Wolf RPG

Having been privy to the return of an injured Esaro, and riled up by his ridiculous behavior, Tavi chose to go for a run. She meant to be quick about it, but ended up spending the day away from the Maplewood -- which was probably a good thing. It took hours, but by the time she was in the middle of the rolling Dawnlark, the sky had become dim and moody. She had meant to return sooner than this - in fact, Tavi felt a swell of guilt as she turned towards the Maplewood, appearing undecided on which way to go. Back to the woods that she knew, or... Go west, and see what lay that way? Why not make it an overnight trip? She had the freedom to do as she pleased, it wasn't like the pack was in desperate need of her.

Swallowing her guilt, she launched in to a run across the plain. By the time she stopped, her limbs were sore and the blood was pumping hard through her system; she had careened across the grassland towards the west, diverting north when the ground became nasty and boggy, and then followed the ridge that she discovered there, until a new forest lay before her. It was a deep and dark place, what with the added eeriness of night encroaching on the situation. But, with nowhere else to go for cover, Tavi dove in to the Tangle and began to scope out a place to rest for the night.

After about ten minutes of dragging her feet, she realized she had somehow dropped off of the path she had been on. There was nothing familiar about this place, and the darkness swallowed her up.

Something holds him back but he can't put his paw on it. He meanders through one territory after the next, distracted and not all that observant of his surroundings. He's not even sure how he's made it this far without more than a thin frame and a few scratches here and there. There isn't much left of him, thin enough that even his thick coat doesn't do him any justice. The shine and luster is gone, his eyes even dark and sunken in. Craters above his brows that show a malnutrition for sometime.

When he came to the tangle several days ago, he hadn't been too compelled to leave right away. Perhaps because the Maplewood is too his south. His travel needs to be careful; the last thing he needs is to run into someone he knows. However, he can't force himself to leave the wilds entirely. Ukko hasn't really been able to put a paw on it but something keeps him grounded and he scouts the dangerous territory with little caution.

Her scent pulls him before he realizes it and it's only when he's too late that he makes the connection. It's frantic and confused and nothing really directs him to find her, like she's lost and back tracking and trying to get her way out. Ukko frowns and considers backing up, running away; hiding. He's hidden for far too long. Jaws tighten then, gritting his teeth and attempting to intercept her before she disappears again. There's an attempt to speak but he snaps his jaws quietly and waits to see if gives him the time of day or not.

She was tired. More tired than she'd ever felt in her life. Perhaps venturing father from home had been a bad idea? But after seeing the state that Esaro had been in, she had needed to clear her head. Going for a run - and some exploration to boot - seemed smart at the time; however, with the night moving in swiftly to claim the forest for itself, Tavi soon came to the conclusion that she had misjudged everything. A night in a foreign forest didn't seem that bad, even if the paths all looked the same, and the trees were twisted together in weird ways, and there were spooky sounds, and -- well, she didn't want to get ahead of herself. It was fucking creepy in here, she'd leave it at that. The endless exploration Tavi had been preforming up until now had paid off, to a point, but left her in a ragged state that wasn't of great use here.

With her mind set on finding the way out, Tavi forced herself to keep on truckin'. At first she thought it was easy -- a turn here, a careful duck there, -- but soon she realized that the trees did all look the same, and her heart rate was starting to increase. She was just about to give up and pass out on the spot, when she heard a very loud click from behind her; it was probably only loud because of the disquiet spreading across the forest due to her fraying nerves, but it was enough to make the fur of her spine raise up, and a shiver to run across her body. Tavi turned sharply to regard whatever had made that noise -- thinking it was a snapping branch, or her own imagination -- and saw a black stain standing like a void between the trees.

She doesn't recognize it as a living thing -- not even as Ukko -- because he has been cast in too much shadow, obfuscated by the Tangle.

Tavi doesn't acknowledge him and at first he thinks she's ignoring him. He doesn't exist to her. He deserves it, though, right? Her left her behind. Just left one day without... coming back. A number of lives swam around his head over the last few weeks but nothing stuck around long enough for him to change his mind and go ho—[i]back[/b]. Plenty of damage has been caused already, irreparable he supposed, that a lie won't be big enough to cover it.

However, she's quiet for a long time that unnerves him and, meekly, he offers the first word: "Tavi."

She trembles when he says her name - and there is an instant recognition followed by a flurry of her own emotions. Glee mixed with surprise; relief mixed with anger. After realizing it was Ukko she felt safe, but did not approach him. A tightness set in her jaw and she stood before him, this black void that once was her friend, and did not know what to do. 

Had they been closer to the maple wood then Tavi would have happily chased him off.  Here in the Tangle,, she could do nothing. He had every right to be here, just as she did. "Oh, so you know my name." she comments, voice hollow despite the clarity of her hurt, written plainly across her face and embedded in her posture. "I figured you had forgotten me, given the way you fucked right off."

Tavi wanted to tell him off - demand he keep on moving, since leaving was his forte, but she deflated pretty quickly.

Ukko isn't sure what he expects at first. Nothing, probably. She will turn around and leave him behind. Or yell at him. Perhaps even attack him, he wouldn't even be surprised. When she does respond, he dips his head a little and keeps his tail still by his side. A silence lingers between them, giving her the floor should she have more to stay, but when it's gone on long enough he clears his throat.

"I'm sorry."

He's one mistake right after another. Each time he tries to repair one, he's screwed up again some how. It's home all over again. A shudder rushes down his spine and he jerks, shaking his head. Sorry isn't enough and he knows it but he doesn't know how to fix it. Maybe he never will. He's bound to leave destruction in his wake his entire life and maybe she's better off without him.

"I know it was wrong, I know I fucked up. I know I probably can't fix any of it but if I could take it back, I would. I thought I could fix it but," he cuts himself off and slumps his shoulders. There had been a time he considered himself one of the good guys; now he's not so sure.

"Shut up,"  she snaps, then instantly flicks her ears apologetically, following the outburst with a quiet, "you sound like Esaro." It was bad enough the dark wolf had abandoned her. She didn't want his excuses or apologies. There was no going back to the friendship they'd had; it felt like losing him all over again, and Tavi would not tolerate that. 

But he knew what he'd done. He knew he could not undo it, and so Tavi felt like an ass for pressing the matter. She did not want to talk to him anymore - and turned to leave,  more than happy to leave him behind for a change. For Ukko's sake, it was good she did not know where to go. Tavi put a few meager feet between the,  before looking around and stalling. 

While looking away, she asked,  "Why did you even go." but her voice was quiet, almost afraid of the answer.

He shrinks a little more when she snaps at him, bending his legs and dipping his head. He doesn't quite understand the comment about Esaro, other than the wolf being an utter disappointment. It hurts to hear even if he knows it's true. Hearing the words don't settle anything, he doesn't feel freed over the sins he's left behind. When she goes to then, he jerks and pushes forward as if he might try to stop her but he slinks back slowly.

Ukko makes his own turn to go when a glimpse of moonlight pulls him back. Her question slips into his ears and he feels himself deflate.

Why?

All his answers are stupid and the only one that hangs on the tip of his tongue is I don't know. It's not good enough and Ukko can't even force the words out.

"Because I sucked. I made a bad call and it bit me in the ass and I couldn't fix it. I'm not bad at being good at something, it just happened wrong," he manages though he's uncertain, ready to bite his tongue but he isn't able to for long. "I was never going to be good enough for them."

Or you.

She hears him but doesn't know what to say,  or if anything should be said. The way he talks makes her less and less inclined to listen; Tavi has no place in her life for self pity. Ukko is showing his weaknesses to her,  and she cannot fathom them. He was not good enough now...but he had been. 

"They're looking for your replacement." she states this flatly,  and turns to watch for a reaction. Levelling a cold expression his way,  she continues. "I might be suitable, or at least Saena thinks so." There was no room for him in her life. Maybe soon Tavi would replace him too,  as he was already obsolete in her eyes. Telling him this served no purpose - but she did hope it stung,  knowing he no longer mattered.

He knew they would find someone else, one way or another. Ukko might not have considered Tavi when he'd been there but the fact she remained after his departure shows her dedication. He'd been too wrap up in his own shit that he couldn't see that, that she was the better choice all along. Maybe if things had panned out differently, she'd have taken the position entirely and he would serve her just as he had Reek and Saena. Ukko could have stepped down to make room for her, proven he wasn't ready for the job and acknowledging it. That was the bigger thing to do.

Of course, Ukko hadn't seen that at the time. Hindsight is 20/20 and it doesn't get him far enough.

For now, he sucks in a breath and accepts the damage he's done. If Tavi wants nothing more to do with him, he knows he has nothing left for him here. If he could change her mind, maybe it would be a different story, but he knows he can't. "You are," he tells her with a hint of a smile on his features, a wrinkle that doesn't make it all the way to his eyes. She wouldn't see it anyway.

The boy turns to leave then; Tavi doesn't want to see him anymore and the thought causes an ache in his heart he knows won't go away anytime soon.

And just like that, he was turning to leave. Tavi thought to stop him, but why? What could she say? Thanks for being my friend, maybe. But it hurt too much to think that they could've had a chance at... Something. She could stop him, but chooses not to. And as Tavi watches his dark figure drift off between the trees, she is left to figure out her way home alone. That's alright -- she'd been alone before, and she could handle being alone again. It wasn't the end of the world.