Illusions of the sunlight.

Malachi · (This post was last modified: November 09, 2014, 07:43 PM by Malachi.)

@Njal

From the Glacier's eastern edge, Malachi watched the sun break the distant horizon, painting the sky with hues of pallid gold. Somewhere behind him the pack slumbered on, or drifted through the wakening world, or busied themselves in whatever ways they could in these days of healing that inevitably followed their fall. The days continued to grow shorter and shorter, and the nights provided the forest floor with a thin blanket of frost. The dawning sun would melt the layer quickly, but the youth knew soon enough their home would be covered in ice and snow.

Though Tuwawi and her pups remained missing, Týrr had returned to them after pursuing the cats, though he too had returned empty pawed. While Malachi found hope in the youth's arrival, having to inform the Northerner of the Sveijarn's tragic days had woken the discomfort he'd tried so hard to bury away. Malachi wished for nothing more than to leave the land and search harder, to find anything that could bring Njal certainty that his family was alive and alright and returning home soon, but Malachi knew full well he couldn't do that now, not with his responsibilities here. But the temptation was there, and very real, and gazing now into the distant lands did nothing to take it away.

RIP Njal · November 12, 2014, 09:13 PM

It had been another sleepless night. All of Njal's energy went in to protecting Maera during the day, from the moment she woke up to well after she fell asleep beside him. He watched her slumber with the diligence he should have given to the other children; all of that energy, all of that fear he held in losing the last of his kin, was directed upon the young girl. It seemed as if the days were growing too short, too fast - the glacier spent most of its days cloaked in the darkness of an oncoming winter, and that was something Njal was steadily beginning to loathe.

He wanted to run away. He wanted to return to the creek, or head somewhere less dangerous to them all - but most important to him, although he would never admit it aloud, Njal wanted to leave. To return to the road and not look back. The responsibility placed upon him to be a single parent was far too much at this point. He wasn't equipped. Perhaps the guilt he felt (conscious or not) was what fueled his desperate need to keep an eye on his remaining child.

The sky was streaked in gold, like a summer field. Like Kindred in the peak of the hotter seasons. Njal could see the light from the den where the pair of Sveijarns roosted - and he was suddenly pulled away from Maera's side by the sight of it. Yearning for simpler days. He would be within earshot - within running distance, surely - if anything were to threaten her. Or so he told himself.

But already the man was going farther. His strides devoured the land as he dove between the trees, carving paths with his wide body, and lending a thunderous applause to an otherwise still landscape. A dead landscape. When he stopped, he was out of breath - and faced with the eastern edge of the territory, far outside of his mental boundary of permitted distance from Maera; he was breathing hard, and yet the energy of his spontaneous run did not echo through his dead-eye stare.

Malachi · November 15, 2014, 10:13 PM

He flicked his gaze here and there, seeing where he could go - and found himself overwhelmed with the possibilities of all the places Tuwawi and her pups may have wandered to. The world was far bigger than anything he imagined while in the Vale, and full of more sorrow than he could even count. He thought his family had suffered, with their own plague of cats and the landslide that had killed his brother - but then he had come here.

The youth puffed out a gentle sigh, the sum of his thoughts, and reluctantly drew to his paws. Getting lost in thought would do him no good. There were too many things he needed to do - hunting and gathering, preparing for the winter that settled fast upon them - but just to think on these set worry in the youth. The pack was capable of accomplishing these tasks, but as leader, he felt the pressure to work at them tenfold. There came with this a dreadful stress and a sense of heavy accountability he'd not felt in a long while.

But ignoring these feelings wouldn't do him any good, either, and Malachi prepared to leave his wish to search on the border's edge. But the sound of nearby movement distracted him, and he canted his ears and turned, hackles bristling as he prepared to meet his approacher. He still feared the lynx lived nearby, and were simply waiting for an ideal time to strike again. But as soon as it came, the noise drew away and Malachi scanned the woods that littered the Glacier's base. His eyes fell on a stony form, not far from where he stood, and he felt his hackles lower, though apprehension still stirred within. Malachi had not seen Njal wander far from the den where Maera slept in the days after his return. What had happened that brought him here now? Njal's unexpected presence brought unease to the youth, but Malachi held himself with what confidence he could retain. "Is... everything alright?" He called, wincing at how his voice broke the morning hour.

RIP Njal · November 15, 2014, 10:49 PM

The chill in the air was more obvious due to the puffs of white that drifted from his lips; but he felt only the burn of his lungs. The heat of his pulse and the drumming of his heart - alive, he felt alive. It was a feeling so alien to the exhausted man that he couldn't fathom it; and so he paced back and forth, an itch to his flesh that wouldn't leave him. He had come to the edge of the territory and... And...?

And nothing. He thought bitterly, forcing himself to stop his strutting and turn around. Njal moved back towards the tree line and that was the moment he spotted Malachi. The boy spoke swiftly -

Is... everything alright? - and was met with a narrow-eyed scowl.

Njal turned away from him for a moment to collect himself - and when he looked back the scowl was gone, but not much of the sentiment. Alright? What kind of question was that. I'm... Frustrated, angry, hurt, how many descriptive words could he concoct right this second? I'm not sure how I am. Ah, that was a better answer. A safer one. There was no point in raging in front of the Alpha. Njal's brow furrowed and his eyes, drooping thoughtfully as they passed over the soil, would not stop straying. I don't know what to do.

Malachi · November 16, 2014, 08:27 PM

Malachi realized his mistake the moment the words slipped from his mouth and he clicked his jaws shut. Too late. He suddenly felt too close to the man and he stiffened, drawing his ears against his skull in preparation for the lashing he assumed would follow his naively spoken words. What had made him even think it wise to say anything at all?

If Malachi had seen Njal shift from a scowl to a stare of neutrality, he would not have given it much weight in determining how to approach the Northerner next. Njal was no doubt concealing everything he wanted to spew in response to the youth's tactless inquiry: the fire in his words was telling enough. He failed to hide his pain and, though Malachi felt sorrow for the man, he felt a stir of fear that did not subside even after Njal resorted to a tone less fierce.

The youth found himself in an awkward situation, and he turned his own eyes to the ground and shifted from paw to paw. He believed Njal to have spoken his statement as a standalone: I don't know what to do... and I don't expect you to, either. At least, this was what Malachi told himself to judge whether or not the man expected his help. He didn't even know if he could help the father, and any comfort he tried to give would only prove superficial in the grander scheme. Besides, it wasn't like he'd done much good in bringing his own parents through their misery. Could he really do any different here? Unsettled and at a loss, the youth fell silent, despite the desire to do something to ease the burden the grieving father bore.

RIP Njal · (This post was last modified: November 19, 2014, 12:01 AM by RIP Njal.)

He knew, somewhere inside that thick skull of his, that anger was not needed here. That being bent out of shape about the situation was a natural response, but not something he should subject others to - especially the young leader. But looking upon Malachi, even just glimpsing him out of Njal's periphery, he realized that there was some spite there. He hadn't just come back to an empty nest, but to a pack that had been essentially usurped from him; rank had never meant anything to the warrior before and yet, with all the other things missing from his life, redirecting his anger towards something as trivial as his position in the pack was... Well, it was something. A tangible thing that was closer in grasp than his missing wife.

But that wasn't what brought him out here, to the edge of the land. Thoughts of Malachi's rise to power were not so prevalent upon his mind; he was thinking of one very specific thing. What if. What if he left? What if he abandoned Maera to the care of Duskfire and its young leader? Tuwawi was gone, Larus was lost, Valtyr - so much had gone wrong. So what if one more thing goes wrong. It was a horrid thought, one which Njal should have banished as soon as it slipped to the surface of his mind. He couldn't help but entertain the idea though - leave, abandon everything, and find happiness elsewhere.

Njal paced along the edge of the land. He could smell where it ended - the ammonia of urine, the wolf musk of Danica and Malachi together, a myriad of other scents... The dwindling mark of Tuwawi. The pace of his heart slowed to something more normal, but the weight in his chest was still unbearable. He stared out in to the dark beyond as he came to a halt, lingering in the quiet - and forgetting for a moment that Malachi was even present.

Malachi · November 22, 2014, 12:01 AM

Apologies if this becomes a thread of great introspection.

Malachi remained without a word. In his periphery Njal paced back and forth, but the man's thoughts evaded the youth, and the constant pacing made the young leader shift from paw to paw.

In truth, the youth thought often of his position here now that Njal had returned to them. At first, Malachi had felt justified in his decision to assume the position of Alpha, to stop the pack from crumbling, as a service to what Njal and Tuwawi had done for him - for them. He'd had full intention of surrendering the rank once their rightful leaders returned, and yet, something stopped him now. Njal was back... but he was not the same. The lynx attack, the loss of his family - the man returned changed, understandably so, but the change made Malachi second think his initial plan. The rank he filled felt too big for him, and he wanted to roll belly up before Njal and surrender everything back, but... he just couldn't bring himself to do that. At least, not yet.

But Malachi voiced none of these thoughts, and knew nothing of Njal's enmity against him. He turned a sideways glance at the man and felt a prickle of apprehension at the way the man simply stared, as if the world around him ceased to exist. Malachi gave no attempt to break the man's gaze, fearful of his intensity, and finding nothing appropriate in this moment but silence - if even that. He wished to slink away, back into the forest and far from Njal, but Malachi knew no discreet way to disappear, and so he remained frozen in place and stuck in a rut of prickling discomfort and a confusing desire to help.

RIP Njal · November 22, 2014, 12:27 AM

Intense thread is intense. :o

A spark of life finally came to the beast. In one instant he was staring out in to space, and the next, he was turning and dashing for Malachi - almost as if he intended to do the boy harm. But he slipped to a halt as he came upon the leader, leaving great gashes in the dirt. I'm going to leave. There wasn't any true conviction in his voice, but a void - like the dark which had captured his interest moments prior - and before Malachi had a chance to respond, he continued.

I want to leave, but I know I cannot. For Maera's sake, I cannot. A heavy sigh shuddered through him, and his head dropped, indicating the shame in the sentiment. But that need she has of me, for me to be present and to protect her, it weighs too heavily upon my shoulders. It was this that made him run so far, and yet, the weight of his responsibilities also rooted him. Njal turned his golden gaze upon Malachi but the darkness in them - coupled with the sunken and dark rings of his sleep deprivation - made him appear ghoulish.

When Tuwawi - no. If she returns unharmed, I don't know what I'll do. The ambiguous statement hung in the air between them, and for a moment silence bloomed; Njal pulled back and began his pacing anew, although at a slower pace - tracing along the chasms he had dug in to the earth. Everything lay bare before the young leader. Njal's conflict was too much for one to bear, and thus he was forced to share the burden... Although it was probably not something Malachi was equipped to deal with. Maybe I'll take Maera from here and find somewhere safe. Somewhere truly safe, not the glacier. Not Swiftcurrent... But, I... I don't know. As the last words left him, Njal's pacing halted abruptly and he breathed a great sigh, deflating with his indecision.

Malachi · November 28, 2014, 05:48 PM

Malachi jerked at Njal's sudden approach and drew back as if to run. But before he could sweep around into the woods, the man came to a tearing stop and the boy froze, deep confusion rooting him in place. Njal's fervour did not pass to his words, nor did it correspond with the seemingly regular announcement he gave. Malachi had no qualm with Njal leaving - the others came and went as they pleased, so why shouldn't he?

But as Njal continued and the youth listened on, Malachi began to get a sense that the man had in mind a leave much longer than a few hours. The youth shifted in place, stricken by the pale man's confessions, and felt a weight pass on to him as Njal spoke of the burden he bore. The youth had convinced himself that Njal had enough help in Arabella and Danica in caring for Maera, but perhaps that was not the case. He felt a trickle of shame and he passed his gaze over Njal's at that moment, only to promptly turn away, skin prickling at the ghastly look that plagued the man's sunken eyes.

Njal was right: Malachi had no knowledge or wisdom to deal with what the man placed before him now. The situation had been fragile enough, and Njal's desire to leave only pushed it closer to breaking again. What if the pups returned? What if Tuwawi came back? The family was in shambles, and though he'd held hope they could fix this, Malachi was beginning to doubt that anything could heal this mess.

The youth remained quiet, eyes gently fixed upon the man's crushed form, and shifted again on his paws. He knew what his father would do, for he had seen him do it before: carry his family away to a place that would let him forget his grief, and yet even that hadn't been enough. And they had left no one but the dead behind. That wouldn't be the case here. Malachi drew his eyes away from Njal, thoughts overwhelmed. "How long have you been thinking of this?"

RIP Njal · December 02, 2014, 05:35 PM

Since... Since seeing Maera. Maybe sooner. When I was told Tuwawi had left - I didn't want to believe it, but, He grit his teeth and turned away from the boy, his gaze sliding along the frosted earth. The sentence floated in the air, incomplete, until a new thought drifted in to his fevered mind.

What if I leave and she comes back? What if she never- No, he couldn't fathom that. He couldn't think of that possibility even if it was so obvious. The words caught in his throat and he, wanting to scream and roar, breathed a great puff of air in to the morning light. Njal's head bowed briefly as he tried to collect his thoughts, which were many, and varied. It proved to be quite difficult.

And where could we go? I do not want a wanderer's life for my daughter. She deserves better than that. They all deserved so much more, but he had failed them. As a father, as a leader... How could he even hope for something greater than what he had now?

Malachi · December 05, 2014, 11:19 PM

Malachi said nothing; he simply let Njal speak. With every new word the struggle in the man became more real to the youth, and the weight of the situation more apparent. He had little comfort to give - the questions the father raised, though valid, were none he could answer, even if he tried. To say there was hope Njal's lost ones would return was one thing. To say they would with certainty was another entirely.

But if there was one thing Malachi was sure of, it was that he didn't think running away would do the man any good. If his young heart knew anything of sorrow, it was this: that your pain would follow you wherever you ran, no matter the distance you placed between yourself and the source of your misery. A furrow contorted the boy's face at the thought, but he blinked it away to focus on the present. Njal's troubles were more pressing than his own.

"You both deserve better." He finally said, flicking his gaze to rest on Njal. He forced his mind to seek out the strength he'd seen in the man when they'd come to this land, when they'd all been filled with the certainty they were beginning a better life here. It was hidden there, somewhere, Malachi was sure. "Stay here, at least until spring comes. It'll be safer than anywhere out there, especially in the winter." Njal may not have thought the glacier safe, but his alternate options were just as hazardous. If Tuwawi did not return by spring... no. Malachi did not let his mind entertain the thought further. Tuwawi would return - every doubt aside - and they would be safe here, both Maera and Njal, and everyone else who called the mountain home. He would make sure of it.

RIP Njal · December 10, 2014, 04:09 PM

With his mind set upon so many things, the weather had slipped on through the cracks; Njal had forgotten about the impending winter, and as soon as Malachi reminded him, the wind went out of his proverbial sails. The boy was right, of course. Njal couldn't leave - with or without Maera - with winter on its way. This moment served to harden his heart, though. He had made his decision and now was forced to wait, to give pause before action, which was something Njal was not very good at. Winter was no time to be traveling, especially at Maera's young age, but at the same time.. How safe was this glacier? It was harsh even without the added threat of heavy snow and limited resources.

More thoughts to add to the pile. His face set in a grimace, a very brief moment of pain and frustration, before that fell away and Njal was left staring blankly towards the trees again. But he had been dissuaded - Malachi had achieved at least that much. With a huff, the man turned and began a slow walk - but paused, long enough to glance towards the boy and mutter, Thank you. I appreciate the counsel, Malachi. He needed to see his daughter now. He needed to go to her and be with her, even if his mind was wandering. When the spring comes, we will be leaving. Although the ex-leader had no idea where they would go... He wouldn't let that stop him. There was a safe haven out there for his tiny family and he would find it.

As silence dwarfed the conversation, Njal turned and began hiking away.

Malachi · December 18, 2014, 01:30 PM

Malachi couldn't read the thoughts passing through the stone man's mind, nor did he pretend he could. The youth only hoped Njal would see the reason in his argument, that leaving in the dead of winter would not serve to further the father's commitment to his daughter's safety in any way.

He took the frustration that wrote its way across Njal's hard-set face as a sign his words had settled against the Sveijarn's hasty plan. But when Njal turned away with only a puff of air in reply, Malachi's conviction faltered. He let his own breath pass from his lips in a noiseless sigh, and though his shoulders sagged, they did so only in defeat.

When Njal finally turned, Malachi couldn't bring his posture to change. The knowledge he'd convinced Njal to remain through the winter should have filled his heart with satisfaction, yet the words only served to sink him further. If the man's mind remained set, he could do nothing to force Njal to stay once spring hit, even though he wished with everything he could. Not because it would be for Njal's own good, but because it would be for his own. When he'd stepped up to lead, it had been under the conviction Tuwawi and Njal would assume the position of leadership once they had returned. Now it was becoming clear to the youth his hopes had been but a fantasy, and his commitment one he could not escape. Pride prevented him from stepping down, shame from abandoning those in his care, and duty from running from his ties completely. That he even had these thoughts brought the boy insurmountable guilt, and so he shut them away until they became a mere and constant buzz somewhere in the root of his soul.

So the silence consumed them, and Malachi watched wordlessly as Njal took leave of his company. The boy's eyes lingered upon the man until he disappeared from sight, and soon Malachi found himself alone once again on the line between Duskfire and every luring temptation the world had to offer beyond the Glacier's shattered bounds.