Blackfeather Woods I am the child of an ugly star

@Atshen , @Damien and maybe @Nemesis ♥

Ever since her depression had hit its lowest point after the shattering conversation with a soul she once considered her only friend she had avoided any sort of interaction. Every day did she wander to the borders, the sickening smell filling the air around her in the grey world she had lost herself in. She hardly felt the passing of time - the heat the sun gave her absorbing, speckled coat and how the seasons slowly changed. Her first winter she had survived, and yet it did her nothing. Nothing did anymore. Damien had done it - Damien had broken the once obnoxious and confident girl. Traces of that girl were wiped away by time, dragging behind like a cloak or shadow without a sound. She felt like she was crawling - struggling to even just sit somewhere for a while. The loving touch of a parent, a sibling or a friend; she had forgotten how it felt and there was only one to blame.

Damien

The hatred for the man never wavered, and neither did the admiration and love. Although, she was not sure what it exactly was that still made her want to see him around every corner. It was not like he was kind - it was not like he had any power over her, but the air he brought with him was full of lively colours. She wanted to reach out and touch them, but every time he got close enough for it, he retreated - leaving her world grey.

Gentle footsteps on the thawing ground was the only sound she made as she wandered through the woods she had liked to claim whenever the time came. Those dreams were out of reach now, and still did she clung to them as if her life depended on it. And in a way, it did.

On this particular day, Atshen had found himself tucked before a tangle of unearthed roots. These roots homed some items that held high value to the Silencer. He had never told anybody about its location, nor what laid just beneath the tree, tucked out of sight from the rest of his pack. The decaying head of Bramble and Skylaris' leg was what he had stored away. These body part were perhaps the child's more sacred possessions as they were like trophies for all of his accomplishments thus far. Though he knew coming upon such items in battle was a rarity, but when he could, he ceased whatever body part he could from his opponents. These had been shown to Nemesis upon his arrival back to the forest as if to prove to his mother that her choice in making him Silencer had been worth it before deposited back into his treasure cove. When he visited, he would find himself fantasizing about just how he had earned these prizes. 

The scent of Astrid drew him from his recalling of him pulling off Skylaris' leg. Giving the body parts a final glance for the day, the boy backpeadled a step and turned around to face Astrid, his face expressionless as he looked to her.

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Astrid was unlike Nemesis in many ways, but both felt emotions passionately; Astrid of Lust and Nemesis of Rage. While Nemesis would never become the flirty thing to use her sex as a weapon, Astrid was sure to become just as malevolently unstable as she was her mother, to Nemesis' beleif. It was inevitable, and as she caught the scent of the child that had weighed little on her thoughts in recent times, it was Astrid that filled them. She moved to intervene her daughter's course, silently, but unable to ignore the weight of heavy emotion that hung in the balance of the air that circulated around them. It puzzled her, and she was only left to speculate as to what brought on such feelings, feelings other than teenage angst. True, she had not effectively paid her attention to her child's emotional state, for she remained unaware of all that transpired between Damien and Astrid to date. Had she, their situation would have been approached entirely differently and with much more tension. Instead, she moved nose her daughter's cheek as their proximity closened, “What is the matter my girl, hm?” She inquired, a coo, a voice calm amiss the storm, for above all else did she love her daughter the most. Atshen was a soilder, and Abraxas, her Raven; but her love for them was unlike the love she held for her only surviving daughter, for that love was pure. In everyone else, there was something else riddled in the affection she held for them, something of benefit to her, something that otherwise tainted what love truly meant, had it not been for the fact that they were her children and never could she truly forsake the maternal emotion she felt for them. But un-questionably, Astrid held a different place within her soul, and God save the man who dared to hurt her child.

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In the corners of her eyes did she see the grey approach - the shadows of the trees grew dimmer and dull and she felt the need to flee. Flee these damned woods - flee all those that had ignored her every attempt to stick out and provide. She knew that if she did, she would not be allowed back, though she doubted she would be alive when homesickness would strike. Why did she linger? Was it because this was all she had ever known - a void both above and under the ground as if she was walking on the thinnest of icy surfaces? A sigh escaped her as she thought of her time under the ground - how everything gradually fell apart when she mentally disowned her family. It was not like she could do anything outstandingly well anyway - Atshen was twisted in the right way, Abraxas was very smart under that silent surface and Keelut... Well, she had not seen the giggling boy around very much anymore. She wondered if he had some important task or something that required his unwavering attention.

The air shifted as her once-brother appeared out of thin air and greeted her with silence. For a moment did her gaze linger on his face - the mouth that had scarred her both mentally and physically. Her brow furrowed, but she was unable to react before Nemesis entered the grey bubble of comfort Astrid had left. She flinched back to avoid the sudden touch of affection from a being she had needed it the most from - eyes dull and confused. Her girl? Since when did she care what went on with "her" girl?

Taking a few steps back to face both once-family members Astrid placed her gaze sternly onto her mother. Her salmon tongue slid across her dry lips in an attempt to procrastinate speaking and calm down the fury that raged within her. Nemesis was too late to notice and Astrid did not wish for her pity now - no one was allowed to pity her. Oh - you care, Nemesis? She questioned bitterly and calmer than she in reality was. She refrained from calling the woman before her "mother", just as she would not allow the word "brother" to roll off her tongue any time soon.

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Her daughter jerks away from her affection and speaks with a tone so cold, and she does what she has not done in many moons; she flinched. Unable to hide the core-shocking feeling, she does not hide her pain as she speaks, confusion mixed in with all about her daughter that quells her.  “You are my child, I carried and birthed you, and I am your mother, of course I care,” Her tone verges on disbelief, but maintains an order that threatens to break underneath. It does not bother her so much that her child had called her by her first name, but that she seemed to harbour an unkown agression for her, created out of thin air and misinterpretation. She had failed in teaching the girl the ways of the world apparently, and thus sparking a pain unknown to the dark woman from [for once] someone she had not meant to hurt. While Nemesis had not directly hurt the girl, perhaps, it was her absense of known affection that troubled the other. In that case, the fault could be blamed entirely on her, a fact that both brought her realization and guilt. But it did not bring her regret. The line between her duty to the pack and her duty to her children was blurred but nevertheless, duty to the greater good bound her; her time was well spent keeping them all from anarchy and death, a well enough justified reason for her distance. A reason that no child would care to understand. “I love you, Astrid ...you are my only living daughter,” She could not explain in words to a stubborn girl how much she meant, and as she observed upon the shrinking girl, the scars made way for maternal rage and she peers closer with a growing thudding in her heart.

Optics draw over each slash against her daughter's skin with an unparrallelled fury, that her child has been tainted with marks far beyond what she knows her daughter is able to give in return. “Who has done this to you?” Her tone does a 180', chilling and furious, demanding and most of all, regret. Regret that she had not seen it sooner, that her child now bears makrs not rightfully recieved. “You will tell me who has done this to you,” There is little room for defiment as thunder rolls in her voice, a tone that suggests she will not rest until the attacker is made known, and persecuted for their daring insult upon her child's body, no matter who it may be.

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While there was no denying that Nyx was indeed her biological daughter, she did not find "mother" an appropriate name to call the woman. It felt like she favoured the boys over her - especially the eldest. That Astrid now had to listen to her brother's orders was heart-breaking and despicable. It was as if Nemesis or whoever promoted him was going like; "yeah, see this kid? You need to be like him to become something here." Astrid squinted at the woman before her, eyes no longer flickering between whom she once called "family". What if I were a boy then? What if you could not use me to bear more children for your cause? Astrid had luckily learned what a woman could do that a man couldn't from the old Miraak. It was obvious that women were there to bear and men to provide - an idea she wasn't very fond of, even if a woman now held the highest rank. Sure, it was stolen from an equally horrid soul but somewhat impressive.

She felt eyes scanning her - as if every speck got a good glance somewhere near her chest. She had not been trying to hide the marks from her older brother but quickly pulled up a paw to cover her chest in both shame and anger. However, it was too late for that. As the question (that felt more like a command the longer the silence after went on) rolled off her mother's tongue Astrid's eyes flickered to Atshen. As to not give any clues, she immediately looked far off in the distance - beyond Nemesis into the grey. She felt a chill run down her spine as she thought of what to do. Lie? She felt a stronger bond between her and her disowned brother and yet knew not to lie to her parents - especially now that one held the stolen rank of the Forest King. It was just some rogue wandering near our borders. She sighed - nothing revealing that lies were the only thing coming out of her mouth. I do not know his name nor remember what he looks like - he has not returned after I scared him off.