For
@Peregrine <3 erm i'm going to assume this is after crete's thread with osprey just because i have no idea what's going to happen and i don't want to get the timeline too confused sooo, i'm leaving things vague. :p
One, two, three, four, five, Methodically Crete counted his steps.
Six, seven, eight, nine, ten. Abruptly he turned and began to count once more. Pacing, Crete had discovered, was effective for working off tension, among other nagging emotions. It was not tension that gnawed mercilessly at his heart, making him feel rather …well
sick. It was shame. Guilt. Horror at what he was about to do. A good brother would be happy, would follow Hawkeye obediently, would play nice with his brother’s mate -- obviously Crete was not a good brother in that case. Yet, he was tired. Tired of keeping his concerns locked tight within him, just because he didn’t want to rain on Peregrine’s parade, and (though this was harder to admit) because he was afraid of how Peregrine would react to the truth of Crete’s feelings. He had stayed in the darkness of his den for days, letting everything eat holes in his soul as he became a stubborn recluse, until he had been brought to this point. Pacing, unable to keep it in anymore. Peregrine could fly off the handle at him, throw him out exactly as Tyrannus had -- for judging Hawkeye, for disapproving of her leaving for days at a time, for the (more or less) fight he had gotten into with her; but if that was the case, Crete wasn’t going to let
her get off scotch free for throwing Flightless Falcons back in his face, acting like she understood what had happened, for being petty because she couldn’t handle his concerns -- or whatever reason had caused her to aim a low blow at Crete.
Tyrannus’ exile had taught Crete a valuable life lesson. He was no one’s doormat - Alpha or not.
There was a chance that Crete, as an inherent worrier, was imagining scenarios wildly out of proportion, but he was weary never the less. Yet, it also wasn’t fair to keep his concerns from Peregrine, as his subordinate, but more importantly as his brother; because no matter what Peregrine would come to think of him in the coming hours, Crete would never leave his brother, and never intentionally hurt him. It wasn’t as if love could be so easily disregarded and thrown away. Love -- no matter what kind was shared -- didn’t work like that. Pacing ceased, sea green eyes staring forlorn at his paws, as he sucked in a deep breath. Head rose slowly, sunlight touching the fur along his muzzle. Leathery, black nostrils flared as he inhaled the scents around him, searching specifically for Peregrine’s. When Crete was certain he had grasped his littermate’s scent amidst the mingle of others, he began heading in that direction hoping that he would find Peregrine alone, without the presence of Hawkeye. Though she was the concern of what he needed to ‘speak’ to his brother about, the conversation did not require her, and Crete, frankly, did not want to have to deal with her attacking him verbally while he was trying to talk with Perry.
Crete was terrified that his future was so unclear -- that within in this conversation he could find himself packless, but it wasn't as if it would be the first time and there was a cruel sort of comfort in that.
table by houkie
Peregrine yawned hugely, his gaze roving slowly over his surroundings. Hawkeye had just headed out for a patrol, leaving the sleepy Alpha male lazing in a patch of winter sunshine. He saw no compelling reason to move just now, as he'd spent the earlier part of the day hunting (he'd left the spoils for Osprey this time), followed quickly thereafter by running through the woods and occasionally coupling with his mate. Now, he was tired and he felt he'd earned the right to a nap.
Before he could ease forward onto his belly, the Alpha male heard footfalls heading his way. Almost lazily, he sniffed the air, his whole body perking when he recognized Crete's scent. "Yooo," he drawled when his mute litter mate strode into view. Peregrine rose onto all fours and stretched, then moved nearer to Crete without bothering with posturing of any kind. "What's up, chatterbox?" he questioned, using a playful nickname he liked to throw out there occasionally because irony is funny, you know.
Crete could feel the adrenaline pulse through his veins, borne of his anxiety at the critical moments to follow in the wake, unknowingly triggering his flight or fight instinct. A couple of times towards the den Peregrine shared with Hawkeye, Crete would give pause, and consider backing out. It would be easier to turn around, go back and pretend that everything was fine. Of course that was a load of crap, and Crete knew it. It wasn’t easy to pretend such a thing when it
wasn’t fine. Not to mention there was a slim possibility that Hawkeye had probably told Peregrine already -- Crete had no idea but he considered it an option. His heart was deafening in his ears when Peregrine emerged from the den, stretching, calling out to him in Perry’s way of greeting. At first, he could barely bring himself to even look at Peregrine, his mind racing as he tried to get his thoughts in some sort of comprehensible order. There was no going back from this point.
When Crete did finally look at Peregrine, he felt a small measure of relief that his brother did not seem interested in formalities between an alpha and a subordinate even a rebellious one. At Peregrine’s ironic, playful nickname, Crete’s lips barely twitched upwards. He couldn’t bring himself to smile, to enjoy the moment before the unknown would swallow him whole. He needed to get his concerns and how he felt out now, or he feared he would never do it. He looked at Peregrine in full then, meeting his brother’s eyes, expression morose and serious. Peregrine, we need to speak. Crete’s body language spoke to his brother. If Crete had not been using non-verbal communication since his birth practically -- if Peregrine wasn’t so good at reading it, it might have been hard to do, but Crete had faith in their abilities to communicate with one another. It’s about Hawkeye. Crete gestured to his side, where Hawkeye would have stood if she had been there, though Crete was grateful that she wasn’t.
At that Crete paused, wanting to make absolutely sure that Peregrine was following along with what Crete was attempting to communicate.
table by houkie
Because of his lackadaisical state of mind, Peregrine didn't even cotton onto Crete's mood until his brother "spoke" to him. Suddenly, the Alpha male saw all the signs: the tightening of Crete's eyes, the lines of stress in the way he held his body, the anxious vibe... He blinked himself into a more wakeful state and furrowed his brow, nodding to show Crete that he had his full attention.
When Crete indicated his concern had something to do with Hawkeye, Peregrine felt the muscle in his jaw tighten defensively. Had this been almost any other wolf, he would've immediately told Crete to piss off. But this was his brother. Instead, Peregrine cocked his ears, wordlessly replying to Crete's unspoken words: Go on... I'm listening.
Even so, the cogs in his mind already began to whirl. If the two were at odds, whose side would he take? He'd known Crete their whole lives—since before they were even born—but Hawkeye was his mate now and, much more importantly, the mother of his future children. Hell, she might even now be carrying his pups. The stakes were high and the trepidation was written in every line of Peregrine's dark body.
i am questioning my sanity on making Crete mute right now. xD *magically gives Crete a temporary voice* lol if only. :p
Crete understood the stakes, but Hawkeye's totalitarian statement at the meeting, reminding him to the point of unhindered disgust of Tyrannus terrific reflection, that decisions had to be made, unless of course Peregrine so willing to kick him out as his mate was. Crete wondered, worried whose side Peregrine would take - his blood or his fuck buddies'. Crete could never see Hawkeye as a sister-in-law. She had seen to that herself. Maybe he was at fault, but she wasn't rainbow puppy innocent herself. Crete had no intentions of lying to Peregrine - lying was not something he ever agreed with, even as a child. I had, still have, concerns about some of her methods of leading, Crete began standing tall though his legs quivered slightly in his fear - the only physical indication that he truly feared Peregrine's reaction. I wasn't trying to disrespect her, And Crete hadn't been, he had just wanted her to know that it bothered him that she left the pack without a leader for days on end (and that her story changed when she read his calling her out on it). Wouldn't that bother anyone that cared? He was beyond caring know. Instead of listening to my concerns and trying to soothe them she lashed out at me in petty anger, Crete had no idea if Peregrine would understand what he was desperately trying to communicate correctly through body language. It was frightening to Crete, but he needed to make sure Peregrine translated correctly or else what was already bad had the potential to become worse. She talks like she knows about us, about Tyrannus and it pissed me off. He's a dickface but he's still our brother. Crete wasn't rushing to Tyrannus' side but he had once been the coolest big brother, and Crete still loved him despite the bad choices and actions Tyrannus chose to make.
This has nothing to do with my personal feelings about your mate ship, or whatever. This disagreement had happened before any of that happen, and though Crete did not agree, these feelings had no place in this current conversation. Look, I won't make you choose, okay? Crete's expression twisted in sorrow. Because I fear you'd pick her over me, anyway, It was a conclusion based off of the facts that Crete had to work with. He didn't want to hear Peregrine pick Hawkeye over him because Crete wasn't sure his broken heart could take any more hits. She and I will never see eye to eye, and I can't follow a wolf, your mate or not, who can't handle the concerns of her subordinates like an adult and leader she is supposed to be. I will make it easy and leave if that is what it comes too. Crete no idea what he would go, and the thought of leaving his brothers and sister tore him to the core, but surely he could find someplace.
Peregrine focused on Crete's face and body, doing his best to understand the message his brother was trying to convey. It was like a strange game of charades, albeit with none of the merrymaking. His mouth fell into a grim line as Crete explained his issues with Hawkeye. The swarthy male couldn't help but feel defensive, as it was his mate in question. More than that, Crete had already made his anger with Peregrine's promotion clear and now, it seemed, he had issues with both Alphas.
The thing that bothered Peregrine the most was the fact that both Crete and Atticus had expressed anger when he'd become Alpha, simply because of their history with Tyrannus. Yet, here and now, Crete seemed to be defending their elder brother, who'd actually betrayed them, where Peregrine hadn't. The injustice of it stung bitterly. He found it difficult to quell his own rising feelings of resentment and maintain his focus to make sure he understood all of his mute litter mate's points.
Then Crete said something even more unfair, insisting he knew Peregrine would pick Hawkeye over him, just like that. "Really, Crete?" Peregrine spat, unable to hold it back. "Fuck, dude. I understand why you and Atti have misgivings about my rank, I really do, but are you fucking kidding me right now? What the fuck did I do to deserve all this doubt from you and Atti? God damn it, we've known each other our whole lives! Why don't you give me some fucking credit?" he hissed.
Immediately, Peregrine felt bad for lashing out at his silent kin. He drew in a deep breath, then sighed and said, "Look, bro, I'm sorry to yell at you like that. It's uncool of me. It's just that... the total lack of faith is starting to get to me. Please give me a fucking chance to prove myself as a leader, will you? How long do I have to pay for Tyrannus's sins before you two give me a goddamn inch?"
With that said, Peregrine knew he had to prove it, particularly regarding the issue at hand: Hawkeye. "Listen, I'll talk to Hawkeye if you like. I mean, do you think there's any chance it could've been a gigantic misunderstanding? She's not used to communicating with a mute, Crete." Peregrine paused, then said, "In any case, she's fiery and she's moody sometimes. I'm aware of these things, you know. I'm not blind to them or anything. Neither one of us has been Alphas for very long, either, so we're gonna make mistakes, say and do stupid shit."
Seeking and holding his brother's gaze, the Alpha finished by saying, "Nobody wants you to leave. If you can give Hawkeye—and me—an inch, the least we can do is listen to your constructive criticism. The road has to go both ways."
It was not that Crete was attempting to defend Tyrannus but he didn't want Hawkeye running around calling him crude names like she knew him. She only knew what Peregrine and Atticus has told her but that hardly give her the right to hop on the bandwagon and call him names. We were his brothers, they had suffered an injustice is paws – not her. She was taking liberties she had not been given, in Crete's eyes on that situation. Crete winced ever so slightly when Peregrine's words lashed out at him like a whip, and felt guilty that he had considered Peregrine would pick Hawkeye over him; what was he supposed to think? Was it not better to imagine the worst case scenario that it was to assume Peregrine would pick him and then have his heart shattered into a million pieces with his brother didn't? Nothing, Shamefully, Crete looked down at his paws, trying to fight the kindling of hope that had begun to blossom in his chest. I'm sorry Perry. Yet, Hawkeye not seem to like Crete - it was extremely mutual at that point. It wasn't that Crete didn't trust Peregrine as an alpha, more so that he didn't trust Hawkeye. Peregrine wasn't Tryannus and that had become abundantly clear in Peregrine's following words in regards to speaking to Hawkeye. I sort of doubt that, Crete gave his brother a thoughtfully dubious look at that faltered there are a few seconds. There was always the case that Hawkeye would lie to Peregrine to cover her ass and in that case what could Crete do? It wasn't as if he could counter it or anything. Peregrine hadn't been there, hadn't been the one to have his valid concerns and his circumstances slapped his face as she acted like some kind of insolent child.
I'm giving you a inch, Peregrine. I trust you, And he did. Now, there just seem to be a shaky situation with Hawkeye. She had already proven that she had no time or patience for constructive criticism and had said as much in the meeting when she spoke brazenly that she considered it disloyalty and would banish anyone who dared to do it. She considers it disloyalty and will banish anyone who dares it, remember? She was speaking to head of me when she said that. Crete attempted to inform Peregrine. The icy look the woman had given him had solidified as much to Crete.
It made Peregrine feel bad, seeing the way Crete reacted to his harsh words. "I'm sorry too," he repeated, not at all above apologizing to his brother. "Tyrannus really fucked shit up, didn't he?" he muttered lowly, shaking his swarthy head. Although his brothers might not like Hawkeye or anybody else badmouthing their elder sibling, Peregrine wouldn't stop anyone from talking shit about Tyrannus. Peregrine felt like he'd been screwed over twice now by his power-hungry older brother; he deserved every filthy insult slung his way.
Crete seemed unconvinced about the possibility of a misunderstanding. Peregrine still felt like it must have played a part. Crete's family had had years to perfect the art of interpreting Crete's silent voice. Surely something had gone awry, had been lost in translation. Peregrine didn't see any need to argue this point, however, so didn't mention it again.
Instead, he looked Crete right in the eye and said, "Look, I want you to know that I'm not going to blindly side with Hawkeye just because she's my girl. I respect the shit out of her but I'm not a stupid, lovesick sheep or anything, all right? Maybe if I talk to her, she'll be more open to constructive criticism. I don't mind taking the heat for you in any case, bro. I was too caught up with other stuff to read too deeply in her words at the meeting, if I'm going to be honest," Peregrine also admitted. Any other time, he would've cracked a crude joke about all the dirty things going through his head that day but he didn't so much as crack a smile now.
"For now, feel free to come to me anytime with any issue. I mean that, Crete. We'll get you and Hawkeye back on better terms but, in the meantime, my word is law as much as hers is," he finished, lapping his tongue over his brother's eye.
Crete did not dispute Peregrine's assessment of Tyrannus for their elder brother had ruined a lot of things. Trust, most of all, precious as it was. Crete's sense of trust in others had been utterly destroyed and it was no one but Tyrannus' fault. It was not fair Peregrine had to suffer the burden and injustice of Tyrannus' mistake -- hell, it wasn't fair to anyone had to suffer it. Least of all, Peregrine, though. I'm sorry, Crete repeated, hating that he had assumed, but he had let Tyrannus and Hawkeye ruin his belief and faith in Peregrine. It happened selfish and inherently idiotic of Crete. He felt like even more of an idiot when Peregrine met his eyes and explained that he was not going to blindly side with Hawkeye. Relief burst in Crete's chest, tainted as it was with the guilt, but relief nevertheless. You don't have to take any heat for me, Perry, Crete did not want Peregrine to take the fall for Crete's thoughts and actions – that wasn't fair. My thoughts are my own and if she wants to banish me because she considers me disloyal than fine. I own up to my disagreements, I can handle it. Crete was hardly weak, and did not want to ruin Peregrine's happiness with Crete's own inability to feel it around Hawkeye. Perhaps Crete had no right to judge or speak on Hawkeye's unwise (to him) decisions but he did not exactly come from a family of meek mice. He was not afraid to make his concerns known I would not back down just because it hurt Hawkeye's feelings. Life was hardly fair and a perfect world did not exist. Of that, Crete knew all too well. Thank you, Perry. Crete playfully scrunched up his nose in disgust when Peregrine's tongue slid over his eye, but he became serious once more as he touched his forehead to his brother's. Thank you. Crete was not sure how he could repay his brother for his gratitude, but Crete wanted to make sure Peregrine understood how much he appreciated his support and aid. It meant the world to Crete.
"Stop apologizing," Peregrine said, his voice imperious but his gaze soft. "I know I don't have to do anything but you're my brother, Crete. I know Tyrannus ruined your trust in the meaning of brotherhood but you should be able to tell by now that I'm not going to let a girl or a rank or anything come between me and my bros." His face split into a wolfish grin.
"And I know you can handle yourself and all that," he added a beat later, "so my offer to help has nothing to do with me thinking you're weak or anything stupid like that. I know you can kick ass and take names... silently, like a ninja." The Alpha wiggled his brows and laughed, a sound which many wolves did not get the pleasure of hearing.
"In other news, how awesome is it that Osprey's here? Can you believe the Fabulous Four is back together?! Hey, we should go find her! And Atti. The four of us should, like, grab lunch or something." He was unaware that, in his excitement, he sounded like a valley girl talking to her best friend on the phone.
Crete only apologized profusely because he truly felt contrite having ever questioned Peregrine and for letting past and recent grievances unfairly cloud his judgment of his brother. Peregrine did not seem to hold it against him, but it would take a while for Crete to stop punishing himself. In that respect, Crete was like their father. I'm glad, It was a comforting thing to hear Peregrine say. A silent last spliced Crete's muzzle at Peregrine's talk of Crete being a silent ninja which was relatively close if not fairly accurate. Being a mute didn't have its advantages at times, but mostly because he was underestimated by wolves that were not his family because muteness was generally seen as a disability. That too, though highly annoying to Crete at times, had its pros. And you worried about her, Crete gave his brother a teasing smirk, playfully rolling his eyes. Osprey has found her way to them, as Crete figured she might, even if the news she had brought had not been the best. Losing March Owl so soon after Aether was likely only to make Tyrannus worse but it didn't really concern Crete anymore, and though the thought had a bitter aftertaste Crete found that he could not care less about Flightless Falcon's destruction. Aside from the few family members that might have lingered there, there was nothing that held any pull anymore. March Owl and Aether's legacy lived on in there billions of numerous children, and Crete was sure through the children of MoAer spawns. Crete snickered at Peregrine's girlish excitement but agreed that the thought of having a meal exclusively with his siblings sounded like a good idea. Just like the good old times, eh? Crete was all for it.
I thought I'd wrap this up here. I'd love another sometime, maybe one for Crete's co-rank quest? :)
The conversation seemed to have put Crete's mind at ease and now that they'd worked through it, it was time to focus on more pleasant matters. "I never should've doubted her," Peregrine agreed, his face shining at the mere mention of his favorite sister. "Just like old times indeed! C'mon, let's go find them."
He urged his brother into motion with a bump of his muzzle and as they trotted away into the wood in search of Osprey and Atticus, Peregrine commented to Crete, "When I have kids, I hope they get along as grandly as the four of do, though it'll be hard for them to match our awesomeness," and grinned broadly.
Sure, that sounds great! :D
With everything out in the open between them, it was easy for Crete to let go of what had been gnawing at him in a manner similar to how he would worry a bone. A weight had been lifted from his shoulders, at least that was how to felt to him at any rate. The bump of Peregrine's muzzle spoke to him to move. A Laugh, soundlessly albiet mirthfully vibrated up Crete's vocal chords Peregrine's hopes that his children would get along with one another as well as the four of them did. There was no guarantee of course, the four of them that made up that litter where extraordinary how well they got along with each other -- something that was not typical with most siblings. Regardless, Crete reasoned that it wasn't an unreasonable thing hope for. Grinning, Crete followed after Peregrine his nose, eyes, and ears alert for any sign of the other two siblings.