Otatso Wetlands Sorry Isn't Enough

Placed somewhere in the next four or five days I guess, whatever works for you @Stark.

She couldn't do it. After going all the way back, right to the borders of the Caldera, Grace hadn't been able to call for Peregrine and attempt to get back in. She knew nobody outside her own friend Trick there, and after a while of crying and thinking, she decided that her place was not with him. The raven male wasn't her mate, and to call them close friends was something she thought less and less of. He hadn't come looking for her, and she hadn't seen a hair on his pelt in the time she had been there. Maybe his place was at the Caldera, but was Graces? She didn't know.

For the next few days, Grace just wandered. She didn't really know or care what direction she went in, but this was a less frenzied trip than the last months. It seemed, though, that she was going right on back to the place she'd called home, her paws tricking her the other way around the mountains. By the time she really came into her mind, paws sucking in the mud, she was wandering towards a place she knew very well: Herbalists Cache. Grace loosed a howl of frustration at being right back where she'd started from-twice! The last time she'd been there, she'd been met by a very unwelcoming man collecting Chickweed; so she stopped in the wetlands. The russet girl wasn't in the mood to socialize with bitter strangers, or snippy wolves. The stressed out young woman just wanted peace for once, since the last few months of her life had been very, very hectic. More than anything, the guilt of abandoning the Marauders just settled heavier and heavier on already weak shoulders. What was she to do? Here she was, so close to the Keep, yet unable to make the decision to go anywhere, just like she had outside the Caldera.

The days following Octavia's death were a blur. A flat out, unsure blur. He had tracked back some of the steps that Octavia had taken, finding some of the places that she might have been. Maybe he'd get some answers as to what had happened to her, but, he wasn't sure about it. Maybe there was no way to know or tell and something had just happened to her. Stark was starting to feel like things were hopeless when he heard a cry. He had heard that voice before. It was one he had formerly thought was a friend. Someone he could count on. 

Maybe it was just how he was feeling, the recent tragedies in his life but he changed direction and stalked towards Grace. It wasn't personal - or maybe it was and he couldn't recognize that right then in him. "What are you doing doing around here?" Stark asked bitterly - everything about his body and stance making it clear he wasn't in the best of states. 

Grace was irritated with the mud on her paws, trying to get each one from the sucking filth but sinking further each time but one paw was raised. With a huff, she pressed forward, but unfortunatley she only got a few steps before a familiar scent washed over her. Fear engulfed the young woman, and before she could turn to see Starks approach, his booming tenor sounded behind her. She squeaked quietly, spinning around with wide, terror-filled golden eyes. She tried to meet his eyes, but seeing his body looming over her sent her to the earth.... Or rather into the mud. She didn't even think about it as she flopped pathetically to her side, whimpering and tail tucked tight between her hind legs.
What WAS she doing around here? Hell, she could barely answer that herself, but Grace was sure that answer wouldn't help her now. Trembling like a leaf in a windstorm, Grace spoke to the alpha's paws. 
          "I-I.... I'm......"
Stuttering for a moment, the russet girl couldn't find anything to say, any excuse for her vanishing- or her return. Tears filled her eyes, and she shook her head as if to clear it before blurting out whatever came out. 
                                "I-I'm sorry, Stark." 
It was all she could say, really. Still laying tensely in the mud, feeling the water seep to her skin, Grace didn't move but squeezed her eyes shut. Everything in her bones told her to run, to hide, and to never come back, that if she stayed that Stark's fangs would be sinking into her throat as easily as she'd sunk in the mud.  But the yearling was sick of running, sick of abandoning: for ONCE, she would stick this out and deal with whatever came. After all, Stark had once been a friend. While that relationship was clearly strained if not gone completely, Grace hoped that it would make him easier on her.

Before Stark could do anything Grace fell to the ground and Stark let out an irritated snarl. She didn't even make a move to try and get up, to do anything, and that irritated him even more. Was he some tyrant that wasn't approachable? Had he become a monster that people though couldn't be trusted or handled properly? The Alpha heard her stammered apology, his eyes narrowing for a moment as he looked her over. What was she apologizing for after so long? She had left his ranks with Trick, hadn't even had the decency to speak with him about her concerns, and then she showed up near his pack. 

"Get up." Stark spat it out, tail lashing behind him. "Was I that bad to you?" Stark finally asked, bitter and his normally bright blue eyes dulled. His coat had lost its sheen - there was still bits of mud and debris clinging to it from when he had carried Octavia home. He refused to bath or groom, clinging to the last bits of her that he could. 

"You didn't even say goodbye to me."  

Her actions made him more upset, but why Grace couldn't understand. At his command, however, she did stand- more or less. After a moment of struggling to get her paws stable, she still crouched to the earth and shivered. It wasn't that Stark wasn't approachable, it was her fathers fault for breaking her when it came to males. He snarled down at her, asking if he was so bad that he got no goodbye. 
At this, her ears perked forward, and she shifted her golden gaze up to his chest. 
                  "N-No! No, Stark. Y-You a-are wonderful. I-I was t-too a-a-afraid to s-say anything b-b-before Trick t-took me a-away."
Looking back, she couldn't tell why she'd even went. Sure, Trick had said they weren't being used properly here, that they could hone their skills and be of better use somewhere. She hadn't been in a good state of mind then, though, and now she couldn't decide if she'd wanted to actually go, or if she was just excited about going somewhere new with someone who seemed to care. 
As her eyes roamed, she noted his appearance: Autumn had only just started, and she could smell the scent of prey even from where she was, surrounded and covered in water and muck. There was more to it than hunger, too, rather there was something wrong. For the millionth time, she wondered what had happened to everyone after they'd gone. Sure, she knew Tavi was gone, and she knew her brother's presence was a shaky one even before she'd left, but there were many, many other things she didn't know. Forgetting momentarily about what they were talking about, the healer side of her took over, steadied her in the slighest as her eyes swept over his body.
                                        "S-Stark, you d-dont look so g-good. I-Is everything okay?"

He was wonderful but she'd still left - lured away from the Keep and from her promise to the pack for loyalty. Stark frowned at that, his eyes narrowing for a moment as he listened to her stammering. She'd never stammered so much around him, and it was something that he recognized in her as a response to emotions. "I would have listened to your concerns!" Stark said vehemently, thinking back as best as he could to when the two had left - it was the middle of all the turmoil, the first thing he'd discovered since taking the pack over. "How do you think it looked to me, right after I tried to start fixing things, that you two - wolves I thought were my friends - left?" Thankfully he'd had Banner and Rhodes to help keep him afloat. 

She asked about his state and Stark took a couple steps back, away from her, as if somehow she was looking past him and seeing the truth of everything. The male felt a cold shiver run down his spine and he swallowed back what he wanted to stay; what he wanted to scream because how could he properly answer that? He'd found the woman he loved and she had been gone to him and then she'd died right in his arms. He'd had to carry her back to the packlands they'd met in, tell the son that Stark was now raising alone, and now....now he was whatever he was. 

Finally Stark seemed to realize that he hadn't actually answered her, that all the thoughts swirling in his head seemed to be just a cacophony of thought and no sounds had come along with them. "Octavia died." He finally said as he swallowed back another rise of emotion, blinking back the tears that stood in his eyes.

The shaking didn't stop, and the guilt kept piling up. What did she say, now? Yes, he'd have listened, and there was never a moment Grace had doubted he wouldn't. There was nothing to say, no excuse. In a rare moment of confidence, Grace bit back with amazing clarity, even if it was just one sentence.
                 "I'm still your friend, Stark, I'm sorry things went to hell and I wasn't there, and there isn't an excuse." 
Surprised even with herself, the girl let her ears and eyes fall again for a moment. That is, until Stark began to move back. In worry, she stood, wobbled, but took a tentative step towards him. Opening her mouth to ask again, she was silenced with his next two words. They froze both her steps and her heart, and all the girl could do was stare blankly at the darkfurred brute. Octavia.... Died? She was gone for good? 
                                         "S-She.... What? O-Octavia.... S-s-shes...."
This time, she took a step back, a limping one that made her stumble and again to into the mud-this time flat on her belly. She didn't bother to move, staring with wide golden eyes at her own paws. Octavia was dead, and she hadn't been here. It was then she remembered how close she and Stark had been getting, and heaviness rested on her heart. She glanced up at him apologetically, but this time for a very different reason. This one wasn't her fault, but detrimental all the same. 
                                                                      "S-Stark...."

She wanted to call them still friends? She wanted to pretend somehow that things were okay and that she hadn't walked out on him but in reality he was struggling with what to consider the woman who stood before him. Well. Stood in the most basic sense, because it seemed like she was struggling, but, he couldn't do anything about that when he was barely holding himself up. 

The male watched as she processed what he had said, again falling and Stark had to stop himself from moving for a moment. He didn't trust himself with his own body, shaking a bit as he considered for a moment just how he should respond to the situation. Finally the male stepped forward, carefully providing her an anchor to pull herself from the mire. He couldn't even be sad right then, though it was etched into every muscle in his body. 

"Just...just days ago. I found her right before she passed." He said softly, his voice a touch crestfallen, perhaps more hollow. 

For now, their conversation seemed to be put on hold. He stepped forward, and Grace felt herself flinch back a little, but when she realized that he was there to help she indeed pulled herself up. Stark himself seemed like he wanted to collapse, and for that reason she chose to stay close if he allowed it. Shaky, she held her ground, trembling at both his touch and the news she'd recieved. 
         "W-Was she... In... Pain?"
She winced at the words, but she just had to ask. Octavia had been good to her, and the russet girl hoped that she had a painless passing. She didn't know what'd actually happened to her to make her run off, but it must be pretty bad if she'd ended up dead..... With a sigh, she apologized again. Her stutter and nerves had relaxed for now. 
                      "I'm sorry, Stark. I didn't handle things the way I should have."

Was Octavia actually in pain? Was Octavia actually in there? That was the bigger question to him and the one that had him struggling the most. Did the gray woman actually know him from the tree he had found her leaning against? He swallowed thickly, his blue eyes drifting from her back towards the Cache. He would avoid the place, certainly. He wouldn't want to go back to it and relieve the moment he had spent just waiting. The inevitable didn't make it any easier to process and the knowledge that Octavia had been sick certainly didn't change the way it cut him to the quick. 

"She... She didn't say anything. She didn't know me."  or maybe that was unfair and maybe she had known it was him and felt so at ease she had finally passed with some peace. He was just glad that he had been there for her and not anyone else. If it had been anyone else perhaps they would have taken advantage of the situation but instead Stark had been patient and gentle. 

He blinked rapidly before he swallowed, trying to clear his throat. "I.. I'm raising Tambourine."  Stark said definitely - no matter if Reek came back for the boy Stark wouldn't let him go. He ignored her apology, unable to decide what to do with it in the state he was in. 

The only thing Stark could say was that she didn't know him, and it was clear that Tavi clearly hadn't been all there. The russet girl didn't ask about it anymore, unwiling to upset the alpha anymore than he already was. They didn't need another alpha bailing on them or going psycho. The next bit of information was much less surprising-in fact, she'd pretty much assumed. After all, as soon as Warbone vanished, Stark had been acting as a full time father to the little grey boy. At this, she flicked one ear, and a breathy sigh vented through her lips.
                   "You've been raising Tam since you got here, really." 
Though she wanted to, Grace didn't dare ask if he needed help. For one, she wasn't sure if Stark would even let her near the Keep-or if she wanted to be-, and she also didn't want to poke at the rawness Octavia's passing had surely caused. It wasn't as if she felt anything for the dark brute, but she did want to make sure everything was easy for him. Unfortunatley, there were very few ways to do that without stepping on paws.
                                           "You're doing a great job, I'm sure, but is there anything I can help with? Herbs maybe?"

Grace seemed to be calming down some, which was nice for her, because Stark wasn't sure what he would going to do with himself. The woman was still close, hovering like Stark was going to break when he wasn't the one who had collapsed twice. Stark was being bitter. He was being judgemental. He was being irrational. He was grieving. The impulse for a moment to chase her far away almost took hold but Stark had never been the type to lash out that way. 

He internalized, instead, stewing every hateful thought he'd ever had, any mean and cruel thing that had ever flickered through his brain. All the things he'd thought about Octavia, how mad he had been at her - it was of course unable to be undone, he'd thought it, he had to live with it. And she? Well. She wouldn't live with anything ever again. "Doing a great job?" Stark scoffed and his gaze fell to the ground, another rise of anger rolling through his stomach. 

"If I was doing such a great job I would have found Pippin and Mordecai, I would have found Octavia. I would have been able to fix things." He grumbled lowly. 

Grace practically felt the ripple in Stark's already bad mood, stepping back with her guard hairs prickling nervously. She only went a few steps, ears still cupped forward to hear his venomous rumble: clearly he wasn't happy with the way things were going. A slight breath whistled through her lips at another sigh, and she hung her head low, shaking it back and forth slowly. Suddenly, she felt very, very old, and again the wonder if this was how Nova felt gripped her. The russet girl responded with a low, soft voice, doing her best to sooth his worries as she could.
               "Stark, even the best alpha can only do so much. You did everything you could with what you were given, and you're still here trying. Can we say that for the previous alphas of the Keep?"
She gave no names in particular, but it wasn't hard to know what she meant: Warbone had gone off and vanished, Harlyn and Octavia had practically beaten each other away from the rank, and Stark had been the only beta that she could remember. Now she was sure Banner was handling the job quite well, and knew that the pair would make Marauders Keep great. The question was if she wanted to be a part of that greatness-or if Stark would even let her. For now, she didn't press her offer of help, but planned to before parting ways anyway.
                                 "You will lead the Marauders to great things, Stark-don't lose your confidence. Tamborine needs you to be a good role model, right?" 

"One left, one is still in the Keep, one is dead." Stark said bluntly, finally meeting Grace's eyes again. Which left him. Him, who couldn't say that things were good but he liked to think they'd gotten finally onto the right path. Maybe. He swallowed down a sigh and wondered what Grace was trying to get at. She didn't even know how they were doing - she'd left weeks ago after all. Grace hadn't been there when the entire pack had gone combing the lands for the missing children and adults, she had no idea the work that they had been doing to try and make things better. 

She'd turned tail and ran, after all, within hours of him taking the leadership. No one had opposed him - but Trick and Grace had just decided to leave. Abandon them. "Tambourine has an amazing support system in the pack." He said as evenly as he could, trying to temper his emotions a bit. It was and wasn't her fault. She wasn't the reason that Octavia had died but the two healers had abandoned them in their time of need. Bitter thoughts kept swirling in his head and Stark's dull eyes didn't waver no matter how much he wanted to lower his gaze. He wasn't going to lose his temper. 

Stark seemed to fight her every attempt at helping, and Grace could only assume it was because of her abandonment-god this guilt was hitting hard- and there was little she could do to really get him to believe her words. It stung, and for the first time she really realized what leaving had done. She visibly winced at his first comment, wrinkling her nose: one had abandoned them, one had stepped down because the other one had gone crazy and ran away. She didn't dare voice this, not only for Stark-and her own safety-but out of respect for Tavi. She had been a great alpha, but the pressures in her life, apparently, had just been too great. 
                    "You'll do better than they did."

Next he claimed that Tamborine had a support system, and by this point Grace sighed heavily, shaking her head. All packs had support systems for children, but he had to know Tam needed something more than that. The healer side of her kicked in next, and the words that fell from her mouth were both matter-of-fact and still warm. The more she thought about the Marauders, the more she realized that she missed them dearly so. She could see the greyscale man in front of her as nothing but a friend, as much as his vision was clouded with understandable and expected anger and betrayal. 
                                        "You know he needs a real parent figure now, Stark-most packs have a support system, but they also usually have at least one parent. And if not, a parent figure steps in."

Stark was tired. He was exhausted if he was breathing, but, he'd proven to himself that sleep just brought on dreams of Octavia - hard to handle dreams that left the Alpha more exhausted than when he'd tried sleeping. And so he stopped trying. The Alpha regarded the female for a few moments, his blue eyes narrowing on her figure as she spoke. It wasn't the right time to say anything like that, as far as he was concerned, but what could he do? Sure, he'd say he'd try his best but was that truly happening? 

Grace was pushing hard to have him say specifically that he was Tambourine's father. What could he say? Yes - the boy was his. He'd been his since shortly after Stark had arrived and there had been more times than not that the male went hungry so that Tambourine and Octavia had food. He gave a soft sight and looked down at his feet. "I've...I need to get back." He said softly. "I need to check on him." Stark turned away, though he faltered for just a moment to look back at her. "If you see your mother, don't tell her anything about this." He said after a few minutes. He didn't trust that she wouldn't turn around and tell Reek and Stark didn't need to deal with that right then. "And...and stay safe, Grace." He was exhausted and he just wanted to get back to Tambourine and Banner.

Stark went quiet for a while, and Grace hoped that her words stuck-he deserved some shred of happiness. When he did speak, though, he caught her off guard-he turned with intent to leave. Grace almost let him without another word, but then he turned back and told her not to tell her mother about this: it was that moment that she knew Marauders Keep wasn't her home. If all he could see of her was someone connected to Nova, then she couldn't be here. 
The russet girl turned, tears already soaking her face, and limped off a few steps. She paused when the dark mans words echoed behind her, and the only thing she offered him was something she'd said to him long ago.
                "Everyone deserves happiness, Stark, don't lose yours."
Without ever looking back-even when speaking-Grace departed in the direction of the Maplewood. It was abandoned now, she knew, and it was a place she rarely went to, but it always gave her a few nice memories to see it again. 

I'd love to have another thread with them again, maybe before she has puppies-if Stark ever finds his way to the Hinterlands, they should meet up! :D

It wasn't that all he saw was someone connected to Nova - he had a son to protect and Nova Rose had already proven herself to be an enemy to his cause. He didn't trust the elder who had already proven to give Reek all the information despite reservations otherwise. He watched Grace turn away from him and start to head back to wherever she'd come from and Stark returned to the Keep and to the family that needed him. 

she's gonna have kids? They'll have to have another thread!