Wolf RPG

It had been several weeks since he had left the hollow, since that night he had taken his frustrations out on the black and white male. He had met with no one else in that time, nor was he aware of how much time had passed. The white wolf had holed up in a quiet corner of some forest, and there he had stayed, barely keeping himself fed as he stewed and seethed in his own mind. His ribs showed.

His relief had been fleeting. So fleeting, he had been satiated for no more than a hour or two, before his chest was clenched once more with agitation. He thought back on the death of his sister, on how his mother had sent him out to find his footing again, and how that had worked. Only, that it hadn't, and that only now dawned on him. He had suppressed his temper and no more.

He did not know what to do differently. He was unbalanced. He did not even know what to do with the realization that he wanted more of what he had with the black and white wolf. Not the boy himself, but the power, and the control. In the moments between the blazes of anger behind his eyes he was frightened. Frightened of what he had become, and frightened of how much he liked it.

But the Luke of before was not yet dead, and he slowly, deliberately, moved his paws north. He had turned and taken a dozen paces toward the hollow, but he could not face what he had done, and he turned back toward the only source of light in the dark he had found himself in. In the north, he sought affection, he sought stability, he sought comfort, and he sought his way forward.

With the disappearance of Aaron and his wolves in the Emberwood came calm. Saena was, as always, agitated—the young female didn't think she could feel much of anything else these days—but she was able to relax when she sought to. By now, the success of her conception was undeniable as nausea gave way to cravings, which gave way to more nausea, which gave way to needing to pee every thirty or so minutes, and every day was a rollercoaster of emotions. She wasn't showing yet, but it was a slight tenderness in her underbelly, where her teats had become ever-so-slightly engorged, that tipped her off.

Knowing it did little to keep her bound at home, though, much to Reek's certain despair. She had taken no fewer than three trips to Emberwood in the days following the march to ensure they were gone for good, recklessly putting herself and their unborn pups in harm's way, but she was confident in her relative safety and had been lucky enough to get away each time. Her recklessness would die out soon enough, but not today, for today she was wandering just beyond the borders of her pack, seeking some fresh air after a fresh bout of vomiting in the trees.

She wasn't expecting to see Luke, so when she spotted the white wolf on the horizon, her thoughts didn't first go to her friend. She stiffened ever-so-slightly, poised on the balls of her feet, and squinted until she picked up the faintest trace of blue. Her face brightened and had she a tail it would have wagged as she took a handful of steps toward him, then paused as crushing guilt slammed into her breast for the way she had led him on by giving into him, and the way she would do it again, do anything he wanted truly, if not for the churn in her gut telling her that she had new life within.

His heart thrummed within his breast as he spotted her, and she him. He was accosted by a fire of passion, hope, and a sort of happiness he had not experienced in sometime. Gone, however momentarily, was his rage and agitation. He ran to her, yipping and tail wagging, and perhaps to her appearing no different than the wolf she had saw last; but a closer look would reveal his withering form that quietly spoke of bad times, and perhaps she would perceive the oddities in his manners as he approached.

"Saena!" Shouted Luke as he frolicked toward her, skipping aside and circling around in playful bounces. He was certain that this was it, the turning point in his shaken life. He brushed against her, his snout meeting her neck in a fervent nuzzle as he whined and whimpered in exceptional excitement. "Saena, Saena, Saena...." he murmured, breathing her scent and pressing close. He was so fixated on the irrational, foolish idea in his head that he did not capture the change in her scent.

He hardly gave her a moment to process his torrid greeting before springing his plan, his hope, on her.

"Come away with me," he breathed, reaching to lick her muzzle.

He was exactly as she remembered. All of his grievances and his heartaches of the past while were hidden from sight, and Saena could no sooner guess at what troubling things Luke had done recently than she could guess the names of the stars. An unpracticed and imperceptive eye beheld him; she missed the telltale crinkle of skin over ribs, overlooked the signs of mental and physical deterioration, so very easily. She pranced forward a few careful steps, closing the distance as he danced around her while murmuring her name, and her tongue lolled in response.

What he asked of her ought to have come crashing down with the weight of a redwood, but somehow, the question came lightly. Her expression scarcely changed as she registered it and imagined, for a moment, what life might be like. To leave this accursed wood and all the trials and tribulations that came with it behind. To start over anew, make a new name and a new life for herself, with Luke. To adopt his easygoing attitude and his optimistic outlook. To hang up the mantle of alpha, or claim it anew under the guise of a different wolf, with different comrades.

It was tempting, and not known for her willpower, Saena easily said, "okay."

"Okay," she said. It was as if he had been adrift in the ocean, thrashing, panicking, thinking he might soon drown, and that single word, her immediate agreement to come with him, was the life preserver he was thrown. Now hanging on to it, he was wreathed in a calm and peace befitting someone who believed all their woes were now inconsequential, that they had been saved from the fate they feared, that all would be well going forward.

He gazed at her with a great degree of fondness, his mouth formed into an affectionate smile that had not graced his countenance in some time. Luke stepped into her, brushing his nose across her ear and nuzzling into her neck with a soft croon.

Some part of him did not think she would agree, but another part had not only hoped she would, but was utterly convinced there was no chance she would say no. Yet, he did not exactly where he wanted to take her, nor what exactly he intended to do. He had no plan past the sudden one that lead him here in the first place. His traumatized mind had simply latched on to her as the light in the dark, and for now he was content to be near to her.

He nosed into the soft fur of her shoulder, and planted a tender kiss on the soft skin beneath.

With two deft steps, the Bluenose closed the distance and pressed against her, and for the first time in a long time, Saena felt stress melt away. Her life was nothing but stressful, mostly by her own doing and very slightly on account of her pack never quite living up to her dream of it, and so total relaxation was hard to find. In fact, it was almost a new sensation altogether.

She remembered how he had collapsed into her when finding them in the maplewood, and wondered how she could not have seen this before. She knew almost nothing of Luke's various lovers and free nature, and supposed now that what he wanted was a life with her. She was surprised to feel she wanted that, too, but Saena supposed it wasn't so surprising after all. With clarity, she felt the life she truly, deeply wanted, and she was ready to throw everything else away, right here and now.

She lifted her snout to nose his chin, his cheek, and a teasing brush of her nose over Luke's. Her rear end wiggled slightly, almost as a substitute for wagging her tail, and she whined contentedly as she began to tend Luke's neck with gentle brushes of her tongue.

His affection was reciprocated, and he basked in the touch of her nose and tongue against him, returning her soft whines and murmurs of happiness. His tail, which had generally been still and limp for some time, swept side to side in broad, contented arcs. He nibbled her shoulder blade, her spine, her nape, then lifted his muzzle to pluck delicately at the tip of one, copper ear. "Come on then," he smiled, shifting back only so that he could fondly hold her gaze. "Let's go."

He still did not know where, but his crown brushed her shoulder as he moved past her, and he just kept placing one foot in front of the other. In this moment, he thought of nothing but her, blindly walking as if expecting to blunder into the future, and his— no, their new life.

Together.

His voice came, soothing and quiet, and his smile lured Saena to follow. He stepped along and she stepped with him, placing her paws carefully in his own prints so she may walk perfectly in line with him. Perhaps this would've continued indefinitely, leading them far from the taiga and perhaps even far from the wilds, had her stomach not suddenly churned, sending her heart lurching into her throat. What she had hoped for for the past few weeks, what she had been overjoyed to know was happening, suddenly loomed before her like rusted shackles and she felt her vision of their life shatter.

Shit, she thought as she weakly called out, "Luke, wait." She was so ready to leave the maplewood behind, leave her mate, and all the drama that came with both those things, behind—though it was nothing Reek had ever done and truthfully he deserved much better than the mercurial Saena—that she almost ignored it. She almost said, "fuck it". But some part of her, the part that did cling to morals, stopped her, and suddenly she was telling Luke with hooded eyes and a sinking heart, "I'm pretty sure I'm pregnant."

Suspecting nothing, the white wolf turned and looked back at Saena with a gentle, smiling look and a quiet hmm? But concern alighted in his eyes as he watched her expression sink, and his swaying tail came to an abupt halt when she spoke again. He felt that his heart had stopped, and yet he could feel it beating wildly against his ribs, and he could ear his blood pulse in his ears. Swallowing, he stepped toward her. "It's okay," he murmured, touching his nose to her cheek to reassure her; but he could feel the panic, the fear, settling into his limbs, and also a deep sense of disappointment. He could only assume she had laid with that sorry scrap of a wolf he had met before, and that also caused a him a lance of anger.

"It's okay," he repeated. He was determined not to let her go now that he had her. "I will help you raise them. Come." His tongue passed over her muzzle, and he stepped away to continue down the imagined path ahead of them, looking back over his shoulder to see that she would follow.

I will help you raise them, promised Luke, and she wanted desperately to believe that. Saena did believe it, in fact, but that wasn't what kept her paws rooted to the marshy ground. It was the other half of the equation: Reek, her mate, or ex-mate, depending what one thought of the pledge she'd just made to Luke. No, mate. They were still mates, and the pups were as much Reek's as they were hers. Though every piece of her was screaming for an escape from the stressful life she'd made for herself by laying with a taken man and making him her own when she truly wasn't ready (but still believed she was) and settling a pack when she herself couldn't even settle, she simply could not take them with her. She did care deeply for Reek and would not inflict the pain of stealing his children from him. Besides, they would be better in his hands than hers.

"Stay with me," she pleaded quietly, her eyes wide and imploring him to consider her proposal. Her compromise. "For just a little while. I can't... I can't take them from him, they're his too, but... I could leave him, maybe, and come away with you, when it's possible." Abandon her mate and her babes and her pack and run away into the sunset with another wolf? That sounded a whole lot like what she hated so much in Peregrine, yet faced with the possibility and panic of losing Luke forever over children and a title and responsibility as parent she was just realizing she might not even be able to handle, she became just like the father she despised, and didn't even blink.

She did not follow, pleading with him to stay, and at once he returned to her and embraced her, chest to chest with his head across her shoulders as he brushed his nose through her fur. "I'm not going to leave you," he murmured.

Had he been in the right state of mind he would have known how wrong this was, to undermine the maplewood's alpha male like this, to trust that someone who was not ready to leave with him now would come back later. But the white wolf was willing to believe, for he had committed to the fantasy in his head, and could think of no other trail for him to walk. This was it for him.

He knew he would not be returning to the hollow; he could neither face what he had done nor look upon a wolf who had rejected him. He knew also he could not seek out his lover from the plateau, for he could not bear to see Lasher with his family, at the helm of his own pack, when he felt he had nothing to his name. He could not be a side dish to the dark wolf any more, and no more could he serve as a subordinate. His need for control was too great, his fear of further rejection too real.  

The traumatized mind was a strange thing. It made mountains of molehills, and created problems where problems did not exist. It made a mess out of emotions, and forbade rational thought to take up residence in his head. Shardul would likely never know how much harm he had actually done the wolf. Far more than his claws alone could have managed. Luke's was a weak spirit and it had splintered irreparably.  

"As long as you promise you won't leave me," he uttered softly, tightening his embrace and pressing his nose more firmly against her. "Promise me you'll come back. Promise me that I won't wait forever."

While Saena's problems with commitment stemmed from somewhere deep within, it wrenched her heart so firmly when Luke returned to her and embraced her that she knew she could not fail him. Had she seen any of this sooner—and had she looked past her own naivety for two seconds—then perhaps it would have been Luke she pursued first. Perhaps she never would've pursued him at all. She could not bring herself to regret anything of her life up until now. Leading a pack and becoming a mother with Reek had been her aspirations until it actually happened, and now that it was looming, she was hitting the brakes hard, overwhelmed and frightened and searching for a way out.

"I promise," she swore, and was surprised how much conviction came through in her voice. While she would never admit it aloud, she knew well how quickly her mind could change, having felt the sudden swing away from Reek as soon as she became pregnant and laid eyes upon Luke again (and the sex had definitely helped), but she felt somehow certain this time. Whatever happened, whether she had to change her mind or not, she would not leave Luke waiting forever. "As soon as I can," she continued, taking a daring moment to press her snout beneath his and feel the thrum of his heartbeat through his throat, "I'll come back for you." Her direst wish would have been for Luke to accompany her back to the maplewood to wait, but she knew that was impossible. Reek had no love for her best friend and he would have much, much less if ever he found out what Luke and Saena had done, or what they were planning to do.

No, it was best if Luke remained with the hollow pack for now, and she with the maplewood, so the children she bore would have a safe home with their father and so she could find him again when the time was right, assuming she could tear herself away from them and yes, even Reek whom she did care for deeply, at all.

He believed her, and spent the next few moments re-affirming his affection for her, before he reluctantly drew back. "I'll be in the north," he said, holding back any explanation for why she would not find him in the hollow if she thought to look for him there. Leaning forward, Luke placed one last kiss on her cheek and touched his muzzle to the base of her ear, before he swept away from her side. His reluctance was great, and he knew that if he did not leave now, that he would be unable to.

Though he put his full trust in her return, he felt panic flicker in his breast as soon as there was distance between them. Swallowing, he would seek to distract himself by chewing on a stick. He forced his mind to drift away from all the loose ends and problems, and concentrated on his fantasy of the future.