Moonspear you hate the fighting in the world

it started small, like the gentle rustle of a strong maple on a windy fall day. the leaves shifted and shook, but the tree had grown so wide and strong that the breeze hardly disturbed it. it was only at night, when the world had fallen asleep, that the branches were noticeable-- shaking and tussling, even as the maple held it's ground. 

but over time, perhaps from keeping so quiet, the sturdy maple began to fall victim to the wind. 

terance had begun his mornings much slower than usual, sometimes not even leaving his den. it'd affected his place in the rank, which only made it worse. at first, a visit from hydra or wraen or rannoch made whatever held so tightly to his thoughts release their grip, but sometimes they found their way back. and midway through conversation, terance would find himself zoned out entirely. he didn't always think about something particular, either. 

like now, perhaps, as terance and @Rannoch patrolled the north border, he found himself staring dulling at a 45 degree angle towards the ground. a mild buzzing occupied his thoughts, and perhaps the words of rannoch-- whom he'd forgot he'd been talking to.

"So then, I almost totally got skunked," Rannoch disclosed with bright eyes, "I knew that nobody wanted it in the territory and I felt that I had to get rid of it. But, you know, I didn't want to come home stinking; I would have totally been banned from the den if I had." Rannoch had never faced off with a skunk and, at the time, he had no idea of how to get rid of it without getting sprayed. 

Rannoch smiled as he glanced at his dark furred companion to see how he was following the story and, unexpectedly, Terance did not look as enthused as Rannoch had. Instead, the other wolf's gaze was trained dully to a drop before them; Terance's expression lacked its characteristic vigor. The Delta frowned, unable to hide his concern.

"You okay?" he asked.

terance hadn’t heard a thing rannoch had said... and if he had, he was so distanced from their conversation that it hadn’t registered with him. it wasn’t until he felt that sweet blue gaze on him that he was pulled back into reality— just in time to hear rannoch voice his concern. 

“what?” terance responded, ears pressing to his crown, “yeah i’m all good.” a lie, terance was far from good. but even as he forced a little smile rannoch’s way, he was trying to figure out what was wrong. he’d gone over every possibility in his mind, and nothing seemed right. he slowed, only slightly, clicking his teeth together. maybe rannoch could help. 

“do you ever just feel... like... missing?” he asked his friend, ears raising slightly as he searched rannoch’s face for his reaction, “like, i’m here but... i don’t feel here. and i’m not like... sad or any of that but i’m like... hurting, somewhere.” it was a horrible description, but terance couldn’t describe it any other way. he frowned. “for some reason.”

Terance's initial response deepened Rannoch's concern. There was something about his friend's answer that didn't sit right with him. Keeping his eyes on Terance, Rannoch slowed his pace as his companion did. He wasn't quite sure what to say in response, but, in time, he was given more conversation substance to work off of. 

As Rannoch had expected, there was something wrong with Terance. Rannoch listened and, for a moment once the explanation concluded, he found himself at a loss for words. Instead of revealing that he couldn't relate, Rannoch sought more information about the situation; there was no room for judgment in this conversation. "How long has this been happening for?" he asked, his expression soft as he observed the darker wolf.

rannoch didn't seem to relate, which was discouraging. terance didn't really understand the situation or how to properly explain it, it was just how he felt-- for some reason. he let out a heavy breath of air and shrugged, taking a quick glance at his friend. "i dunno, i guess a little bit before you got here," he responded. that was the start of the downfall of his rank... at least. the bear attack and then a huge lack motivation-- it just never came back. "but it was like, mild. it didn't start getting bad until the past few weeks."

"i can't think of why, though," he said with an angry stitch of his brow, "like nothing's happened. everything's been great." except for lyra, he added to himself dryly, but he'd accepted that by now, he thought. and he wasn't really sad about that either.

Rannoch nodded thoughtfully and considered the information that Terance revealed. Sadness had always had reason in Rannoch's life, and he couldn't rationalize why one would feel sad without a cause. 

"Have you done anything fun lately?" Rannoch asked with caution after a pause; he knew that Terance's patrols had become more frequent with the threat of Blackfeather Woods. Rannoch wondered if the yearling was overworking himself. "I know I can get sad if I work too much," he added, hoping that this admission would help put his friend at ease.

terance answered without hesitation, "yeah." his brow furrowed. he did fun stuff all the time, and even though he was kind of lacking every bit of motivation he usually had-- he actually really enjoyed patrolling. it was kind of relaxing, even. "wraen and i had lunch the other day," he said, recalling just a few days before, he didn't share the part of the story where they had a reenactment of one of osprey's stories-- rannoch didn't need to know that. 

"i'm not working too hard," he then added, finding another reason why this just wasn't the right explanation for it. he let out a snort. "i've fallen almost to the bottom of the ranks-- i rarely even get on my feet before noon. i don't know what it is, ran." his ears fell to his head-- how discouraging that even rannoch didn't seem to know what to do.

Despite feeling helpless, Rannoch remained positive for Terance's sake. He knew that disclosing his uncertainty would do neither of them well, and his mind worked diligently to find a way to help his friend. 

Rannoch understood he had to do some investigation to get a better idea of how to combat Terance's sadness, and he would do everything in his power to get a better perception of what was going on. "Does it happen every day?" he asked and slowed his pace.

does it happen every day? terance couldn't think of a day where he hadn't felt this way at least once during the day-- even if it was just an hour in the morning, or as he was trying to fall asleep. that answer felt so pitiful-- but reluctantly, terance nodded his head. "not all day, but usually, yeah," he answered, feeling his teeth clench together. damn this blew, he probably sounded like such a loser-- which didn't help his mood. he sniffed, coming to a stop as rannoch began to slow, trying to make sense of a few things in his own head.

"usually it's better when i'm with others, but sometimes-- like earlier-- i just suddenly lose focus, and i'm just not there anymore, i don't even realize it's happening," he added, backtracking maybe to the beginning of their conversation, but adding a little bit more onto it. did that make sense? it sounded crazy-- and stupid, but terance didn't know what else to say, or how else to say it.

Rannoch was puzzled. Though he had heard of isolated instances of sadness, he was caught up in the fact that nothing noteworthy had caused Terance's sorrow. 

Rannoch paused once he was a few paces ahead of and turned to face Terance. "We're going to get to the bottom of this," he assured his dark friend kindly. Rannoch moved to clear the distance that separated them and halted just before Terance. "I honestly don't really have an answer now but, I'm going to help you in any way I can," he assured Terance as he nosed his cheek, hoping that this would comfort him like it had comforted Rannoch in the past. "If you want the help," he added once he realized his initial statement had been brash; Terance didn't need to accept his help if he didn't want to.

really, this whole conversation had been less than helpful. if anything, terance felt more discouraged and confused now that he knew that rannoch had no idea what was wrong with him-- couldn't relate to him at all. maybe he was just making all this up, like in his head, maybe it was all his own doing-- he couldn't figure out how though. 

but, rannoch didn't act like it was stupid. he couldn't relate, that was clear, but he was supportive and trying to be helpful, at the least. his little nudge gave terance a little bit of hope, or comfort, or something. he didn't feel so alone, especially after finally telling someone about it. his tail wagged, giving his friend a small, thankful smile. "yeah, thanks dude... seriously," he replied, hoping his friend saw he really did appreciate it.

Despite Terance's lack of enthusiasm, Rannoch could see that his friend appreciated what had been said. His tail wagged, and he smiled, feeling relieved that it appeared as though Terance was in better spirits than before. "Of course, I'll always be here for you," he promised. He and Terance had grown close, and he would do anything in his power to help. 

"You wanna continue our patrol?" Rannoch suggested; his intention of the proposal was to get more information about Terance's condition, and he figured that the familiarity of patrolling would make things easier on Terance.

terance smiled again, feeling warm-- that meant a lot. tail wagging, he gave himself a little shake. "yeah," he replied, setting off alongside his friend. then, with a half-guilty shifted gaze towards rannoch, the yearling asked, "what were you saying earlier?" because that story was probably interesting, and he didn't really care to miss out on it a second time.

Rannoch smiled with Terance prompted him to re-visit the story he had told earlier. "Well," he began with a glimmer of amusement in his turquoise eyes, "I was talking about the time I almost got skunked." 

Rannoch turned from his friend and towards the worn path before them and stepped forward to resume their patrol. As they advanced along the snow-covered trail, Rannoch kept the conversation light and paid mind to how Terance acted. Even if he couldn't relate to his friend's struggle, Rannoch wanted to see what he could do to make him feel better. 

The two yearlings continued their work for quite some time and enjoyed each others company well into the day. When they were both satisfied with what they had accomplished, they parted ways for the day. Though Terance seemed to have been in better spirits, Rannoch would remain observant of his friend's mental health.