King Elk Forest i will paint you in silver; i will wrap you in cold

@Mona <3 backdated to 2/12
sorrythissucks

He regarded his distance as a shield. Burke's death had shaken him more than he wanted to admit-- more than was reasonable, he thought. It had been expected, of course. His father was old, and in bad shape even when he found him.
For some reason, Nathaniel still found himself here. Almost two weeks later, he had not spoken of it much; nothing of his feelings, especially not to his firebird. In fact, he hadn't mentioned a thing about his father's death to her. He couldn't bring himself to approach the topic with her-- there wasn't much to say, he thought, and why make the girl sad? More than anything his stomach churned uncomfortably at the idea of seeing her upset. Nope, he decided, definitely not going there.
A moment later the ex-soldier chided himself for losing his train of thought. He sat at his father's grave now with a purpose, and he intended to see it done. Nathaniel wouldn't necessarily have believed it even if someone had mentioned to him that it was ridiculously unrealistic to expect what he did of this. What he expected, exactly, was that he would get over his grief, somehow, by staring at the ground where he knew his father rested. Not the most solid plan, or the most realistic goal, but "rationality" and "emotions" aren't typically found in the same sentence when Nathaniel is involved.
He studied the grave intently, flicking one ear as if contemplating the soil concealing Burke's body. Yeah, this was going somewhere.

does not! took some liberties here re: nat's distance

nathaniel rochester had been avoiding mona mayfair.
knowing how prone he was to long lapses of what she felt to be melancholy, the girl had left him to his own devices, but as the days wore on, the yearling felt within her the loss of the man's company. she considered all she had recently said or done; had she turned him away somehow? gruff as he was, nathaniel's streak of gentle nature was silvered and open to mona, but perhaps .. perhaps she had been unsufferable.
why would he avoid her, however? the girl's worry began to turn to irritation, then to anger —a fortnight, and scarcely a word, and she dared not ask what weighed upon his heart so heavily. but mona was young, freshly wounded by nathaniel's withdrawing. thus, the nuro set off this day to find the man.
her quick steps and lowered muzzle found swiftly the trail of his scent; by the time his broad back came into view, mona was stalking toward the soldierly male, abristle, murkwater eyes showing their true emerald fire. "nathaniel," she blurted, at once both shocked and satisfied by the coldness of her tones. "why did you ... why haven't ..." 
her eyes brimmed with frustrated tears, and mona bit her lip before attempting again. "you haven't said a word to me! i've done nothing to you!" or so she hoped. in her righteous anger, the grave went quite unnoticed.

The sound and scent of Mona's approach was both dreaded and welcomed; the ex-soldier could no longer think of her presence as a bother, but the last thing he wished was for her to see him here. He was oblivious to any hurt he may have caused her, still believing he was doing right by shielding her from the storms he held within. It didn't cross his mind, either, that the loss of his company would affect her greatly. His wasn't exactly a presence to light up the room, after all.

Nathaniel's initial reaction to her icy tone was surprise. He turned his head, gazing at her with curious eyes as she continued. Quickly she broke, trailing off and beginning again, and the ex-soldier suddenly got the sense that something had hurt her. No, not something. He had. Moments of silence passed after she had finished speaking, and all he could do was study her expression.
Then he looked away, unsure of what to say to her. He knew what he meant to convey, but finding the words for it? That was a task.
You're right. His gaze drifted back to the grave, and he couldn't help but blame Burke just a little for this. I'm sorry, firebird. I wanted to keep this from affecting you-- guess I did a shit job of it.

nathaniel only looked at her for a long moment, until mona felt the shame of her outburst begining to blossom heat beneath her fur. then came his words; she drank them in with a dawning comprehension, her murkwater eyes darkening as she glanced at the mounded earth beside which the rochester sat.
whatever fight remained in mona left her immediately; the girl's gaze traced the edges of what was surely the resting place of his father. and like her, nathaniel now had lost one of his most enduring ties to this land. her lips moved, but no sound emerged; she was embarassed, and saw now the heaviness of pain in the man's striking eyes, the way it limned his voice.
mona said no more; nathaniel's firebird sat down alongside him with a quiet movement and leant her head gently against his shoulder for a long moment, closing her eyes against the sudden stab of pain that always accompanied thoughts of the father she had never known, and never would. nathaniel had known his father; surely his agony was greater.
after a pause, the girl began to preen the rochester's pelt, worrying away tangles with teeth and lips, her breath warm over a tremble that spoke of her own inner chaos. but they need not speak; not now — mona attended to him gently, offering what she could to the spectre of his grief.

Mona's shifts were so dizzying, Nathaniel had found, and he could not take his eyes away from her. He was again left confused, rendered speechless. The feeling was disconcerting, but not unwelcome; that his firebird had not simply walked away made something in his chest suddenly clench into a fist, a tense ball of emotion he could not identify. The ex-soldier could only decipher that this was... good. More good than bad, anyway, he decided.
Nathaniel was grateful for the quiet; he took to the opportunity to brood enthusiastically, but it didn't matter the next moment. The ex-soldier would have flinched from the touch, had it been anyone else. His surprise was far more gentle with Mona, and even if he had the heart to reject the comfort he would not have wanted to. Something like dread pooled discreetly at the corners of his thoughts, but Nat lacked the awareness to put it to any sort of context, so he dismissed it. This was surely harmless.

It was some time before he spoke again, and before he did he took a moment to brush his nose along Mona's ear. It was perhaps to his benefit that he did not quite understand their interaction-- had Nathaniel been anything but oblivious to the gradually-blooming connection, he would have sought to destroy it utterly in this moment.
I have to find my brother. It was a solemn announcement, punctuated with an uncertain flick of his ears. Eventually. I'm not sure where he is, but Burke-- my father-- said he was in these lands. Along with more of my kin.

yeah SORRY I WROTE SO MUCH D:

completely unaware of nathaniel's innermost struggles, even those centered around herself, mona tugged a particularly tight tangle out of the fur that fell over the rochester's shoulder. her eyes were half-closed; like most of her kind, the girl took a particular pleasure in preening her fellows. or, in this case, her fellow.
mona wanted to believe that her ministrations to nathaniel were relaxing in some way, and continued them in the long but comfortable silence that stretched between the pair. from time to time, she caught a glimpse of burke's grave out of one murkwater eye's corner, and chided herself for how she had approached nathaniel at this particular moment in time — but she must let it go, for the man was beside her now; the rochester had not departed nor ordered mona away.
his words stilled the yearling; her own scarlet ears swept forward. his brother. burke was dead; mona felt apprehension curl itself around her heartstrings. did this mean nathaniel would be leaving tindome, now that his father had gone back to the earth?
the firebird swallowed softly; she could not stop him, nor would she. but the burden of it soon grew like a stone in her chest; mona scarcely comprehended the idea that he would leave, this man with hard eyes and a resolute tone, this ... that he would leave her behind. the girl fixed steadfast in her mind a warning not to give in to her selfishness, to disallow herself from speaking, lest she beg him to stay, or take her with him.
it was a warning altogether futile, for in the next moment, the mayfair child lifted herself against the breadth of nathaniel's shoulder and pressed her lips against the side of his jaw, in a gesture that was both aggrieved and edged in something mona could not quite understand. the firebird's ears fell back along her delicate skull and she sought the tormented gaze of the man quickly, quickly, before her nerves utterly betrayed her. mona was going to lose him; he was going to go away; her throat tightened.
don't leave me

drown me in ur words I love it <3

Again, Nathaniel's firebird left him perplexed and uncertain what to say. There were no words from her. The girl wilted quietly, and though he could not understand the emotion in her eyes he understood that it was because of what he had said. He had expected excitement. The ex-soldier assumed the fiery girl would be one step ahead of him, would share or guess his intentions-- still he did not realize this was erroneous.
Instead he thought that perhaps she did not welcome the idea. That it distressed her so much left his stomach in uncomfortable knots, and without further contemplation he sought to make amends. Nathaniel turned to nose her cheek, simply returning her gesture at first, but he found himself unable to pull away and leave it at that. The ex-soldier trailed his nose through Mona's fur first to her ear, then down her neck, pressing himself against her for a moment-- should she allow it-- in an almost-embrace.
He moved away barely a few beats later, trying to find the words to assure her that she didn't have to do anything-- that he would simply have to hurry back.
Do you-- if you'd rather stay-- or if you have other plans... He looked away, uncomfortable and keenly aware of the awkward, stunted way he was speaking now. There was more he wanted to say, but the words caught in his throat. Frustration flashed through him, followed closely by a flood of shame-- why was he struggling with this? Asking himself was pointless, because he would never admit that it was because he had really hoped she'd come with him.

<3

nathaniel did not speak, the cobalt of his pained gaze drawing in the glare of sunlight upon snow, changing to a sapphire hue that caused the girl's breath to catch — again. she waited on the edge of her voice for him to speak, but all at once tension flowed into her willowy limbs, followed by a glissade of warm sensation that pooled in her abdomen, almost uncomfortably. mona's lashes trembled as her eyes closed; the rochester's muzzle drifted through her scarlet fur, to the sensitive bulb of her ear, and then she felt his touch on her slim neck.
though she had walked at his side, had seen the length of his stride, his blood, a touch of the anger that lurked beneath his scarred surface, mona did not think she had ever before been so very miniscule in the man's presence. the yearling felt the latent power of his hard body as their figures mingled for a moment that stretched several eternities.
child of witches, daughter of druids — perhaps it was magick that breathed life into mona's small form; in this moment, she felt ageless, beyond her youth. three seasons yet separated her from maturity, but it was not a girlish emotion that beat now in the mayfair's breast.
nathaniel parted from her and mona cast her eyes to the snow, searching for composure so fiercely she did not at first hear the man. and then —
"don't ... i want to come with you, n-nathaniel," mona whispered, auds slanting backward. she dared not look at him, though relief washed over the girl like rainwater to know he was not going to leave her behind. but now there was something in her she must contemplate, and mona was self-aware enough to know she could not tell him of it — not yet. half-hoping he would touch her again, and yet dreading the chaos of sentiments that whirled through her, unchecked and unnamed, she was silent.

His firebird's first word had him on edge, and he tensed, preparing for the worst. Ice pooled in his chest during the fleeting pause, an intense but unspecific certainty that he would somehow lose her. Nathaniel almost interrupted her-- almost assured her he wouldn't go at all, if it displeased her so much. He would have regretted it later, but he would have said it if she had not continued speaking.
Her next words struck at the frigid feeling with the fire of passion behind them. It called to him in a way he couldn't ignore; the ex-soldier leaned closer again, this time simply pushing his nose against her cheek. Nathaniel was silent for several beats before he was able to stem the rushing tide of emotions enough to respond.
I'm glad. His voice was low, content-- despite his pride, it betrayed more of his true feelings than usual.
Abruptly he pulled away again, raising his head to look out past the grave, past everything. Burke said he's at Redhawk Caldera. I don't know where that is, but I intend to find out.

they came together on the set of her words; mona closed her eyes once more, arching gently into the nudge of his muzzle. such an odd feeling the man engendered in her — the yearling knew not what to make of it. she had no words for the mingling of affection and nameless things that kindled cinders inside her. 
as quickly as he had touched her, nathaniel broke their contact and turned his eyes to the distance; mona contemplated the storm-tossed azure hues with her own soft murkwater gaze, following the line of his stare beyond the grave of his father. sebastian/ and then 
"i know where redhawk caldera is!" mona exclaimed with a sweep of her tail against the snowy ground. in the next moment, her ears swept back with a fleeting shame that she had acted so childishly, and with such a loud voice. "when do you ... when do we go there?"

ew sorry for this post, kinda working to get back into writing Nathaniel
could archive now or post again tbh, idm either way

 

Nathaniel paused and turned his gaze back to Mona at her outburst; he was far from displeased with it, but confused for a moment that she seemed to think he might be (the obvious interpretation, he thought, of her sudden change in expression). The question that followed left no room to address it anyway. Unable to decide if he was relieved or not, he nonetheless took the opportunity to avoid making an ass of himself.
Full of surprises, aren't you, firebird? He commented with more than a little warmth to his tone. I don't know yet-- not too soon. I don't even know if Sebastian is still there.
But you're here. The thought came unbidden, and he didn't fight it this time-- just this once. Instead he turned to survey the area around them, then cast a glance at Mona; come with me, he beckoned silently, flicking an ear before he set off. If she followed, he would quickly let her take the lead during their exploration-- if not, he would find somewhere to think about his father and how much he resented the dead bastard.