The witch had kept to herself, though, she was more present in the pack than she had been directly after the taltos had fallen. She gave a soft sigh, hearing the whispers on the wind and knowing that he was right. "It is time." She said, regarding the spectre for a moment. His eyes had stayed though his form flitted from time to time, varying from fully present to nothing but those eyes and sometimes his smouldering voice. He had assured her that now was right, and she had to believe that and trust in him. He had not lead her wrong yet.
Dawn rose and with it the white woman did to.
She went to the fairy circle that had risen near her den after Lasher's passing. She felt calmest there, she felt
whole. She lifted her head and called for
@Aria, her grey eyes closing as her song died off and hoping that everything went as peacefully as possible.
As the white witch did, the pale alphess rose each morning with the morning sun. She used this peaceful time to reflect on her chores for the day and to groom her thick, white fur. As she nibbles at a bur at the bottom of her spine, she hears her name called by a woman whom she'd not really aquainted herself with. She had been present during pack hunts and occassional border patrols-- but she'd never had a one on one conversation with her. As the alpha, she was obligated to go, so the snowy princess rises to her paws and padded towards the woman's voice.
She arrives proud as ever, her posture straight. She greets the other with a dip of her head and a wag of her tail. "Morning," she says swiftly, remembering how Constantine had thought her formal greeting was too cold. "Is everything okay, Rowan?" she asks, not yet settling on the ground. She makes note of the fairy circle, and the fact that they are near Lasher's den, but does not comment.
She was nervous. Endlessly so. It was an unfamiliar feeling to her, making her uncomfortable took a great deal of work - or so she felt. And so she waited. Tried to relax. Failed to do so. Rowan shivered as Aria approached, her head dropping respectfully to look at the woman just about chin level. She breathed out slowly, her tail curling around her paws. "Aria," She greeted softy.
"I....am not sure." She admittedly, her silver gaze looking up to the pack. "I have felt lost," She admitted. "How have you been doing?' Unaware of the history between the druid and the pale woman, she would have been even more concerned had she been more informed.
As the woman speaks Aria's posture falls a little out of sympathy. She moves closer and sits, lowering her head to catch the gaze of the woman. "I am fine-- please, talk to me," she says, hoping to help the other. "I know we are not close, Rowan, but I am your alpha and I will always be here for you," she tells her softly, offering a small smile.
"How do you feel lost?" she asks, although something tells her the answer has something to do with the fallen Taltos.
When the woman met her gaze the witch offered a soft smile, looking at her openly then. They could have been twins almost, her ashen complexion nearly the same as as Aria's though the Alpha was more perfectly toned than she was. Her color was even and Rowan's was not so glorious. She offered a soft sigh, words failing her for a moment. "I was just starting to feel like I belonged, like I was whole and he is gone." She said softly. "And though everyone has been welcoming, I just...do not know my place." She admitted.
Other matters, other things, could wait. For now she was wanting to just talk to the woman, to connect with her. "My grief pales in comparison to the loss you have all felt; I feel selfish for worrying over myself." Rowan could be honest, and as she tended to be, straightforward with her Alpha.
But the princess has other ideas-- feeling instead that the other should not feel like this. Regardless of her feelings towards Lasher, she wants to help. She wants to make the other feel better. Aria listens quietly for a moment, but finds herself huffing and rolling her eyes. "Rowan," she says, her tone softer than that of her previous actions, "Your problems are not bigger or smaller than anyone elses," she tells her, her gaze narrowed with firmness. "Don't feel bad about grieving or struggling-- there is no reason you should," she adds, smiling again and nosing the womans shoulder in hopes of comforting her.
She then leans back, and gazes towards the fairy circle. "Lasher is still here-- his soul is present in every fiber of Donnelaith," she tells the pale witch, her tail waving behind her. "He is here in every green leaf that returns, and every creature that sets foot back in this land," she luminous orbs turn back to the other, and she smiles a little. "He is here in his children, who speak his word and continue his work."
"I am sorry, Rowan, that you have experienced this loss, and that you do not feel at place here. But time heals all, and in this pack-- if you look for it-- you will find that you still have plenty in common with everyone and everything."
As if the woman could sense, as if she had a sense of her own, Aria touched her and touched on the root of her concerns. She swallowed, lifting her head to look at the Alpha. Aria spoke the truth; of course she was right. It did not make matters any easier, not truly, and yet it still gave Rowan some faith. She was prepared for what may come, she was prepared to deal with the consequences though the situation was vastly different than what the weeks before had been. Beyond them, just beyond the fairy circle, stood the dark male and her grey eyes met his. He gave a nod, his silent confidence instilled in her.
He could not give his energy to both his voice and form, not right then, and she understood.
"There....there is more." She said quietly. "And I need to assure you of my devotion to my family - to Donnelaith, to the Mayfairs here, to the Mayfairs soon to come." She drew in a breath, her grey eyes meeting Aria's again. "Before he passed, perhaps a week before, he.....he claimed me in my heat." She said quietly. "I am....I am carrying his young." She admitted. It was hard to do so, hard to speak words like that to another when before they had been her secret. Their quiet voices, she felt so familiar with them already, and Lasher's approval.
Again, she looked to his form, standing near the circle, and saw his confidence too. She could only wait to see how the remaining Alpha would feel.
In all the abilities that she possessed Rowan did not see it coming, her strengths given more to the children and to Lasher than anything else. She drew in a breath, stepping back the moment that the woman rose up with her hackles lifted in preparation to defend herself and her children if need be. What Aria admitted made her heart falter, she could understand those emotions, she could understand that pain. "I...am sorry." She said gently. "Especially given the circumstances, not about the children; but for your lost chance with him." Because she had not known anything, and their connection was not planned in the slightest.
She could not be sorry for her children though. She would never be sorry for that. A small part of Lasher would live on, directly because of her, in the children of his that she would bring to life. "I will understand if you want us removed." She said quietly. She would find a home for them if need be, although she wanted his children to grow among his forest, in his lands, with his family.
She sits, her ears falling to her skull and her gaze removed completely from the woman. "I will not chase you from my borders. It would be selfish and unfair," she tells the other. "Find Lucani or Eilidh-- they will help you prepare," she says, her voice a bit louder than a whisper-- just loud enough to hear.
Her gaze remains on the white snow, feeling cheated and betrayed. She'd known that Lasher had relations with Blue Willow-- but that was as far as her knowledge extended. She thought she'd been the only one he'd strayed from his wife for. He'd said so many sweet things to her. He'd promised her children. But of course, it seemed he'd given them to someone else.
Rowan knew a good portion of what to do for herself. She would still seek out another, the second opinion were still beneficial and for her children she would do as much as she could. "Forgive me, there was no planning." She said softly. She could not give any other assurances, but she was not lying. What had been comforting to both had escalated given her body's demands - and there was a benefit to it, though she understood the timing far too late.
"I will stay away." She promised. "Still work for the pack's sake, but I will not burden you." Rowan promised. She could do this for the sake of her children and to keep them in the pack that they were destined for.
The woman stays, apologzing further and offering her distance. Aria does not look up, but responds. "I am not angry with you Rowan, you don't need to worry," she says quietly, taking in a deep breath. "It is my duty. I will check with you occassionally-- and with Lucani to make sure you've visited her," she adds, her gaze flickering up once to make sure the other knows she's serious. Lucani helped deliver Osprey's litter-- she's sure of it-- she would bring this one safely as well.
"Go."
Aria assured her that she would not be rejected and she gave a soft sigh of relief. She still had no intentions of shoving it in her Alpha's face that her state was what the woman had been expecting for herself. If the dark male had not perished perhaps the woman might have gotten her wish; it was impossible to tell.
But the last utterance - that she go from her own densite, made Rowan frown. Perhaps she meant to go to Lucani, and maybe she would do so immediately. She gave a nod, turning to find the healer instead, and eventually, she would find Osprey for her suggestions. She would need to find Deirdre as well, and that would hopefully not be as painful.
The woman leaves, and soon Aria does as well. Her head is low and her ears are flattened to her skull. She walks slowly and with uncertainty, but her tail still swishes behind her. She goes nowhere particular, but stays within the packs borders.