Trades.
One word, two syllables, massive cause of anxiety.
For a while now, Eljay had wanted to be useful to the pack. He'd been told on numerous occassions how to do so: he needed to learn how to hunt, he needed to learn how to go outriding, and, above all other things, he needed to be brave. He wasn't doing so well on the brave department, and though he had promised daddy to be braver, Eljay knew that he couldn't try any harder than he already was. He felt kind of bad lying to daddy about it, but he had felt even worse about the truth.
And so he had come onto the topic of trades. If he picked up trades, all official like, then nobody would deny that he was at least trying to be useful and make mommy and daddy proud, right? Even though he was already trying to do that, trades would put a stamp on his trying, make it official. Of course, it wasn't all that easy.
Eljay sighed as he stared onto the lake he sat beside, while he considered what trades he should pick up. He knew that daddy and uncle P wanted him to pick up hunting, and mommy probably wanted him to be an outrider. But what suited him best? It was probably best if he picked something that he wasn't absolutely horrible at, but Eljay's heart squeezed as he thought of that. He wasn't not absolutely horrible at a whole lot of things.
Mazi padded through the Caldera, surveying it with curiosity. Wondering what had been there before the Calder, such a long time ago... which made her wonder if any other dominate Packs had ever inhabited the lands before this one or another type of species. Mazi's thoughts were cut short at the sight of a gray male that she caught out of the corner of her eye.
Mazi began to pad to him curious of who this male was, but made sure to do so in a slow manner. “”Hello.” She chuffed in a friendly greeting as she approach him. Making her presence know if the gray male had not noticed her already.
"Oh," Eljay said aloud when he was greeted by someone new. He was startled at first, but soon realised that she smelled of the leaders and must have been accepted recently into the pack. He'd been so lost in thoughts that he had not noticed her until she was right in front of him, and felt kind of embarrassed that he'd let that happen so easily. He didn't like being surprised, because he was scared often enough without getting startled by random wolves that turned out to be pack mates.
"Uhm, I'm Eljay," he said, his posture submissive -- after all, he was still the lowest ranked, as puppy, of the pack -- and he shuffled his paws, not sure what else to say. Maybe he could ask her about what worries occupied him, but he wasn't sure, if she was new, if she knew an awful lot about trades yet either.
Elijay, as he said his name was looked young. Maybe almost half a year old? She wasn’t entirely sure. Mazi noticed Elijay’s submissive position quickly. She flashed him a friendly smile. “You don’t have to act so submissive around me Elijay, although that is very mature and respectful of you. I am already aware of our ranking system.” She could he was lower ranking than her due to his age and of course submissive position.
Mazi flicked an ear absently, then sat down. “It’s nice to meet you Elijay. I’m Mazi.” Mazi remarked in a friendly tone to the young male. She wondered what he was up to, but didn’t ask right now. She decided to later in their conversation unless Elijay told her.
It made Eljay feel a little more uncomfortable yet that she asked him not to be submissive. He tried to straighten out a little, but it was hard to suppress his instincts and so he remained rather submissive-looking, tail hanging low -- though not tucked -- and head low too. Though he stood at her height size-wise, since he neared nine months of age, he didn't feel very tall at all. Eljay often forgot that he was near adult size nowadays himself, and he probably looked smaller because of the way he carried himself too.
He noticed that she called him Elijay, and wondered if maybe he hadn't pronounced his name right. Asking her to say it differently seemed rude though, and Eljay shifted his weight while he tried to think of good ways to say such a thing. Eventually he piped up, clearly nervous as he spoke: "My name, uhm, it's Eljay. I... Maybe I said it wrong." He looked away, feeling heated in the face and kind of embarrassed that he had to tell her this. He would pay extra good care to pronounce it right next time, just in case.
Mazi’s eyes widened surprised when she heard she had pronounced Eljay’s name wrong. Mistaking it for Elijay, as her tongue had slipped. Why did I have do that? The agouti female thought to herself silently, currently quite annoyed with herself at the moment.
“I’m sorry Eljay, my tongue must have slipped. I did not mean to be rude.” Mazi told the male apologetically feeling bad for using the wrong pronunciation of his name. Mazi began to noticed the conversation had taken a very... awkward turn so she decided to change the subject.
“How long have you lived here Eljay?” Mazi asked the grey colored male curiously. She found herself suspecting that Eljay had the possibility of having living here in Redhawk Caldera his whole life, due to his age. Although she knew there was a possibility that she could be wrong.
When Mazi apologised for saying his name wrong, Eljay quickly shook his head. He must've just said it wrong, or maybe he hadn't articulated it well enough, he guessed. "Oh, no, it... It's, uhm..." he mumbled to clarify that she wasn't being rude at all, an uncomfortable, forced smile on his face.
To clear the uncomfortable air, Mazi changed the subject, and Eljay was grateful for it. Feeling relieved, he was quick to answer her question. "I was born here, so pretty long, I guess." He was almost nine months old now, and would be an official adult soon because of that, after all. It was weird to think about his ascension to the adult ranks — Eljay felt far from ready for it.
Mazi nodded, listening as Eljay told her how he had been born in the Caldera. Her ears perked up with interest on the topic. “Are you a son of Peregrine and Fox then?” Mazi asked curiously, not knowing that Eljay was intact a son of the Betas, not the Alphas.
When Mazi asked if he was Peregrine and Fox' child, Eljay's eyes widened in surprise. He shook his head to make it clear that he wasn't. He didn't realise how logical a thought it was that, since he was born here, he was the Alpha pair's child. "Oh, no, I'm uhm, my parents are the Betas. Uncle P and Aunt Fox have, uhm, they've got Nightjar, and two daughters that aren't here anymore." Eljay felt a little sad as he mentioned Wildfire and Raven, because he'd got along much better with them than he did with Nightjar. How he missed them.
Mazi was surprised to hear Eljay was a son of the Betas of the Redhawk Caldera pack. Peregrine didn’t strike her as the type who would allow another pair to breed in his pack, such cases were rare. Although since the other pair the had breed were Betas and it sounded like one of them was a brother or sister of Peregrine or Fox, exceptions could perhaps be made.
Mazi wanted to ask Eljay where Peregrine and Fox’s girls had gone, but decided not to pester Eljay with those questions, because he seemed sad at the mention of the daughters of the Alpha’s. She did not want to upset the gray male any more than he already was remembering them.
“Is Nightjar your age?” Mazi asked instead, deciding that sounded better than the question about the Alpha’s daughters. Still she wondered if Eljay was the only youth in the pack. It seemed that it would have to be that way if Nightjar was old enough to place in the Lower Tier and beyond, unless Peregrine had let another pair breed recently... though she doubted that had happened, that just seemed way to over the edge.
Mazi decided to further venture on the subject of Nightjar, even though Eljay would've rather talked about something else. He wished that Wifi would come to visit him, and he wondered if Raven was doing alright. He hoped that wherever they were, they were doing well, and that they hadn't forgotten about him. Mazi had asked about Nightjar, and so Eljay answered: "No, he's older than me. A couple months." Eljay hadn't seen much of Nightjar at all until fairly recently; they'd seen each other in hunts and Nightjar had never seemed to pay him much attention then. Aside from that, they had never spoken much at all.
"D'you come from far away?" asked Eljay, and he found himself curious if Mazi had been away from home for a long time and how old she had been when she'd left home. The words that daddy had spoken about leaving home kept haunting him, and it made Eljay wonder if daddy wanted him to leave and make a new start somewhere of his own.
Mazi listened as Eljay told her Nightjar was older than him by a couple months, probably beyond the Youth Tier now then. The agouti female thought of Yellowstone, Idaho when Eljay asked her if she came from far away. She thought up an answer.
“Yes I do come from far away Eljay. From a place called Idaho in Yellowstone. I left a while ago.” Mazi did her best to explain to him. “It was a nice place though, grass was lush and gorgeous and all... prey was pretty good, but it just wasn’t right for me. I’m happier here.” Mazi concluded.
Mazi described the place that she had come from, and it seemed like a really nice place. He wondered instantly why she had left, especially since she described it so positively. Yet, she said that she was happier here. He wondered why that was, then.
"Why'd you leave?" he asked, his voice reserved, as though he expected her to reject his request for information.
She wrinkled her nose disdainfully. “Too many Humans for one.” She remarked unhappily. “I also wanted more adventure in my life Eljay. My pack in Yellowstone just simply did not give that to me.” Mazi tried to explain in a brief, quick summary.
"What's those?" Eljay was quick to ask at the mention of 'humans'. He had never heard of such a thing, but he imagined it was either a type of plant or an animal of sorts. Ears perked forward and he waited to hear more, intrigued by these things he had never before heard of.
It wasn't that Mazi's parents had forced her out, then, at least. That relieved Eljay, since he was curious if his parents wanted him to leave. Daddy had mentioned it, after all; had said that he'd left when he least expected it even though he'd always wanted to stay at home as a pup, too. "Oh," said Eljay, and he wondered aloud: "Your parents must miss you..."
Mazi listened to Eljay’s two questions. Her parents... well they had been sad when she announced that she was leaving, but happy for her too, to go and explore her dream. Plus she was sure they would be fine they could surely live without her, they would always have more pups anyways. Humans... that was an entirely different story. They were... well... it was hard to describe. To sum it all up, humans were pretty confusing.
She chose her words carefully on the humans part. “Humans.” Mazi began. “Are at the very top every food chain or web. They can be... well... confusing, but they have good sides too I guess, such as some Humans used to lay out meat for my pack as a gesture.” She shrugged. “Everyone has a good side somewhere anyways... yet I think they are a creature you should veer away from. They are not to be trusted, as some will kill wolves from the sky with very past metal pellets that come out of long stick like things called guns, that can wipe out an entire pack. Wow... she hoped she didn’t scare this pup too much... They look very weird too. Very different from us. They walk on two legs, they have no fur, only some hair that grows from the top of their heads.” She paused for a moment, thinking. “Actually some are entirely bald too. They have little stick like things coming out of their paws, that they use to pick up stuff and where... others fur or cotton looking stuff over their body.” She did her best to explain.
Now on to the much lighter subject of her parents... “My parents have other children to accompany them, so I am sure they are fine.” Mazi told Eljay in a reassuring tone. This made her think of her parents though, she wondered how they had been since she left.
The story frightened Eljay. To think there were creatures that could so easily kill him was terrifying, and when the guns from the sky were mentioned Eljay looked up to the sky, lowering his body to the ground slightly, as though he expected himself to be shot right there and then. He thought it very strange, and had a thousand questions, but felt too frightened to actually ask any of them. The humans were a scary thing, and to hear more about them seemed only to make them scarier. Besides, he was afraid if he'd ask the wrong things they'd pop up and murder him, or something.
"Oh," he squeaked with a high-pitched voice when the story about humans came to an end. Eljay was eager to dive into the next subject -- Mazi's parents and home pack -- but he felt his heart drop to his feet when she said that her parents had other children to keep themselves occupied with. That they didn't miss her at all. Eljay wondered if he had to leave when his parents had new pups, too. If they wouldn't miss him at all, either. "They must miss you at least a little..." Eljay said hopefully, his eyes shimmering with emotion as he looked at Mazi. It was silly, he knew, to relate whether his parents'd miss him were he gone to Mazi, but somehow it made all the difference in the world what she would answer.
Well... she guessed she had scared the pup do to the fact that Eljay’s voice had squeaked. She realized that she had not entirely clarified the question about her parents, so she answered his question knowing that her parents probably did miss her, but at least her parents still had each other and their other pups.
“Well I am sure they do but they still have other children to brighten their lives with an the pack. Anyways, it was my own decision to leave, they understand.” She tried to explain to Eljay as best as she could. “Why do you ask?"
Eljay wasn't comforted much by Mazi's next words, when she explained once more that they had other pups and that they understood. Eljay wondered what mommy and daddy would say if he would pack his bags and leave the pack. He hoped that they would stop him, because he didn't even really want to leave. New pups would come soon, but what would happen when those were growing bigger? Would Eljay even be needed? Or did they want fresh meat in the pack, rather than Eljay? Would the new pups take his place, and would his parents love them better than he? And what if they would learn faster and be less incompetent than he? Would mommy and daddy ask him to leave if he didn't do so by himself?
Eljay swallowed dryly while he tried to keep his panic under control, because he didn't want to look like a total idiot in front of the pack mate he had just yet. "Oh, I... I guess," he mumbled, as the answer hadn't given him much additional information. The returned question came as a surprise, though it should not have, and Eljay frowned while he considered whether or not to explain. He didn't want to look like a dweeb or anything. "Oh, no, I... I was just wondering if, you know, when, uhm... What time pups usually leave their home, or — or if they're supposed to, and stuff." Eljay was tripping over his words and his moss green eyes shone brightly with watery emotion, but he couldn't turn the emotion switch off. Eljay decided to just keep breathing, and hopefully the feeling would pass and Mazi wouldn't think him a complete idiot.
Mazi pondered Eljay’s question for a moment before she began to speak. “Well... most pup leave at twelve to twenty-two months, so roughly about when their one years old to two.” Mazi informed him. “Pups aren’t forced to leave from my perspective though...” She paused for a moment. “Unless they can not end up contributing to the pack in any way.” Mazi admitted. Her older brother had been kicked out for that reason.
She thought for a moment. “Are you worried about leaving Redhawk Caldera Eljay? Is that why you are asking me about this?” Mazi asked if she was right, in her opinion it would make sense. She had always been unsure about that decision at Eljay’s age too, but she had decided to leave. To go find a life somewhere else.
Eljay's emotions went on a rollercoaster ride as Mazi spoke. First she said that most left at one to two years, and it made Eljay's stomach squirm to think that he might be expected to leave Redhawk Caldera in three months' time already. He didn't want to leave at all. However, then Mazi said that from her perspective, pups weren't forced to leave and they could stay if they wanted to.
Unless they didn't contribute.
Eljay wasn't sure what his Alphas' or parents' stance on it all were, but so far he wasn't contributing anything at all. Eljay's breathing sped up and he felt his chest tighten. It was as though there wasn't enough oxygen getting into his lungs, and he was breathing as much as he could, but he still felt like he was suffocating all at once. Eljay's eyes shimmered with the threat of tears, and all that kept Eljay from spilling them was that he didn't know Mazi all that well at all, and he would feel like a fool tearing up in front of her.
But then she asked him if he was worried and if that was why he was asking her all that. Eljay opened his mouth to speak, but all that happened was him inhaling another rapid breath and a high-pitched squeaking sound exiting his throat. He blinked his eyes as he could feel tears fill them and tried to collect himself, hoping that he would be more able to speak soon but at the same time beating himself up over looking like a huge idiot already even if he were to recollect himself now... Which didn't help with calming down at all.
Of course she just had given the pup a paniclike attack...
Mazi quickly tried to think of ways to comfort Eljay. What would comfort him though? She tried to think back on something that could have triggered the reaction. She decided that it had probably been the useless part, she’d always been afraid of being useless when she was younger too, she just hoped she was right.
“Eljay I know a perfect start to get you to start helping out. It would be fun too...” She began awkwardly, before continuing. “Peregrine and Fox are your Aunt and Uncle right? They must trust you I’m sure since you guys sound like family.” She really found herself hoping she was right about the fact of them being close family. “So when their pups become a little older and Fox really ants to get out of the den and stretch her legs, but Peregrine is busy you could babysit the pups. Couldn’t you? It would be fun... right?” She hoped this worked if she was right about what had troubled Eljay.
Eljay felt like a right idiot for sitting here like a dumbass and being unable to control even his breathing. He wanted so badly to make mommy and daddy proud and be useful to the pack, and especially he didn't want to ever leave Redhawk Calera... Let alone be forced into leaving. What if they'd chase him off for being useless? Eljay gulped for breath like a silly fish while Mazi spoke and tried to calm him down.
The fact she continued to speak to him as though things were cool instead of him having a massive panic attack helped. He didn't feel like such a huge idiot for freaking out anymore, and at least he got some control over his breathing and the feeling of choking went away gradually. She even suggested something he could do, and for the first time Eljay started thinking that maybe a trade mentioned [i]would/i] be good for him. He still didn't think just watching pups would be real useful, but Eljay could at least try and if they were a bit bigger they'd not be so fragile.
He was still afraid to totally muck it up, but he liked the idea of spending lots of time with the lil' pups. "I... I'd like that," he brought out and he offered a sheepish smile. "What... What sort of other things would a caretaker do, beside looking at the pups? Do... Would I have to teach them stuff?" The thought was kind of frightening, but also exciting. There was gratitude in his expression, glad that Mazi helped him instead of ridiculing him like she would've been right to do.
“Oh of course you could teach them all you want Eljay. All you desire.” She informed the younger male in answer to his question. Mazi was gratified that she was finally getting Eljay to calm down once more and collect himself, as she continued to try and help him consult himself.
"You could also play with them if you wanted. I’m sure they would just love that.” Mazi added to her response. She bet that Fox and Peregrine would probably enjoy sometime alone with a babysitter watching their pups, once the pups became a little older, so that they could go take a break from any puppy chaos. It was tough work dealing with pups when they were young and crazy. She knew from her own experiences watching her tired parents work with her younger siblings, back when she had still been in the Yellowstone pack.
Eljay desired to teach the pups lots, but he knew he wasn't good at lots so it was hard to pick what things he could teach them. He shuffled his feet as he said, "I'm not very good at a lot of things though. But I guess I could play with them." He wasn't even really good at playing, because he'd grown up without siblings so he hadn't done much playing with tiny blobs his own size, he supposed, only with his parents and Wiffle, sometimes.
"is there anything else I'd have to do?" asked Eljay attentively, clearly looking to learn a thing or two about the trade now that his interest was captivated.