Bearclaw Valley keep stealing ribbons from the steel, and giving hell to every halyard you can
All Welcome  June 12, 2018, 07:47 PM
Indra
Bearclaw Valley
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AW. backdated a bit. some stuff here to reference, idk, indra being pregnostic. tags are for reference, but of course you guys are welcome to hop in.

the last few weeks had gone by in a blur; things were busy for the redleaf. so busy that she often found herself sitting slumped at the corner of the den, weary-eyed and wishing the sun stayed up just a little longer, or the pups slept just a little longer. @Nunataq was a powerhouse, never tired, always going -- and indra, never energetic and always tired, followed after the girl's shenanigans with good humor and patience. @Marten had taken her a bit longer to get to know, but things were going to be okay, she thought.

@Laurel had been busy too, with her own pups to attend to -- they hadn't seen much of xan at all, and what they did see of him, they often drew him away. indra grew more tired, more restless, more frustrated as the days went on -- with everything.

him, how he had treated laurel, how he wasn't treating his kids, how she was tired to the bone from taking care of his kids, how they scrambled around like hens while he did whatever; had she not been suddenly imbued with permanent exhaustion and mysteriously gaining weight at a rapid pace, she might have tried convincing laurel to leave again.

the only thing that didn't make her more tired was @Tadec; indra found herself relying on him more and more - she loved the sweet way he interacted with the puppies, and how doting he was to her -- did she deserve him? did she?

it had come as a shock one day when she was thinking about how little she deserved anything, least of all tadec, that she was suddenly aware of a scent. cloying, sickly -- the scent that had hung around laurel for weeks. and then she was sick in the morning, then it was all the time, and once she put the pieces together a knot formed perpetually in her deeply dropping stomach and a dread; an overwhelming, inescapable dread.

what if she wasn't ready? what if tadec left her? what if she was an awful mother? what if laurel was mad, the puppies felt abandoned?

what if, what if, what if?

indra had always been a wolf enshrouded in her own troubled thoughts; she had always been prone to fitful melancholy.. and as the weeks blurred by, as they were wont to do when one felt wildly out of control, indra sunk deeper and deeper.

"he knows that it's impossible to tell a wolf
from a man if
he keeps his chin up
and his teeth clean."