Bearclaw Valley Ghosts of our past

@Nanook

Valette needed a break from Easthollow. Everywhere she looked she was reminded of Steady. She didn't want to avoid his death, or not think of him, but it all became a bit overwhelming. She was certain that eventually, she would find comfort in the places she was reminded of him, but now it was too soon. Everyone said their goodbyes, and he was officially buried. He was gone, and she had to live without him now.

The dark colored female became a bit nostalgic. She was thinking of her own family after Steady's death and talking with a packmate about her sisters. Valette wondered if they were still alive. She hadn't seen them in so long. The female decided to slip out of the territory, only for a few hours, to visit the lands she was born. The female was lucky it was a neighboring territory.

It took her a moment to find the small path down into the valley. The boulders helped her navigating. God, the memories of this place. How she would play by the river or run through the fields. Would Arthur still live here? She also remembered the flooding of the den. How brave she was as a pup and helped her sister Sesi explore. Or would try and explore with Nanook. Their mother's death couldn't have been at a less unfortunate moment for them.

Valette moved down the path into the valley. The dark colored female moved through the high grasses. She remembered Raziel, and some other wolves that were in the pack at the time. She was closest to her mother though. She was seeing everything from a strange perspective since the last time she was here she was much smaller. However, as she went down the path she noticed a fresh scent. Another wolf had been here.

Valette was curious enough to check out the fresh marks. They were faint but there was definitely another wolf here. Maybe she expected too much of all of this. Valette decided that perhaps it couldn't do any harm to see if she might know this wolf, perhaps, it was a ghost of her past. She wanted that distraction for now. Just a brief reminder that she wasn't completely alone, again.

I AM SO EXCITED. <33

After a morning of scouring the cliffside, Nanook had found their den. The one they had moved to after the flood. The one to which she had fled after drawing her sister's blood. The memory had come so quick upon her she had retreated from the place without entering, down the twisting towpath as fast as she could hurry, until her paws pressed into level ground. Now she could just make out the entrance from where she lay amongst the Valley's grasses, a dark score in the rugged shield, a comfort, and a terror the same.

A soft breeze played through the meadow, and eddied the grasses around her to lull her pounding heart. The gales of the previous day had subsided to a whisper. Yet though her fears quieted the same in less familiar places, the memories of the Valley sang muted songs in her ears, some louder than others. Down by the river, up near the den, here in this meadow. And in each place where her ghosts pressed her with the haze of pictures and sounds and scents loomed the question that never stopped accusing. Their parent's separation. Sesi's disappearance. Ma's death.

Was this really all her fault?

The weight of the walls seemed to press against her, and Nanook stole her stare away from the cliff to lay her head against the ground. She had run far, far away, and in tearing herself from the lands, she tore away the curse and punishment with her. Everything was for her family that remained... and yet, as she came of age, and her childish thoughts shifted to those of what this world had made her, she wondered.

Maybe she didn't need a curse to take her family away. Maybe she had lost them all on her own.

WHOO! <3

Valette continued her way down, following the fresh tracks of this other wolf. She always had been curious. As a youngster herself she went on adventures quite often. She remembered. Valette's eyes scanned over the meadow one that was cut in half by the river. She would always stay wary of this river and its flash floods. Perhaps, it had just been the inexperience of their mother.

Valette moved through the high grass. Her nose smelling the air. She caught the other's scent again. In a way, it smelled familiar. The alpha female caught her eye on something further up. Valette stepped forward at a calm but determined pace. Her eyes locked onto the other now. It was a female, gray colored. She didn't seem as well fed as she was. It made Valette wonder about the other's age.

Valette let out a chuff as she approached, letting the female know she was there. She realized she knew this female. She had seen her before. Her hazel eyes glanced over her, looking confused. Valette hadn't changed much at all. Only her eyes lacked softness. They were hardened by the loss of Steady. Valette kept her eyes on the other. The first thing that popped into her mind was that she could be her sister with her coloring. Those orange eyes and gray pelt catapulted her back to her childhood.

Yet, something was muddling with that image. She had seen this female before, in the same shape. This other female has lived with her at Silvertip did she not? Silvertip. It felt like such a long time ago. She wondered why this female left, and why she was here now. How did she even find the entrance to this place? It was her hazel colored eyes that demanded an answer from the other.

The breeze danced against her, and Nanook closed her eyes against the the sun's striking rays and the cool spring air. A tiredness clung to the Apaata and weighed her down like water-logged fur. Her thoughts never ceased to question and accuse, and Nanook drifted from the wear of it all. Sleep would bring reprieve. When she woke, she would start anew. But sleep did not come. A sudden noise sounded like thunder, and she jerked awake, and locked her legs against the ground to push herself into an awkward twist.

Wide and startled eyes fell on the shadow who approached, and her first thought went to the boy who had chased her into the Valley. But he had been feral and thin, and wild like Nanook. This wolf looked nothing like him. For they loomed above her, dark, curved, and well-fed, with a hardened stare and mossy eyes she had seen before.

"Des - "

Her voice petered out, and her sister's name fell to the flood of confusion that swept through her. No. Silvertip. Silvertip? The girl from Silvertip - the one from the Plateau. Va... Val... Her eyes narrowed and she strained to remember. "Valette?" Desna. Nanook clenched her jaw. The Valley played tricks on her - yet in the midst of this place, the name felt so wrong, and the stare accused her enough to be both.

Valette blinked when the feral female almost said her old name. Her childhood name. She blinked, and as she did so the other corrected herself. She called her Valette. She squinted her eyes. Grey female, orange eyes, and distant. Nanook. Her sister? But she... wasn't she? She stepped closer, her eyes squinted briefly. "Yes, I'm Valette. But, what you said before...," she returned to the other. She tried to sniff the other out but her memory of Nanook's scent had faded. It had been so long.

"What were you saying? Was it Desna? Because...," she paused briefly, swallowing thickly. Perhaps this was quite silly. Maybe this was a stranger and she was getting emotional over nothing. She blamed it the loss of her deceased mate. She was seeing all kinds of things. "I was named Desna before," her voice broke a bit when saying that. She blinked faster, not wanting to show too much emotion if this was a random stranger that looked like her sister.

"Nanook?," she asked tentatively. Yet, in her voice was so much hope. She needed her family, she needed a sister. How wonderful it would be if she found one of her lost sisters. It would mean she wouldn't be alone anymore. Not completely.

Nanook expected many things from Valette when she would identify Nanook as the one who had left their pack in silent retreat. A scathing tongue, a stare of disdain, a cutting retort fueled by anger and contempt. But what the other gave was none of these things, but instead a strange look that blinked through the dark one's eyes, and a peer so intense Nanook felt exposed beneath the eyes of the Valley, stripped of all fur and flesh. Nanook flinched away.

But then, her words dropped like a stone in the water, and Nanook felt her breath freeze in her lungs.

Desna.

Heat rushed the sterling rogue, and burned a fire through the length of her. The world fell to silence, and something like a river rushed in her ears. She saw the movement of... of Desna's lips, but her words were lost to the tirade of denial welling in the Apaata's pounding chest.

This was a trick. A mirage. Some apparition conjoured by the heat, or her weariness, or her overwhelming stress. Or maybe all three. Whatever, Nanook didn't know, but this Desna wasn't real. She couldn't be.

But how badly she wanted her to be. A battle of emotion danced through the lines on Nanook's face, until her old fire sparked through her depression, and her eyes caved to distress and frustration, and a reflection of the distant hope scrawled within the apparition's own. Through all her fear, she wanted this Desna to be real. So, gingerly, Nanook reached out her muzzle to finish the distance between the vision and herself, and sought to lend a touch to the ghost of Desna's cheek, shaking with the fearful expectation her sister would disappear the moment she pressed against her.

Valette didn't get a verbal response back from the other female. It seemed that she was in shock by the information. Valette was unsure what to do. She had never experienced this after all. Then the female reached out to her. The grey muzzle reaching for her cheek. Valette's tail started to wag. As the other was close she pushed her nose under the other's ear, giving it a gentle nudge. The nudge also gave her a close up sniff of her scent.

A soft whine came from the back of the female's throat. She felt like Nanook. Her sister returned. Though, the female realized the worst of it now. She had lived together with her sister in the same pack and they both didn't realize they were family. "Nanook," she whispered and tried to lick under her chin in greeting. Valette's tail was wagging faster now. "Is it really you? I missed you so much," she mumbled between her excitable whines.

I apologize if I powerplayed in any way - let me know if overstepped anything, and I will edit! (:

A certain numbness lapsed over Nanook when her nose failed to meet the apparition's cheek. Not because Desna had disappeared, but because her apparition had reached out to meet her first. Nanook froze, and a hot flash zinged through the base of her ear, where her sister ruffled her fur with the coolness of her nose, and ticked the skin below with the heat of her breath. And for a moment, they were children again, wrapped in ma's protection and in the warmth of each other.

Desna's whine pinched the breath in Nanook's own throat, and she pressed her face against Desna's, just to be sure. Warm, and real, and when Desna whispered her name, her voice crashed waves and breakers over the feral girl.

Nanook had never worn her heart for the world. An icy cage had been its prison, and nimble paws had whisked it away before she could risk its thaw. Yet when Desna showered her with affection she longed to return, Nanook quaked on the fault of what she felt inside and the habits that had become her. She wished to nudge and lick and embrace the same - but she had held back so long, she didn't know how. Everything felt stiff - but she longed to feel the warmth of her sister, and somehow let Desna feel her own.

With clumsy and stilted movement, Nanook pushed forward to drape her head across her sister's back so the underside of her jaw rested in the dip between Desna's shoulders and spine. The motion felt awkward and unnatural, but it was all she knew how to give. And she hoped it was enough. Because this was really Desna - and Nanook squeezed her eyes shut, and whined. It's me, it's me, her pinched voice sought to say, but all that came out in her words, muffled by her strained voice and her sister's dark fur, was, "I'm sorry."

You are totally fine <3

Valette had so many things she wanted to say. How did they not know that they were sisters back at Silvertip? How did they not realize they were related. If she hadn't changed her name she might have been reunited with her sister earlier. Nanook didn't respond to her whines and other vocal sounds. The darker female noticed that she also moved in quite stiffly. Valette wondered if something was wrong with her. However, as the other placed her head between her shoulder blades Valette realized that she was returning her affection. It was a very Nanook way of dealing with things. In that moment Valette realized how much she missed her sister.

Her tail started to wag again. The female's ears moved back to listen to her. Her words sounded muffled, so the female wondered for a moment what the other was saying. She only heard the last word partially which seems to have been a 'sorry'. Valette frowned briefly. Her first thought was that Nanook had nothing to be sorry for. As Valette thought about it longer she realized that there had been a few thigns she had disliked about her sister. Instead of assuring her that things were okay Valette decided to say something else. "I forgive you," she spoke even though she couldn't see the other. Valette had the feeling that forgiving her sister would work for her healing process. "And, I am sorry too," she followed. Her tail still having a gentle wag. "I missed you," she added in a whisper.

Nanook didn't know what she wanted from Desna, but knew with full conviction her apology were the only words she could say. The distance she had put between herself and her family only drove her guilt deeper, and returning couldn't reverse the blame. Not for ma's death, nor for their split anymore, but for turning her back on the family she had lost with the thought she was saving them. How much had her departure been the final tooth in the throat? And how much had she ruined Desna in the process?

She could never forgive herself, and maybe Desna couldn't forgive her, too. Her heart quickened the longer the silence came from her sister's mouth. This was a mistake, and Nanook found herself planning her escape. She knew how to run, and though she would have to sprint to get to the woods, the rogue hoped her sister wouldn't know the forest like Nanook knew the stars.

So she tensed when a sound finally fell from Desna's lips, and she prepared to pull away - but instead, she nearly choked, and felt a weight and a levity weigh her shoulders down. I forgive you. And she waited for more - yet nothing came, and Nanook felt her mouth part with stunned confusion. There had to be something else, some work for her to do to right her wrongs, if any work could cover what she had put her sister through. The darkness remained, thick and heavy, and a pitched whine pushed from her throat.

Desna had done nothing wrong, and yet she apologized, a move Nanook didn't understand. And, unlike her sister, she did not have the social grace to know how to respond. But she knew she had missed her sister - her whole family - more than anything in the world, and to have her feel the same pang of guilt was more than she could bear. "You didn't..."  Her voice caught, and she pushed her snout against the back of Desna's neck, burying her nose in her fur. "I missed you, too." But confusion still rang thick in her head and, after a moment, she pulled away, distress written in the furrow of her brow. "But I don't understand. How can you just... forgive me?" she demanded. Her voice strained. She so desperately wanted to accept her sister's words, but the dark clouds of guilt still pressed so heavy on her chest.

There was confusion within Nanook. It seemed somewhat understandable for Valette. Perhaps Nanook expected her to be mad at her. Valette had been mad at her sister for a long time but after losing Steady she realized, even more, the importance of family. The alpha female took a slight step back so she could look at her sister's face. "Because you are my sister, and I trust your judgment. I believe that what you did that the time is what you thought was best. So who am I to judge that?," she returned and then showed a tentative smile.

She had been angry for long enough. She had missed her sister and wanted her back into her life. If she was going to be hateful she was certain that she wouldn't see Nanook ever again. Frankly, she was surprised her sister even lived. She looked like a loner. Once again Valette was the 'fat' one of the two, just like when they were little. Only now Valette was well fed instead of an obese pup, her sister, however, looked underfed. "I am so happy I found you, you couldn't have a better timing," she admitted once more, though at the end of that sentence her voice turned a bit sad. After all, she lost Steady.

She wanted to help Nanook get back on her feet. Perhaps, a meal, or some peace and rest in Easthollw? She wasn't sure what her sister would think of that. She realized how little she knew of her sister. Perhaps, she could offer a place in her pack later? If Nanook didn't want to join that was okay too for her. Valette realized that she was just like her mother. She wanted to take her sister under her wing and make sure she would be okay. But would she accept help?

A change came over Nanook while Desna explained herself. The lines of her face eased and fell to a weightier look, and her shoulders slumped with gravity. Her body felt strange, like she imagined the thunderheads felt before they sparked the sky with daggers of light, and there was a gnaw like the churning of hunger in the crook of her chest. She felt her stomach twist in knots. Nanook didn't know what she was feeling, but she felt it strong, sparked in part by Desna's words, but more by the wolf she showed herself to be in the midst of this all. Kind. Gentle. Sister.

Nanook whined, and her ears fell back.

Why had she left her?

But her thoughts shifted when a change came over Desna, a faint reflection of the grief Nanook felt building within, and she stiffened again, her brief lapse replaced by the composure she always carried, saved for the knit of concern that creased her brows.

She leaned forward, and nosed her sister's chest with a soft whine. Accustomed to silence, she asked her question with a glance toward Desna's face, copper eyes lit with tight confusion, and pain. You're hurt. Nanook didn't even think Desna might not understand. Her words had meant little in the world beyond the Wilds, and motion came more naturally than speech.

Valette was met with silence. She kind of expected it seeing that her sister did not quite often respond as verbally as she did. Valette was still upset with the death of her mate, it was so recent. She thought she was alone again for a brief moment. The girl luckily reminded herself that she wasn't and she still had her pack full of friends, and her kids.

However, Nanook, the sensitive soul she was, noticed that she was hurting. A whine sounded and a questionable glance followed. Valette wondered how Nanook could always be so tuned into her feelings, but perhaps she was just an open book. "My mate died, recently," she spoke. Perhaps that would explain her sadness.

She was not sure what Nanook would think of her being mated. She wished her sister could have met Steady. Valette was certain the two might get along as they both could be quite stoic. "Luckily I still have my pack. You are welcome to join, unless, too many wolves get on your nerves," she offered. She might as well. Hopefully, her sister was open for closer contact. Valette needed it.

I feel we could wrap this up soon? But I definitely need another with you, sister <3 Many many more haha!

Mate.

The implication of what Desna revealed took a moment to sink in, and when it did, Nanook reacted with a slight crook of her head. Yet the suble gesture hardly revealed the sickening weight she felt within.

She really had missed all her sister's life, and through this lingering thought, something of a lens peeled away. Desna seemed to sharpen and change. Not in some mystical way, like in the stories she had heard from travellers on the vast and open road. She didn't become something other than a wolf, but for the first real time Nanook didn't see the little girl she'd run from, back when she had been just a small one herself. Her sister stood before her as a stranger she didn't know, with a life Nanook hadn't shared.

Desna had found a mate - and had suffered the loss of it all, and in that moment, though her old self told her to flee, Nanook couldn't run. Not with the ache she felt from her sister, the weight of grief Nanook yearned to quell, though she didn't know a lick of how.

Yet at Desna's invitation, the silver wolf ducked her head, and hesitation played through the splay of her ears and the twitch of a grin at the corners of her mouth. "I don't know..." she trailed, and scuffed her paw in a physical attempt to shoulder the panic that flooded her mind. Could she really stop running? She wanted to think so, but the anxiety rose again - that maybe she was the cause of every inch of pain her family had suffered - and she began to turn away. She couldn't make Desna suffer again - she couldn't make Desna suffer more.

And then, she froze, though her thoughts bombarded her and pummelled her heart to a race. And this time, she said no. Nanook set her jaw, and forced herself to face Desna again. "No. I want to try." Her brow furrowed, her mind screamed, and the words she repeated sounded so little against the noise in her head, "Let me try."

Yes! I will wrap up this thread and open a new one in Easthollow for them!

Valette could tell that her sister had trouble committing to her offer. She had the feeling that she was going to run away again or decline. Surprisingly, she wouldn't blame her sister if she wouldn't want to join her pack. It was probably quite tough for someone who has been alone for so long to have social interactions that are expected within a pack. Valette only wanted to offer her comfort and a warm meal.

She offered her a smile when she was hesitant. "Nanook, it is okay---," she tried to tell her that she wouldn't have to do it for her, but then the female already decided that she wanted to try. Her smile broadened. She liked that her sister was going to try at least. "You are welcome to try. Follow me." Valette motioned to the exit of the valley, luckily her pack wasn't too far away.

The female was glad her sister was willing to try. She would love to have her sister close and get to know her better. Valette hoped that she would feel at home in Easthollow.