Hushed Willows you're my heaven, you're my hell

@Amara

It had been nearly a month since Kavos had been born. Despite his dark beginnings, the eldest child had found his light in the world: the one that called him Chalky. He pinned for the other’s company and wished for him to come and sweep him away from all the darkness that he felt.

He had just woke from a nap as a gentle wind rolled into the family den. He was stationed near the entrance of the den, away from his family. Despite waking, he barely stirred and instead remained on his side as he blinked his eyes open and adjusted to the strong afternoon light.

she was more than positive kavos despised her, for the fact, she trembled in his presence. the boy was as of his father more so than the others, a fact she had come to fear. kierkegaard truly haunted her in the face of the eldest son, and yet, she could not avoid his presence as he slept in the den she did each night. there was simply no ignoring the child, no matter how much she wished he would forget about her existence and move on to grander, fairer things than surviving by her side. kavos's interaction, when at all, was not by choice, she knew. truly. she did not know how to feel about it. 

"k-kavos," strained voice called out to the child, as inviting as she could muster. it was not by choice that the woman found herself at times resenting the children as a whole, she could not help it. truly, she did not want to. she did not want to feel the way she did, and she could not cure it. her feelings were simply, not her own, she concluded and as morally weak as she was, she was unable to do anything about it. for now, she could only attempt. no matter that things would never be right again. 

It was as he laid that he was beckoned. Taking his time, Kavos lifted his head and eventually turned to his mother with burning eyes. What did she want? The thought crossed his mind quickly, but the child did not speak. Instead, he merely looked at his mother with a look that seemed to ask, “What do you want?”

Personally, Kavos would have rather turned around and went back to sleep but the peppered child would not deny his mother her daily glare.

the woman recoiled as the boy's stone cold gaze rested upon her; and it she felt nothing but the emotional rejection that came with it. however, it was not unwarranted, and she knew so. perhaps, she should not have let it slide; the unsuperiority to even her own children was something no right parent would ever tolerate and yet, she held no sign of ever rising above what kavos deemed of her, so disgusting and pitiful. she would receive no mercy from him, she knew, and rightfully so. the woman was weak, submitting to the foul affections of children rather than to put them in their place. it was something she had shoved to the back of her mind long ago. long ago, she would have been different; a true mother, unlike the irreversible thing she had become. they would never get to see, see how she had been prior to the abandonment of those she had eternally pledged herself to. they would never know how lively she had once been, the caretaker, the mother. and still, she sat in unsaid submission to her eldest child. 

"oh," the woman was unsure of what to say at this point, how to approach someone who clearly wanted nothing to do with her. "d-do you need anything?" she offered, like a servant to a master, even though she was supposed to be the mother. "y-your friend..." she woman trailed off, face falling as she knew there was truly nothing she could say. there was silence after that as she waited his response; anything to get rid of the glare that she knew, came from the savage ghost himself.

As ever, the child was a mere facade of Amara’s past decisions-- a ghost amongst the living. Though he was unaware of the events that had lead to his conception or the pain that Amara had endured, Kavos was a wolf that was a spitting image of his sperm donor-- right down to the stoic glance. Perhaps his existence was meant to haunt his mother for the rest of her days, to be the voice of all she had given up in the wake of Rosing’s overthrowing.

He did not falter as she spoke, feeling no mercy for the woman that had been so hateful so early in their innocent lives. There were very few emotions that the child felt and, somehow, all of them laid within the negative spectrum on the scale of emotions. Somehow, at such a young age, Kavos existence how soured down to his core.

His look of displeasure only intensified after Amara had fallen silent. He didn’t know how to respond to her, finding his lack of vocabulary particularly annoying in this very moment, and instead, shook his head and turned to face away from her. He was done dealing with her in that moment and wanted nothing more of that conversation. Ushering out a heavy sigh, Kavos laid his head down and closed his eyes, hoping that she would pick up his (very) obvious hint that he wanted nothing more to do with her.

there was nothing she could ever do to reach out to the child when her efforts went un-cared for. shrinking back only to observe the child from inside the depths of the den, she could not break away her eyes from the hateful boy; a mere image of the hate she had harbored all along the pregnancy. yet, she did not feel anything but the sinking feeling of her own sins, the revelation that it was by her own hand that she had caused such ill will. the boy's signals did not go un-noticed to her, however, she found the tiniest bit of solitude that he did not have the vocabulary to create the three words she knew she would ear in the coming weeks in display of his resentment of her. the woman but whispered a hushed apology, excusing her actions to bother the child as she simply waited for further indication he would either get up and leave or sleep. their situation was one big loss, something that could have been so strong but by actions she could never take back, was not. she remained silent. 

He could feel her eyes on him. Feeling all the more frustrated at this, Kavos huffed loudly and shuffled loudly from within the nest. He wanted nothing more than he to get out of the den, as he was quite comfortable where he was, but, as he made himself more comfortable, he began to feel as if she might not leave him.

He sighed again, hoping that this sign would be the one to get her away from him.

her face fell further as the boy merely sighed an exasperated sigh, thoroughly uninterested in the effort she was attempting to make. no matter; the woman had fallen silent moments before his indication for her to halt any speech. seconds, minutes, passed before her optics swiveled slightly to rest upon his form before darting away again. a hate hung in the air, silencing the very situation beyond simply 'awkward'. this was pure insolence, ignorance to the point of alienation. the small woman, no matter how broken, would not spend another minute attempting to make ends with her son, kavos. she had just barely mustered the courage to drag herself through all that had happened, she would not sit in silence to entertain a boy who knew nothing of her before him. 

she picked herself from the ground, and left.