Dragoncrest Cliffs no room for you on the right side

nomi! @Thuringwethil

 blixen barely finishes patrol, feeling restless and flightly. she wants to track down furi but she still does not know what to say, does not know how she fits in the picture. oh, rose and her are fine - hardly besties but she has to admit she warmed up to the fire-furred yearling quickly (and it is nice having another girl around). but furi hasn't come to her since their argument and blix doesn't know if she could stomach watching rose and furi together, as weird as it sounds. and she wants furi to be the one who comes to her anyway, she made the effort to connect with rose for furi's sake, so...

 ugh. but - and she brightens - nomi's back, even if it's temporary. even if they're on the verge of war (a thing she hasn't really processed yet because of how removed she feels from everything right now). the ginger pulls herself together and sets off from the border, tracking down nomi's scent. right now, she just wants to see her nomi.

Thuringwethil had gotten used to an easy lifestyle. Once they moved from Sleeping Dragon to Dragoncrest Cliffs, things had turned around for the better. They faced hardships in the form of new families, an excessive cold, and flooding, but they remained together and had become strong in such a face. She never suspected their time of relative peace would last forever but she’d taken her leisure for granted and she feels years older than she is. It has been a long time without Wildfire at her side and she’s felt the cold reminder for a while and she hates knowing it will be a while still before she’s able to have her back, if at all, for the fear she may not return at all looms.

The cold has settled into her bones and the wind whips off the surface of the ocean, and she stands near the lake aimlessly. She should be on the borders, refreshing her scent there, or training with one of the gona wolves, and she finds herself locked in place in the opening nearby the water. Dio and Eske had taken care of Drageda well enough in her absence that she doesn’t have a lot to clean up and for that she is thankful. Adding more to her plate is the last thing she wants when she has so much to focus on and her thirst for blood increases each day. Perhaps they should fall down on Blackfeather Woods themselves. Finley and Elwood admitted they aren’t warriors themselves, save for a few, but that would require involving all three of her children and she already wants to avoid that if she can.

When Blixen comes into view--as if on cue--she feels a twist in her chest she can’t shake. The girl has gotten bigger in the short time she’d been away. Older. A twist of her lips forms on her muzzle to mimic a smile but it fades quickly and she moves a few feet in her direction to greet her daughter. A pang of guilt rushes up her throat, observing just how much she looks like her mother and her features soften as the distance is closed.

365

a whine escapes her as nomi comes into view and she steps closer to nuzzle against her for a moment. for a moment her worries about furi fall away, distracted by nomi's presence and what she talked about during their arrival. "how is mother..?" the ginger asks, eyes bright with worry. she hadn't been expecting mother to return with nomi and still her absence feels notable somehow. "what's going to happen?" she adds, thinking of the talk of war, what that means for them and for her.

Blixen reaches her and she waves her tail over her spine. When she’s close enough, she draws her in and nuzzles against her daughter in return. It had been a long time without the three of them and she knows it’ll happen again, sooner than she wants. “She’s… okay,” she says though she isn’t entirely sure how to answer. Okay is the best she can come up with in the moment and it doesn’t feel right, but neither does “good” or “bad.” “She’s getting stronger but she has a long road ahead of her. She can’t make the trip in this weather,” she says, skirting around the fact Wildfire decided to stay home, regardless of her condition.

As far as what’s going to happen, Thuringwethil wishes she has a better answer. For now, she sticks to the topic of Wildfire. “She promised to return at the end of winter,” she says, lowering her nose to press it in the space between her eyes. “She misses you.”

166

it's not the best answer nomi could have given - but it's better than nothing, and so blixen resigns herself with a small sigh. nomi doesn't answer her other question but reassures her mother will come back at the end of winter. the gona frowns and accepts the press of nomi's nose but pushes back, saying "i'll go get her if i gotta," then pulls away to give nomi a more serious look. "did she tell you anything? about what happened?" 

she knows she's still young but she's a true warrior of drageda - and she's done being kept in the dark about anything if she can help it.

Thuringwethil nods when Blixen admits she’ll go and get her if she has to and she knows she’ll hold true to her word. They will face it when they reach the other side of winter.

She wants to ball Blixen up and restore her innocence to before Wildfire disappeared for far too long. Her mate won’t get that experience and she worries she’ll struggle to catch up, taking care of three full grown adults. It’s hard enough for her to take care of, more or less, three full grown adults. Blixen had been promoted to Dragedakru shortly after the first scouting trick and it hadn’t been that long before she left again. It has been a while since they’ve trained and while it is not, for the long haul, for naught, but she hears the echo of Wildfire’s need for promise. “She did,” she says, thought she licks her lips. It is not her story to tell. Not the raw details her mate hadn’t even wanted to share with her. “We know who did this to her and they are dangerous. The Redhawks want to get rid of them and so that is what we are going to do.”

Heda sucks in a breath slowly, knowing the next set of words that are going to come out of her mouth and she debates whether to burst the bubble now or later. As stubborn as her daughter is, she knows she won’t likely heed Wildfire’s wishes, no matter how much she wants them to stay out of that. Seeing her wife run away from her, knowing she’d put their children in danger, had twisted the knife a little more. Finley’s need to protect their children, regardless of their age, put things into perspective for her and she knows what she has to do and for the time being, waits for Blixen’s response.

311

even though she knows she already told her she wants to go to mother in the spring, she's still glad that nomi doesn't object. then she remembers that furi probably won't go with her after all and her chest tightens a little bit. she draws in a breath, listens to nomi tell her the situation. blixen doesn't know who 'they' are but if nomi and the redhawks are aligned against them the ginger doesn't think they stand a chance. 

"when are we going?" she asks, because, well, obviously, drageda's warriors will need to be involved. they can't all leave the claim but there's no reason blix can see that her and her brothers wouldn't be coming with (well, artaax anyway, she doesn't think bobby's ready to jump into the fray). maybe she'll even get to see mother sooner than spring. it's - a nice thought in the middle of all this chaos, and blix holds onto it, looking at nomi expectantly.

And there it is.

Thuringwethil slowly releases the breath but the weight behind it is obviously a sigh. Even if she wants to protect Blixen from all the bad things in the world, she equally doesn’t want to deny her right as a Dragedakru. Her jaw tightens and she struggles with her expression. The last thing she wants to do is give Blixen a command she doesn’t want to do, doesn’t want to test how loyal she is to Heda.

“Your mother doesn’t want you three getting involved. She wants to know you guys are safe,” she says, and licks her lips. Wildfire has been through things Thuringwethil can’t begin to comprehend. If they did anything to one of her children for her selfish vengeance in the name of her wife, she’d never forgive herself. The cycle would never end. “And I need to know that Drageda is in good hands while we are gone. I wouldn’t trust anyone else to keep it that way.”

165

it's not surprising that mother doesn't want them involved but blixen's immediate reaction is dismissal - and it's weird, really, because she hadn't thought until now about how the power dynamic has shifted in mother's absence. when she was young she would have obeyed any order mother gave without question. now she has to stop herself from asking so what,  i'm a gona. mother wasn't here to see her train - hasn't seen what she's capable of yet.

nomi seems to have wisened up to blixen's hair trigger temper, because the way she phrases it actually makes the ginger stop and think. "... who are you bringing with you?" she asks with a frown. if mother wants them to stay - she revises her previous opinion, artie will definitely stay, the goody two shoes. she looks at her feet, frowning harder, and sighs. "if i want to go, am i allowed?" she hedges - maybe it's less about the act of going and more about being trusted enough to chose for herself, to have options. right now the ginger is torn between wanting to enact holy revenge - something she definitely has been training for - and wanting to stay and protect drageda, especially if nomi's bringing their strongest with her. 

but that does mean she'll be here with furi... she doubts furi will want to go. unless nomi is planning on bringing her? nn... blixen watches her nomi with an intense expression, already more mature than the girl who'd thrown a tantrum to follow her to rhc.

To her surprise, Blixen doesn’t push back. Not yet, at least. There’s still time because she’s still interested, still invested, but she knows it is a good sign when she asks if she has a choice. Thuringwethil doesn’t think she could keep Blixen from going if she really wants to but she doesn’t want to think one of her children would disobey a direct order if it came down to it. She’s already spoken how much she wants to go back down there in the spring with her friend.

“Dio. Eske,” she pauses and thinks, knowing there are not a lot of options at the moment. “Hux, maybe. Étoille is surveying the land and learning what he can. He’ll be part of it too. Plus those in Redhawk,” she adds, curious to know if the two wolves she met from Moonspear may be involved somehow. There is Shalon and Hush too, and the Furi girl but if she takes the girl, Blixen won’t stay back. “If you want to go, you may,” she says though nothing else and her expression doesn’t break. If she denies Blixen the opportunity, should she chose to go despite her mother’s wishes, she’ll be hurting Wildfire but if she bides by her mate when their daughter wants to go, she’ll be doing the same to her. The only tilt in her favor is that Blixen will eventually forgive her, maybe one day understand, especially when Wildfire eventually returns.

nomi confirms what blixen already suspected and she sighs. she has to think about it. her eyes widen in surprise when nomi goes ahead and gives her permission anyway - or answers her question which is the same thing. mother wouldn't approve, nomi made that clear, but nomi understands her too. (she thinks about how distant she is from mother now, how much she's grown in her absence, and feels a weird mix of guilt and sadness she's not entirely equipped to handle).

"chof," the gona says finally, dipping her head. "i have to think about it," she admits, and then looks at her feet. "can i talk to you about, uh. a different thing," blix asks, fumbling slightly. already she feels the hot flush of embarrassment against her neck but if she doesn't ask nomi for advice now, it'll get swept away in the drama of preparing for war. and she really doesn't want to have furi drift further away from her during all of this.

Sorry for the super short post, lol

Thuringwethil hopes for the best as soon as Blixen dismisses the topic. I’ll have to think about it. She nods and smiles, hoping to find ways to convince her to stay without really asking it again. But her daughter moves on to other things and she knits her brows and tilts her head. “Of course.”

embarrassed, the ginger tucks herself against nomi - a little too big to fully bury herself like she did as a child, but it's easier to talk into the dark fur of nomi's chest. "furi's mad at me," blixen says, voice strained, "'cause i got - upset at her about rose." she doesn't want to throw furi under the bus - and anyway, rose was accepted so it doesn't matter now - so she puts it in the simplest terms she can. besides, as righteous as she was about furi bringing a stranger to them (and she's still right about that part, thank you), she can recognize her overreaction was from her panic and jealousy now. well - strong reaction. anyway. 

she takes a deep breath and pulls back. "i tried to get her to talk about it with me but she didn't want to and i think i made it worse cause she kept talking about how i dont trust her 'cause she's an outsider..." the girl frowns, upset, and looks at nomi. "but it's not that, it's just, i don't know.." suddenly the idea of admitting she's jealous to nomi feels too stupid, especially in the midst of the looming threat of war. instead she falls silent and looks at her feet, blushing hard under ginger fur.

Blixen pushes closer before she speaks again and Thuringwethil isn’t entirely sure how to comfort her. It would be easy to sit her down and let her talk but the need for physical comfort is mostly foreign to her. Albeit stiff, she lowers her head and presses her nose against the back of her head. It is easy to find comfort in their closeness but this is different than the rest. Missing Wildfire is something she can relate to but this is a struggle her daughter is facing that she doesn’t know how to give advice. It is apparent, however, that Blixen certainly takes after her nomi.

Once Blixen has gotten everything out she needs to, she gives her the space she needs and moves to sit down with the intent to make it easier. “Why were you upset about Rose?” she asks, but lowers her nose to catch the underside of her daughter’s chin and bring it back up. “Do you trust her?”

she can't help but whine a little as her nose is tilted back up, ears flat against her skull. "i do trust her," blix says, frowning, "and it's - have you met rose yet? she looks just like me, sorta, isn't that kind of weird?" surely nomi will agree with her that it's weird. she still won't say the word 'jealous' out loud to nomi - yet, ever. give it another couple of minutes.

There’s a missing piece of the puzzle and Thuringwethil isn’t well versed in the art of emotions. Parts of her have opened up and roots have taken hold and maybe she can see through what Blixen is hinting at but she doesn’t let it change where they’re going. “I have seen her,” she says, unconvinced. “Your coats are similar in color but…” she pauses, taking a breath of consideration, “why is it weird she looks like you?”

nomi doesn't get why it's weird either. maybe she is the weirdo after all. augh! "'cause - 'cause it's like she's gonna replace me," she finally admits, scuffing the ground with a paw. "when i saw her coming up with rose i just - panicked, and after i talked to rose it got way worse because, nomi, rose is so cool." they still aren't friends by any stretch of the imagination but blixen likes her, likes having her around, even if furi only hangs out with her and doesn't hang out with blixen anymore. it's frustrating!

Blixen’s frustration is apparent and Thuringwethil comes up short with the appropriate thing to say. As much as her daughter looks like an adult, it’s apparent she has plenty of growing to do. She’s gone from the war-hungry warrior to a love sick puppy in a matter of minutes and she leans forward to nudge her cheek again. If she can’t keep it up, she can still be intimate with her comforts. ”Just because you kind of look similar doesn’t mean she’s going to replace you,” she explains though she knows in the back of her mind she can’t say for certain but honestly, anyone that replaces her daughter is just plain idiotic. ”Perhaps you should talk to her again,” she offers a beat later and smiles a little, hoping to offer her encouragement, ”or maybe you need to show her you trust her.”

blixen puffs out a sigh, leaning into the touch just slightly. she knows nomi's right, logically, but it doesn't make her feel any better. when nomi suggests she try to talk again she opens her mouth to protest - furi made it clear she doesn't want to talk anymore - but snaps it shut at her follow up suggestion. "show her how?" the ginger asks, eyes wide.

Of course, Blixen wants an example and Thuringwethil slowly shakes her head. Tirgatao would be much better suited for this conversation, or maybe even Wildfire, but neither are immediately available to them. “That might be something you need to figure out,” she says with a slight frown. “You probably know her best,” she suggests. If Blixen is so beat up about her fight with the other girl, then it’s likely returned from the other party and if they weren’t that close, surely this wouldn’t be that big of a deal.

nomi doesn't give her a suggestion and she frowns a little, nudging at her neck. "i'm not good at that kinda stuff," she complains, dampened for a moment before her eyes light up with an idea. "what do you do when mother is mad at you?" the ginger asks - though come to think of it she's never seen mother be mad at nomi (and only partially because she hasn't seen mother in so long). but they gotta argue sometime, right? all relationships have arguments, friends or family or - romantic. right?

I’m not good at that kinda thing.

Thuringwethil snorts and lowers her nose when Blixen nudges into her, nuzzling into the side of her muzzle. “Neither am I,” she says, pulling back as her daughter moves into another question and she glances away. Wildfire often gets mad at her when she can’t separate her job from their relationship and they’ve struggled through it. Thuringwethil takes the blame for most of it gladly (if possible) but it is not the same for Blixen. She may have acquired her lack of tact for relationships but she doesn’t have it forced out of her, separated from her development growing up.

“Your mother and I are… very different,” she begins, though she doesn’t exactly know where she’s going. The most recent upset aside, she thinks about the other times and where she has lacked and realized Wildfire has carried their relationship a lot of the time but with little complaint to her. “I try to meet her needs, if I can, and let her calm down and try to work with her. She helps me more than I realize, I think,” she said and frowns, feeling the heavy weight of her absence more than usual.

blix's never given much thought to her parent's relationship. they were happy, and then mother was taken, and nomi was upset, and it was all perfectly straightforward (well... in a way). it's sort of reassuring to hear nomi say she's not good at the same stuff as blixen, but also a little aggravating, since it means she won't be getting the good advice she needs. 

she frowns thoughtfully at nomi's explanation. furi and her are also pretty different, even though they're both gona. a lot of furi's decisions are just baffling to her, but she thinks they come from a place of wanting to help - of a kindness that blix lacks when it comes to those outside her immediate circle. "that makes sense," she says, and sighs. "furi's.. i think she's probably better than me," the gona admits, "at least at like.. caring about other people. or, um, showing it. she cares about everyone." (is there a tiny hint of jealous in her tone? maybe, but she'd deny it.)

Thuringwethil frowns when Blixen admits that Furi is better than her. She snorts a breath, displeased the decision, but as she explains a little… well, it doesn’t make it any better. “That doesn’t make her better than you,” she says. Sometimes the things Wildfire does or says is confusing to her but she tries to see things from her point of view and she doesn’t force her to do anything, as much as she can help it. She struggles with a lot of heir interactions but they are still strong together and Wildfire will still come home. Seeing and meeting the wolves in the caldera has given her a little light on some of those things and, perhaps, they’ll apply here too. “Sometimes you need to understand why she does the things she does,” she offers with a sweep of her tail, nudging her shoulder.

she resists the urge to roll her eyes in a particularly teenagery way (barely). nomi doesn't know furi like she does, and while blix is steadfast in her belief that their leader doesn't favor her children over the other warriors of the pack, she also knows that she probably isn't supposed to let her children say self deprecating things. it's like, an unspoken rule of nomi-hood. probably. she is right about needing to understand furi's point of view, though. otherwise they're just gonna keep butting heads. "sha," she murmurs, glancing vaguely in the distance, as if she can sense wherever her friend is currently. but she can't - she's not artaax, she doesn't do the whole stalking thing. "..chof, nomi," the ginger adds, and leans in to the touch a little. even if things are still sideways, she's glad to have gotten some perspective from nomi - at the very least it's ... reassuring? to know she comes by her communication problems honestly.