Dragoncrest Cliffs i could find you by heartbeat

Since the meeting, Thuringwethil spent more time with the other warriors in preparation. The recent war when visiting the caldera had been days like this and they likely still remember how things work. But this will be different and they will use every advantage they have against their neighbors.

But now, as the sun sets and gives over to a cold night, Thuringwethil makes her way back to the tree she and @Wildfire share with a rabbit in tow. It is late in the evening, and she may have already eaten, but she doesn’t want to come home empty handed. As she makes the turn to the entrance, the swollen woman curled up on her own comes into view, she carefully lowers the kill to the ground just inside the den and scoots up close to her mate.

War was brewing again. Although Wildfire felt mostly dismayed at the thought, she secretly welcomed the distraction it provided. It would give the commander something constructive to focus on now that their attempt to expand their family had gone afoul. It would also give their grown children and the rest of the pack a chance to prove their might. Although it was a dangerous venture, it was just as dangerous to permit a threat to exist on their doorstep.

With Artaax showing so much promise as a hunter, and no new pups on the horizon, Wildfire wondered if she should step back into her role of Bandrona. Perhaps there was room yet for a more diplomatic approach. She would bring it up with Thuringwethil when next she saw her mate, deferring to the Heda's judgment in the matter.

For now, Wildfire returned from her brief trip to last spring's whelping den. The area where she and Portia had given birth and raised their litters had been a ghost town. Had the pregnancy carried through, she wondered if she would've chosen the fallen tree again or stuck to the hollow redwood. Speaking of which, the makeshift home she shared with her mate materialized through the gathering dusk and a tired smile creased her mouth as she slipped inside.

Thuringwethil arrived not long after, food in tow as she quickly curled up beside the Feisripa. Wildfire nosed the Heda's ear and pressed herself even closer to the dark woman—so that they both likely felt it when something inside her stirred discernibly. "Just gas," Wildfire blurted in her mate's ear.

Every once in a while it slips her mind that her mate isn’t pregnant. Seeing the swell of her belly—something that has continued to grow despite the miscarriage—pulls her back into thinking their family is still going to grow. It always comes back, reminding her something had gone wrong, and she accepts the information they have. Once she’s settled, she rests her head across her mate’s back and something every so slight stirs within Wildfire. Her ears swivel forward and she turns, dark silver eyes swinging in her direction only to get just gas as an answer.

“Is it?” she murmurs quietly, though she doesn’t know she wants an answer. Maybe they can pretend it’s not gas and they’ll be new parents again but Ajatar’s voice rings in her head, telling her to focus or—

Her brows knit together and she shifts a little, moving her nose to press along the back of her neck. “Hungry?”

"Yes," she insisted, even as a second and stronger fluttering sensation kicked up inside her. Wildfire blinked slowly down at herself. Could there be pups in there, alive and stirring? It stood to reason that there had been more than two. But her sensible side wanted to shut down the very idea, the very hope, right away, lest it break her heart all over again. There were no puppies inside her; there would never be any inside her ever again.

When nothing else happened, the Feisripa looked up at her mate for a long moment. She shook her head at the food. "Later," she said quietly. "I want to tell you something, then ask you something else." She paused, lips pursing. "I want to tell you about Falcon and Hawk. I didn't want to burden you with the details at the time but... when I miscarried, it wasn't just blood. There was a—fetus," she confessed haltingly. "There were two heads, hence the two names. I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, I didn't think y—anyway, I'm telling you now because I don't think I want to try again. I don't think I can, not after Antler, then these two. There's something wrong with my genes." She let out a breath. "I'm really sorry, Thur."

When she'd mentioned asking the commander something, she'd meant to bring up the idea of returning to her career, so to speak, now that there wouldn't be puppies to rear. But something else entirely came out of her mouth as soon as she opened it. "Maybe you should carry instead." And that wasn't even a question.

Thuringwethil frowns when Wildfire assures her what it is. She hates to see all the hope lost from her mate but, maybe, it’s for the best. She doesn’t question it, or offer any false sense of hope, for she doesn’t want to try and stir up anything painful between them. It’s hard enough they’ve lost their chance for the year but with everything going on, she wonders if it’s a sign from the commanders. They have war brewing a second time and putting their future in jeopardy isn’t on her agenda.

The kill isn’t taken right away but it isn’t the end of the conversation. Wildfire hasn’t spoken much about the miscarriage and she naturally hadn’t pushed for more information. In due time, if at all, she’d open up, and now that she has, Thuringwethil adjusts all her attention on what she’s saying. Ears cupped forward and she lifts her head, watching as she struggles to explain what happen. She’d named it, or them perhaps, but frowns as she decides that something is wrong with her.

With the pause, she opens her mouth to say something but struggles with the words. Instead, Wildfire fills the space again with the suggestion that she should carry them. Her ears fall back and she becomes silent, prolonging saying anything at all. It had never been an argument with Wildfire wanted to be the one to carry them, she never had to tell her she has had no interest in it. But seeing her mate torn up about it, knowing her desire for a big family is strong, it is hard to deny her. Ajatar’s words are still fresh in her mind and she frowns.

“You have nothing to be sorry for,” she tells her, leaning forward to nudge her cheek. “There’s nothing wrong with you. You went through a lot a few months ago and it took a long time for you to recover. Maybe you weren’t ready,” she offers, hoping to soothe her anxieties about what may or may not be wrong with her, but Thuringwethil has never been good at that, always saying the wrong thing to cheer her up and doing the exact opposite. She speaks tentatively, knowing it’ll likely backfire at some point, and doesn’t address the suggestion just yet.

She felt herself flush. She had just unloaded quite a lot on her mate, much of it totally unprecedented. Wildfire's lips parted to apologize for the curve balls she'd thrown, though Thuringwethil beat her to the punch. She seemed unfazed by the Feisripa's emotional babbling. It was quite possible she was used to it; they'd been together for years now, after all.

Soothed by the commander's gentle touch and voice, Wildfire said, "Sorry to unload all of that on you without warning. That's not even what I meant to ask." She huffed a quiet, self-deprecating laugh. "But I don't think that's it," she said through a sigh. "I really think it's me. And it'd be irresponsible at best and heartbreaking at worst to keep trying. I can't put you or me through that..."

Wildfire sighed again. "I do think you should consider what I've said but I honestly didn't even mean to bring it up right now. It can wait." She paused and licked her lips. "What I was going to ask you was what you thought of me resuming the position of Bandrona, given the circumstances..." Namely, now that it was war, not children, on the horizon.

Her frown persists but she leans in and offers a few long kisses of her tongue against Wildfire’s cheek, hoping to reassure her. If her mate does not bear any more children after this, will that be the end of their growth? Thuringwethil is proud of all three of their children and the adults they’ve become and soon they’ll have lives of their own—apparently one already has a girlfriend—and by next year they could be grandparents. Her nose twitches at the thought, brushing it off easily.

Thuringwethil is thankful she doesn’t have to give an answer now, even if it is certain. She can find a way to tell her later, after useless consideration.

The real request catches her by surprise and she shifts a little, attempting to sit sternal against her for a better look to see if she’s serious. With the disruption to their lives, it wouldn’t hurt to have the extra hand in their absent hedonakru. Tirgatao offers her services when available but the desire to fill help round out Drageda helps sway her decision. “I think it’s a good idea,” she says, “it’ll be good for us.”

Thuringwethil regarded her with surprise, as if she wasn't sure Wildfire was serious. The red she-wolf gave her mate a tight-lipped smile and nod as if to say, I am. It softened into a more authentic expression when the Heda agreed that it was a good idea.

Wildfire opened her mouth to say something when the fluttering in her abdomen happened again, this time so strongly that she jumped suddenly to her feet and hastily exited the tree to squat and urinate beside the door. Even after relieving herself, however, it felt like there was a pressure on her bladder and kidneys. No... it felt as if something was kicking them.

Holding her breath, her head whipped around to peek at the commander through the small doorway. "Something is—" she began when a second flurry of motion joined the first, this one lodged somewhere beneath her lungs and quite literally stealing her breath away.

It takes her by surprise when Wildfire jumps up, cutting off the conversation. Thuringwethil’s mouth hangs open for a second, watching in disbelief as she darts from the den and squats just outside. Her nose wrinkles a little but she clicks her teeth together and shifts her position in the tree trunk a little better.

She doesn’t have time to really get comfortable as Wildfire spins back, announcing something, without finishing the sentence. Ears slick back against her head and she rushes forward, surging out of the tree. “What?” she urges, “what’s wrong?”

She could hear the alarm in her mate's voice, though Wildfire didn't immediately react to her pressing question. She simply stood there (still partially crouched), waiting for the sensation to pass even as she wondered at it. This didn't feel like gas at all. This felt exactly like—

The Feisripa clenched her teeth and straightened. It couldn't be... could it? She turned and faced Thuringwethil, her face suddenly stricken and pleading. Wildfire couldn't bear it if it was just her body betraying her.

"It feels just like puppies kicking," she confessed on a low exhale.

Wildfire doesn’t answer her for a moment and Thuringwethil becomes more concerned by the second. Maybe she just needs to call for Portia anyway? If something is wrong, she… well, she’d have to take Wildfire to her. Her jaw sets and she lowers her nose a little, trying to smell for something that might give her indication to what’s going on.

It feels just like puppies kicking, she says. Her ears cup forward questioningly, a loss for words. Wildfire is the only one to have been pregnant between them, to feel that kicking. She’d offered the suggestion maybe it wasn’t the end a moment ago but easily dismissed and now she doesn’t want to assume more than she actually knows.

They peered at one another, each at a loss, and Wildfire eventually moved to rejoin her mate in the cozy interior of the tree. "Maybe," she said haltingly as she tried to coax Thuringwethil into relaxing beside her again, "we should table this conversation until tomorrow. Hold me," she asked plainly, burrowing her snout in the commander's ruff and simply clinging to her, breathing in her smell and trying to keep her wits about her. Despite all of her doubt and misgivings, she caught herself smiling into her lover's fur as the fluttering continued.

Fade? BABIES SOON! :D