Redhawk Caldera you promised that you'd never leave

Days blended into days. The only highlight had been looking for herbs with Raven, but there had been many more bad moments to overshadow it. Like when @Liffey wanted to play, but Eljay didn't want to. He'd just laid there like a lifeless corpse until she eventually went to find Lagan, but he knew he had hurt her with that. He felt it. He hurt daddy every second of every minute of every hour, and he couldn't take it anymore. Every day hurt so much that Eljay felt he was not going to make it into the next day, but every morning he would just wake up as though nothing had happened. It usually took no more than a few minutes before he would realise the life he was leading. It was headed nowhere. Mommy was never coming back.

It was a few days since he had given up hope. He had done nothing but cry. He'd stayed away even from his siblings and daddy @Elwood . When he awoke in a muddy ditch in the late afternoon, Eljay was shivering all over, cold and starving from eating so little over the past weeks. He didn't even remember what had happened before he went to sleep, didn't know where he was except that it was within Redhawk territory, and he didn't have his minutes of bliss this time. There was nothing but bleak darkness.

He lifted himself to his feet, though he wasn't sure how he managed, and his body heaved from the exertion. He licked his dry lips and leaned down to lick from the muddy puddle he had slept in, because he wasn't sure where he could find water nearby.

As Eljay got into motion to do, well, something (he wasn't sure what yet) he saw black spots dance in front of his vision. Eljay took another few wobbly steps away from the muddy puddle, unsteadily moving forward. He murmured under his breath, "Mommy, is that you?" and then he fell to the ground, unconscious; he was out so fast that he didn't even notice his body hitting the ground.

Kaizer took time away from stalking Fox to get more familiar with his new home, and to potentially foster some relationships with his packmates. He hardly knew what to expect here, unaware of their history and recent tragedies faced, but his spirit— one without the stain of indecision uncertainty— had the potential to infect its members, and rally them out of the shadows threatening to consume each of them. Everyone's solemn (sometime volatile) attitudes had not been lost on him, able to read the signs and know that they were guardedly lashing out, harboring the source of their strife like children afraid of change.

Though he didn't understand and couldn't presently relate, Kaizer accepted it easily, and upon finding an unconscious young male, knew he would do what he could to rectify them. The wolf bounded closer, sniffing the prone body to quickly confirm that he was a part of Redhawk and that he wasn't conscious to his presence, before beginning to nudge him roughly. "Kid," he grunted worriedly, hoping that his bruise-worthy prodding would be enough to rouse him.

Elwood began to worry when he didn't see Eljay for a handful of days. The youth was always somewhat reclusive, but even more so now during Finley's absence. At first, Elwood had hoped that some time to himself would be beneficial for Eljay; but as time wore on and Liffey and Lagan hadn't even seen their brother, Elwood's concern began to grow.

Tracking Eljay was easy enough, but as Elwood approached, he intuited that something wasn't right. His son was slumped on the ground while a strange wolf shoved at him roughly. He usually wasn't one to jump to conclusions, but Elwood didn't recognize the adult male -- so he approached with teeth bared defensively and a growl on his lips, warning him away from Eljay. When he turned his gaze to look at the young caregiver, he realized that he was unconscious.

"What happened," he asked sharply, his voice lacking the intonation of a question as he looked back at the other wolf. The smell of Fox was mingled in his pelt; this was the only reason Elwood didn't chase him away. A new recruit, perhaps -- but he didn't care about that, presently. His attention was on his son.

For a large while, he just remained silent, not realising that someone was there with him. The prods did not not reach him at first, but then he started to register them. He faintly opened his eyes, only to see daddy come at him with teeth bared. He didn't register the question, nor did he move. Eyes were half opened as he looked up at the blurry grey figure and asked, "Mommy..?"

Just when the yearling's continued stillness was transitioning Kaizer from a state of worry to one of pure alarm, another figure arrived that not only looked like an older version of the prone adolescent on the ground, but smelled intensely of him as well. It didn't take more than that for Bluesummer to know that they were related, and that he looked like the perpetrator here, rather than an innocent bystander. Though the male was slightly smaller than himself, certainly his defensiveness would make any fight between them a severe problem for Kaizer— it was why he never bothered with youngsters; vindictive parents were never too far behind. He stepped back from the beta's teeth, opening his mouth to explain just as the boy began to stir.

His mouth clamped shut and he watched him stir faintly, opening his eyes only to croak for his mother. Kaizer's jaw tensed, and he looked back towards the older male, trying to keep the defensive edge out of his voice as he said: "I found him like this— I don't know any more about this than you." He hoped the boy would get up already and explain himself. Kaizer would hate losing some skin over a matter he technically had nothing to do with. "It looks like he hasn't eaten... in a while," he drifted, eyes passing over the dramatically thinned frame, before again lifting precariously towards the presumed father.

Just as the other wolf stepped back, Eljay seemed to regain consciousness. Elwood's stance relaxed considerably as he focused his full attention on his son, though his ears turned to listen to his apparent packmate's explanation. His gaze roved over Eljay's body and he was satisfied with the story provided; there were no injuries that could have indicated foul play. When the other pointed out that it appeared Eljay hadn't had a solid meal in a while, Elwood nodded solemnly.

"Eljay," he said, lowering himself to try and catch the youth's eye. "Are you okay?" he asked, though the question was mostly rhetorical. It was obvious that Eljay was the opposite of okay -- and since it seemed he was unable to take care of his own basic needs, it was time for his father to step in. Straightening, Elwood looked to the unfamiliar male. "Can you bring him some food? Something from a cache is fine," he said, not even bothering to introduce himself. There would be time for that later.

He then tilted his head back and issued a call for @Raven. Hopefully, all Eljay needed was something to eat, but Elwood wanted the aspiring medic to take a look at him just to be sure.

Note to self (and possibly others): this takes place after Rave brings back the poppies.

This was the other reason Raven did not like to set foot outside the caldera: if she wandered astray, then she might miss an urgent call from a pack mate in need. The instant the sound of her uncle's voice hit her ears, the she-wolf dropped the bundle of bark chips in her mouth and leaped into action. She rushed past the badger den, wishing she knew what she might need. Wildly, she wondered if she could make a portable medicine bag of some sort, with samples of all her various remedies.

All thoughts of that flew out of her head when she reached Elwood and Eljay. (She didn't even notice Kaizer, if he was still present.) "What happened?" she asked her godfather before she dropped her gaze and began assessing her woozy cousin. "Eljay? Can you hear me?"

Slowly he was regaining his consciousness, and with a frown he looked up to see his father's face. He didn't register the words spoken much, but he knew one thing — mommy was gone and she might never come back — and another thing — daddy was here, not mommy — and the pain came flooding back. He felt tears spring to his eyes and tried to stay calm, feeling dizzy and light-headed still from the exertion of all of it; the emotions, the lack of sustenance, the pain he felt for underachieving...

He sniffled and murmured, "s-sorry daddy," while his body shook from a few contained sobs. It seemed like today was just another day to add up to the list of disappointment. To Eljay, it felt almost like dying was the only thing he had left to do, because living without mommy forever was so hard he wasn't sure he was able.

Kaizer met the father's sun-yellow eyes, nodding curtly at the given request. Despite whether or not he felt superior, and whether or not he thought the collapsed wolf was worth the effort (because in the eyes of his parents, there wasn't any other choice), he knew it was his duty to provide for them when he could; and the request was a simple one. He turned fast on his heel, dashing away before the call for Raven could be sent. He wasn't entirely sure where to find a cache, a fact that would dramatize his return time, but he -- erroneously -- trusted his nose to find him one almost as quickly as asking would.

Skip me one round, Kaizer will be back in the next!

The wolf who smelled like Fox complied with Elwood's request promptly, but Elwood hadn't expected anything less. As soon as he was gone, Elwood focused his attention on his son, lowering himself to his haunches and nudging gently at him as he slowly woke. Although he was conscious, Eljay didn't yet seem to be fully aware of what was going on.

Thankfully, Raven was quick to respond to her uncle's call. Elwood was relieved when she arrived, and he backpedaled so that she could get a better look at Eljay. She asked him a question, to which the youth didn't respond -- instead, he apologized to his father. Elwood felt a pang, fearing that he was, in some way, responsible for Eljay's condition. He had tried to do everything he could to help his son, but he had obviously failed.

"He passed out and -- a packmate found him," he said, looking over his shoulder in the direction that the subordinate had gone. "He's bringing food," he added, while Raven's previous diagnosis of situational depression flashed like a neon sign in his mind.

Eljay didn't answer her, only murmured what sounded like an apology. Fortunately, Elwood explained the situation to the best of his ability. Raven listened, though her yellow eyes remained fixed upon her patient. It honestly didn't surprise her that he had fainted, considering that he still looked like he wasn't eating, drinking or looking after himself.

"Food is good," the would-be medic said. "Eljay, does anything hurt?" she asked, worried that he might have hit his head or twisted an ankle when he'd collapsed. "Do you feel dizzy? Or confused?"

Daddy didn't respond to him, and Eljay wasn't sure what to do to make things right again. He wanted so badly to feel better and to not be such a sore disappointment to everyone, but somehow he just couldn't manage, because, well, that was just who and how he was. And thinking of mommy brought ache to his heart every time all over again.

He blinked tears from his eyes when Raven asked him if it hurt. Everything hurt. Eljay wasn't sure how he would ever even get himself healthy again. He wasn't sure how he would be able to keep himself warm, and frankly, he wasn't sure he wanted to anymore. He was just taking up the pack's resources, and they deserved those for everyone else — he was just pulling them down with him if he took them.

"I want mommy," he hoarsely brought out, the words spoken so strainously that it was clearly he was holding his emotions back. "I d-don't want to be a bother anymore..." He looked away as he spoke those words, to the ground, and submissively licked his lips because he knew it might make daddy upset to say such a thing. But every word spoken was genuine, and Eljay was nothing if not honest.

Elwood bit back his frustration as Raven probed Eljay with questions. He didn't answer any of them -- instead, he requested his mother's presence. In that moment, Elwood was angry with Finley, despite knowing that the whole reason she was gone was to try to put their broken family back together. He took a deep breath, recognizing that none of his feelings mattered at that moment -- what was important was Eljay's health, and helping him.

"I wish she was here too, buddy. You're not a bother -- can you tell Raven how you're feeling, so she can help you?" he asked, masking his vexation expertly -- it wasn't difficult when he was truly concerned about his son's well-being. Eljay had hit rock bottom before, but not quite like this.

Eljay didn't answer any of her questions. She frowned sympathetically at him, lips parting to formulate a reply of some sort when Elwood spoke up instead. Raven sensed some impatience in her uncle's phrasing but she didn't blame him any more than she blamed the ailing yearling or Finley or Lucy. Everyone coped with obstacles differently and all they could do was try to hang onto one another until the stormy sea of life calmed somewhat.

"Eljay, the only thing that's bothering any of us is the fact that we want you to feel better," Raven said, realizing only after the fact that she might have stuck her foot in her mouth a bit. "What I mean is that you shouldn't feel bad. But you've got to let us help you. And help yourself a little bit too. Now," she continued, tone changing ever so slightly as she assumed her professional medic role again, "does anything hurt, physically? Did you hit your head?"

Even as she addressed him, she glanced again at the Beta male. Maybe he knew the answer to that question. And there was something else Raven wanted to ask Elwood himself. "The poppies—do you think they might help?" She knew they would, yet even though Eljay was an adult, she felt that, considering his state of mind, it was appropriate to consult with Elwood Sr first.

Kaizer returned as swiftly as he could, a large and partially decomposed rabbit flailing against his muzzle as he came running onto the scene, where the only thing that had changed was the presence of Raven. The wolf skidded to a stop, dropping the preserved meal at the yearling's side, nudging it towards his face encouragingly. Though knowing it wasn't his place, he quickly took a few steps back, readily observing and waiting to be of further use. Unfortunately for everyone involved -- including himself -- the largely unfeeling and practical man thought that maybe the sad creature just needed to be put out of his misery.

Eljay sniffled, feeling pathetic even as Raven and daddy told him that he wasn't a bother and that they just wanted him to be happy. He knew that he was a bother right now: taking up their time, their food, and making them worried because he wasn't happy when he should be trying harder to be. He was just done with hurting those around him, and he wanted it to stop so badly. It was as if the pain he felt in his heart would never go away, as if death would be more merciful than living on the way he did, and then daddy could move on, too, and so could Liffey and Lagan, because none of them would have to worry about Eljay anymore. It would be better for everyone, perhaps, if he wasn't here anymore; or maybe if he had never been born, or if his parents would have had a better child instead.

To Raven's question, he looked at his own paws and replied a murmured, "No." He was just feeling kind of spaced out and dizzy, but he didn't remember hitting anything when he fell.

As Raven questioned Eljay, the other wolf returned. Elwood gave him a thankful glance and moved the meat even closer to Eljay, looking up at his son expectantly. Finally, the boy answered Raven's queries with a simple "no," indicating that he hadn't hit his head when he fell.

"Good," Elwood murmured quietly, then gestured towards the rabbit with his snout. "Take a bite, if you can," he suggested, glancing at Raven for more guidance. If he wasn't outwardly injured, then it seemed the most important thing was for Eljay to eat.

Before Elwood could answer her, Kaizer appeared with some not-so-fresh meat in tow. He placed it in front of the ailing yearling before backing away. Raven shot him a very cursory but grateful glance, then nodded when the Beta instructed his son to take a bite. If he hadn't hit his head and wasn't otherwise hurt, then getting some food in his system was a good next step.

"You have to eat, Eljay. If you don't, you'll feel weak and you might lose consciousness again," Raven said in a low, soothing murmur. "You need to build up your strength. You have to be strong for your dad," she continued, looking up at her uncle, "and Liffey and Lagan. And for your mom and Lucy, when they come home."

Last post from me, guys!

When the yearling didn't seem to respond to the food or the verbal insistence that he eat it, Kaizer -- in all his logical glory -- thought that maybe he needed something fresh to placate him. "Maybe something fresher? I'll hunt for him," he offered, without truly waiting to see if either other adult on the scene thought it was necessary or not. In all reality, he just felt uncomfortable with the situation as a whole. He would do anything now to make himself feel more useful, and to take away his natural desire to depose of anything impotent in his presence.

The Bluesummer turned on his heel and trotted away, nose low as he began scavenging for a fresh trail.

It was hard not to feel terrible — Eljay just wanted nothing but to feel good again and make everybody happy, but he just couldn't, and that made him feel even worse. He wished that he could say those things, confess that he didn't think he'd ever be happy again, but he just found himself incapable. He didn't want to be an even bigger disappointment.

When he was offered the food he took a small bite and chewed on it for a long time. He nodded at Raven's words, blinking away the tears as he said, "I'll do better." He continued to chew then, long and slow, feeling foreign with the motions of chewing his food and not sure how to even swallow it all down. When he did swallow it felt like a big lump going down his throat, and it was hard to suppress the feeling of wanting to throw it right back up. But he did, for them, and for mommy.

Although Eljay still seemed reluctant, he promised to improve himself and dutifully swallowed some of the food after Raven carefully persuaded him. Elwood looked up as Kaizer excused himself; he nodded, but did not call out after the receding wolf. He appreciated the near-stranger's diligence to assist, despite the fact that he didn't know the Blackthorn family or their circumstances.

"Do you want to go back to the rendezvous site and rest?" Elwood asked. Even if Eljay didn't want to eat much now, it sounded like there would be a fresh meal on the way from Kaizer. Then, he suggested, "Maybe Raven can go with you, and I'll -- I'll stay here and keep an eye out for Mom." It seemed a little silly, since he knew he wouldn't see Finley and Lucy appearing on the horizon, but he was willing to do anything to placate his son and preserve his apparently feeble health.

Her words didn't suddenly perk up the ailing yearling, though they were enough to coax him to take a few bites of the rancid meat. Raven watched, counting silently, though her gaze flicked upward when Kaizer excused himself to find something a little fresher. She nodded, attention shifting to Elwood when he addressed his son again. Without waiting for an answer from Eljay himself, the aspiring medic readied herself to begin moving.

"That's a good idea," she said to the Beta male. "C'mon," she said to Eljay, reaching out to touch her snout against his ear. "I'll keep you company while we wait for Kaizer to bring back something slightly less expired," Raven quipped softly, nose wrinkling. "Once you eat and regain some of your strength, maybe we can rejoin your dad then," she added, tipping her head and giving her cousin a speculative look before moving her feet in the direction of the rendezvous site.

Eljay licked his lips after the few bites he had taken, finding it hard to swallow and therefore finding it difficult to eat more. Luckily, daddy suggested he should go somewhere else and he would stay here. Eljay wasn't sure he wanted daddy to stay here, and considered asking him to come with, knowing that mommy wouldn't just appear by standing here... But then he felt silly and he decided against it, not wanting to bother daddy too much.

Raven instead suggested to come along, and Eljay nodded. "Okay," he mumbled and he tried to scramble to his feet, a little unsteady, but able to rise to his feet eventually and ready to move to the rendezvous site with Raven.