Snowforest Taiga wind shear

Hoping for a Morningsider

That same girl had come by again. Kitty or Kassy or something like that. Alya allowed her to linger because she often smelled like Aditya, and Alya wanted to foster any relationship that might paint her in a good light to Morningside's leader. Besides, the girl was properly respectful (for the most part) and had a way of asking questions that always gave Alya's ego a boost. She was reminded of her own siblings, except there was a ruthlessness that Kissy clearly lacked.

That was fine, though. The lack of ruthlessness among the Morningsiders was something she was banking on, considering she was still loafing about and contributing very little. Today, she was doing nothing more than lying on her back, looking up at the rattling branches and contemplating the ephemeral nature of the seasons, and the way that time marched on unflinching while dragging her along for the ride. The leaves falling around her helped. It was all terribly poetic.

henlo

she looked so peaceful, looking up at the trees. he hated to disturb her.

but chaiyya was so intuitive, aditya knew that she knew he was there, just a few paces away. out of instinct, he gave a gentle whoof before approaching, smiling, his tail wagging slightly back and forth as he pulled up beside her. without ceremony, he lowered himself to the ground as well, though laying on his belly instead.

"feeling better?" he asked, a tinge of humor in his tone, which was overall kind. "you look like you're at least settling in well." enjoying the time off, no doubt. he didn't know her habits back home, but they had to be busier than this lackadaisical life, right?

Although lying on her back was technically the more vulnerable position, Alya knew it would show weakness to cover her soft, round belly now that someone had come upon her. She turned her head lazily toward Aditya when he chuffed at her and decided that he likely wouldn't try to kill her today.

"Better, but still far weaker than I'd like," she admitted, to world-weary for her usual games. She was in frank sort of mood, and it showed in her wan smiles and listless voice. "It's not like I'm dying or something. I should be able to do things, but everything requires all four legs. It's maddening." She wished she was back at home, where she'd earned enough laurels that she could rest on them. Here, she had nothing, was no one.

At least Aditya did not seem any more rested or happy. Misery truly did love company - hers, at least. But it wouldn't do to reveal something like that. She should say something comforting. "You probably have a lot more to complain about," she admitted, her expression showing how little she liked to acknowledge it - but a bit of rare compassion as well. It was as real as Alya could manage, which was not very real... but it was more than she might usually feel or express to someone outside her family. "I couldn't imagine trying to lead Moonspear on my own, without my parents to guide me or my sisters to help. And half the pack are my siblings." She injected a bit of humor into her words, hoping to get a more genuine smile out of him.

aditya gave her a sympathetic smile, understanding completely. once upon a time, he had been at morningside recovering from injuries, too. back then, he hadn't known how long he would stay, if he would even stay at all. now, four seasons later, he was still here. . .but he knew very well the feeling of being trapped in a place not your own, with little ability to even pitch in.

"it'll get better," he said in response, but then she was speaking again--about him. oh. she had picked up on the exhaustion in his voice, the tired lines of his face. adi looked shyly away, face set in a grimace. he had been trying so hard not to let on how difficult this had all been--was he really failing so badly at that?

"it's no walk on the beach," adi responded with a smirk, rolling his eyes upward. "but. . .i have sunny--the old leader's son--helping me out, now. and dawn should be back around soon enough. it'll. . .it'll get better," he echoed his words to her, though much more lamely than before. he turned to her, then, gazing warmly at her.

"thank you, though," he murmured. "i haven't spoken much about it, at all. to anyone."

Pity rose up within her, but it did not overwhelm her compassion. Here was a man who fought for the ones he loved, who remained loyal and true even past the death of his friend, the burning of his home, the heavy mantle of leadership. She was reminded of her father, and more notably, of her sister, Hydra. They had the same steady steel in them - but she could see that Aditya was a ship with no ballast beam, a tower with no buttresses. Without and Alya or a Lyra to balance and support them, a Hydra was any other wolf.

"My leg may be weak, but I am still strong," she said, her voice gentle as she rolled to her belly and sidled a bit closer - enough that she could tuck her nose into the thick fur on the back of his neck for a heartbeat or two. "Unburden yourself. I have borne a great many things. Let me help you carry this."

Because, at the end of the day, an Alya without a Hydra was no wolf at all. And Aditya would never be her sister, but perhaps together, they could achieve something more than the lowiness of spirit that plagued them both.

civilized as he was, aditya was still a brute. he was not immune to the power of a beautiful woman's touch. combined with her words--gentler than anything he'd heard from her before--he let out a sigh, shoulders sagging. looking straight ahead, afraid of what she'd see in his eyes.

desire? fear? . . .both?

"i couldn't ask that of you," adi murmured, feeling overwhelmingly guilty. that he'd even spilled his troubles to her was one thing, but this? he couldn't deny it was a gracious gesture--and any other time, he'd seize upon it with alacrity--but his pride was wounded, as of late. and this twisted the knife more than anything.

he gave her a sidelong glance, still not meeting her gaze directly. "this isn't your home--these wolves aren't your family," he continued. not to argue that she shouldn't consider the maplewood her home away from home. . .she certainly should! but-- "you have both of those, elsewhere. and you'll return to them soon. you don't need to repay me, chaiyya. i promise."

Alya pulled back a measure to offer a clear, steady gaze. She was not the sort of woman who was unable to lie with her eyes, but Aditya might not know that, and in any case, she was being truthful in that moment. "It is not about repayment," she said when he'd had time to glean as much from the look in her eyes. "You are not the only one who is alone, Aditya. I am tired of being alone."

It was more than that, though. It was something Alya was not ready to admit to - that she had come to care - at least a certain measure - about what happened to Aditya. Had he not cared for her? Alya was a cold woman, but she was not without a heart. Besides, she had always believed in reciprocity, had always admired those that paid their dues and performed their duties. And no, Aditya was not one of her own - was not Moonspear - but perhaps she was becoming one of them, a little. No less herself, but perhaps something a little more than she had been.

"Just talk to me. We're friends now, aren't we? Friends can talk."

he wanted to groan. damn the woman, she was actually convincing him to do the unthinkable. how could he promote the newcomer over other capable members of the pack?

and yet--who was there left? their numbers had dwindled. shale would have been an obvious choice, but he was gone. pema, too--missing. grayday's second litter had all departed, and his third were too young. would sebastian take up the challenge? aviana? who was there left, that was capable and willing?

this girl beside him was capable. and more than willing. what would be his rationale, to turn her offer down?

"friends, yes," adi said softly, blinking over at her. a rueful smile stretched his mouth. "i need someone beside me that i can trust--that i know will have my back if times get even tougher than they already are. i don't even know your real name, chaiyya."

well, so what? so--it just proved that she had been evasive so far. how could he trust her completely if even the smallest of details had been omitted?

Her expression remained just as open as before, but inwardly, Alya's mind was churning. They were talking about two different things, it seemed. She had been asking him to share his burdens, to speak frankly with her, and he seemed to think she'd been asking something else altogether. He wanted someone to trust, someone beside him.

Alya could be neither of those things. Not in the long run.

"Alya Ostrega," she said after a moment, figuring that she could, at least, offer him this. She knew she should correct him, tell him that she'd meant only to lend her ears. Instead, she said: "It is only a name. I had no reason to hide it. Or rather - no nefarious reasons." Alya offered a playful flash of teeth. "I hoped it would make you think on me. Did it work?"

"alya ostrega," he repeated, resisting the urge to roll his eyes that he finally--finally!--had the shadow's name. the surname was new, but her given name was something that could have come from his mother's tongue. it felt oddly familiar in his mouth, and he held it there for a moment, not speaking until she jested.

aditya laughed, shaking his head. "it drove me mad, i'll tell you that," he admitted. "you would have gotten the nickname, anyway, but it was terrible not to have something real behind it." something that was hers. it had felt wrong, to label her otherwise.

but now he just felt foolish. foolish that he now had, once again, let his mouth carry him to a place he hadn't necessarily intended to go. his gaze raked the ground, searching for meaning in the leaves. when there was, of course, none there, he glanced back up, grimacing.

"god, it's been a hell of a summer," he sighed.

Well, it wasn't as cutting as him having to hear it from someone else, but Alya found herself glad she'd been there to witness him learning her name. She rather liked the way it sounded on his tongue.

"What does it mean?" she asked him, making herself comfortable. This involved settling her shoulder against his, so that lying on her stomach did not put so much stress on her injured hind leg. "Chaiyya," she added, in case he wasn't sure. It had plagued her not to know, but she hadn't wanted to show it by asking. Somehow, all that had melted away in the course of this conversation. Alya was incapable of dropping every trace of subterfuge, but in that moment, she was as close to honest as she was likely to come.

"When we first met," she mused, thinking back to that day that she'd told him of Galaxy's death and the Redhawk's behavior, "my baby sister had just been murdered. Wolves I thought I could trust were turning their backs on us. Dear friends left, allies abandoned us, and one of my own littermates denounced the family. It was a terrible time. I was angry, Aditya, and so desperately sad. How could life go on, I thought? How were we supposed to pick up and move on from there?"

Thinking back on those days still caused tired anger to churn in the pit of her stomach. She still mourned for Galaxy and even for Korei, and she still remembered the bitterness of having Rannoch, Terance, and Wraen turn their backs and leave.

"But life goes on. We have no choice in the matter. Sometimes, I think that's more a blessing than we realize. One day you'll blink and realize you're happy again - and when that day comes, you'd better hang on. Because then you'll get caught in a swamp and get carted off to some tribe in the woods were they take in every lost duck and sing kumbaya."

"shadow," he said with a smirk, gazing over her black fur. he relaxed slightly, listening to her speech. with every word, she became more and more genuine--not the secretive, sly girl she had been upon arrival, and before. aditya watched her with interest, eyes soft. he let out a gentle breath of laughter, a puff of air through his nostrils, at her ending sentiment, and sighed once more.

"you're right, alya," he responded, nodding slowly. he glanced out into the woods, looking at the leaves--just on the brink of changing color. "i should be more thankful that we survived at all. that i'm alive now, speaking to you. who knows when it could all go belly-up again?"

adi looked over at her, a gentle smile painting his face. "i hope you're happy here," he murmured. "even if it's not home. i hope that i've been able to give you a place to stay with some joy."

Shadow. Fitting, she thought, even if Aditya did not know the full extent of it. She and her sisters were their own shadows - wholly dependant on one another for continued existance. Oh, she could survive for a time on her own. She did not need Hydra or Lyra to fight her battles or hunt her food. But she was not complete without them, was not herself.

Alya opened her mouth, on the verge of saying something like this to Aditya, when she was caught up in his tender smile. Her heart thudded unevenly, her pulse thrumming too-strong for a moment before she got ahold of herself. You have no business looking at me like that, she thought fondly, but what she said was, "It's been bearable."

But playing coy was not satisfying, here. She shifted, trying to rid herself of the uncomfortable tightness in her chest. She missed her family, missed being seen and known for who she was, rather than who she projected. "Aditya - " No. Don't do this, Alya. Dark, fathomless blue eyes met warm, tender gold. "I find there is a great deal to admire about you," she blurted, the urge to say something nice overwhelming her sensebilities.

"bearable," he repeated, snorting a quiet burst of laughter. he was just about to rib her for it when her face grew sincere, and her words, too. ah. frozen in this moment, he stared at her, blinking slowly. a fine shiver ran over his skin, his pelt, and the hairs rose slightly. he closed his eyes for a beat and opened them again--

and saw coelacanth, her cerulean orbs before him, her ebony coat gleaming in the early autumn sunlight.

chikni raat.

aditya swallowed and blinked rapidly, several times in succession, and alya was there once more. all at once, he felt incredibly awful, and he ducked his head, unable to rein back the frown that touched his lips. he chuckled awkwardly, ruefully, barely a breath. ears twitching, the corners of his mouth trembling.

why must it always be her? why must he always see her?

"thank you," adi said briefly, managing the barest of smiles. "but you--" he was going to argue a counterpoint on how she was wrong, how he was not as good as he seemed. his love for seelie, his affair with alarian, his inability to keep this pack together. . .she was wrong. but how could he say that now, after she had spoken her truth?

"thank you, alya. i think it goes without saying that i feel the same about you."

and he did, really. but how much of his words were actually for the woman here, and not for the seawolf that danced in all of his dreams?

The change was palpable. One moment they were lying there together, and the next, something cold and impassable rose up between them. Aditya turned to stone, and Alya cringed inside while maintaining her outward expression of sincerity. What was she doing, here?

And she thought there was a great deal to admire about herself as well. She had never doubted that. It was just that - what could Aditya see in her that was to be admired? They were two sides of the same coin. Loyalty, devotion, determination... but they were still so different, and Alya had to wonder who it was Aditya really saw when he looked at her. Surely, if it was Alya herself, he would not say these things about her. She believed him too pure, too golden.

"This is the part where you kiss me," she said into the pregnant pause.

it would be easy to give in. to use this girl to alleviate the pain, to fashion her into the images that haunted his mind. to imagine her sleeker, and scented with salt. there was a part of him that found her incredibly enticing, but an even larger part still hung up on wheeling gull isle. even after all this time, and after all of the changes. he couldn't stop.

aditya leaned forward and pressed his muzzle against her cheek, lingering against the soft, warm fur there for a few moments. when he pulled away, there were broken things in his eyes.

"there's something i have to do," he whispered, feeling like an absolute wreck. he shook his head. "i can't talk about this right now--i can't do this right now. not yet. not until i know." he was rambling absolute nonsense at her, words that only made sense in his head. adi rose to his feet, legs trembling, his body clumsy with fear and with desire barely checked.

"i can't--i'm sorry--"

and he crashed away into the brush, tail all but tucked between his legs.

Alya endured the clumsy touch without giving away her distaste for it. She'd already determined that she wasn't going to get what she wanted - never a good thing - and could now only wait for the inevitable fallout. Sure enough, the male fumbled through his excuses, trembling and broken, and then turned and fled from her presence.

How interesting, she thought, watching his bushy tail disappear through the trees. It would have been a much more satisfying encounter if she'd thought she was solely responsible for his turmoil, or if his turmoil had ended with him caught up in her embrace. But, while there was a force outside of herself that clearly ruled him, she could not help but dwell on his words. Not yet. As if she would wait on him. As if she would deign to be his second choice.

Distantly, she took note of the raw ache in her chest. An unfortunate side effect of her manipulations. Nothing more.