Silver Creek And when white moths were on the wing

Saena couldn't delay it forever. The memory of home called for her, and even as she wandered through the Tuktu wilds attempting to resist that call for fear of what she would find if she heeded it, she needed to go home, even if she was promptly chased away from it.

Her memories were still incomplete, but she knew she needed to see her family again. She needed to see the stately trees of her sanctuary again. She needed to see her girls again, to attempt to right the wrong she'd done them. Saena had thought of them often, and though she stayed away, it wasn't for lack of wanting to see them. The thought that they would hate her she way she hated her own parents was enough to keep Saena at bay, and for one long day and one long night, she lingered near the edge of where basin rose to meet splendid woods. The opinions of the adults was enough, and their potential disappointment and disapproval lingered weightily on her conscience whether or not her disappearance was beyond her control, but the opinions of her children would make or break her. They wouldn't understand.

As the sun was rising, however much she wanted to stay hidden in the basin, she knew she could no longer linger. She had to face them if she ever wanted to fill the gaping void in her chest again. The anticipation had built to the point of bursting, and she couldn't decide whether she wanted to cry, vomit, or run away. In the end, she did vomit as anxiety threatened to strangle her, but despite feeling like she was going to be sick every few steps, she ended up at the pack's borders somehow. She made not a sound, almost terrified to draw any attention to herself, and yet she peered into the woods that she knew hid a beautiful creek, eagerly awaiting even the slightest movement even as she fought against an imminent panic attack.

Potential join thread #1.

Spring found herself patrolling the borders.  As always she found her stomach doing backflips and anxiety shivering up her spine as she though of Laurel, Indea and the rescue mission.  The pups were the pack's future.  She loved them, Casmir loved them, Laika loved them and as a matter of fact she would say that everyone in Sver Creek loved them in one way or another 

Reek did not know love, he only knew greed, want and selfishness.

Her heart broke over and over again every time that's he thought about this matter.  She hoped that the pups could just hang in there though until Laika and Casmir made it and rescued them from Larksong Grotto.  Then at the back off her mind she always thought of what Sarna would think to come back home only to hear of her stollen children.  How horrible that would be to know that you weren't there for your children when they needed you most.

Suddenly she caught a scent she never thought that she would pick up again and guilt swarmed in her chest.  Saena.  Was it only her imagination though or was the white and red female really here?  She began to follow the scent and it led her closer and closer until she found her friend.

Spring's jaw almost dropped.  Saena!  She was back!  But what about the pups?  How could she break that devastating news to the poor Mother.

"Saena?  Is that really you?"  Spring whispered quietly and Paris that's her former Alpha wouldn't act all insane like she had last time after returning.

The longer Saena waited and listened to the sounds of the woods, the more she wanted to turn around and leave. I shouldn't even be here, she thought, and on the tail end of that, she wondered how long it had actually been. With no recollection of when or how she'd left, she couldn't even imagine. She remembered that before that, winter had ended, and with autumn creeping up now, that meant that it had either been a few months or an entire year. She prayed that it was the former, but supposed the latter would be easier to deal with in a way.

At least if she didn't recognize anyone, then maybe no one would recognize her, and the hard questions would never be asked. And as a wolf materialized from the woods, Saena thought that might be the case. She didn't instantly recognize Spring, likely due to the wolf's filling out since the famine and the changes that leadership brought upon any wolf. Saena's eyes traced the scars that cut lines through her coat, and tried to think of what she might say to introduce herself. I know you probably don't know me but this used to be my pack, seemed like a shitty way to start with someone she didn't even know.

But when the wolf spoke, her voice was enough to bring familiarity rushing back, and Saena's eyes nearly bugged as her stomach knotted tightly and all her anxiety rushed up and out her throat in a wave of bile. She turned her head just in time to avoid spattering her old friend's paws. With a cough she cleared her throat, turned bleary eyes up to Spring, and croaked out a feeble and shaky, "hi."

For a while Saena didn't seem to recognize her, but then again the last time that they had seen each other was around the time of the famine.  She had been much thinner.  Suddenly Saena seemed to recognize her  and croaked out a shaky "hi."

Spring didn't know what to say for a long moment, but all she could think was, thank the heavens.  This is not the crazed lunatic of a wolf that Saena came back as last time!  It's actually her!  Saena's back!  The Alpha's tail began to wag, but then slowly came to a halt as she once again remembered what she would have to tell Saena.  The devastating news that no Mother would ever want to hear.

"Saena."  She began slowly.  "Something terrible happened and I'm very sorry.  Your kids Laurel and Indra.  We think Reek kidnapped them.  We have Laika and Casmir going off on a mission to bring them back right now."  She pause for a moment with sympathetic eyes, but within that sympathy there was also weight, guilt and a tiredness.  "I'm terribly sorry Saena, I know how it feels to have your kids taken from you, but at least you have a chance to get them back home.  I'm so sorry."  Then she stopped in her words waiting for Saena to speak whether it be insults towards Spring for not protecting her daughters, anger or whatever Saena decided fit to say in this situation.

Saena's lips split into a light grin when Spring's tail waved, but when the shakes seemed to slow and then stop, her expression fell. The brief moment of feeling like she wasn't going to be reamed out for her mysterious disappearance faded away, and Saena managed to lower her head. It felt wrong to do so on some level—she'd been a leader for so long that even several months away from it didn't make a difference—but she did it nevertheless. While she didn't know anyone's role in the pack any longer, even the lowliest of pack wolves was superior to her, much as the thought pained her, although in Spring's case she would gladly submit.

What came next was an overload of information that set Saena's poor brain spinning. Instead of yelling at her, Spring apologized, drawing a frown from Saena, but then she went on to explain that Laurel and Indra were gone. This knowledge smashed over her with the force of a tidal wave, but then Spring uttered Reek's name and a numbness began to spread from Saena's breast through her belly. She could hardly fathom the idea that her babies were not here—she'd come so far to return to them—that the very idea of Reek stealing them felt unreal. It felt impossible.

"What?" she asked thickly, struggling to wrap her head around Spring's extra weighty revelation. Laika and Casmir are looking for them, she thought, but even that was incredibly difficult to comprehend with her mind whirling. Who are they again? Saena would know if she saw them, but presently, she was unable to even think straight, and she fell heavily to her haunches.

Saena appeared to be in shock, so Spring padded over to her side sitting next to her former Alpha.  It pained her to see Saena seeming so lost, so shocked.  She would almost want to do anything to make Saena feel better again.  It was at that moment that Spring decided no matter what happened they would bring Laurel and Indra back here to her Mother.  Still besides the Laurel and Indra matter something else just seemed... off.

"Saena I'm so sorry about your kids but is something else bothering you?  You can trust me."  She then eyed her friend looking cornered for her.  "We'll get Laurel and Indra back though... just think about how happy they'll be to see you.  I have faith in Llaika and Casmir.  They will bring your children back home to you in Silver Creek."

It was almost too much, too fast. Saena didn't blame Spring for dropping the information on her right away, of course, but while she fought to process it, she wished the woman would just stop talking for a second. Thankfully, all Spring did was reiterate what was already said, and that aided Saena in better swallowing the bitter pill she'd been fed. Her kids were gone. He had her kids.

They were his kids, too, but Saena, as the birthing mother, had assumed full custody of them the moment he was unfaithful, and there was no court of justice in the wilds to claim that she was right or wrong. They were her blood. And now her blood boiled for their loss.

"What?" she repeated, and then shook her head. "No, I'm fine, just... how?" Silver Creek was as far away from Larksong Grotto as she could take it with the energy the pack had at the time. Saena had taken them as far as possible for a reason, and with no recollection of Sleeping Dragon, she could only assume it was due to the Larksong pack. They're hundreds of miles away, she reasoned. It took weeks to get here. So how did this even happen?

"How did he find them?" she hissed, and her voice cracked as tears flooded her eyes. Her heart constricted but she fought the urge to yell and throw a fit—how had the pack let him take them, she wanted to cry out—if only because she was silenced by her own grief.

Saena told her that she was fine, besides the matter of her kids in answer to Spring's question.  When he asked her how though, that made her faulter.  How did he find them?  Had something betrayed them?  Given them away?  She almost bristled at the thought, it had to be true though.  After all how else could Reek have found them?  She turned a suspicious gaze over the creek wondering who had done it or if perhapss had it been someone outside of the creek.

"Someone must have given us away."  She whispered, shock rippling in her voice from her recent discovery.  "I can't think of any other way that he could have found us, because one day we found him with the girls just outside of the creek.  Laika, Casmir and I...."  She paused in her words a sadness briefly flickering on her face as she remembered what Laurel had told her.  "Later the kids dissapeared and we think that the highest possibility is that Reek took them."

Someone must have given us away, said Spring, and Saena felt her heart deflate. How could this have happened? Spring though that someone within their own pack had betrayed two innocent pups to a man who had abandoned them before they were even born. Saena had always believed that any within the Silver Creek pack would side with her and would understand that her reasons for casting Reek out were not purely selfish. The survival of her pups had hinged on it as far as she was concerned. Had his fling with Tavi resulted in a litter, they would've been competing with Saena's for resources. As alpha male, Reek would have forbidden her from killing them to spare her pups the struggle. Of that she was positive.

The pack would've hated her if she'd insisted on their deaths, too, had she let Reek and Tavi stay and had their tryst produced anything. Reek was able to sway others to see him differently than he truly was. Even now she was willing to bet that those who followed him adored him, but she knew the sort of wolf he was, now. She'd known long ago, back when he'd cut ties with one mate to become hers. She was reminded of it now, and her face twisted into a sour grimace.

"That thieving son of a bitch," she swore, rising to her paws with a flick of her shoulders and hips as agitation crawled up her spine. "I should have killed him when I caught him with that whore," and that was the least of it. She wasn't yet mature enough to know that dwelling on the past was more destructive than anything, and so she dwelled in her flaring anger. Killing Reek would have solved every problem, although she didn't remember all of the problems. But if Reek had died, Larksong would never have existed and they would never have had to leave to get away from him. Her daughters would still be here, and not in the grasp of a psychopath.

"You truly think Laika and Casmir can get them back?" Upon uttering their names, she was able to dredge up a fuzzy memory of them. Casmir was family from Lasher, and Laika was a member of the pack that Saena had only just begun to truly get to know prior to whatever had happened. She had faith in them as Spring had faith in them, and yet she was also nearly ready to take off on her own two feet and bring an end to Reek's reign of terror upon her life. But she was too tired now, and needed rest, and that brought up another issue that Saena wanted to discuss: "what happened to me?"

Perhaps Spring knew what Saena didn't, or perhaps not. She shared what little she did know: "One minute I was scouting and the next I was waking up somewhere totally different, really far away from here. I don't remember any of it."

Saena swore, then proceeded to say that she should've killed him when she saw him with Tavi.  Spring agreed that she should've killed Reek, but maybe more quietly and not infront of anyone.  That way you could get a successful kill, but keep it quiet.  No one would have to know it was you.  Not really willing to share those dark thoughts yet though Spring just nodded in agreement.  Then Saena went on  to ask her if she truely thought that Casmir and Laika could bring her babies home.  Yes, she had faith in them.  She was sure that they could do it.

What Saena said next though really caught her attention when she asked what had happened to her.  Spring's head cocked for a moment, ears perking up and all of her attention laid instantly on Saena.  She claimed that one minute she was scouting and then woke up somewhere very far away.  That she didn't remember any of it.

Saena couldn't remember.

"Saena if you want I could tell you a bit about what happened."  She started out.  "One day you wandered off and dissapeared for a while.  When you came back you were calling yourself wierd names like Your Wildness and Your Graciousness, adressing yourself as a Queen."  She sighed.  "A little while later you just dissapeared again and I took over as Alpha of Silver Creek.  You never came back until now."  For a moment she paused.  "Saena I now that this is very sudden, but if you want I made a promise to everyone in the creek that you could be an Alpha if you ever came back.  I was thinking if you wanted to get used to the pack and maybe in a month from now you could co-alpha with me?  I know that this is very sudden, but I made a promise.  You don't have to answer now, you can think about it."  She told Saena in a softer tone.

As Spring agreed to tell her some of what happened, Saena gingerly seated herself. Her stomach was still twisted into knots and she still felt queasy, but now it wasn't due to nervousness. It was due to worry and doubt. She resolved to believe for the time being that Laika and Casmir would succeed, but if they did not, or if they didn't return, then she would go herself. She wouldn't leave her babies in the hands of their neglectful father. While they might despise her for leaving them, Reek was still worse.

She tried to keep a hold on her emotions as Spring explained what had happened, but she just as quickly lost control of them. "I what?" she breathed in a voice pregnant with disbelief. Leaving wasn't an uncommon thing for Saena. She was a scout, after all. But leaving and then coming back a totally different wolf was unusual for anyone, especially Saena, and demanding those types of titles was never the kind of leader she was. She wasn't the best leader, but she was a better one than that. "Wow, I'm sorry," she said with a frown, "I don't remember that, or leaving at all. I remember being with a pack somewhere else and not knowing really who I was or where I came from, and I stayed with them for a while because I thought that's where I belonged, but then I started... remembering things from here, and I knew I had to come back.

But there's still stuff missing," she finished, and her frown deepened. She was acutely aware of the blank holes in her memory, but it was a strange feeling, like knowing something fit there but also unable to fathom what it might be. As such, it felt like a memory that never happened, and so sometimes, she wasn't sure if she was even forgetting anything at all. "My head's still a bit scrambled up but I remembered my girls, and home. I'm so sorry I let you all down, and that I wasn't here for them, or for you."

She was just about to wrap up their meeting and take her leave to fret by herself about the fate of her kids on the fringes of the pack's territory—having created them, she knew the rules well for those who sought the trust of the Creek pack, and didn't make any assumptions about being allowed back on status alone—when Spring made her an offer that she could neither accept nor refuse. To take back her legacy and her throne was something Saena was too weak a wolf to refuse even if it was for the best, and yet she was in no position to make promises of her own. "I..." she said, hesitated, then shook her head lightly. "Right now I just want to focus on seeing my babies returned and earning back the trust of everyone I let down and fixing what problems I caused," she said softly. As much as she wanted to lead her pack again, she was wise enough now to know that jumping the gun on it would be bad for everyone.

"Maybe we could revisit the idea in the future, when... when things have settled down?" There was too much to do and too many things that could change in a month for Saena to say yes or no right now, and she hoped Spring understood.

Saena seemed shocked at the thought of how she had acted on her first return, then proceeded to apologize saying that she didn't remember that time or leaving at all.  She just remembered being in a pack somewhere else and not knowing her identity, then contiuned to say that she had begun to remember things when she was with that pack.  She said that stuff was sytill missing though in her memory, things that Spring would surely be willing to help recover.  In answer to her leadership offer though, Saena nether denied or accepted the offer asking if they could revisit the idea in the future.  Spring was willing.

"I'm totally fine with giving you some space about the leadership thing and waiting until things clear out."  Spring began to her friend.  "For the matter of those spaces though I might be able to help a bit from what I know."  She took a deep breath before starting.  "You had four parents when you were a kid.  Your mother died at birth and you had a single brother.  After your mother's death you and your brother were adopted by the Alpha pair who were relatives.  Meanwhile your biological dad hung around for a little bit, but then eventually wandered off before you really got a chance to know him.  One day though your adoptive parents seperated.  Your mom left without a word and your dad chose a new mate over his kids."  Then once she finished about all she knew off Saena's young life she stopped, waiting for any comments.

Saena bobbed her head in thanks. There were, she hoped, many more days to come. They could discuss important things on one of those days. Today, Saena just wanted to rest her head and process what she'd learned, and perhaps begin to come up with a plan in the event Laika and Casmir did not return with her children in tow. Her frantic heart didn't want to trust anyone but herself with recovering her babies, but she had to. She longed to hold them tightly and make up all the lost time to them, but in order to do that, she had to be patient and let her pack do their work, even if it killed her inside.

Spring wasn't about to let her off so easily, however. She listened attentively as her friend spoke a little of her early life, but the pressure of a headache, no doubt the result of far too much information at once, caused her to smile wanly and dip her head. She couldn't handle it right now, even though she wanted to.

"I'm sorry, Spring," she said sheepishly, "I'm really grateful you're willing to fill in the gaps for me as best you can, but can we do the rest another day? This is just... a lot to take in, and I need some time to digest it all." Some time to grieve for her babies, out there in the world with their wicked, uncaring father. Some time to try to orient herself, and remember herself. Some time to re-familiarize herself with her surroundings. This could wait, or so she thought. "Maybe tomorrow?" she offered.

Saena wasn't ready yet to talk about her past, telling Spring that maybe tomorrow would be a better day to do this instead.  It was entirely understandable though and Spring herself felt sort of sheepish for trying to move the memory things too fast.  After all Spring was pretty sure that if she was placed in Saena's position she wouldn't want to take in this much so quickly either.

"I totally understand, if you're still up for tomorrow though when it comes I would be glad to help.  Other than that I won't make you do the whole joining process if you're good with that.  This is your home afterall and we've all missed you."  Spring offered her friend a small smile.  "Welcome home Saena."

Saena's smile widened when Spring indicated that she understood the need for a little time. The alpha's offer to help her through her memory loss would not be forgotten. She hoped to be up for it on the morrow, although even Saena understood that it was possible she would need longer than that. There were a great many things to think about, and on the forefront of her mind was the uncertain fate of her children.

"Thank you, Spring," she breathed, and when the alpha offered to forego the usual expectation that a wolf seeking to join the creek take steps to integrate themselves, she bobbed her head lightly. "If you're sure," she added, although Saena was relieved about the opportunity to step into the woods again and sleep somewhere at least a little familiar, with the security of her pack. "I bet there are more here who don't know me than do," she added, in case the alpha had second thoughts about her waltzing into the pack without the usual formalities. Those who didn't know her could be offended by it, after all. Spring had to think of that.

Saena thanked her, but then backtracked a bit asking if she was sure.  Spring knew she was sure though.  After all Saena did created this pack in the first place so in Spring's eyes she had a right to reunite with the family that she had left behind.  Then Saena made a remark about Spring knowing more at the Creek than Spring did.  She nodded, but was sure that Saena would eventually meet and enjoy everyone's company soon enough.  

"You'll be fine."  She assured her friend with no doubt placed within her voice.  "Everyone will be delighted to hear you are back."  Then with that Spring stood then waited for Saena to join her to proceed deeper into the Creek.

Saena thought a little more realistically—not everyone would be thrilled when they first laid eyes on her—but she kept the opinion to herself. She wanted to believe in Spring's optimism, even if she held doubts of her own about it. As the alpha stood, so too did Saena, and she bumped her thin shoulder against her friend's haunch companionably as they strode together into the woods.