@Burke
ooc: set sometime before the pack move to the new place.
Few days had passed, since the members of the Blacktail deer plateau had been informed about the move to a new area. Though with a reluctance from some people, the news had been taken quite well. As the time drew nearer, there was more excitement for the change than feeling sorry for leaving. Probably because most of the members hadn't been at the plateau that long anyway.
Osprey had mixed feelings about this - because the area was so familiar to her - so many adventures, mishaps, stories made here and now they were bound to stay, while the creators of the legends moved on. After walking through the familiar and favorite spots within the plateau, the elder moved bid goodbye to other dear places which - she was sure of it - she was not going to see again any time soon.
Firestone Hot springs were the most prominent of them all and this was where she was now, padding carefully among the puddles of steaming hot water.
Burke needed a break. It wasn't something anyone could deny. The leader had to go through the loss of losing his mate while keeping the pack running. New members kept tickling in and they needed to be addressed. Burke was tired, his nights were rather restless with two young pups relying on him. Luckily he got Nemesis to babysit them for the day. Burke decided that he earned a good warm bath in the strong smelling pits. He didn't mind it too much that his fur would smell differently afterwards, he just wanted his muscles to be soothed by the warm water. The winter was close, the nipping winds were proof of that.
Burke arrived at the pools and instantly sought one out that didn't seem scalding hot but rather a nice warm temperature. Once he found the right one the male slipped inside and closed his eyes. Images of Meldresi's death haunted him. His ears falling back as his head was resting on the edge. He had a big urge to let out a mournful howl into the world but he didn't want to draw any attention to himself. He wanted his quiet moment. Which he gotten for a while until he realized another wolf was approaching. His pale eyes opened and ears stood up in alertness. His head slowly lifted from the edge. There she appeared, the one he hadn't seen in so long. "I didn't think you were still alive, Osprey," he called out. Testing this name on his tongue instead of the one she told him.
It was not unusual to meet people here - Osprey was not the only one to appreciate it's beauty and extraordinary qualities. She heard and recognized the gruff voice first and only a second later did she realize that the reason she could not imediately localize the source was because she was looking the wrong direction. Rather than focusing her gaze forwards, she had to look down. Though she could not make out details, she worked out the shape.
"That's odd - I did not see you for what - months? And not for a moment did I think that you were dead," she went over to the pond Burke was taking his bath in and sat down at the edge so that the man's face was few inches away from her forepaws. "You always striked me like the kind of man, who rather kicks death in the balls than gives up easily," she went on, tilting her head to the side and giving him a quizzical look. "And I thought that you thought the same about me... I am disappointed..." she shook her head slowly as if telling "tsk, tsk, tsk".
There didn't seem to be a reaction on him using a different name for her. He decided to keep using this one until he would get a comment about it. The male lifted his head, the grey female sitting so close by his muzzle. Burke had to look up, which was a strange thing for once. He pushed himself up and out of the pool. His fur dripping and soaked. He gave it a good shake before replying to her with a smirk. Because it was kinda nice to hear that she thought that about him. Yet, last time they ran into each other she was rather down with the loss of her children. It was that pregnancy that made them talk since Burke had been there during her heat, not that anything happened.
"I am a honest man, what can I say?," he shrugged with that same smirk a bit on his face. So it was indeed that she was back in these lands. How interesting. It felt good to have that playful banter back in his life. They made the most unlikely acquaintances. Burke wouldn't want to say that they were friends. Or were they friends? It was a fine line really. There was a pang of sadness as he thought about what she said. If everyone around him died then life wasn't much fun, right? "You never know, it could just have been an accident like my bloat, something out of your control. Still, can't deny it is good to see you. How is life?"
Osprey's moment of superiority by looking down at Burke did not last long, because - of course - he had to emerge from the water like a goddamn hippo and make her realize again, how small and frail she was, when compared to this brute. Not feeling entirely comfortable with the change of the roles she got up, shook her coat from the residue water the man so graciously had splashed her with and took a seat few steps away. There was a polite distance between them now.
"If you survived a bloat then you really are a..." man made of steel? Nah, this guy already had his nose up in the clouds - he did not need to hear more praise. "A tough bug." Not exactly the best confidence breaking term, but it would do for now. "Life has not been particularly tender with me, but I am fine at the moment. What about you - any major achievements or same old, same old?"
Burke snorted as she somewhat complimented him on surviving a bloat attack. It was actually because of Meldresi that he survived in the first place. Now he was thinking of his mate again. Burke few sad from the inside. His pale eyes looked away for a moment. "I know about that, some at least," he returned, as he had seen her rather depressed. Burke then slightly frowned as she asked how he was. He never really opened up about what he felt, what he goes through. He ran his pack and all the emotional mess that happened he tried to deal with it quietly.
"Life hasn't been tender with me either," he told her, just to make it clear to her that he also had his own problems to deal with. But then again he wasn't really nice to other living beings that weren't the wolves of his pack. "Not the same old at all," Burke then spoke vaguely. Everything changed. He was mated before, now his mate died. He became a single father while still having to deal with a grown up son, and an arrogant son like Damien. Burke didn't realize his eyes grew sad, because his thoughts wheeled back to Meldresi. He missed her badly. He bit the inside of his cheek better to feel that than emotions.
Whenever Osprey had met Burke previously, she had not acted very nicely to him. At first she had despised him, then it had turned into keeping the persistent guy at a safe distance and eventually they had reached "sort of friends" state and it seemed that they were still there. What she liked about the big brute was his uncomplicated approach to life and people. Simple it may be, but a breeze of fresh air, when it was needed the most.
This time - rather than searching for any words to grasp and tease the man about - she was willing to listen. "Change is good - but from what I hear it has not been for the better?" she looked at him briefly and then turned her gaze away. "Or am I wrong?"
Burke wasn't sure if he liked to think about what happened. Was he really going to share his heartbreak with this female? He wasn't one to talk about his feelings at all. Still it was easier than talking to one of his pack mates, he didn't want to look weak of vulnerable. It was tough to be the alpha and have to grieve over a loved one. God, he really did love her. His first love and he only got to enjoy it so shortly. "You are wrong," he spoke grimly for a moment. A long sigh left him.
"My mate died," he spoke then. Now it sounded like he was already mated when he showed interest in this female when she was in heat, but in fact he mated Meldresi later. Fuck it, let her think all she wanted, it wasn't his problem. It didn't deny the fact that he clearly loved his mate and that he had to deal with loosing her.
Sometimes Osprey kept grudges, but there had never been one she would cling to forever. Either she forgot about them or did not think that they were relevant anymore. Therefore, if Burke thought that she was going to rebuke him for his hormone-driven advances during the first time they had met just because he might have had a mate at that time, he was wrong. She did not care. What mattered was that there was a person, who had obviously suffered a great loss and was still grieving. She did not know, if it was the truly first time Burke experienced the pain of letting go someone he had loved, but she could sympathize with him. For she had lost quite a few over the years and, though the pain was familiar, it never meant that it hurt any less.
"I am sorry to hear that," she told him. "She must have meant a lot to you."
Burke sat down instead of standing and being so much bigger than her. His pale eyes looked away. He was feeling so many mixed emotions but sadness was one of them. A long sigh left his lips. "She did," he spoke with a low grunt in his tone. His nose scrunched up for a moment, feeling like hurting something to make him feel better. She anchored him, and he was afraid that now she was gone he would go back to his previous self. Yet, he realized when he thought of his children he calmed down.
"I had never been in love before her. It wasn't a romantic love, it was different. She just fitted with me and we worked together. We were balanced and now she is gone," he let out, scowling to hide his hurt. Even the most vile ones needed company, and he learned that by being with Meldresi. He learned to love and to care, now he was even being a single dad raising his young while otherwise he might have abandoned them. Now he couldn't. Burke just wished it wouldn't hurt so much.
Osprey had a great deal of empathy for those, who were in grief or were suffering and had she and Burke been closer friends, she would have closed the distance between them and touched him, offered consolation in just being there. But their situation was the way it was and she did not think that they were close enough to share such a thing. Because he might take it the wrong way and... his grief for the lost mate was his personal deal and she did not want to trespass this thin line.
"I think that the stories all too often put emphasis on the "romantic" and "passionate" aspect of love, often forgetting that it comes to us in all forms and shapes, so to say..." she began, smiling at her "words of wisdom" and, how it had taken her so many years to come and understand this. "And - Burke," she leaned her head down slightly to catch his gaze, "pain needs to be felt. You can be the tough man to your comrades, but you can be open out here - don't hold back, let it out!"
At least he could agree with this female on how they looked towards mates and love. Burke had always been skeptical about a romantic love and even though he did have feelings for Meldresi and did love her, it wasn't like how anyone described it. He and Meldresi were just two pieces that linked and now his link was gone. Burke disliked it. He couldn't really cry about it, it displayed itself more in anger. He felt like hunting someone so he wouldn't feel pain. Maybe his way of dealing with emotions was a rather strange one.
He battered his pale eyes up in her dusky jade ones. They had a dangerous look in them, maybe a bit of his true face. Even though the male could be quite the therapist for his pack mates, it didn't seem to help for himself. "If I let it all out bad things happen," he spoke to her on a grim tone. And with those words he meant that someone would get hurt. Maybe he should take a loner hostage to take his frustrations out on. Hmm, that sounded like a good idea. Osprey (Or Bullet) did mentioned something interesting. Pain needed to be felt. What if he didn't want to feel pain? He had enough pain already.
The tank of a male scowled, clearly struggling with what to do with himself. He couldn't let it all out, he had others to think about. His pack was his family and he wouldn't let them down. If he would let it all go he would just walk away like he did before. This time he couldn't. Burke knew he cared to much for Black Feather and every member in it.
"Then we should probably need to find a place, where you can destroy stuff. Despite my bad looks, I am still very inclined to live," Osprey gave a wry smile shrugged, understanding well that Burke was perfectly serious about hurting someone (and that this someone could be her), if he let the "volcano erupt here and now", but - perhaps - if they went somewhere else... with trees to destroy?
"Okay, big guy, unless you want to feel worse later for dismembering an innocent bystander, let's go," she said in a no-nonesense voice and raised to her feet and was prepared to go. "I might have a place in mind, which could work for you..."
Burke looked at the female with a skeptical gaze. His pale eyes judged her for a moment until he realized that she was completely serious. He wanted to tell her that he wouldn't attack her without reason but then he didn't correct her. Let the female thing he was dangerous. He kind of liked that. Without little protest the male actually followed Osprey. He was wondering where she was leading him to, maybe it could be fruitful after all.
"I am very curious where that place might be," he pointed out to her, though he wasn't complaining. He would want to see where she would bring him. Briefly a frantic thought went through his mind that it could be a trick, but then he calmed. He felt like he knew bits of this female, and she didn't seem like the type that would do those things. Alas, he would never know.
Had Osprey been able to read Burke's thoughts, she would have pounced at that momentary shadow of fear. Teased him a bit about bringing him to the bloodthristy packmates or something else just as horrible, but never even considering on actually acting up on it. The brute might not have been her friend and she might not have particularly liked him, but she disliked violence. Especially, when it was totally unneccessary.
"Not far off - quite a nice spot, full of fallen trees," she explained. "You can - of course - be a whirlwind and unleash your anger here, but I am afraid that you will only hurt yourself. Broken teeth and boils are nothing nice to deal with. Believe me - hurts like hell." She had had once put her muzzle a bit too close to one of the pools and got a splash of boiling hot water. Nothing she wanted to repeat.
"It's also good for screaming - that's a great way to get rid off built up emotions," she continued talking, weaving around the pools and nearing the edge of the territory the springs were taking. "Works even better, if you say profanities."
Burke walked next to her, though he did allow her to lead, otherwise they wouldn't get there. He didn't know the place she talked off, but he was still skeptical. If he couldn't unleash his anger on those trees then what was the point? He rather had something that was alive, something where he could take a life from. Alas Burke wasn't a naturalist to realize that trees were alive too. Of course he had that general knowledge of plants being alive but he didn't count trees to that one.
"And you think I will go yell and scream at trees?," he spoke. Burke wasn't really believing that screaming and yelling would help. All his life, especially being a male, he was taught to hold it all in. It was one of the reasons why Burke's mask of 'natural calmness' was so strong. The large male did not feel like he could yell at trees even if he wanted him to. His pale eyes looked towards where they were going. "So I assume you have experience with yelling at trees?," he tried to tease her then.
"You are teasing me now, but have you ever tried that, smart guy?" Osprey stopped to give a quizzical look at Burke and, when it seemed that she had reached a conclusion of some sorts, she shrugged, huffed and began walking again. To answer his question - no, she had not yelled at trees that often. Not in the recent years anyway, but at some point during her youth - being a more emotional creature - she had had her temper tantrums. When she had realized that unleashing her negative emotions on other people was not a pretty thing to do, she had decided to doing it in solitude and when there was no one around. It was a great way to unleash anger. Plus - screaming took a lot of energy. And you could do that for ten - fifteen minutes at most - after that you saw no point in continuing.
She didn't offer another topic for the conversation until they had reached the edge of a forest and after a little searching and sniffing, she had found a path that would lead them towards a desolate place, where anyone rarely set their foot on. The further they walked, the more fallen trees there were around and, if one was paying attention, they would notice that it had become oddly quiet too. "Do you feel the special vibe about this place?" she broke the silence.
Burke had to admit that he had never tried it. He never needed to yell before so he didn't feel like it had any effect at all. The male walked along with her until they reached the place she intended to go. He liked that there was no pressure in talking. He could just walk next to her without saying much. That was something that didn't always happen.
Burke looked around the quiet place, his ears on alert ready to hear any kind of bird but there was only silence. The large male found this curious because even in Black Feather there were birds. The trees were dark but still alive. These ones were clearly dead. "I think because the trees are dead, for some reason, that there isn't any other life. It can't sustain any creatures," he pointed out being rather logical. He wasn't a naturalist so he didn't know why the trees were dead. He did know why there wasn't any life.
"I can't say I feel a vibe, though it does feel... empty.. around here," he spoke to her with a thoughtful expression. His pale eyes glancing around. He realized that it did take some trust from the female to even take him here to such a deserted place. His lips quirked up a bit.
Frankly speaking, when Osprey had asked about the "vibe" to Burke, she didn't have a set right/wrong answer in her mind. She was just curious, what the big brute thought, because - though simple and straightforward, at times he had surprised her with thoughts and ideas of great depths. So - in a way - he was like a rough gem - plain on the outside, but the true value was hidden within.
"And that, what is more perfect than filling the void with sound and noise," she continued his train of thought. "This will be the stage for the performance of anger and despair. Think well about, what you want to get out of yourself and then... let it out..." the rest was up to Burke. Depending on what he was going to do, Osprey would decide, whether she wanted to be a quiet bystander or she would join in.
Dang it, she was good. Burke let out a soft scowl to the female because not many had the talent that this female had. The large male looked around, the despair of loosing his mate weighted heavily on his heart. He casted his eyes in the empty void before him. The large male then let out a cry that poured from his heart. Not sure why he wad even tempted to do this in the first place. He felt quite vulnerable as he cried out, which turned into a howl later on.
But as he howled on, and his heart grew lighter Burke realized that he didn't care what the female would think right now. His voice just cried out. Long interrupted howls that were close to make the ground tremble. Burke had quite the booming voice, which came with his frame. Big lungs supported the long howls. His mind went surprisingly empty, only focussing on the way his added howls were formed, bringing the right message of his grief to these waste lands.
Osprey was prepared for Burke sneaking out of the "pouring your heart out" session, but much to her surprise - after a little thinking, he began to howl. She closed her eyes, listening to the cries that hadn't formed a song yet, but still told a story. Of sadness... broken heart... lonliness... how much it hurt to be left behind. And this last emotion touched the strings in her soul, and after a while her own voice joined Burke's.
With all things in mind, she was in a bit of a luckier place in life at the moment, but that did not mean that everything experienced in the past was erased and forgotten. The pain never really went away - it was always somewhere at the back of your mind waiting like predator for the right second to pounce at you. It was not easy to let go and deal with it on your own, neither was it easy to keep up a happy face for others. For they might not understand, even more - would not be able to help. Therefore it was quite relieving that at this remote place she could let it all out having someone near her, but not having to explain anything.
She sang with the big brute as long as grief was the source and, once that cup was drained, her voice found a happier tune and the place in her heart that once had been full of sadness was now filling with hope for a better future.
Burke was surprised how much lighter he was feeling the longer he was pouring out all his grief into vocalizations. Seeing that he wanted to be a therapist this would be a great technique to learn other wolves when they were feeling like he was feeling. Burke was kind of grateful for meeting this lady in the first place. Their friendship had been going all over the place from not actually being friends to sharing intense moments like this. His ear twitched when her happier tones were starting to join his song. His grief had been dying out since he was feeling lighter. Yet, he still continued on his heavier tones. Burke had gotten quite a lot to chew and he wasn't completely done yet with expressing himself.
There had been so much he wanted to do with Meldresi, so many things that he would have to do alone from now on. Slowly his tunes did become happier. It was strange for Burke but he felt also quite happy that Meldresi wasn't in pain and his children also made him happy. He realized that being a father wasn't the worst thing in the world, it was actually quite beautiful. Slowly his howls became softer until they died out. The older male was slightly breathless. His pale eyes looked into her green ones. He just opened up his inner world of feelings for her. She had seen what he felt that he was in fact feeling and not a complete brute. He showed a deeper layer of himself more than his pack mates had seen from him.
Yet, to top all of this he didn't feel vulnerable or weak as he stood before her. He might even felt stronger than he had done before giving his emotions to this waste land. There was nothing left to say too. She could probably see that he was grateful, that he felt better. The tank slowly sat down, having a thoughtful expression for a moment, not because his head was restless but because everything seemed surprisingly ordered. All his grief had been poured out and now he could think about the good things he had with Meldresi. The good things he just shared with this ... Osprey/Bullet.
In a way Osprey was similar to Burke, for she too often tried to contend her feelings and not burden the others with her pain. More often than not it made the other party sad too. Even worse - they thought that they had to do something to make you feel better. And then - it was probably the way only her mind worked - she would be indebted. So it was nice to pour out some of the pent up emotions, when there were no witnesses.
She didn't say anything for several minutes after their song had ended, because the silence seemed precious there and words would ruin it. But as all things come to an end, this did too, she got to her feet and stretched, preparing to leave for home. "So, big guy, put on your tough man armour and let's get out of here - it is getting late," there was quite a distance between here and the plateau to walk. "It occurred to me... and you can take this advice or not, that.... when it comes to loved ones, it does not matter, what you did not manage to do, but rather.... what you did together."
ooc: last post from me - thank you for the thread! :)
Burke let out a long sigh and nodded. He wasn't that bothered that she knew about what was under his banged up armor. Burke was awfully at peace, something he hadn't felt in awhile. He was glad that he had let it all out, away from others and sharing this with ... well with this female. "I was already remembering that, but thank you," he nodded. Burke looked at the path. He would need to go the other direction. He said his goodbyes to the female not knowing that it would take a long while to see her again.
Alas, now Burke walked back home to his pack lands with his heart a big lighter than before. He felt better and would definitely remember this technique for when one of his pack members needed to let out all the misery they were feeling. Their swamps would be desolate enough for screaming.
-end-