasant emotions. He could not explain how his confidence had shattered that day, nor could he explain how he much he enjoyed forcing himself on Cicero, to feel in control when he felt his life spiraling away from him. In fact, there was a lot he could not explain, a lot he did not understand and did not know. She asked if she could help, and he shook his head. He wouldn't know what to suggest.

"I don't think so," he murmured quietly, his legs still trembling. "I need to get out of here. I just... I need a new start." He was running away, not that he saw it like that. But he would be running away with Saena, when she was ready. If she was ever ready. Doubt was sewn into his mind, not because she had given him any reason, but because he felt everything else had. In this moment, while he was grounded by the company of a friend, his mind was clear enough to allow a lance of guilt. Could he just up and leave Lasher, who had done nothing to him?

The white wolf lifted his head. "Is he far? Luke II, I mean... maybe I could see him?"

Luke didn't think there was anything much she could do, though in the next breath he mentioned making a fresh start somewhere else. If he wanted to do that, then she could help. She didn't think her mate would be overly thrilled if she dragged home her (decidedly out of sorts) baby daddy but Smash knew he wouldn't put up too much of a fuss. Luke and Luke II deserved to meet and know one another. Smash was responsible for keeping them apart and she wanted to bridge that gap now.

"My family lives pretty far south," she said. "You should come with me when I go back home. It'll take a couple of weeks and I think getting out on the open road will be really good for you. Then there's a new home and a really rad son waiting at the end of that road. What do you say, Luke? Will you come with me back to Shiprock?"

He wanted to see his son, but the question had sprung unbidden from his tongue, not screened by thought before. In almost the same breath as he had asked he knew that if the answer was yes he would have to decline, unless... unless he was close. But as Smash answered, saying the trek would be a couple weeks, he knew he could not go. Not at this time, because he needed to be here when Saena came for him.

"I want to see him," he said. "But I can't leave... not yet. I have some unfinished business." The white wolf sighed, steadying himself as much he could. He stood. "Just let me know when you're going, maybe then but... maybe you should just tell me where to go, or send him to me when he's old enough." His lips pursed, and his jaw shifted. There was nothing concrete about his immediate future, he was not even sure where he was going to be, he realized.

"I have to go," he muttered as he turned to slink away.

Smash truly expected Luke to seize this opportunity to not only see his son but leave the past behind and start anew somewhere else. So when he suddenly declared that he had unfinished business and turned to go, her mouth opened and shut a few times without any words making their way out. Smash was pretty sure this was the first time she'd ever been struck dumb in her life.

"Luke, wait!" she shouted as soon as she could find her words. "I'll probably be leaving in the next day or two." Smash paused to contemplate, then said, "It's an open invitation. Here, let me give you directions..." They would probably be pretty hard to follow without a guide, a map or, y'know, a GPS, yet at least she could give Luke some idea of where to find them when the time was right.

"You're going to be okay," Smash announced when it was all said and done. She had originally intended to frame it as a question but, in true Smash spirit, it came out as a statement. "And when you're ready, come and see us. If you don't turn up in the next couple of months, maybe I'll send him your way after all," she allowed, even though the idea of letting her son venture out into the world sort of made the young mother want to pee her nonexistent pants.

"Luke, you take care, all right?" were her final parting words, her orange eyes lingering on that remarkable blue nose for a few minutes before Smash swiveled, leaving Luke to trot off in one direction as she went in the other.

She halted him, and he turned to look over his shoulder, then slowly faced her once more. The directions she gave he would commit to memory, but he had nothing else to say. So he answered her with a nod and a small, brief smile, before the pair parted ways.