Bearclaw Valley frozen

tag for reference of how laurel's been acting/feeling around y'alls! all welcome :D

Over the past week it'd become increasingly clear to Laurel that she was pregnant. She had somehow not seen it coming at all. She'd been ravenous and sick but she hadn't thought that she was pregnant; Laurel'd had sex before and it had never happened like this. Maybe the scent that had enveloped her had changed things for her now. Finally all of the moments of the past weeks fell into place; why she had been hungry, why she had been sick, why she had been moody thinking of Xan and mostly why she had sobbed her face off when she'd found the @Reigi and @Blondine that day and had seen by her pronounced stomach that she was pregnant. Embarrassed, Laurel had avoided them since, because she didn't want to be reminded of the facts again. It surprisingly had come as no surprise to @Indra, who supported her, of course, because she always did.

Apart from Indra Laurel felt dreadfully alone, however. @Xan seemed to be tending to the dumb girl's upcoming litter first and foremost and she was afraid that her children would be born into a world where they had no real place. She considered running away often but where would she go? Who would take her in when she was already pregnant? And what sort of life would her pups have then? Indra said that she would talk to Xan but there was no conclusion yet and Laurel felt torn apart. It felt when she was with him that things were fine and that he was great, but she knew all too well that he cared for the other girl too and that he would always choose her over Laurel. She just wanted her children to have a better future than she and Indra'd had. She just wanted a caring father for them. She just wanted Xan.

As thoughts raged through her already usually unruly mind Laurel neared the center of the territory where she found a slowly running creek that she leaned down to lap water from. Around her the world was still frozen which to Laurel seemed like some sort of poetic representation of how she felt inside. Her upcoming children seemed to have no such qualms however as they steadily grew, unaware of the cold world they would be put into.

cameo unless laurel calls after her.

she had been avoiding the redleaf girls more for her own peace of mind than out of courtesy. 

but the more she thought about her, the more she wondered about the other woman that xan had courted.  indra was insufferable; she demanded a grotesque amount of subordination.  she required reigi to grovel before her — something reigi wouldn't do.  they had their issues and she suspected that it would continue until one of them left... and it wasn't going to be reigi.

but the other girl.  she hadn't really done much to reigi.  sure, she had gotten up in her face for simply breathing, but that could have been from her heat.  crazy enough, she felt some sort of kinship with the woman who carried her husband's children.  she had even tried to help with this awful weighty thing around reigi's neck.

so the wolf with no name had ran down two rabbits (which was getting difficult with her exceptional roundness) and set about the brown woman's scent that frozen morning.  she slowed at a distance on the opposite side of the creek, her posture neutral and kind.  

slowly, she drew her head back and chucked one of the rabbits across the stream.  her inquisitive gaze sought laurel's face before she quickly turned tail and headed back to her boulder so long as laurel did not incite any further conversation.

indra had noticed the shift in laurel's mien and had been troubled by it. her interactions with xan troubled her even further -- now that laurel's stomach showed the presence of new life in her belly, indra felt their time was running short and very little had been resolved. xan would be like reek, she thought -- and the children would have a sorry life they did not deserve.  like laurel she was frustrated that history seemed to have repeated itself. the redleaf girls had not had the easiest life -- and even now, while they tried to find peace and security in the new life they had fashioned for themselves, it seemed iniquitous destiny followed hot on their heels and frustrated their tranquility at every turn. 

she was not far behind as laurel bent down to drink. she saw a shape flicker through the trees ahead, carrying some clutch in its jaws.

the mute woman.

indra felt her hackles flare and she dared the woman come closer, but it seemed she had the good sense to keep distance between them. the woman flung something across the icy rim of water and indra watched it land coldly, returning her mistrustful gaze to the wolf that had disrespected her at every turn.

she thought of how their encounters had gone -- how reigi had hostilely threatened her in their second meeting, and how xan had done nothing. she thought of how laurel had come to her aide when she had been bewildered by the aggressive approach, and how the wolf had later challenged laurel and lost.

finally, she thought of how the female had stared insolently at her, and how, never once in their interactions, the female had shown any sort of deference to her. instead she had lived to disrespect her, and seemed to thrive on instigation of the redleaf girls.


there was no love between them and indra strode quickly to laurel's flank with a protective growl loosened from her throat. she was not above running reigi out of her home then and there, should it come to it -- and the growl that filtered through the hinterlands that cold day was deep and foreboding.

The last wolf that Laurel wanted to see that day was the dumb girl. She was just a sore reminder that Laurel wasn't good enough in any way. Xan chose the other girl, Xan didn't give a rat's arse about her own condition and about the pups that were growing inside of her. Only when with him she felt somewhat at peace but those moments were far and few between because he was always busy with the other girl. She froze when she saw the girl, though her hackles pricked defensively. Much in the way she'd once thought removing Tapat and Astik from her parents' lives would make her more important again she considered taking actions into her own paws... but she knew somewhere deep down that it would not solve anything and she would only be all the more alone for it in the end. If Indra knew what sort of monster she really was, maybe she, too, would turn away.

Laurel recoiled in surprise when something was thrown across the stream. Her brows fell into anger, hackles raised, and Laurel opened her mouth to shout profanities about the attack when the scent of fresh blood entered her nostrils. She glanced down at the food, but when she looked up at the girl she'd already turned away to leave. Laurel considered telling her to wait, but she both thought that it might be considered offensive if she would shout after her, and she didn't want to run after anyone. If the girl wanted to talk, she could come to her, not throw her a bone and run away.

Torn between feeling thankful for the food and resentful that the girl thought Laurel so pathetic and sad she needed to throw food at her she just stood there, frozen in time, watching the dumb girl leave. It wasn't until she heard Indra's growl and felt her sister's gentle touch by her side that Laurel snapped out of it. "She threw food at me," said Laurel, her voice as numb as she felt. "I don't know if she's really trying to be nice, or if this is some delivery on Xan's behalf, or if she's just trying to look nice by giving me stuff when she's actually feeling superior." Laurel frowned, not sure what to think. The girl was gone now and she nosed Indra's face, glad that she at least still had her sister by her side; once more the only one there for her.

Then she turned to the rabbit, put a paw on it and tore off a leg that she started to hungrily devour.

I hate doing posts at work because phone. :( but I wanted to get one last post in. I'll be editing in internal monologue later.

-----

the growl ripped through the valley but it did not disturb the wolf with no name.  

instead she turned on her heels and gave indra a levelled stare. It was not dominant or foreboding, and the second rabbit fell from Reigi's jaws as she surveyed the jutting bones of the redleaf girl.

once more, so long as she was not addressed or vocalized at, she'd continue on her way.

indra's growl had served as a warning -- a generous one -- to go away. she might have accepted the olive branch the female had extended to them if -- and only if -- it had not immediately been accompanied by an insolent stare.

indra was in disbelief, and it showed by the incredulous, outraged expression that stole across her features. a stare was a challenge in wolf language -- and this wolf had stared her down multiple times now without repercussion. it was the last straw, in indra's eyes; she would no longer gracefully accept reigi's presence alongside her. she would no longer give her warnings. she had given the female every opportunity to cease her relentless instigation and challenges, and instead, reigi was insubordinate at every turn.

she felt her hackles rifle and laurel's commentary was forgotten. she stalked forward, ears pressed assertively ahead.

reigi had the creek between her and indra, and for that she was lucky. she had plenty of time to make her escape before indra's fangs found her. indra approached at a stiff-legged trot, her entire body language dominant. either reigi looked away and ran, as was natural for a subordinate to do, or indra would attack her. and this time, xan was not here to save her.

Laurel didn't really want any of that. She just wanted the sore reminder that she was second best, if not worse, to be out of her sight. She just wanted to be loved and every second that the dumb girl stood there it was a reminder that she was not. She stared at the rabbit, a gesture that meant something, surely, coming from the girl but felt so hollow in the light of her situation. It felt very little very late because it wouldn't prevent her pups from being out in the world without a proper father. It wouldn't make Xan love her.

She swallowed thickly as she watched it all unfold. Indra trotted forward but the creek was between them. Laurel might've joined her had the creek not been in the way. The only way to ensure her future seemed to be to fix the situation. If she could not be first choice, then she would have to make herself only choice. But the creek was there and instead of acting it was just thoughts that remained in her head. The creek was between them but the creek was also much represented in her mind by the inhumanity of killing another simply because a third chose not to love her more. The violent thoughts reminded her of the monster that she was and how she would never be loved by anyone for it.

Frozen in time, Laurel just watched the two of them; part of her secretly hoping Indra would rip the girl apart and solve all of her problems, part of her wanting to save her sister, too, from such a dark fate.

reigi had not even met indra's gaze, she had merely surveyed the woman's gaunt form.  but apparently that was enough to constitute whatever indra perceived as insubordination.

sad.  even the girl's sister seemed to want nothing to do with this anymore.

if indra wanted to splash through the creek and make her limbs numb to prove a point, so be it.  reigi had already been walking away.  indra would not get the cowering she wished from the mute woman; only her casual retreat.

The second the wolf broke her gaze from Indra and turned, Indra's posturing slaked and she pursued her no further. That was all she wanted - for the wolf to listen to her and leave. In truth Indra was relieved to see the female finally heed her many warnings. She turned round and tossed her head like a colt freshly put to pasture, rolling into a confident canter to close the gap between her and Laurel.

Laurel was ready to help Indra should she pursue, but she was visibly relieved when she didn't. Though she wanted the dumb girl out of their lives for good, Laurel also didn't want to risk her babies in a fight and she knew that only bad would come from it should they draw the girl's blood here, now, in the state she was in.

As Indra turned 'round and closed the gap between them a sad frown melted the coldness on Laurel's face. The dumb girl was all but forgotten but it was not her but what her being here meant that was truly the most hurtful. How could Xan love someone that was so stupid more than Laurel? Her lip wobbled as she looked at her sister with sadness on her face. "Oh In, what am I going to do..." She'd made a right mess of things and it seemed that things were only going to go further south from here on. Laurel wanted nothing more than to be loved, but she knew that she -- and by proxy, her babies -- would not receive what she wanted most.

indra slowed to a stop alongside laurel, pressing her head into the thick of laurel's scruff. it caused her grief to witness her sister's worried expression, and a desperate anguish settled in her stomach. 'i don't know,' she anwered forlonly, embittered by the coldness the world had to offer them.

unfortunately, it would take more than a meager offering of food to subside indra's dislike for the tawny woman. xan she could forgive for he had never physically harmed laurel -- only emotionally, but reigi had attacked laurel and for that, indra would never trust her. all they could trust was each other - and now more than ever it was apparent.

For once Laurel was the one who needed some sort of confirmation that everything would be okay -- for once her façade crumbled and the vulnerable pup inside was shown -- but Indra wasn't able to give her that. Her face fell further as she realised this and she sat down with a heavy plop, seeking Indra's side so that she could bury her face in her sister's neck. Hidden away from the physical reminder that she could not give her sister the solace she needed right now, let alone herself, Laurel sobbed while she pressed her muzzle heavily against her sister's neck.

indra felt a lance in her gut as she watched laurel meet her gaze and sink heavily to the ground, as if suddenly yoked by a great burden. a chill clammed in her heart and she fell in turn, sliding into the snow with her muzzle placed fondly over her sister's shoulders. each sob that wracked laurel's frame burned into indra like the hot press of an iron. more than anything she wanted to comfort her sister, to tell her that everything would be alright. but she couldn't lie to laurel -- she couldn't tell her it would be okay.

because she didn't even know if it was going to be okay.

fade? :)

It seemed unfair to demand Indra to know an answer when she herself did not even have one. Laurel was always the one with the answers, after all, always the one with the plan. It was stupid to think that it would be different now. Except she had no answers, she had no plan, and with that she was failing not only herself but Indra as well by being unable to keep up the strong front. She leaned against her sister, wanting the world to go away -- or stop being so unfair -- but she knew that was not just going to happen.

as laurel leaned into her side indra placed her head over laurel's shoulders, her features worried into a frown. so much had happened to sour them to the world -- and it seemed that at this time, the world was playing some cruel and endless joke on them.

only, they didn't think it was so funny anymore.

with a listless sigh indra groomed behind laurel's ear affectionately, though she said nothing encouraging. in truth, if she spoke her mind, she was sure it would upset laurel more -- it was better to keep quiet on these sorts of things.

despite their frailty, despite the sadness that consumed them, indra knew they would soldier on.

they always did.