Stark licked his lips, crossing through the pack lands with the intention of running a few of his thoughts by
@Tavi. He wanted to return to the borders - to
assert himself on them. He wanted to get a hunt together, and soon, because Stark had no intentions of ever experiencing another famine. He would not see his pack falter, he wouldn't see these wolves that he had promised to stand beside and stand behind suffer ever again.
The sun was starting to fade, dusk bringing in a cool to the air and to the lands that he had been sorely missing. The male took only a moment to pause, catching a hare to bring as an offering to the Alpha female as he looked for her with the thinnest smile on his face. Hopefully she would have some ideas of her own as well for the sake of the Keep and it's future - he wanted to know the goals she had, the things she wanted.
There was no telling what would happen now. She perceived the events of days ago in fragments, convincing herself on what went down, and how, and in what order, and that she was always in the right. As far as Tavi was concerned, her son had been in mortal danger — whatever events transpired after that thought hit her mind, they were justified. But she worried still, and would keep worrying, until the fallout settled around her. Tavi had thought the pack party had unified them; now, following her run-in with Harlyn and the chaos of those emotional moments, she was far from certain. She had hidden herself away with Tambourine for a few days without warning to anyone, and upon surfacing she was... Different.
Maybe the intensity of her emotions had changed her.
Maybe there was something deeply rooted and broken, but Octavia would never really know.
She slipped between the willows with her mind on finding something to eat, because truth be told, she'd forgotten about feeding herself during the past few days of forced hibernation. Her stomach growled with more intensity now than it had during the heart of the famine, but her mind had been upon Tambourine. All that mattered was her son. She would keep him safe, and fed, and alive, even if she had to feed him pieces of herself to make that happen.
Although it had not come to that, not yet anyway.
She had led Tambourine back to the Crook and given him permission to stay there, mindful of the others, and did not look anyone in the eye; like a single mother leaving their child at a daycare they cannot afford. Then, ducking away from the gathering place with a strange sense of detachment, she set out again to find something edible. That was when the scent of blood and the musk of a lagomorph caught in her nose. Octavia deviated abruptly and, finding Stark at the end of her hunt, was briefly stunned upon seeing him.
Now that it was so easy to find food Stark was almost always seen with something hanging from his jaws. Hm the feeling of finding a kill, of claiming a life was invigorating to him and gave him a proper sense of purpose. While the blood overwhelmed him it wasn't enough to block Octavia's scent from his nose as she neared, a small wag of his tail accompanying the appearance of the grey woman before him.
Stark approached her, setting the hare go to press his nose against her muzzle, tongue dragging across her chin in equal parts affection and respect. She'd been missed. Tambourine had too. It was a surprise to him - he certainly hadn't asked for such a feeling to take hold in him, but, he found he was instantly glad for it. "Let's go eat," He began - he could have heard her over the willows rustling, nearby bugs songs, for the volume of her stomachs growling.
"I thought I'd just about satisfied your hunger," Stark teased, blue eyes flashing a bit as he regarded the woman. It only woke more urges in him, instincts to claim and desires to feed. He didn't have to be feral, after all, for them.
It was nice to see him, but such thoughts did not fully register to Octavia. She saw the rabbit hanging from his grip, watched as he placed it down, and even before Stark finished talking she was lunging for it — pulling it away from him, stepping on it, rending it apart, eating chunks of meat with fur as hastily as she could. Yes, hunger was a factor, but so was time, and something in Octavia had been made a little more feral in her time away from the others; as she cared for Tambourine away from their prying eyes.
Once she was sated, things shifted again. Or she was just perceiving things differently now, but either way—Octavia lunged for Stark next, and while her first assault had been upon the rabbit he had brought to her, now she seemed to seek his touch. She buried her face against the crook of his neck and hungrily breathed him in, then murmured through the thick of his pelt, You're still loyal to me — to us — Tam and I? And your sisters, they'd follow you?
She didn't let him answer, because she trusted her gut, and trusted in him, and emptied her mind through her mouth: One of Harlyn's... The kids, they attacked Tambourine. I had to keep him away. I have to get him away now—Harlyn can have the Keep, I don't care. Or - or - It doesn't matter. It's not safe here,
she gulped as her voice hitched, and as Tavi's paranoia increased within her voice, the volume decreased, as if being overheard would be a great issue.
He was surprised by the ferocity in which she set upon the hare, how quickly she devoured it, and then she turned to face him with the same sort of look in her eyes. It was a ferocity he found almost overwhelming, a look in her eyes that suggested a feralness he had not known in the woman. For a moment he braced himself, letting out a little sound close to a whine when she slammed into his chest, right along his scar. He held his breath but she spoke and the breath he'd held was gone in a whoosh of surprise. "You don't doubt me, do you?" He asked - afraid for a moment that she might have considered his actions not to be so wholehearted - maybe he hadn't been direct enough with her.
But. That was different. That was something else entirely. "Octavia," It was a rumble of her name, his blue eyes gazing down at her as she said there had been an incident - that one of Harlyn's children had gone after Tambourine, that he wasn't safe here. "You know I would do anything to keep you safe. Keep you happy. Both of you. I've made sure to take care of you two, right?" He asked, frowning for a moment. He wanted to talk to Harlyn and to figure things out, but this was reminiscent of the fanciful talk they'd had so long ago, thinking of slipping off and having a little home all their own. "I haven't seen Captain, but Banner would probably be more comfortable with us. Still. I want to make sure things are okay. It might have been just...a puppy's scuffle out of hand, just a huge misunderstanding."
As Beta, he wanted to keep the peace among the wolves of the Keep - but more than that, he wanted to keep the peace among his little family. "Octavia," He said softly, resting his head across hers. "Give me a few days, let me try and settle things. We need more time - we should get stronger before we set out." He gave a little sigh - it should have been the turning point, the break in the stress the famine had put on them. "I want what's best for you two." He said gently - it left no room for question, he would tend to them. He would.
No, she didn't doubt him. She was a little skeptical of his siblings sometimes, but that wasn't an issue either. What she doubted was the pack itself. The sense of comraderie she had tried to foster at the pack meeting had been for nothing, apparently. Tavi's paranoia was peaking now and there was no reason for it, but she felt like the world was slowly tightening its embrace around herself and her son; it would take some quick thinking to prevent Tambourine from being suffocated by it. And then to hear Stark talk, it was like he was siding with her assailant — not defending Harlyn or the others exactly, but not backing Octavia up as much as she anticipated he would.
It wasn't a scuffle, Stark,
she snapped at him without tempering her tone, and sounded quite contemptuous. Whether such revulsion was directed at him (who she had previously been burying her face in to, eager for comfort) or at the situation, or even Harlyn specifically, she did not elaborate until her temper was a bit less infernal. I was looking for Tambourine and I smelled blood, and when I found him he was with Harlyn. I... I freaked out, but I thought she was hurting him. And then her kid, that piss yellow one, he went for Tam's throat.
The mere memory of the event was enough to make her gasp again, and her eyes were hot with tears, even though it had happened days ago. Mentally Tavi tried to remind herself that Tambourine was safe now, that he was alive and things were fine, but... They weren't. She felt the doubt and the suspicion and the loathing writhing beneath her skin. She hated it here. I thought he was dead. I couldn't wake hiim up! And they -- they just -- Mordecai -- and Harlyn, she sat there telling me off like I was crazy. My son was in my arms and dead, and she was --
at this point Octavia couldn't speak, she just dissolved in to tears and buried herself in to Stark with renewed gusto, practically melting in to him with her own tears.
Something in Octavia's mind screamed, he's alive, he's okay, he's fine, we're okay - but no matter how loudly the mantra got, she couldn't hear it over the sounds of her own pounding heart and great gasping sobs. Hiding herself away had stopped this, for a time. She had been protected, as Tam had been, but now with Stark here and the events coming to light, she couldn't hold herself together. She needed him to keep her whole.
Apparently while he had been settling his sister, the children had lead to the unsettling of the pack. Stark's brows knitted, ears flickering back at the way the Alpha snapped at him. He did not flinch further, he did not move away, he was strong as iron beneath her - his very spine built with metal. Octavia stumbled into her frenzy, swept further and further as if she was the one who had been tumbling off the mountain, Stark felt the momentum as it drove her on and on. She was getting more upset, crying, near hysterics, and Stark could do little to bring her down from that. It was another wide arch, her mood tempered by something unknown. He felt a pang in his heart. wishing he could soothe her although he had no idea from what. Maybe herself.
"Octavia," He whispered her name again, "Tavi," - He'd never even addressed her by that name, never by her nickname, she'd never given it to him, but then, Stark took it now. "Darling, sweetheart, breathe for me," It was an order and less a request - he was not commanded by the whims to try and shush her tears because they were hers, they were very real, and whatever it was that she had seen that day that made her draw away from them all it was enough to drive her this far. "Easy, easy, we're gonna figure this out." Stark would not let his pack falter, but he would not let Octavia or Tambourine be hurt either.
"I won't let anything happen to you or Tambourine." He said softly before he drew her closer, holding her against his chest. He didn't care about his scar, about her seeing it then - she'd probably never notice. Right then all he could do was try and comfort her. Later would be the hard work of trying to speak with Harlyn and see what could be done. If things could be mended, it would be better. If not....well. He wasn't too pleased with the concept of starting over again.
A few choice words weren't going to calm her down. She had a fleeting thought about that though, something that shot through her mind even though the situation was totally out of her control now, and she was sobbing, and the thought really had no place at all within her brain: but there it was. A tiny sliver of doubt. How can he say these things, she thinks, has this worked for him before? But she cannot know that. Stark has not shared much about his life pre-Keep with her. Nothing except his sisters, and vaguaries, but that's what she likes about him. His anonymity has always been appealing. As he says her name though, she recoils — the reaction is visceral, like her sobs, but as she pulls away from him her breath catches in her throat and she nearly chokes. Octavia sputters for a few seconds as she recoils, refusing his proximity, but cannot avoid the sound of his voice.
Stark is right, of course. He's level-headed while she recounts her experience, and he is smart enough to know this is only half of the story. Octavia doesn't know everything. Her perception has been clouded by a mess of things — stress, hormones, trauma from losing her first-born, and the powers-that-be know what else. He doesn't know of the shadow in her brain that is spreading so slowly, and taking hold of her. Then again, Octavia isn't aware of that either. She feels his chest, notices something amiss there, but is too wrapped up in herself to do anything about it.
This all makes sense to her until he speaks her name, tries to sooth her with promises she cannot trust, and then there is a physical gap between their bodies that she fills with her many suspicions and fears.
It all boils down to one thought though. Just one. Can I trust him? Not just for herself, but for the life of her baby boy. A part of her doesn't, and that dark part in her brain reinforces the tiny misgiving, and she ducks to avoid his gaze. Something has already happened,
she murmurs childishly, only to raise that shrewd gaze to match his own, challenging him even though she did not need to. Talk to her if you want. I know what's best for my son.
And with that, Octavia turns her back on her Beta and retreats towards the last place she saw her son. She'd give Stark the time he requests, but there is no telling how long he has.
For a moment he thinks that this might be okay. It's foolish given the hysterics that Octavia is caught in, and if he'd been there, if he'd believed what she had seen and thought and worried that Tambourine was actually dead he'd probably be just as distraught. Stark wasn't the type to blindly accept a situation; he would analyze, figure it out. She pulls away, she yields briefly, and then she pushes back and he can't help her right then.
Stark, for as much as he wanted to do, couldn't fix it magically. "Octavia," He didn't shirk back from the intensity of her gaze, the challenge in her eyes - this wasn't about them right then and the dark male could see that. It was about the only obvious thing. It was all about Tambourine. Before they'd joked when life was so much easier, oddly enough in the famine. They'd talked about escape, about some paradise, but this - the paradise was lost, replaced in the way that she looked at him then.
"That's what I want, too. What's best for both of you." He said quietly as she left him behind, frowning as he turned to head to try and track down Harlyn. They'd have to talk about things and figure out where to move forward if it was possible.