400th post! going to the the wonderful
@Casmir pls and thank
Thanks to a less than consistant personality and a semi-persistant Floki, Aria had decided to stay in Donnelaith. She was not necessarily pleased with the situation, but had no better options. Until she found more reason to leave her home, she decided it was for the best to stay in the Sentenials.
For now, the pale princess had deemed this plateau her favorite place. It was a bit of a hike, but the lake was beautiful and she really liked to lay out beside it. It was different than the coast-- it was less salty and felt much cleaner. She currently laid at the beach of the lake, the water lapping at her forepaws. It was relaxing-- took an edge off of the stress that she couldn't seem to lift.
oh bb u flatter me
Cas poured his hours into hunting for Saena and the kids or exploring, with or without Laika. given their trek of the other day, however, he'd insisted she stay in the packlands today -- she probably wouldn't listen, but oh well. the boy loped toward the part of the lands he hadn't yet explored -- there was a plateau there, and this he climbed carefully, hoping to survey the land below.
what he saw, however, was not an ugly stretch of brown, but the pearly fur of the girl who had chewed up his heart and spat it out like yesterday's chewing gum. Casmir considered leaving, then demanding to know why she was there, in his land -- he settled for stepping to the edge of the plateau, fixing his eyes on some distant point, and ignoring Aria.
The girl notices Casmir as soon as he arrived-- it's hard not to. While his dark pelt sort of blended into the dirt-covered landscape, his scent did not. She found it almost immedeatly, her spirits drooping. She sought him with her eyes, spotting him leaning over the edge of the plateau and paying her absolutely no attention. She dumbfounded for a moment, unsure of what to do, and then decides that she probably shouldn't go towards him. Instead she barks, trying to gain his attention. She wasn't necessarily thrilled to see him, but now that she has she almost has to speak with him. "Casmir," she calls, wondering if he'd turn to see her.
the sound of her voice caused Casmir's lip to curl somewhat, but he fixed his face and turned to approach her with his affected stride of confidence. "Aria," he greeted, pleased to discover his voice had deepened somewhat. his eyes roved over her lowered form; he did not relax in her presence, nor did he soften into friendliness. what was she doing here? why didn't she just go the hell home?
He approaches, and Aria cannot decide if she is relieved or upset that he came to her. "Casmir," she repeats again, as if she can't think of anything else to say-- but words find her. She looks past him, sitting up in the water but not quite standing. "Where is your mate?" she asks him, her tail thumping slowly against the wet sand. Her ears lower slightly as she looks back to him, wondering what his response might be. He had moved on quickly, but she figures if he had it's only right for her to attempt to accept it. She waits patiently for an answer.
nonexistent, he wanted to blurt -- he wanted to admit it all to her, really, his jealousy, his deceit. but he had created the lie for one purpose, to hurt her as she had hurt him, and he was too deeply into it to back away now. "around," the Mayfair boy responded -- if he really had a wife, why was Aria asking about her? "how is ... Floki?" Casmir went on, congratulating himself for remembering the sap's actual name.
He sat now, not too close, but not so far away that they had to call to each other. The boy's golden gaze roved briefly over Aria, and then flicked away.
"Dunno," she responds bluntly. "Haven't seen him in a while," she tells him, wondering why he cares. Floki was from Moonspear, not really a close friend. Well-- maybe? She isn't truly sure. She figures that she scared him off though with her flip-flop personality. Hell, she scared off Casmir, it only makes sense that she'd scare off Floki as well. She clears her throat, shaking her head.
"How have you been?" she asks, her head tilting. She smiles weakly, her tail moving once or twice behind her. Despite being somewhat hurt, she still cared for him.
god so awks lol
she answered like she didn't give a shit. well, fine, then. he didn't care, though he wondered if he'd been mistaken about Fuckee's role in Aria's life. whatever. it didn't matter. nothing she did mattered. he settled his eyes on the porcelain girl, his gaze carefully veiled, neither cold nor warm, and did not immediately answer when she spoke.
"I've been fine," the Mayfair boy answered finally, glancing over the lip at the land stretching below. Brown and skeleton-branches, as far as the eye could see. He was tired of it.
"you?" Casmir intoned after a few beats, turning his gaze back to Aria.
"Tired," she breathes, chuckling a little. "But everyone is-- so I can't complain." She is trying to lighten the mood-- even if only slightly. The air was so dense you could practically grab it, and she is slowing becoming more and more uneasy with their conversation. Somehow, however, she can't seem to end it.
"How is your new pack? I know you mentioned it last time we met but... well we didn't talk long," she says, her jaw quivering into an uneasy smile.
"mm," was his noncommital response. he didn't really feel like shooting the shit, but whatever; if he let it be known she had gotten under his skin, then he failed. rolling his shoulders, the boy resolved to answer with more than a handful of words, as annoyed as that made him feel. "we are good. my cousin is the leader, which comes with fewer perks than you would think." ha ha. a joke.
his eyes came to rest on Aria, gaze softening just a slight bit. "why are you here? why aren't you home with my mom and dad and Dante?" he asked, somewhat put out. there was a famine; she needed to be home, for the girls too, and he realized he was being hypocritical but didn't care.
The girl smiles, her head falling along with her gaze as she looks to her paws. The water laps over them as relief floods through her. It is a subtle thing, but Aria appreciates his joke-- it's not really funny, but it pulls tension from her shoulders and drags it into the lake. "Seana, right?" she asks, remembering the woman from the border and looking back at him.
He finds her gaze and her falls again. She searches for words to explain how huge of a failure she feels-- if Casmir even cares to hear about it right now. "A lot has changed since you left," she comments quietly, referring to Dante and Blue stepping down, Osprey's stepping up, and her own stepping up. She isn't sure if she should tell him, but tries to answer his question honestly. "I'm just trying to find something to help. There is nothing is Donnelaith-- I just keep hoping to find something... anything, I guess," she tells him, her voice slow and controlled. Her white gaze raises back to his yellow one, and she holds it as long as he'll let her. "This is the closest I've come to that something in a while," she adds, feeling a certain serenity at this particular plateau.
there is nothing in Donnelaith. "yeah, well, there isn't anything anywhere, Aria," Casmir snapped, his tone harsher than he had intended it to be. the boy blinked and sighed, rolling his shoulders and tilting his head back, closing his eyes and breathing out to dispel the tension her nearness had engendered in him.
he wanted to tell her everything; he wanted to admit his failures, his lie, the fact that pain still remained in his heart from her actions. and so it came that Casmir found he could say nothing at all.
He could only stare at her with a growing darkness in his eyes, the rift in his heart growing ever wider. A wave of the emotions he had held back these long months struck the boy; his gaze filled with tears but he did not look away, nor move to brush them aside.
"Why?" came his single choked syllable.
The pale girl flinched, but she was unable to look away. His voice was cold and-- to her-- held accusation. She did not understand why-- it is not her fault that the swarm came. His head rolls back and he stares into the cloudless sky with shut eyes. Soon his head falls and his gaze grabs hers again. This time, his is ruthless. It's watery and sad, but behind she can't find any solid emotion to grasp hold of. She's unsure if he's angry or sad or just tired, and even after he speaks she is unable to narrow it down.
"Why?" She repeats. "Why what?" she asks, her eyes narrowing. Her voice was not as cold as his, but it did not hold it's usual soft chime. Her jaw clenches and she stares back at him. Why what? She can't help but wonder if he's asking specifically about her own actions-- or if he's just referring to the swarm-- or maybe to the fact that she likes the plateau. She stays silent.
Aria's eyes narrowed and Cas realized that she didn't care. She'd moved on, and whatever brief security he'd felt dissolved quickly. The boy's countenance closed; he shut himself off swiftly and looked away, lifting a fore-ankle to wipe away the tears. "nothing," Casmir growled darkly, standing to his paws and stalking away from the pale girl.
Whatever.
A harsh sigh followed and the pain in his heart twisted into anger, and he turned the burn of his gaze on Aria. "Stay away from the Creek. First warning. Last warning. I don't want you around."
His demeanor changed again. The young alpha flinches away from him, standing and stepping back as he begins to throw threats her way. Her eyes widen and she stares as he begins to stalk away. She almost lets him-- but soon remembers how she felt after he left her at border.
"No!" She yells, letting out a quick growl as she lunges towards him. "Casmir please," she begs, attempting to block his path and catch his gaze. "Please tell me what you mean. Please tell me what I did. Tell me something."
she flinched, and that satisfied some cruel part of him, but before he could leave her there on the plateau, Aria leapt into his path. Casmir drew up, irritated, but her pleading softened his heart somewhat and he stared coldly at the girl for a long moment before he thrust his dark muzzle into her personal space.
"you hurt me, Aria. over and over you did. let's do this, let's be friends. you knew i loved you and you let me suffer for it. well, i did. and i left. i couldn't stay at Donnelaith, not with Behati dead, not with you there."
his voice shook now; he fought for composure as a mirthless smile appeared momentarily on his lips. "i don't have a wife. i said that to hurt you. to see if you cared. but guess what? you don't. it was a stupid thing to say, but now that i know you don't care, i can move on."
"I hurt you?!" she whines, her voice stressed and high-pitched. Before she could ask how she had hurt him, he continues on, making a quick jab at her proposition to be friends before explaining exactly why he had left to behind with. "But... Casmir, can't you understand why I did that? I tried so... so.. so fucking hard--" she exhales shakily, moving her muzzle away from his as it invaded her space accusingly "--to make you happy. I hated Behati-- I'm sorry-- but... but I tried, I tried to tell you that I would share... It wasn't what I wanted but and I know I could've handled it better but... you hurt me too, Casmir."
She pauses to catch her breath, but the boy continues on. Revealing the truth and spitting more accusations her way. "What?" she exclaims, almost snarling at him. "I don't care?" she repeats, shaking her head viciously. It takes her a moment of vicious head shaking to releave herself of the anger, her shoulders slouching. "Casmir why wouldn't I care about that? Why do you think I didn't care?" she whined, unable to make eye contact, unable to raise her head as it slowly began to point towards her feet.
he hurt her too. he knew this, but he'd been so focused on his own pain that he hadn't admitted it to himself. too often had he seen pain in her icewater eyes to deny the agony he was inflicting on her, the strife they had put each other through -- it was his turn to find the ground with his eyes, his single ear falling back against his skull.
"because you brought that stupid fuck here. he obviously gives more than a shit about you, Aria, even if ... well, that's what i thought. you said, let's be friends, i left, and then the first time i see you again, you're with someone else. i t-thought you'd moved on, and i was ... you know? why shouldn't i move on too?"
he searched her gaze then, lapsing into a grim and uncomfortable silence. once more he'd laid himself bare before Aria, even though the last time he'd done that, she had rejected him indefinitely.
Her ears lower slightly, and she glances up and him for a moment as he speaks before she lets out a soft sigh. "I met Floki once a while back when searching for you, Casmir," she tells him quietly. "Then once again before the swarms rolled in. We travelled to help better our packs, and returned to our own, seperate packs." She mentioned nothing of her feelings for Floki, because truthfully-- as most young girls did-- she'd grown quite fond of the male quite quickly. But it never escalated, and she could only assume that her obnoxious anxiety had driven him further from her.
"I... I thought you would rather be friends... I thought that maybe I'd been too overbearing and maybe I would be better on my own... I wouldn't bother you anymore..." she continues quietly. His gaze finds hers and she holds it, losing herself in them for a moment as she searches through her memories for unexplained problems she'd had. She lets out a long breath, shaking her head slowly but keeping her gaze locked on his. "I never moved on, Casmir."
For a moment she is reminded of Lasher and the moments she'd shared with him. She wonders if she moved on in other ways, and clenches her jaw as she remembers her reasons for being so close with Lasher. She held feelings for him, of course, but all of her reasons were selfish. She buried the thoughts deeper and returned her attention to the Mayfair boy.
the girl began to speak, and Casmir didn't allow himself to close off. he listened instead, the ice around his heart chipping away with each word Aria spoke in her gentle voice. Fuckee was nothing, a nobody, and Aria -- he heard the last of her words and his eyes closed. so many times they had been here, and nothing had come of it -- over and over again they had said these things to one another, but this time -- this time it felt like the truth.
if he searched his heart, there was still love for her mingled with the bitter pain, but Casmir didn't know if he wanted to act on those feelings again. they had built many walls between one another, and perhaps, though he hated to admit it, they weren't suited for one another, himself and Aria.
a lump rose in his throat and tears stung his eyes, sliding unbidden down his cheeks as he swallowed and muttered gruffly, "well, maybe you should." maybe they both should, for the sake of their sanity. they couldn't keep doing this.
The girl sits. His words don't hurt as much as they numb, and she's at a loss for words. She agrees in that they have the worst sense of communication ever, but were they really so unsuited for one another? She doesn't know. She swallows a lump, her gaze shifting from Casmir to her feet, but she's unable to find his gaze for a few moments, afraid that if she looks at him for too long she'll break her quite composure.
"You actually believe that?" she asks quietly, her diamond-white eyes sneaking up to meet his for as long as she could manage-- as long as he'd let her.
why was she still fighting? wasn't this what she wanted too? didn't he? "i dunno," he mumbled, hackles suddenly prickling with discomfort. "what ... what do you want," he asked, meeting her pale eyes for as long as he dared. while Aria still engendered in him affection, and want, he was frightened of his feelings; he wanted to run away from them.
he stood uncomfortably, waiting for her response.
He asks what she wants, and she stares at him for a long moment. "I want to be with you," she says slowly but firmly at the same time. She wants to add that she also wants to stop dissappointing people, and failing, and that she feels like she's doing both every time she opens her selfish mouth. But she can't bring herself to do it, and instead she just holds his beautiful yellow gaze as long as she can, stepping towards the dark boy.
her words caused the boy's eyes to widen; her admission of love and of want. he hadn't expected it. he met her eyes and was silent for a long moment, and strangely, he found that Aria's desire was not returned in his heart. his time away from Donnelaith and the way that struggle had bound him to the Creek ... and Laika.
Laika. there was a seed there, of something new, fresh. something Cas wanted to explore, something devoid of the anger and desperation that had always marked the interludes between himself and thr pale girl who stood before him now.
And yet ... he was loathe to let go. "how, Aria?" he murmured, his voice cracking. "you live in Donnelaith, and i'm not leaving the Creek. Saena needs me."
He does not accept her in the way she expects, and her gaze falls away from his. "Yeah," she says quietly, unable to find anything else to say, "I guess you're right." Her feet have grown heavy where they stand, and she's unable to pull herself away from where she stands. Finally, the girl lets out a long breath and shakes her head. "You should... probably head back, then," she says. "Good luck," she adds, still unable to look up at him. This had gone poorly, but, at least it was the end.