Redhawk Caldera my whole life is thunder.

@Eljay because like I can ignore that cameo and ilu :D This takes place while Elwood and Finley are reunioning

The clouds were shifting lazily across a blue sky overhead as Liffey laid in a bed of crisp orange and brown leaves, watching with mild interest. She had started the afternoon was finding shapes in the clouds, but it was an old game and she'd quickly lost interest. Her mind had wandered to a place that it often went to lately - a place that she had told no one about. Somewhere, her twin was probably off eating bugs and slurping up mud or something bizarre. Daddy was probably hunting. Her mom was still gone. Eljay was napping, or so she assumed. Gannet though...

A tiny smile curled up the corner of her lips as her heart did the weird fluttery thing it had been doing lately whenever her mind wandered this direction. She imagined him prowling the borders, seeking out bad guys to drive away. Or maybe loping across the Caldera's flatlands after a stag that he would bring down just for her. Or maybe he was even looking for her right now, wanting to hang out and watch the clouds with her...

The young girl rolled her shoulders and laughed softly to herself. It was so silly, of course he wasn't. She didn't fully even understand why she was wishing he would. She was too young to understand, but that didn't stop the daydreams.

Hunger did, though. Her stomach made a grumpy sound and Liffey frowned as she rolled onto all fours. She stood and gave her coat a good shake before trotting forward. At five months, she was still small with a puppy-ish face and paws that seemed still too large to fit her. But her frame had begun to hint towards the young woman she would soon become - small, but strong like the mother she only mostly remembered.

When hunger struck, Liffey always knew right where to go. She was learning about hunting, but had thus far failed to prove herself to be all too capable at it. She might have tried to nab something for herself, but the young wolf was feeling just as lazy as the clouds. And besides, Eljay had seemed so down lately. He needed a boost, and he did seem to enjoy doing stuff with her. And so the little river approached the densite, heedless of what she might be about to discover.

Raven's howl was not enough to convince Eljay that anything in his life was still worth it. Even though Raven and daddy had said that he wasn't a bother, he knew that it was not true. Like Raven had said, all they wanted was for him to be happy... So by being unhappy all the time, he was still a bother in some form or another, no matter how you put it. And he was done with that. He was done with hurting those around him. He saw the look on daddy's face every time he looked at him.

As he had closed his eyes and had just given up on everything, he lay at the densite, waiting for the end to come and for earth to reclaim him. His breathing was starting to become slow and shallow, and his ribs poked out from his side to show how poorly he had treated himself lately, despite the help from others.

Eljay's scent touched her nose and brought a smile to the young girl's face. She quickened her pace to a bouncing lope that didn't quite leave her step even as she stopped before him. Her eyes weren't well trained enough to notice how sickly he looked. From what she could remember, her big brother had always looked somewhat like this. He'd always appeared downtrodden and thin. That was just who he was, and it didn't bother Liffey in the slightest.

The mini Blackthorn gazed at her big brother now with a smile on her lips. She had no idea what was going through his mind at that moment, that he was actually attempting to will himself to die. He looked to her only like he was trying to take a nap, and so she attempted to take care not to startle him too much out of it. She lowered her nose to his cheek and nuzzled him gently, a soft growl purring from her throat. "Jay Jay..." she said softly as she poked at him, her eyes bright and expectant.

It was surprisingly easy to just let go of the world and go away to a place where he would no longer be a bother. To a place of nothingness, void; Eljay had never talked or thought much about death, so he did not know where that place was. As his breathing slowed he felt oddly at peace. It was a gradual feeling at first, where he could let go of his woes while in the distance a bright light lingered. Then, as he came closer to the light, suddenly all of his troubles fell from his shoulders as though others took them from him and he no longer needed to carry them himself.

There he saw Uncle P and Petey and they embraced him as though welcoming him into their midst, though he found himself wondering for a brief moment if it was only because he willed them to be here. But soon that thought drifted away like a feather on the wind, just like all of his thoughts. They were gone, for he no longer needed them in this place as he had needed them at the Caldera.

All thoughts but one distant lingering feeling, a thought, a... word? Jay — once, at first, then repeated several times. It wasn't his own thoughts, his own voice, the word. It was something else. Something that didn't belong to this place.

And as the word lingered and rang through the light-filled endless space around them, Petey and Uncle P looked at him. And then there were others, wolves he didn't know, and all of them turned towards him as if he was the cause of their unrest. Eljay looked at Uncle P, and Uncle P shook his head with a sad expression — one that said 'sorry, sport' — while Petey nuzzled against his chest softly.

And with a shock, Eljay realised that they were saying goodbye. And all of the thoughts and emotions and worries that'd fallen off his shoulders rushed back and the light was gone. There was nothing but darkness, but Eljay was voiceless and could not call out for help.

All there was around him was that word.

Jay Jay.

And with a shock Eljay awoke and his breathing quickened, his heart suddenly pounding fully where it had almost stopped before. And as he thought back to the happiness and peace he had felt — of yet unaware of Liffey — Eljay could do nothing but fall into a series of sorrowful sobs, with the knowledge that even the afterlife did not want him.

Liffey had been about to repeat his name when suddenly her brother awoke with a start. The young wolf yipped as backpedaled in surprise. She'd gone two steps when she stumbled and fell hard onto her haunches. She shook the bewilderment off and blinked at Eljay, confused and then concerned when he dropped his head down and began to cry into his arms.

The little river bit her lip and stood, creeping forward to touch her nose against his rippling scruff. It was not the first time she'd seen her brother cry, but like the depression that hung upon him, it seemed to be such a natural part of his character that she wasn't particularly perturbed by it. But, like anyone with a heart, the sight still made her sad. Liffey loved her brother. She didn't want him to cry.

"Did you have a bad dream?" the girl asked, nosing her way up his shoulder and neck to lick the tears from his cheek. It was the most logical explanation she could think of. Though she didn't fully grasp the true finality of the losses she and her family had shared, she did know perfectly well that Eljay had every reason to be plagued with nightmares.

Hope ya don't mind me crashing your party!

In fact, as Liffey had guessed, Lagan was eating bugs. Winter was well on its way but there were still a few hardy beetles here and there, in places only Lagan knew to look: under rocks and logs, in the mud at the edge of the caldera, and sometimes under the bark on trees. He sought them out and slurped them up, none the wiser to his potential as a naturalist for being able to even find them on the cusp of winter. Beetles were amusing and fun to munch on, and that was all that Lagan thought about as he prowled through the territory. Well, that and his next meal, which was always on his mind no matter the time of day.

When in his wandering he stumbled upon his twin and his elder brother (whom Lagan looked up to immensely, so much so that he hardly noticed Eljay's depression or worried about it), he trounced onto the scene with all the zest and pep he possessed. "Guess what!" he exclaimed, still possessing a hint of his trademark lisp, as he came to stand beside the prone Eljay, but before he could tell them all about the munchy bugs he'd found under a rock, the weight of what was happening smacked him like a board. His dark ears pressed back uncertainly. "What's the matter?"

His voice echoed Liffey's concern in that moment, but he had no idea what had just happened. His brows pulled higher over his bright green eyes as he turned them on the sobbing Eljay, and his form shrank even further. He hated when Eljay cried. It made him want to cry, too, and he whined softly to his elder sibling.

i don't mind :)

There was nothing but pain for a sharp, harsh moment while the realisation flooded Eljay that even his deceased loved ones were not waiting for him, did not want him there. He shook with sobs as he his himself away from the world, unable to face it any longer but neither allowed to depart, it seemed. He didn't realise that it was a specific something that had brought him back — whether it was his own psyche or the afterlife that'd decided; the sound of his little sister's voice calling his name and, in a way, begging him to stay.

The nudges went largely unnoticed, and only when he heard his sister's voice did Eljay realise that she was even there at all. He'd spent a lot of time with them when they were babies, and at first he had taken some strength looking after them after mommy'd gone. But the last month or so he had avoided even them, and as his brother came and asked what was wrong and Eljay saw the heartbreak on their faces, he felt incredibly guilty for neglecting them so and piling more work onto daddy.

But beneath the guilt there was something else. The pain that he wasn't allowed to leave dissipated slowly as Eljay came to a realisation of sorts, an epiphany, perhaps. Uncle P and Petey hadn't sent him back because he wasn't welcome, but because he was needed. For Liffey and Lagan, and maybe even for daddy.

New tears threatened to boil up, but they were no longer purely of anguish and pain. A watery smile broke through Eljay's a face, an expression they hadn't seen for at least a month now, and he opened up his body language, inviting his siblings in (and, were they close enough, he would nuzzle their faces gently). "N-no, it's fine now," he said and he sniffled another time, realising now more than ever that perhaps there was a use for him here, and that it was important that he would work harder to stay here.

not at all!

Eljay continued to cry even as Liffey nuzzled her head against his temple. Her frown deepened. Whatever the nightmare had been, it had been a really bad one. Her mind went to Uncle P with a sharp twinge of remorse, but she was distracted by the sound of someone else's excited voice.

Liffey turned to see her twin bounding towards them and her ears flattened. She tried wordlessly to let him know that now was not the time to be all gleeful and... Lagan-y all over Eljay. Whether her efforts worked or not (they didn't), her brother seemed to fall solemn soon enough when his eyes fell upon their elder sibling. Liffey gave him a sad frown when he questioned what was going on. She was preparing to tell him about Eljay's nightmares when the sobbing wolf quieted and lifted his head.

The girl turned to gaze at Eljay's face with brightening orange eyes. There was an expression there that was wonderful though sadly less familiar than the gloomy demeanor he typically wore. Liffey smiled back, her tail beginning to wave. He lifted his head to welcome her and Lagan in, and the girl wasted no time in snuggling up into his arms. She kissed his chin as she smooshed against him, her concern vanishing just like that. Eljay was happy now, and she was simply too young to worry over why he hadn't been a few moments ago.

Lagan didn't really understand what was going on, but when Eljay lifted his head and his tear-streaked face broke into a smile, Lagan grinned goofily back. It didn't take long to put the entire thing out of his mind; Eljay was no longer upset, Liffey was no longer looking at him like he'd broken mom's favourite vase, and all was well again. The boy bounded the few steps to Eljay and butted his head against his elder sibling's skull, only to draw back and beam at them both.

"I found some beetles!" he announced with his tail merrily slapping his own hindquarters (and probably Liffey's as well). His trademark lisp was still there, particularly when he was excited, and it promised to hang around at least into his early adulthood, but he scarcely even noticed it. "They're under the rocks! Wanna come eat some with me?"

There was nothing more fun than eating, and there was nothing in the world better than eating with family. Even if eating bugs was kind of immature, and kind of gross.

Liffey caught the hint and was quick to move in, receiving a shower of nuzzles and licks from Eljay. Lagan closed in, but only for a little bit, so on his way out Eljay nuzzled his brother's face lovingly. He still felt rather unsteady and like he should eat and drink something before looking for bugs with his siblings, but he didn't want to let them down... Especially if it was for them that he needed to stay here.

"Uhm, yes, I'd love to eat some bugs," he said, probably to the surprise of his siblings; it'd been a while since Eljay had said 'yes' to a proposal of play from either of his siblings. As Eljay tried to get up, he felt his muscles protesting, and after trying twice he said, with a hint of embarrassment to his voice; "Are they... Could you bring some here..?" He didn't want to admit to his siblings that he was feeling too weak to move, and with a pang of guilt he realised that it was not going to be as easy as he had thought to just pick up eating, drinking, moving and living again.

Liffey gave a happy growl as she smushed herself against Eljay. Her eyes went to Lagan as he came nearer and she met his excited smile with one of her own. She knew her twin would be just as thrilled with this turn of events - Eljay smiling. It was more than that, though. He actually felt happy to her in a way he so rarely did. It was intoxicating and she giggled as her tail flapped against her big brother's chest.

It was then that Lagan declared his latest discovery, prompting Liffey to pause in her glee to look at him like the weirdo she considered him to be. Beetles? What was so great about that? She wrinkled her nose as he suggested they go eat some. Her refusal was on the tip of her tongue when Eljay accepted with an amount of enthusiasm that was just plain startling. She pulled away from him to glance in bewilderment at his face, then backpedaled even more to get out of the way as he decided to get up. Or... try to anyway.

The little Blackthorn frowned as he slipped back onto the ground and requested that the bugs be brought to him. As much as she didn't like bugs, she was all about making her older brother smile again. And so she looked over at her twin, looking clearly unhappy about the offer she was about to make. "I can help help you get them?" she paused, her ears perking slightly, "Unless.. How big are they? Are they gross?" What a silly question. Of course they were gross.

Ohmigod, went Lagan's brain as Eljay actually accepted. The boy's bright apple green eyes nearly bugged out of his head in his excitement. His chest heaved with the force of his pants as he backed up, offering Eljay space to rise. But the older Blackthorn seemed unable to get to his feet, which should have concerned Lagan but for some reason didn't, because then he asked to be brought some beetles instead. "Yeah!" he agreed readily, and then his eyes bugged a second time when Liffey offered to help.

He loved his twin dearly, truly, he did. But sometimes Liffey was a little too girly for him. Lagan had a measure of Elwood's optimism and in time he might come to show his father's wisdom, too, but in his youth he had more of Finley's adventurous spunk and verve, and it showed in his mischievous giggle. "The grossest," he promised, missing the rather disgusted look on his sibling's face as he sprang away. "We'll be right back, Jay! C'mon, Liff!" The beetles were a short jaunt away, and Lagan went full speed ahead, grinding to a stop when he found the large moist rock again.

He didn't even stop to check if Liffey had followed him or bailed. He dipped his nose down and flipped the rock with enthusiasm, sending two impressive water beetles and one truly horrendous cockroach scrambling in the damp soil beneath it. Chuckling, he went right for the cockroach, attempting to scoop it up in his jaws without eating it. This one would be for Eljay.

Eljay watched his brother's excitement and his sister's disgust with amusement as they agreed to go and get him some bugs. He was still feeling shaky and his heart hurt so much at the absence of mommy, but somehow he felt like he might actually be able to pull through, now, where before he had felt as though nothing else mattered.

While the twins were off getting bugs, he rested his head on his paws and let out a quiet sigh while he stared thoughtfully ahead.

Much like Liffey was at times too girl for Lagan, Laggy was far too icky sometimes for Liff. His reply made her shutter, but she found herself with no other option than to follow as he bolted off. She'd already agreed to help him and his speedy retreat made it impossible for her to back out. She glanced at Eljay almost mournfully, but was quick to put on a brave smile before turning to scamper off after her twin.

Liffey followed her brother dutifully. When they arrived at the location of said grossest of bugs, Lagan barrelled straight ahead with enthusiastic gusto. His lady twin, however, stepped daintly around him, her nose twitching all the while as she inspected the rock he had just upturned from a good foot or two away. She recoiled when she spotted the cockroach and jumped lightly to get out of it and her brother's way as he nabbed it. The girl stuck her tongue out miserably as she stepped around him, glancing back to the rock where the water beetles rested - apparently awaiting her retrieval.

"Are you sure Jay's gonna like these...?" Liffey whined in a feeble attempt at backing out of this awful endeavor. Keeping her legs planted as far away as she could, she stretched her nose towards the beetles to sniff at them. They didn't seem terrible; Not like the squirming cockroach she spied in Lagan's teeth. Anticipating that Lagan wasn't about to tell her Oh man, good point, no, let's just go pick Eljay some flowers, she parted her jaws to clasp a single beetle between her teeth - her tongue flattening agains her bottom jaw so as not to touch a single flailing leg.

"Of coooourse he will!" lisped Lagan around the cockroach in his mouth. He almost dropped it a couple times on account of its spindly little legs tickling his tongue and his gums, but somehow managed to keep a precarious grip on it. It took exactly three seconds for him to exert too much pressure and crush it. Oh well. Eljay would like it half-minced too, Lagan was sure of it.

He was tickled absolutely pink when Liffey, despite her disgusted expression and her dainty way of walking around the rock, picked up a beetle. Body thrumming with approval, the male twin swung around and boisterously said, "c'mon!" as he began to thud his way back to where Eljay rested. Lagan was certain his elder brother would just love the bugs they'd picked out for him. That other wolves weren't overly fond of eating bugs had yet to really click with him. He thought they were great, so obviously, so did everybody else!

When he delivered the crushed cockroach to the ground in front of resting Eljay's paws, he noted that a leg was still twitching, and was immensely proud of his efforts. Even if the cockroach was more slobber and guts than roach. Which it was.

For some time, Eljay waited idly until his siblings returned, finding it hard to stay awake in his weakened state. He glanced up at where his siblings had gone, and smiled weakly as they came round the corner again.

He wasn't looking forward to eating the bugs, but he knew he needed sustenance and it was a way to start. Besides, it would make his brother smile. Eljay remembered being scared of bugs as a child but now they somehow didn't seem so scary anymore. "Thanks Lagan, that looks, uh... Delicious." He smiled half-heartedly, putting on the most genuine smile he could muster. He eyed the cockroach for a wary moment before he took it in his mouth and bit it, hating every moment of eating it but putting on a brave face.

Try as she might, Liffey couldn't keep the insect's legs from touching her in some way that she could feel it. The second she felt the critter's flailing feet tap her gums, she winced and flung it from her mouth. It was only the thought of Eljay that drove her to leap towards where she'd seen it fall and grab it in her teeth again. She steeled herself for the feeling this time - not that it lessened her repulsion, but she was able to hang on in spite of it. 

The trip back to their big brother seemed to take ages longer than their search for the bugs in spite of the fact that Liffey had sprinted as fast as possible, not wanting to prolong the delivery any longer than necessary. When they got back to Eljay, the girl spat the beetle at his paws immediately, then turned away to lick her lips anxiously, whining softly all the while. She didn't even look as Jay surveyed his new bugs. She was so over it, and so ready to find the nearest stream so that she could wash the taste of beetle away for good.

Rad, thought Lagan as Eljay inspected and then ate the cockroach. Liffey came up quickly behind them and tossed the beetle down for her elder brother, but even Lagan noticed when she turned away and whined. He couldn't help snickering. He loved his twin deeply and sometimes felt completely put out without her, but sometimes Liffey was just too unlike him, and in those moments, he couldn't help but giggle at her. "Aw, c'mon, Liff," he said encouragingly, "they're not that bad!"

To Lagan, having fur on his tongue was worse, but Lagan was kind of weird anyway. He beamed at Eljay, but finally sensed that his elder brother probably needed some rest or time to himself, and announced, "I'm gonna play in the rendezvous site if anyone wants to come!" before planting a sloppy lick on his brother's snout (and an even sloppier one on Liffey's cheek) and bounced away.

As Lagan said 'they're not that bad', Eljay mentally thought, yes they are! But he didn't say a word, just gratefully munching on the bugs and then swallowing them. He didn't like the taste very much at all, but he smiled at Lagan anyway, trying his best not to look too disgruntled by the bugs' taste (though it was clear from the look on his face this wasn't his favourite food in the world). He'd never liked bugs.

Then there were Liffey's bugs. Meanwhile, Lagan said that he would play at the rendezvous site and Eljay chuckled as he received his brother's lick. He nipped at his brother's face before said brother pulled away and Eljay said, "I'm gonna rest for a bit. Catch you later!" He watched as his brother ran off and then told Liffey after casting the bugs she'd brought him, "Sorry for the effort, if you don't mind I'm just gonna scoop these under a rock again..." He grinned apologetically, hoping that she didn't mind, but not wanting to lie to her too — he just hadn't been able to break his brother's heart, and before he had actual bugs in his mouth it seemed like a good idea. "You can go play now, if you wanna, I'm going to catch some more z's." He smiled softly as he used an expression he was pretty sure he'd once heard from Uncle P, and nosed Liffey's face to encourage her to go play with her brother.

I'll wrap this one up for us :D

The look Liffey gave her twin would have withered a field of wildflowers when he encouraged her to think that the insects weren't that bad. Yes they were. But he was a boy, and Liffey had accepted from the beginning that there was something quite different about boys and girls. She may have grown up surrounded by boys with an absent mother, but Liffey was perfectly aware of the differences between herself, her cousins and her brothers. Affinity for bugs was one of these discrepancies, and so she wrinkled her nose and shook her head at him with a withering frown.

Lagan leaped forward to plant a sloppy kiss on her cheek, and in spite of what had just happened, Liffey giggled and reached to nuzzle him back. She adored her super gross brother, as super gross as he was. She took a step to follow him when he announced that he was leaving to play, but paused to spare a glance to Eljay. She dropped to her haunches quickly, a sign to her elder brother that she wouldn't leave him just because Lagan was off.

She smiled as Eljay nudged aside the bugs they had brought. Apparently not all boys were gross, a fact for which Liffey was suddenly quite grateful. "Nah, I think they're gross too," the girl admitted with a little shrug. Her ears perked at his encouragement and she couldn't quite hide her excitement as she jumped forward to nuzzle his cheek and woof her thanks. With that, she was off, ready to embark on whatever playtime activity her twin had in store for them. Though hopefully, bugs would not be involved... they probably would be though.