Greatwater Lake A silent heart ticking under the ground

After making arrangements for someone to watch the kids and telling Blue Willow and Atticus to keep an eye on the borders for a few hours, Peregrine did something he hadn't done since arriving in the wilds and joining the plateau's ranks (save that morning when he almost ran away): he left the plateau far behind. It was temping to find Hawkeye and ask her to come with him but, honestly, he needed to get away and sort out his feelings first. He ranged south and east, pretending to track the herds but mostly just letting his feet carry him wherever they may.

He wanted to clear his head but, as he wandered, so did his mind. Primarily, he pondered his relationship with his mate. He understood that the pups took up most of his mate's time; they took up his time in a nearly equal capacity now that they were weaning. Yet their relationship had officially deteriorated to little more than a business partnership lately. Save for a single, brief encounter (and, granted, it had been pleasant to finally have her to himself up until Osprey's cry had quickly ended that), the two of them hadn't spent any time alone in over a month. And one stolen moment wouldn't undo months of damaging distance anyhow.

When he reached the lake shore, it was in a mood of disquietude. He didn't know where to go from here, literally or figuratively. And as he stared out over the glassy surface, he reflected on how it definitely wasn't just Hawkeye's fault, either, not at all. Although he'd loved her immensely and still loved her now, that love had changed forms somewhere along the line. It was less fierce, more fond. It was less... "Romantic," he forced himself to admit out loud.

Now he wondered: had they perhaps paired up too quickly or reproduced too soon, all before giving the foundations of their pairing time to properly develop? Whatever the case, his romance with the beautiful, strong Raptor she-wolf had crumbled into dust, slowly and against his knowledge... until now, when it all became suddenly and painfully obvious. He could hardly bear to contemplate it. In fact, he felt like he'd been punched in the gut and sank down accordingly, trying to catch his breath around the sudden lump in his throat.

Presently, Peregrine just couldn't be sure there was a phoenix hidden in these ashes.

I got carried away! Also, I should be packing but ugh it's Friday.

Northstar Vale was no longer, and Fox realized that Swiftcurrent was now the only pack that wasn't butted right up next to somebody else. It was refreshing, and it calmed her nerves. The vale had been quiet over the past few weeks, but she'd been so caught up in everything else that Fox had hardly noticed. It was Bazi that brought back the news, and for that, the Alpha was thankful. Her newly-appointed "staff" was doing a great job, and it allowed Fox more time to herself. She was social, like any wolf, but she did value a good long walk now and again. Today was one of those days, and Fox had awoken early, leaving Cutthroat in their den and weaving her way to the west side of the mountains.

As she traveled, Fox thought of her accomplishments. She was still several months shy of two years old, and yet she had a bustling pack that she ruled with (relative) ease. There were several prospective mates at her disposal, and she was certain to produce strong, healthy children next year. She had just appointed two of her most trusted and loyal friends to help her out with her duties, and they were taking a lot of the weight off of her shoulders.

That wasn't to say that her life was perfect, of course. There was Ferdie, who remained unpredictable in her mind. He seemed a bit down in the dumps lately, too, although Fox could not really understand why. He was doing an excellent job, even if he had a slip-up now and again. The influx of new members would have to get settled, which would take time and effort, but Fox had faith that at least some of them would turn out to be like the old-timers.

Fox rounded a bend in the lake, and spotted a dark figure up ahead. She stood on stilted legs for a moment, but when she took a second to realize who it was, her posture softened. It was none other than Perry, her frenemy. She had almost completely forgotten about his... ah... affectionate lick on the cheek, but it came rushing back to her in a flash of white-hot heat that simply did not sit well with her. Determined not to let it get to her, the small red wolf trotted toward him with dignity. Perhaps if she pretended it never happened, it would just go away.

When she neared the plateau wolf, she noted his posture, and began to second-guess herself for approaching him at all. But it was too late now, for he had surely spotted her. “Who put a stick up your butt?” she said, punctuating the question with a short, nervous laugh.

I hope the move goes smoothly! :)

This shouldn't affect much of anything but I made a few tweaks to my original post.

He sank down onto his belly, his forepaws just an inch shy of the water's edge, and became lost in his thoughts. An hour passed, then another. A third might have run away on him as well if the sound of footfalls hadn't caused him to snap suddenly out of his fugue state. Blinking his dry eyes, Peregrine turned his head slowly, his heart skipping a beat when he saw a familiar form drifting his way along the shore.

Pushing himself into a sitting position, Peregrine remained stoic and silent until she reached him. He sensed a certain nervousness about her, yet she seemed to be in better spirits than the last time. Of course, now he was the one feeling unwell, a matter which Fox pointed out with a rather crass question. It caused a short burst of laughter to erupt from the swarthy male's mouth. It was both brief and rather dry, though his eyes regarded her with something like gratitude.

He usually guarded his secrets, shedding any burdensome thoughts only a few particular wolves, those closest to him: Osprey, Atticus or, of course, Hawkeye. But Osprey had been ill and Peregrine couldn't bring himself to discuss his mate with his brother, considering their brief love triangle of the past. And, of course, his mate had long since ceased to be a confidante. She was like a ghost in his life, flickering in and out of view. He recalled with sudden clarity the way she'd started pushing him away just after the girls' birth; he'd accepted it as typical exhaustion at the time but now, looking back, it all took on a more depressing aspect.

And then there was, of course, the strange chemistry Peregrine felt, the tension, whenever he saw Fox lately. Perhaps it was only one-sided; he was pretty certain it was. Now he wondered if his attraction was also due, at least in part, to the fact that he missed a romantic connection. He hadn't even realized it consciously until the past few days, yet all along, he'd likely craved companionship and maybe he'd sought it in the lively, sprightly she-wolf.

He mused over all these things in the space of a minute or two before answering, "There are no tree limbs lodged in my rectum, thank-you." He paused, then said almost offhandedly. "I look like this because I'm sitting here contemplating what to do about the fact that there's a distance between my mate and me that gives the gap between your two front teeth a run for its money," he quipped almost sadly. His cool eyes drifted toward her face, wondering if this highly personal admission would make her uncomfortable or, even more likely, make him uncomfortable for over-sharing with someone he called his frenemy.

Yet the discomfort never came, at least on his end, and that's when he realized that, somewhere along the line, Fox had become to him a genuine specimen of the wonder known as friendship.

Lunch break post, whee!

His laughter, despite being dry and short, calmed her nerves. If anything, it reassured her that nothing had happened between them that was noteworthy or interesting. Her heartbeat slowed, and the yearling cocked her head to one side as he spoke. What he admitted was not what she expected, and yet she settled onto her haunches anyway. When he mentioned the gap between her teeth, she consciously licked her teeth to check if the gap there really was that wide.

Fox had never met Hawkeye, although she did know her name and that she was Perry's mate and Alpha Female of the plateau. She'd had some children and was nursing some others from somebody who had died during or shortly after childbirth. Fox knew nothing of the other female's personality, what she and Perry were like together, or anything along those lines. Her imagination was piss-poor, so she didn't even try to imagine what they were like.

Unfortunately for Perry, personal matters were not exactly Fox's strong point. She was a terrible advisor, had no bedside manner, lacked empathy, and could hardly handle her own feelings, let alone those of others. And while Perry silently named her a friend, Fox could have told him long ago that she was a terrible one. She preferred not to be involved in complicated matters, especially drama between two lovers (past or present).

"That sucks," she replied, failing to come up with anything clever or helpful to say. "But why are you telling me?"

Her response could have wounded him, yet it elicited another bark of dry laughter. "Because you asked, fuckwit," he replied without missing a beat. He felt a calm settling in his breast. "I think it's time I just admitted the truth to myself," he added, letting his voice trail off suggestively. Peregrine wished he could read Fox's mind in that very instant, see what she thought he was going to say and her innermost reaction to it. "I think of you as a friend," he finished, eyes sparkling dimly. "A real, true blue pal. And isn't that what friends do? Tell each other about their problems?"

He regarded her for a long moment. She was very pretty and he still felt an attraction to her, no doubt about it now. And Peregrine could see himself making a move on her, seeking companionship in the face of his lacking marriage, and perhaps even starting a whirlwind affair. Yet both Hawkeye and Fox deserved better than that. And Peregrine liked to think he was a good man, one who ruled his impulses rather than the other way around. He was an honorable, faithful spouse, even in the bitterest "or worse" phases.

The most compelling factor was his children, though; he couldn't do anything that might hurt them, especially unnecessarily. Maybe, if he and Hawkeye ended up splitting (the thought made his stomach pinch), he could pursue Fox... but only if he felt it wouldn't harm his children to do so. And that hypothetical day was far off in some hazy future. He could fantasize all he wanted, yet Peregrine knew he wouldn't act on his feelings, strong as they were, and he would do his best to reign in his behavior and treat Fox like what he'd just labelled her: a friend.

"My sister is very wise and she told me that only Hawkeye and I can sort out those issues; she's right. But that is why I probably look like my pet goldfish just died," Peregrine said in an explanatory tone. "Enough about my bullshit, though. What's up in the life of Lil' Weenie? And why are you all the way out here?"

To be fair, Fox had only asked who put a stick up his butt. Since he claimed such a stick didn't even exist, it was hardly like she had asked him to spill his guts out to her. His second reason, however, caught her off guard. Friend was not a word Fox used with many... even amongst her pack-mates. They were comrades, bound together by the need to survive and thrive as a unit. She felt strongly for each of them, but there were few among them that she considered her friends. Fox was just not the friending type.

She said nothing to his confession of friendship, still quite unsure how she felt about it. Perhaps that was why he had been so... affectionate toward her the last time she'd seen him. Or, heaven forbid, it had something to do with the recent distance between him and Hawkeye. Things finally felt like they were clicking in the yearling's brain. Like tiny puzzle pieces coming together for the big picture. Unlike Peregrine, Fox was ruled almost entirely by impulse and instinct. She saw no need to change it.

Fox barely heard him say something about a sister, but she rolled back into reality right around the time he called her by that nickname. ... and why are you all the way out here? The yearling blinked, suddenly very aware of herself and Peregrine, the physical distance between them (or lack thereof), and that familiar rush of something that was always boiling right below the surface whenever she was near him. Her expression was dumbfounded, displayed as clear as a cloudless summer afternoon.

“Why did you lick my cheek like that the other day?” she asked, completely ignoring the questions he had asked her. “Was that totally friend-related?”

Her question took him off guard, steering him back into territory he'd just swerved around. Peregrine blinked, then took a deep breath, held it a moment, then released it. His cheeks puffed visibly and his warm breath washed over her. He could see the tips of her fur quivering.

"Honestly?" he asked after a noticeable hesitation. "I think..." He paused, then started over. "I find you attractive." He paused again, then added softly, "I owe you an apology. It was wrong of me to do that. I am sorry and fully intend to treat you like a friend from here on out... if that's all right, of course." He felt awkward and a bit ashamed of himself, which was clear in his body language.

But there was also a little wriggle of excitement deep in the bit of his belly as he wondered what Fox would say to this frank admission.

Sorry for the delay! :)

Fox, while completely expecting the answer, had to admit that she was flattered. There was something undeniably addictive about hearing others say that they fancied her in one way or another. But then Perry went in a totally different direction, and Fox flopped her head to one side. “Why would you do that?” she asked bluntly. “I mean, why lie about how you feel just because you think something ‘bad’ is gonna happen?” Fox wasn't really sure what could happen, but she was short-sighted anyway.

“To me, it sounds like you almost want something to happen, yeah? You come to me complaining about how things are going sour with your lady, admit your attraction to me… and then just expect nothing to bloom from that?” If he really thought nothing was going to happen, he never would have been attracted to her in the first place. Fox wasn't entirely sure where she was going with this, nor had she really said how she felt about the whole thing, but she was more used to taunting, anyway. If she kept things focused on him, she wouldn't have to worry about what she thought or felt.

No worries!

His heart thumped in his chest as he listened to her. When she finished, he immediately said the word, "You..." then trailed off a second before completing his thought. "Wow, you really don't skirt around the issue, do you?" As he said it, his lips twitched into an awkward but but impish smile, as if he was impressed by Fox's straightforward, candid questions—and he was.

"I guess you could say I'm trying to strike a balance here. I like you and sure, the naughty side of me would probably like something to happen," he confessed, then took a breath and hastily added, "but I'm faithful to Hawkeye. I don't want to disrespect my relationship. And I don't want to... I don't want you to think I'm a cheater or that I'm just going after you because I'm lonely. That's not it. You're a genuinely attractive woman, Fox, and you're definitely worth more than that. You should never be somebody's mistress or second choice or whatever."

Peregrine paused for a long moment, then said, "I'm in a committed relationship and I want to do my best to honor that. It's difficult but it's the most respectful thing to all parties involved, you know? At the same time, I'm weak. I don't want to—and maybe can't—stay away from you completely, even though I probably should. That's why I want to try to keep you in my life... as a friend," he finished a bit lamely, wondering if he'd explained himself well at all or just made things even more confusing.

Fox grinned as he balked at her questions, amused to see him so... flustered. Fox knew that when she chose somebody, they would be hers for life. She planned for her own mateship to be one of utility. Not to say it would actually happen that way, but that was her intent. She sought out those who were strong and at least somewhat intelligent. Peregrine was both of these, and the fact that his thoughts were swayed by other women was not uncommon, at least from her understanding.

From what she heard, it sounded as if Perry would continue to treat her as a friend, but it was also clear that he would not really think of her as one. The words "genuinely attractive" stuck out the most to the vain creek leader. While she had never considered herself particularly beautiful in any sense of the word, Perry seemed to think her physical attributes held some weight.

When he finally silenced (for he seemed to love to talk), she responded with a simple and curt, “Fair enough.” Still, she could not imagine him staying faithful to this Hawkeye for much longer considering how much he seemed to want to tell Fox how she should never be treated as a second lady.

Wanna fade this'un soon, since we have a new one? :)

Although her answer put him at ease, it also disappointed him somehow, as if... as if he'd hoped she would take his confession and throw herself at him or something. Peregrine felt his heart skip a beat as the maddeningly delicious thought drifted through his head, then his stomach clenched guiltily. Man, if he stood here much longer, he wasn't sure what might happen. Despite everything he'd said, their chemistry was beginning to take on an overpoweringly compelling nature, at least on his end. If he hung around, he'd find himself drawn against her like scrap metal to a magnet.

Trying to think of a way to excuse himself without being rude or ridiculously obvious about it, Peregrine plumbed his head for something to say and the strangest thing popped out. "A pretty and powerful girl like you... I'm sure you have a thousand more suitable suitors anyway, am I right?" Even as the words left his mouth, Peregrine inwardly cringed. He was probably dead on the money but he really didn't want to think or talk about it. Jeez, what a totally counterproductive and asinine thing to say... though at least it checked the friend zone box pretty hard, didn't it?

Oh man, Fox is the worst, and I love her for it. XD

"Pretty and powerful." If he was trying to stroke her ego (ooh la la!), he was doing a fine job of it. Instead of answering his question, she simply gave him a toothy, knowing grin. It was true enough, and would only become more true when next season came around. She was quite the commodity, and she planned to use her scent and her status to the fullest extent. Fox wanted only the very best for her children, and she knew that she was in the perfect position to give them just that. She only had to ensure that she found the perfect partner in crime. Whoever her suitor ended up being, she knew that he would be strong and intelligent. Two qualities that, surprisingly enough, Perry seemed to have. He was a little heavy on the emotions, but she could overlook that in the right circumstances.

But what was she thinking? He had a mate, a family, and although the thought of such drama was exceedingly delicious, Perry did not seem to favor it. To steal away such a fine creature would only make her ego grow stronger, and she would continue to daydream about the possibility for as long as he continued to compliment her.

"Speaking of," she said, "I should be getting back to the throne. So my lovely suitors can fawn all over me, y'know?" It was a joke, but not terribly far from the truth. Fox had been slowly collecting the fittest, burliest eye-candy in the land. Knowing that Perry was the one she couldn't have only made her covet him more, but she pulled herself away. "Good luck with your lady, friend." With a parting wink in his direction, Fox pivoted toward the creek, swaying her hips just-so as she sauntered off.

I love her and their dynamic, haha.

Her words jabbed him in a soft spot, yet he smiled at her in an openly admiring way. Just like her, he badly wanted what he couldn't have and the mention of competition made her all the more delectable, of course. He practically pined for her in that moment, as he pictured his competition and distinctly thought of them as a challenge he would overcome. Actually, he felt just the same way he had when he'd started courting Hawkeye, when he'd been determined to have her as his own.

He couldn't decide whether that was a great or terrible thing. Luckily, he didn't have to deliberate long. Fox bade him farewell and sashayed away. The way she swayed her hips, he suddenly understood that she was toying with him, flirting with him. He wetted his lips and gave into the temptation, sinking his eyes into that shapely butt and allowing himself to picture the various tawdry things he'd do to it... if only he didn't have a wife and family back home.

It was, perhaps, a wildly inappropriate thing to say, yet he couldn't help himself and said loudly, "Hate to see you go but love to watch you leave," and then turned and cantered back home to his loveless marriage, its heartbeat slowing to a stop, its days distinctly numbered.