Stone Circle it wasn't your weight to hold

A night's rest, a full belly, and things still didn't feel the same. Only months before, their family had been a family. A real, authentic family. They'd been happy, right? Feeling the way that she did made it hard for Ro to remember whether she'd ever been happy to begin with. Mawk wasn't at home and Burr was dead, so after reuniting with Illecebra, the only person left to see was @Cyron.

Her mother had warned her of his condition, but Rowana didn't care. Before anything else, Cyron was her brother and he deserved someone to talk to just like the rest of them. If he would talk to her, Rowana would listen, but she had a feeling that he wouldn't have much to say.

burr was dead, his mother'd been a ...mess and cyron had receded away from his parents for a bit. he had to process his brother's death on his own and without the burden of his mother's mental instability as she brought home a baby fox and started calling it burr. whether she'd came out of that delusion or not cyron isn't immediately aware of. mawk had went off to play gallant hero and cyron thought he heard whispers of his sister returning home but he is content to isolate himself. he patrols borders and he works on improving his hunting skills and feels a small victory each time he is successful. he's learning that basic skill a little too late but it comes naturally enough to him and soon it will become second nature.

cyron putting himself first probably looks a certain way to others and to his family but he offers no apologizes for it. he's heading to a food cache when he becomes aware of the approach of soft footfalls. his ears cup forth atop his skull as his dull chestnut gaze lifts and he takes in the figure. she is both foreign and familiar to him. last they'd seen one another: they'd been young children. still, she looks the same. just older. cyron's steps cease as he appraises her from the distance that hangs in the air between them, his curled tail twitching once with his uncertainty.

It was unnatural, Rowana thought, that two siblings should be so distant from one another, especially in a time of loss. Given her frequent "outings", however, she didn't think that she still had the right to say so. In almost every way, they were strangers; sans blood, what else was holding them together? Cyron's uncertainty was ever present, as was Ro's, but she knew that if one of them didn't take the first step, this might be all that their relationship was to become. Cyron, she whispered, brow furrowing with discontent.

While Rowana wanted to close the distance between them, she dared not move, less she scare him away. That's what it felt like; Cyron was the prey, and she was the predator. It didn't feel like a reunion, but a hunt. That's not right, she thought to herself, but Ro was a smart girl and knew that just thinking of the problem wasn't going to solve it.

cyron does not mean to come off so cold shouldered and cynical. yet, he holds onto the understanding that this is more or less exactly how he comes off. distanced. cold. cruel, even. he keeps everyone at a safe distance away. he doesn't share what happened during his time in captivity and offers no explanations for the night-terrors or his behavior otherwise. explaining it would mean he would have to tell of the terrible things he's endured and those ...those are private things. things that he has to live with and endure on his own.

cyron does not keep everyone away because he's scared — what is there left for him to be scared of in the world? it's already done the worst it could do to him. he genuinely thinks he's doing what is best for himself and thus, by proxy, everyone else even if he isn't. he sees her discontent, he hears it but it does not faze him. what is she discontent about? that he did not rush at her and greet her with kisses? one time, perhaps. that boy had been murdered a long time ago. at the end of the day, he does not forget what his mother had told him: that they'd left him there; and even though he tries not to hold it against her ...against them and tries to understand ( in a way he does ) it still leaves him with a bitter taste in his mouth. in the end, it worked to his benefit because he found the courage and strength to liberate himself, to take that leap of faith in himself but that doesn't mean learning the truth doesn't smart. "what do you expect from me, rowana?" he asks. "to forget everything that's happened to me? to magically go back to the happy-go-lucky boy that was mercilessly slaughtered in that god forsaken hell because it would better suit you and everyone else?" cyron demands, verbally lashing out at his sister. it shocks him for a moment but in the wake of shock all cyron can feel is relief. he's been carrying around everything that's happened to him and what he believes to be the disappointment of his family for a while now and rowana's look of discontent is the tip of the scale. "don't you dare give me that look." he spits at her. it's possible he's entirely misconstrued what that look was intended to convey but he interpreted it how he thought it was meant to be interpreted and he had no intentions of taking back his words.

Had it been any other time, any other moment in her life, and Rowana might have been able to shoot back at Cyron with the same spite he'd shown her. She might not have understood his pain and lack of love, and she might have mocked his emotional maldevelopment. She might have even gone so far as to blame it all on him, as if any of the things that had happened to either of them had been their own fault.

The thing about pain is once it reaches a certain point, it becomes unbearable. It creates a bubble of numbness and encompasses its victim. Rowana had reached that point and Cyron was flirting with the line. So had it been any other time, Ro might have been able to feel her brother's daggers as they were thrown at her with each of his words.

No, she whispered, I don't want you to forget. There was a tiredness that had come about her features and overridden her once sweet, cheerful voice. Although she was clearly alive, something inside of her had died. If you forget...you forgetting would mean that everything is okay again. It's not okay, so I don't want you to forget.

cyron expects to feel better ...or if not better than at least some measure of relief as he airs out the burden of disappointment he carries around like lead weights. he doesn't. instead, he feels heavier than he had before. he feels like he's drowning, like he's trapped in a riptide carried far out from shore and his legs are tired of treading the water to fight it, to stay afloat. rowana speaks that she doesn't want him to forget, and it's great and all but it's not as if cyron has a choice. you didn't just forget that kind of grueling hell ...no matter how hard you tried or wanted to. forgetting had never actually been an option. cyron shifts his weight and lets the silence lapse between them not sure what to say or do. he knows that he feels suffocated and while he is sure that isn't the intent of anyone knowing that it's likely all in his head doesn't make him feel any different. "what i went through ...its not something you can forget." he speaks softly, so softly that he'd be surprised if she even heard it at all.

sorry this post is short and poop but i wanted to get something up before i went to work. :o

There didn't seem to be a "right" response, but Ro didn't mind. This was a chance for her to bond with Cyron, and for the two of them to get to know each other. Comparatively, the two of them seemed more like strangers than siblings. They didn't talk anymore, partially because of Rowana's constant disappearances, but also because of Cyron's isolation. 

I don't..., Ro began with a deep breath, I feel like I don't know you. It wasn't either of their faults that life had been such a major shit-show, but it was up to them to undo the bad hand that they'd been dealt. And, you know, it's just us now, Cy. I want you to talk to me. I want you to talk to me because I need to talk to you and I can't do that until I know that we're okay.

just as cyron thinks that they will part, here and now, as the strangers they'd become to one another over the course of their separation from one another — something that was out of either of their control — rowana speaks again, bringing up what he'd deduced himself. they are strangers. they share blood, they are siblings but they hadn't grown up with one another. it's not rowana's fault that she remembers who he used to be, the boy before the kidnapping ...just as it's not his parents fault. the broken man that returned to them was a stranger and even when cyron managed to piece himself together into something more he knows that in the end he would be what blackfeather woods had made him to be. he could not rip out of himself what they'd placed there; and he knows that he's left facing two options: to let those pieces of himself — their influence — make him a good man or a bad one.

"to be fair i don't really know myself." cyron's scarred lips part as he eventually replies. it was a harrowing journey of self discovery that cyron tests the waters of with a deliberate slowness. it's not anyone else he's afraid of. he's afraid of himself. coming to that realization brings with it a certain amount of relief and for a moment he feels buoyant and lighter than he has in what indefinitely feelings like a magnitude of lifetimes. it does not linger long. his sister is making an effort and though there are things he will not share with her, many things that he would like to keep close to his chest, he does not want to suffocate with guilt anymore. his ears taper back, fluttering against his skull and his curled tail gives a minuscule twitch behind his back as rowana speaks to him again telling him that she wants him to talk to her and that she needs to talk to him. cyron considers this for a long moment and then contemplates whether he's strong enough for it.

the conclusion is that cyron isn't sure but he sees that there's something still left between them and his sister is holding out a hand to him. "we're good." cyron concludes, affirming it with a quick albeit firm nod of his head.

the siblings talk for a little bit more though cyron is not overly forthcoming and deflects any questions she might aim towards him that delve too deep into the category of topics he does not wish to speak. eventually, their conversation comes to a natural end and the pair part ways.