Life had been a messy whirlwind lately. When he'd talked to Lasher, it had seemed that the best thing Pan could do was leave Perry and the Caldera, but by the time he'd been with Perry again that had seemed ridiculous. Then there was the talk with Wildfire as well as the one with Roz, which had made Pan realise that his plans for tying Roz down were never going to work. The process had involved a lot of letting go, and for a moment Pantaleimon had thought that it would ultimately mean he needed to let go of Perry too. That seemed to be the one thing that Pan wasn't ready to let go of, though.
Soon he wanted to go visit Reek, because it had been too long. The talk with Wildfire had made Pan feel guilty for not visiting his friend, as well as realised that he was afraid of Saena and that was why he hadn't visited his friend since his move. Pan really missed Wildfire, and told himself he'd do well to visit her, too, when he moved out to find Reek to catch up (even though Pan was afraid he might disapprove of things, too).
As he got to the rendezvous site (even though the pups were practically adults now, and one of them was gone, so it felt like it wasn't as useful anymore now) Pantaleimon looked around to see if he could find Perry to spend some time with him, if Fox' heat would permit him time away from her.
The Alpha scavenged a bone from the picked-apart carcass of a small mule deer discovered near the shore of Lake Rodney and carried it back home to the caldera. He walked up the slope, then trotted to the rendezvous site to find a comfy patch of grass so he could lie down and enjoy his treat. When he arrived there, he saw that he wasn't alone. Peregrine dropped the bone, then woofed to catch Pan's attention.
"Hey," he said, a bit of a nasally quality to his voice. He was pretty sure he was catching the same cold making its way through the rest of the pack. "Looking for something?" he guessed based on Pan's countenance and behavior. He hadn't spent much time with anyone since Fox's failed pregnancy and Wildfire's simultaneous departure, so he was grateful for the opportunity to catch up with his companion.
But he had to wonder how much his pack mates surmised about the Alpha pair's failed coupling. Peregrine didn't particularly want to to linger on the subject, nor spell it out, yet out of anyone, he thought Pan ought to know, "The pups aren't happening, at least not now. The pregnancy didn't take." Maybe he would be sad or maybe he would relieved. Peregrine couldn't (and didn't try to) guess.
A smile spread across Pan's face as he heard Perry's woof, and he turned his head around towards him. "Just you," he answered to the question. With a quenched feeling in his gut Pantaleimon approached, afraid that Perry wouldn't want him near because things were still a little rocky between them, but before he reached his lover Perry shared the news of the failed pregnancy.
Ears folded back in silent apology and Pantaleimon closed the gap between them, nuzzling the soft fur behind Perry's ears as he provided shelter and a shoulder to cry on. "Oh, Perry, I'm so sorry," Pan murmured, empathising with both Fox and Perry deeply. It had to be terrible to lose your pups, because from the moment they were formed inside a belly, no doubt you already began to consider them yours.
Pan immediately went into sympathy mode. Peregrine flashed him a quick smile to reassure him. "It's all right. We'll try again as soon as we can... which will hopefully be closer to spring." In hindsight, trying to bear a litter in the dead of winter hadn't been the best plan. But neither he nor Fox had given it much thought; they had simply acted on instinct. Probably everything had turned out for the best, though it was still sad and disappointing.
"Why were you looking for me? Just 'cause?" he asked in the next breath, licking his lips and dropping to his haunches so that the bone lay between his paws.
"Yeah, that's probably the best," Pan said, realising that now would hardly be a great time to birth pups anyway, what with winter coming and all. Perry didn't seem very bothered, and for a moment Pan wondered if he was really not bothered or if he was keeping himself strong on the outside. Probably the former, though; Perry wasn't one for pretending much.
"Sorta," Pan said and he smiled at Perry. "I just wanted to spend some time together. Or maybe we could do a patrol together." He'd actually wanted to talk about the whole puppy thing, but it seemed a sore subject to cut into now. The talk with Roz had made Pan think maybe he should ask for more, but then the talk with Wildfire had made Pan realise that it all didn't matter as much, because the current pups saw him as a parent anyway, sorta, and, well, he was with Perry. Things'd wind up alright eventually. "Wildfire said I was sort of like a second dad," Pan said with a small, fond smile. He wanted to ask if Perry thought it okay for his pups to call Pan something with father in it, but then lost his nerve on the matter and decided against it. It just didn't feel right to talk about it now, what with the recently deceased Firebirds that had never got to see the light of day alive.
Pan's wishes were always simple. He just wanted a little bit of Peregrine's time. He was happy to give it, despite feeling slightly forlorn and under the weather, though he didn't know if he felt like patrolling. He had just gotten back from one and he had this juicy bone...
"How about we just hang out here for a little bit?" he proposed. "I can share my bone with you, I guess," he said sarcastically, smiling to show he was only kidding. As he spoke, he slid forward onto his stomach, cradling the treat between his broad black forepaws.
He was about to crack it in two when Pan's comment caused him to pause and look up at him. "Oh, yeah?" His tail tapped the ground. How Wildfire regarded the pale Gamma was up to her and he knew it must mean a lot to Pan. He was happy for him, even if there was the slightest twinge of possessiveness deep down inside. "That's cool, Pan-dad. Panda'd." he quipped, smirking at his own cleverness.
"Yeah, that's fine, we can stay here," said Pan. He hadn't been hit by the bug that seemed to go around the pack (the other day when he was watching now-not-so-little Eljay Pantaleimon'd noticed the Blackthorn boy and his dad were hit with it too) and hopefully it would stay that way so that he could take care of the others, or maybe take a quick trip out to the ocean. It had been entirely too long.
Pantaleimon grinned at Perry's wordplay and said: "She uhm, she came up with Papa Pan." He didn't even consider that it might hit a sensitive chord with the child's biological father to talk about these things, perhaps because this was as much as Pan was probably ever going to get out of parenthood, or perhaps because it meant so much to him he wanted to share it with the wolf he loved most.
Pan bowed his front down to the ground and pawed at Perry's paws and the bone while he let out a goofy growly woof. He didn't often feel playful, but a sudden bout of it hit him (what great timing, just as the rest of the pack was under the weather).
When Pan told him that Wildfire had come up with the pet name Papa Pan, it suddenly occurred to him that he (Peregrine) had almost certainly been over-thinking everything. Perhaps it would all work out after all. He and Fox could even refer to him as Papa Pan around the next batch of Firebirds. The Alpha wondered if his mate would mind; he couldn't be sure without asking.
"I like Panda'd better," the Alpha said in a jokingly grumpy voice, swiping in retaliation when Pan suddenly grew playful. Peregrine suddenly snatched up the bone and leaped to his feet, shaking it tauntingly in his companion's face.
Panda'd. Pan grinned at Perry's remark, and decided not to spend any more words on this. He felt happy and complete all of a sudden. Pantaleimon felt better visiting the coast and Reek as things were right now — he would feel like he was leaving things well here, at home, and would have something good to come home to.
Pantaleimon woofed at Perry when he waved the bone in his face and made a few jumps in place while he shook his head. Then he bounced forward and pawed at the bone, after which (for it was rather unsuccessful) he tried grabbing the side of the bone that wasn't taken by Perry and running away with it (in opposite direction as Perry was facing).
Slight PP, feel free to do the same. ^^
Pan made some halfhearted swipes at the bone but it wasn't until he latched onto the other end that he gave Peregrine a run for his money. The Alpha bared his teeth around the plaything, snarling low in his throat. Of course, it was all in the name of fun. His eyes both glittered mischievously as he gave a yank, using so much sudden force that it was inevitable he would jerk it right out of the Gamma's mouth.
But he had only seconds before Pan would make another grab, surely, so Peregrine reared onto his hind legs in a likely futile attempt to keep the bone out of reach. And when his weight inevitably brought him back down onto all fours, he tried to playfully bop Pan on the head with it.
do you mind fading this? :)
Pan tried shaking his head to loosen Perry's grip on the bone, but he didn't have a firm enough grip on it to manage. When Perry made a yank, Pantaleimon had just let go briefly to try and get a firmer hold onto the bone, so Perry pulled it right from between his teeth. It nearly sent Pantaleimon tumbling to the ground, but he managed to keep his balance.
Pantaleimon tried to jump up to get the bone, but just as he did Perry came back down. Pantaleimon stumbled backwards a few steps in confusion. When he regained his balance again Pantaleimon strode forward and threw himself at the other side of Perry's bone again; this time creating counterweight. By the force of his forward movement Pan tried to grab the bone from Perry's mouth (though if he'd manage, the sudden lack of counterweight would probably send him tumbling to the ground, bone and all, himself).
Of course. I'm glad their last thread was a happy one. Have a fun cliffhanger, hehe. <3
He missed, though that was probably good; he could have given his companion one hell of a headache. Peregrine didn't have long to dwell on it, as Pan made another grab, snatching the bone in his teeth again. The Alpha ground his own into their mutual toy, holding on tightly. The muscles in his neck rippled as he engaged the white wolf in a game of tug-o'-war, complete with lots of grunting and slobbering.
Then, when Pan hopefully least expected it, Peregrine abruptly released his grasp, sending Pan flying backward onto his rump. The Alpha male laughed at the visual, then sprang toward the Gamma, eyes bright and tail high. He batted at his friend, though made no attempt to reclaim the bone. He would let Pan have it for now, though he had no doubt he would offer half (or likely more) to Peregrine.
In the meantime, Peregrine let Pan enjoy his prize as he spun around and took a seat next to his pale lover. He pressed his shoulder against Pan's, a smile twitching his lips as he panted. Something about this playful little spar had sparked something in him, prompting him to suddenly say,
"You know, I have another bone you can have. Come with me." There was a mischievous curve to his lips as he rose again, motioning for his lover to follow him into the closest copse of trees.
Right before they disappeared into the cover of the naked branches, Peregrine paused on the edge of the rendezvous site to glance back at Pan, toting his bone along.
"I love you," he said quietly—perhaps Pan wouldn't even hear him—letting his companion catch up to him and making a halfhearted lunge at the bone so that they trotted side by side out of view.