Blackfeather Woods summon your inner cersei lannister

throwing this out there :D (also, i edited it so it's not just a bunch of ranting, lamo) @Kove

 

She did not feel well, walking back to the den where Qilaq lay. To her surprise, the girl was still fast asleep. That normally only occurred after Qil had her walk, and unknown to her, Qil had escaped the den many times while Nemesis was not watching. Not that it would bother her if she found out, a sense of adventure was always a good one. Her paws had began to ache, the new weight of her stomach proving to slow her down. She was not accustomed to this life; walking at a paced stroll wherever she went. On the occasion, she could make a steady lope, but not for too long. She wondered who else would notice her state, for she had not told anyone outside that she was carrying, if they did not know already.

She entered the den, secretly hoping to find her mate, but did not. Her heart sunk, oddly, but yet she had hoped to speak to him about the children. She had not even told him yet. She missed him. The rarely hunted together, for her state had made her less and less inclined to do so. He had hunted for her on many occasions but... she missed his presence, not for recreational purposes. But she would not disturb him while he was busy. Instead, she lay her head beside Qil's sleeping body, urging herself to sleep though she was restless with longing.

lamo reminds me of llama

When not hunting or resting, he was along the borders, patrolling them in an effort to make up for his failure. Though he'd brought back with him Qilaq—a substitute not only for the boys that they'd lost, but his daughters as well—it still weighed on him that he'd not been attentive enough to have caught the escapees. If not able to notice when others left the woods, then he'd wondered how he could be expected to catch those attempting to enter them. While he knew that he was not exactly the youngest of the pack, that only seemed to make him feel as if he should be working harder, for he'd lived longer and was therefore supposed to do more. In his life, he'd served as a guardian for quite some time, and his need to do so was heightened by the fact that his family resided within the woods. His son, his wife, and those that he'd watched grow up. To keep them safe, it was his job.

When Kove had left the borders, it had been partially because he'd needed a break in order to regain his senses, and partially because he'd wished to check up on Nemesis. To see if she needed anything, whether it be a meal or just his being there, and so he'd headed directly for the den that they'd been made to settle into. He'd moved in silence, and his arrival had been just the same, offering a brief look around of the area outside before making his way into the space. Immediately, he'd noticed both forms to be laying down, and had made a slow approach after assuming that the two of them were asleep. He'd inched along on his stomach until he was near enough to lay his head across the back of Nem's neck, saying nothing so as not to wake them.

She was drifting in to sleep, but the presence of her mate interested her more than rest. In no time, she felt his snout ripple through her nape and rest heavily on her neck, but it did not bother her. She peeked one eye open to check on Qil, and sure enough, the girl was fast asleep. The three of them, like that, was perfect to her. Soon, there would be more, countless more, but perhaps that was exactly what they needed. To much calm made things boring, but imagining a litter of children surrounding her form made her heart swell marginally. That was only more reason to get them out of her.

As they lay, unmoving, she wondered what Kove felt. Surely, her nerves had to be shared. Or perhaps he wasn't as thrilled as she was, for he had done this before. With his other mate. Her thoughts turned sour as she pondered it. Perhaps, this was all old news to him; uneventful and boring for the excitement and anxious wait for children was something he had already experianced. She hoped that wasn't the case. She did not want to be second best to all his first experiances. 

She considered dropping the subject, but her temper had only increased as she thought about Xan's true mother, Scarlett. She had never thought much about the woman before but mixed with her hormones, and her dread, she could not shake the feeling she had put on herself, that she would never come close to Kove's expecations as a mate. She found herself wishing she could peer inside his mind and find out what he was thinking, what he expected, what he wanted. And so, she asked him. "What are you thinking?" She did not shift her head, for he was close enough to hear her whisper. And because, the last thing she wanted was to wake Qilaq.

All the while he'd rested against her, feeling each inhale and exhale that showed she was alive, he'd remained unaware that she was awake. Perhaps it was because he'd wanted for her to be asleep so that he could rest there without being a bother, so that he was certain he wasn't holding her down when she really wished to get up. He'd been working more so than usual as of late, focusing on guarding their home rather than being next to her, and for that he harboured a sense of regret within his chest. The feeling increased every time he thought of her swelling abdomen, knowing that he should be there for her more. Yet, in another way, he was providing for them still; he brought not only food regularly, but his constant patrolling ensured that no one could slip in and bring her harm. To think of her being attacked caused for a growl to build up in his throat, but it had quickly been shoved back down before any sounds could be made.

Though no movements had been made, he'd learned that he actually was awake the moment she'd asked him something. Since she'd not asked for him to move, he'd not pulled his head up off of her. He'd stayed there, drawing in a breath before speaking. "I'm always thinking about you," the Inuit murmured, voice hushed so as not to wake the child. "I thought you were asleep." His admittance caused him to shift, leaning forward and then tilting his head so that he could give to her a quick lick across the cheek. Knowing she was awake, he'd eventually pulled himself off of her, opting to instead just lay beside her. There had been something on his mind, though. It was something that he didn't know how to word at first, uncertain of whether or not he was supposed to bring the matter up. In the end, however, he'd repositioned himself so that he could nose her side gently, only to then look back towards her after having rested his head there.

"I want to meet them," Kove had told her, feeling no need to clarify who he meant by them. "I'm worried. Their eventual birth worries me, just the same as the idea of watching them grow up." He didn't want a repeat of what had happened with Xan's litter. He wanted to be there for them, to watch them age and actually play a vital role in their lives. "Do you think they'll hate me?" he asked, his voice having fallen to just below a whisper. It was something that troubled his mind greatly, the notion that he might be despised by his own children—again. "I'm sorry if I mess up with them, Nemesis," he spoke with his eyes focused elsewhere, looking back towards her stomach. "Promise me that you'll keep me here, okay? Don't push me away no matter what. I can't lose you or them." There, with her, his fear of the future had come to light.

ooh look at nem making subtle threats inside her mind! :D

It was reassuring to hear him thinking of her, which caused her to smile just a bit. Always? That seemed unlikely but somewhere she felt that she ruled the majority of his thoughts and for that she was pleased; however selfish it was. As he pulled himself off her, she felt instantly cold, alone even but that was soon replaced as he snuggled into her side.

It was his next statement that made her eyes snap open and her body tense. Had he always known? Of course he had, she could never hide anything from him. But it was assuring, she had not known how to share the news in the first place. This was better. Yet, his follow-up statement had her condfused. Of course he would meet them, unless he had any plans of leaving which in that case he would never see them again. She knew had had left his family before, but she was adamant on the fact he would not leave again. He could not. The mere thought of his made her eyes narrow, unsure of where he was going with this.

But, this.. was unexpected. He relayed his inner worries to her, and she accepted them with an open heart. They had not really done this before, but she felt at ease, even as he confessed his troubles. "They could never hate you," Her dry and unused vocal chords chiming her response louder than she had meant to. Qilaq still rested. She swallowed, knowing only her words could put his mind at ease. She had noticeably relaxed, "You have done nothing to spark such a thing," His worries were for nothing, as far as she was concerned, he would not fail them and he would not walk away. Or he would have nothing to come back to.

"You will not mess up," It came out more forceful than intened, mostly because she did not like his lack of confidence, it almost made her frustrated. Though truly, it was because she cared too much. "You will not loose us," Now that, came more gentle, his tone of voice bringing tears to her eyes that he could not see. "I don't think I could loose you and still be okay," It was quiet, humble even. Her cold tone was no more. However sappy her words were, they were completely genuine. She highly doubted she would ever be the same if not for his love guiding her to be better, better than the crazy sadistic bitch with no boundaries that she was. Perhaps, she was still a bitch, but one for the right reasons. He and the family they created was that right reason. 

She stayed silent for a little while, lost in her own thoughts. Blinking away the water that glossed over her eyes, she looked back to Qil, and instantly remembered what she had thought of. "I uh.. I was thinking Astrid, for a girl," She had always liked the name, Strong. She did not want a weakling as a child, but someone who could overcome turmoil that was bound to happen in Blackfeather Woods. But she knew Kove would want to name some of his own, and so she was open to hear his suggestions, for she had no others. If it was possible, she further leaned into him, wishing them to be as close as they could be. She displayed this affection for no others despite her family, and this was her time of rest before she emerged the next day with a mask of ice.

Silence had taken the place where his voice had previously been, a frown having found its way onto his face. He knew that things were different now, that he'd acquired a loving wife that he was incapable of leaving. And yet, still did his heartbeat become rapid when thinking of the future. Of everything that lingered around the corner, the things that he could neither see nor predict. It was something that was new for him, in all honesty. He'd felt so prepared prior to Xan's birth, he'd been certain that everything would turn out fine, but he had been wrong. Perhaps it was the happenings of the past year that had made him worry, or perhaps it was because he'd settled down with someone that he believed could truly understand him. Nemesis was someone that he didn't want to be dishonest with; in a way, it often felt as if he couldn't lie to her. And so his troubled mind had been shared with her, and he'd waited—perhaps even a bit desperately—for her to respond.

Reassurance ensued, and he'd felt the pressure within his chest lessen. Still, his ears had fallen back, listening intently but also considering the unknown. "I thought that before—that my children could never hate me," he'd voiced. "But in the end, Xan's the only one that's still around." Desna had visited once to inform them of Scarlett's passing, but after that, he'd never seen her again. She'd left without a single word of return, while the other two had never come at all. The status of their lives were unknown to him, and though he tried to look past that and straight towards the future, there were times when he just couldn't forget the children he'd lost. His heart could swell with anticipation at the thought of his unborn sons and daughters, but always would there be a place reserved for the daughters that he'd, perhaps, never see again. That, however, was not Nemesis' burden to bear, and so he'd swiftly dismissed the thought with a slow shake of his head.

Nemesis' following words had come out forceful, taking him aback. He'd pulled his head up off of her, tilting it at an angle as he sought out her eyes. Yet the darkness of the den obscured them from his gaze, leaving him to simply stare towards her. He knew not what to say, unable to find any words to follow-up her rough tone. Thankfully, though, she'd done so by herself, a gentle voice then filling the air around them. "I hope you're right," he'd returned, speaking in regards to his potential mess ups. She held his heart, and so he would also give to her his faith. He'd believed her, letting her statements that had filled his mind morph into what he perceived as the sole truth on the matter. Never would he fail them, nor would he lose them. Her soft tones had made it true, and so his frown had shifted into a slight smile. "I will never leave you or them," came his declaration. "You guys are my family. I know now that whatever happened in the past isn't important. I'm here with you, and I don't want to ever let you go." Only death would be able to rip them apart.

Again, silence had befallen him, though the next shift in topics was one that he'd welcomed the most. A suggestion was offered, a name for a daughter that they were sure to have. His smile had widened, tail thumping against the earth behind him a few times before he'd forced the motion to cease, conscious of the sleeping child. "Astrid sounds like a great name." Already, it seemed, was he offering compliments to his daughter-to-be. Thereafter, he'd welcomed the closeness of his lover, further situating himself so as to provide more comfort. In truth, he'd yet to begin thinking of any names. There were many to choose from, so many from his culture that had wondrous meanings. With such a large selection to pick at, he'd yet to allow for his mind to delve in. There was one name that had stood out to him for a long while, however.

"How about Issitoq for a boy?" the man had offered, his tone seemingly serious. Of course, in actuality, it was nothing more than a joke. "I know that you liked that name." The amused grin that adorned his lips could be heard within his voice, betraying his true thoughts. After all, he just couldn't lie to her.

HAPPY FIVE FUCKING HUNDRED

and one.

 

She listened, uninterrupting for she knew that he had a lot to say. Nemesis had never inquired what exactly had happened to Xan's siblings, Kove's first children but that they had gone their own way; opting out of following their father to the dark woods. In a way, she could not blame them, Blackfeather was not for all. She blamed Kove's former and inferior former mate for that, having witnesses firsthand the aftermath on what it did to Xan. She cast her eyes aside, knowing as much as she that how their children would view their father was not up to her or him; not really. They would only do their best, and hope that they did it right. "I know," Her reply came calm, for she had never lost faith in the fact he would not leave them. He has assured her many times before. "I know," She buried her muzzle within the folds of his fur just a bit more, listening to the rumble of his chest as he continued. She smiled. Astrid Apaata, it would do her well. 

Yet, she abruptly pulled away as Kove suggested that damned name. "You're joking," She deadpanned, though she knew he had to be joking. Right? Ever since the story of the Issitoq became known to her, she had reeled at the though of it, the moment she had been thwarted by a child. It would have been ironic to name her child after such a thing, perhaps even humorous, yet she would not have a child named Issitoq. The name in itself was laughable. The dark woman attempted a groveling look but could not, giving into his smile and reflecting one herself. A strange feeling erupted within her throat, something that felt like laughter yet sounded quite terrifying. She could not stop. Her sides quivered, body racking with uncontrollable spasms of cheer. The Silencer struggled to catch her breath, gasping awkwardly in between. "We are not naming our child Issitoq," Awkward giggles followed her reply, unable to stop it from coming from within her. She collapsed against his flank once again, recovering from the laughter which she had never experianced before, not quite. 

For as long as he’d rambled, she had listened, and he knew himself to be a lucky man. An attempt at silencing him had not been made, which was good. He’d needed to get everything out into the open, to share his worries and explain them to his lover. The thought of losing her due to his own insecurities made his chest tighten, the notion unbearable. Kove did not want to lose her, nor did he want for their children to hate him. He wanted the family that he’d always thought himself capable of having, where they were happy and unlikely to ever betray one another. It was, in all honesty, what he had thought he’d have with Scarlett at that start of their relationship. He had expected for them to always be there for one another, to support the others decisions and grow old together. Of course, that had never happened, nor would it ever. She was gone and his bond with her severed. The only thing that would ever link the two together now were their children; they were the only good to have come out of their relationship, it seemed, which wasn’t what he wanted with Nemesis. With her, he wanted to grow old and die peacefully, with their children there to mourn and bury them. He wanted to rest alongside her each and every night, and to, someday, sit at her side as they watched their grandchildren play together. He wanted a future with her—an eternity.

Into his fur had her muzzle been buried, and the gesture was welcomed. He enjoyed the feeling of her touch against his body, no matter how small it was. Kove enjoyed her, and every second that they were together. Even as she pulled away, he’d found himself to not be upset, for the reason was an amusing one. A joke played upon a past event, which he’d always found to be rather humourous. She’d called him out on his joke, and then she had started to laugh. It was a strange sound to be heard coming from her, but he’d smiled all the same, truly happy. “Alright, alright,” he’d said, chuckling. “We won’t name any of them Issitoq.” When her form met his own once again, the opportunity was taken to lay his head down across her form. No matter the names that their children might someday bear, it wouldn’t matter, for they would be loved all the same.

The tale of the Issoq was now something she had come to eye roll at, though, her fear of the thing had been completely relevant at the time. She had been but a child -- last year. Never again would she believe any fables, tales, stories or lore that passed by her ears, 9 times out of 10, it was a young boy trying to play a trick on a jumpy woman. With a soft grunt, she confirmed Kove's words, "You're right, we won't," Laughter settled, and so did she, burying herself within the folds of his fur with no intent to move, and with little intention did she have to continue the topic of names and the headache it caused. Names were a fickle thing, a decision based on spontaneity rather than planning. One look at the kid, and she would know. Minutes later after insiting to leave the naming upon the hour of their eventual birth, sleep took over the woman as well as her husband.