Silver Creek tell me, do we get what we deserve?

@Brienne sorry this is awful

 

It was loneliness that ultimately drove her to the edge of the resident pack's borders, lingering just far enough that she would not be considered a trespasser.
Zada wasn't one for loneliness, but then she had never been quite this alone before. She wasn't sure what kept her here, really, watching the pack borders occasionally like a creep and spending the rest of her time either hunting or lounging. It wasn't a difficult life, but it wasn't satisfying.
The tall she-wolf sat back, forest-green eyes fixed ahead as if someone would magically appear. She half-hoped that would be the case.

it was a frigid, icy day and her mood matched the weather. she'd spent most of these days brooding, and she'd intended to do the same today, hiding from the cutting wind that roared outside her burrow.

but maybe she wanted to hurt, aggravating the limp she harbored and the gashes in her side, letting the sleet freeze onto her pelt.  maybe then she'd feel something other than him.

so she traveled to the borders though his scent was still fresh here, following the bends of a frozen creek until her paws crossed the borders and the scent of another caught her nose.

not today.

she kept her broken seaglass eyes fixed upon the bright snow at her feet and planted herself there.  if they wanted her, they could seek her.  but she wasn't about to get herself into any more... situations.

She appeared like a sylph, as if Zada had somehow wished her into being-- an unrealistic thought, but how could she be anything but a fool when her breath was catching in her throat like this?
The girl was hurt, and suddenly her heart lurched in her chest. She was up on her paws the next instant, approaching the other wolf slowly so her intentions would not be mistaken.
You're hurt-- why are you so far from your pack? The question was gentle, full of concern, and it was obvious from Zada's expression that she was not used to whatever feeling was spurring it.

a voice pulled her from inside herself, prying her out into the open.

what? she breathed, caught off guard.  who the fuck was this?  and why did she care?  

and what was she supposed to say?  her ex lover didn't have the emotional depth of a tablespoon and didn't give a damn if she fell in the river and froze and died?

still — she was the first person to care and not feel guilty about it since burke, and that was something that brienne had craved.  when was the last time that anyone had looked upon her with tenderness?

oh, i — can't come up with anything to say.  instead, she studied the other girl's face, briefly, a flash of her old self in her eyes before it was gone and she was hurt again.

because they don't care.

Zada felt a flush of irritation at that-- not towards the girl in front of her, but towards the pack members she had never even met. What was the point of a pack, if there was no unity? Her heart flared with sympathy for the other wolf.
They just don't care? What happened, exactly? She sniffed towards the wounds on the other girl, adding as an after-thought: I am Zada.
Part of her was just hungry for knowledge, curious to know what had happened, and why the pack didn't seem to care for one of their own-- another part was ready to feel outraged on the other wolf's behalf. She took another moment to glance over her, noting the beautiful blue of her eyes-- and the pain in them.

the girl wants to know every tragic thing that has happened to her, and perhaps she should be more cautious with this girl who materialized at her pack's borders —

but she was so vulnerable right now.  there was nothing inside her that wanted to hold back because there was nobody she could divulge these transgressions to who would understand (or that she cared to burden, in the case of burke).

she takes in a shaky breath and introduces herself first, brienne.  

i strayed not far from our borders, south, and was captured.  i escaped and when i came home, my.. king, lover, friend, former mate was... quite harsh with me.  he is the alpha here.  

she always found alpha to be such a barbaric term but had used it ever since her return because she felt it fit him more than anything else she could offer.  he does not care what happened.  he assumed i'd just left.

it dawned on her that she'd been divulging this all to a stranger.  if he knew, he'd probably be cross with her... but he wasn't here.  he didn't have to know. that is the short version of it.  tindome's alpha has the emotional capacity of a stone.

The ease with which Brienne divulged the information would have surprised Zada, but she was more caught up in the actual words.
Why am I not surprised? She couldn't help rumbling, her tone wry. Men in power always sacrifice something for it.
She took another step towards Brienne, further assessing her condition.
But it is only a foolish one who sacrifices a loved one. Zada's voice was quiet, deep but feminine and velvety. Let me tend your wounds, little one. I will be gentle.

oh.

she didn't really have the capacity to respond directly to what zada had said, instead flopping over onto her side to allow the girl to clean her wounds, or kill her, or whatever.

honestly, brienne hadn't done much to tend to herself, unconcerned with the infection that was most likely burning and festering within.  she didn't care.

i followed him to the ends of the earth.  she was too caught up in verbalizing it that she couldn't stop.  he has two wolves that would die for him and i have nobody.

she had never pitied herself so much, and never divulged so much to anyone before and though she'd probably look back on this conversation later when she was lucid and coherent with shame, she took solace in the other woman's company for as long as she'd give it.

he met me at the borders and told me it'd be best if we took a break and then when i asked if we even still had a chance, he said that we'll see.  what kind of answer is that?

her voice hitched in her throat and if wolves could cry she'd be ugly sobbing, the kind where your hair gets caught in the snot dribbling down your lips and your chin, where the blood vessels have burst under your eyes and you look tired the next day.

how could he do that to me?  she had come out here to die, probably, not to feel this anger-grief-revulsion.  and in public, too.

Zada moved closer as soon as the girl flopped down, setting about first cleaning the worst of her wounds. She was gentle but firm, and she knew the cleaning would hurt some. She pressed against Brienne to provide warmth, gently washing away the grime from her wounds, then from the rest of her.
Zada wasn't invasive with her cleaning, only touching on the areas that needed it the most. As she cleaned, she listened, digesting every word and not pausing to comment until it seemed the delicate girl was finished with her outburst of emotion.
I'm sorry, little one. For a moment, she could not look at her-- she had paused from cleaning her neck to say it, eyes fixed on the horizon. No answer I can give will soothe the hurt, just as it would not heal your wounds.
Pine-colored eyes met dynamic blue-- all at once she saw steel, ice, the ocean.
But no one deserves to feel that. Zada asserted fiercely. Words didn't seem enough, so she bent her head and pressed her muzzle into the girl's neck softly. It was a small point of contact, but she hoped it would offer some comfort.

the strange woman moved with delicacy and ease, though did not dance around crumpled, broken brienne like she was afraid to touch her.

for the first time since mato had crushed her throat and eaten her whole, the thrumming and constant pain began to ebb.

she might just survive this after all. she draped her head over zada's neck, shivering as strangled (but thankful) noises escaped from her maw.

but once again the thoughts came back, as they always do. this girl materialized in front of her — perhaps she wasn't even real — and soon she would leave again.

they always do.

In the back of her mind she knew it was important to find herbs for the infected wounds, but Zada couldn't find it in her to pull away from the tiny girl. She felt if she tried, her heart might break too.
So she curled up with Brienne gently, surrounding her with warmth and softness. Eyes closed, she listened to her breathing, her heartbeat.

In truth, she had never done this. Nothing close. Zada had never been affectionate, never felt the inclination. It just wasn't an interest of hers, but all at once she was finding she did have a heart. It simply hadn't been beating until now.
These were the last thoughts to cloud her mind before she dozed off, comfortably tangled with Brienne.

 

permission granted to timeskip.

sleep blanketed itself over her with haste but she slept fitfully, with silent whimpers and kicking legs.  when she came to, she blinked her bleary eyes with rapid succession.

the girl was gone.

no.  no.  no.  her head swiveled frantically as her heart shattered once again into a million pieces.  had the dusky girl not existed?  was this really how it ended?

she buried her face in the hard packed snow, face twisting ugly as she opened her maw to let out a pain-soaked wail.  

she didn't have the energy to move.  she was becoming feral. it seemed just like she had washed up in the teekon wilds with sand in her eyes and water in her lungs, a hallowed body spiked with pain, that she would be destined to die in a similar way.

all she had to do was let go.

but she couldn't, and perhaps that was the most painful thing of all.

Zada had risen long before the other girl. She resolved to hunt for food and herbs before Brienne awoke, hoping to help the weakness and infection before they set in too far.
She wasn't far when she heard the wail, carrying a leaf-wrapped bundle of meat and herbs. As soon as she heard the call, her pace quickened to a run until she was nearly upon the girl. She dropped the bundle near her and pushed her nose into Brienne's neck fur.
Are you alright? Has something happened? Her voice was full of frantic concern.

zada's voice causes her to panic, pulling her face from the snow.  her ears pivot back, legs ducking under her body.  this wasn't real.  this wasn't real.

but her nose pushes into brienne's neck and she melts, shivering and weeping.  her eyes are wide as she dares look into that haunting apple green (oh!) gaze.

are you real?  she feels crazy, and maybe she is.  maybe she's too fucked up and broken to be fixed.  captivity had done a number on her already, and then mato ripped her heart out and left her to die.

quietly, she pulls her face back to her chest, shoulders rolling up.  a strained i'm sorry pours out from her lungs.

Just as quickly as she had discovered it existed, Zada felt a cold spike through her heart. Oh, this little thing she loved was so broken.
Somehow it only made the adoration ache more fiercely.

I am real, little one. She moved closer, gently. And you are safe with me.

Don't apologize. You have been through so much... Zada shook her head and moved to grab the two rabbits she had killed, dropping them next to Brienne. I will stay with you until you ask me to leave. Please try to eat while I put these herbs on your wounds.

With that, Zada turned to chew up the marigold and comfrey root into a paste. She delicately pushed the paste into the wounds, inexperienced but possessing a precise and gentle touch. The wad of spider webs she had gathered lay tangled in the grass, and she wasn't certain they would still work after she had dropped them. With some fussing, Zada removed the debris and got it to stick over the worst of the wounds.

When she was satisfied with her work, she sat next to Brienne and watched around them for signs of other creatures.

it was enough for now to convince the rabbit-hearted girl that she was flesh and bone and not an elaborate, grief-fueled lie.

she was so nurturing.  sure, brienne had delight or burke to turn to, but the former was selfish and the latter was about to die.  she couldn't bear the thought of burdening him with this, too.

but this stranger?  oh, she was perfect in the way that she seemed to come into existence just when brienne needed someone the most.  she seemed to accept the siren's story without qualm or question.

she is mine.

it was a posessive thought, but one that wasn't entirely untrue.  she was not tindome's — she was not mato's or delight's or anyone else's.  she was brienne's alone for now, and the girl wasn't keen on sharing.  because then she might get the other side of the story.  because then she might leave.

she had not touched food since she had escaped her confinement.  even at the pack hunt she had turned away from the elk they had brought down.

but she could not turn away from this gift.  ravenously, she devoured completely both rabbits that had been slain for her (although later, they would inevitably come back up).  as zada tended to her wounds, brienne took to gnawing on a bone posesively, tossing it around between paw and mouth.

i will never ask you to leave.  but i cannot stay here.  she had to go back to tindome.  i will visit frequently.  unless zada cared to join her, but brienne did not suspect she would follow.

Archiving now!

Zada was quiet, feeling a spark of pride and a rush of relief when Brienne ate what was given to her.

At the girl's words, she nodded slowly. I understand. You need only come to this creek and call for me when you desire my presence. I will answer your call.

She waited a bit longer, inspecting Brienne once more, briskly as if it were her job-- but not begrudgingly. Then, with a gentle lick to the tip of the other girl's ear, she turned and was gone.