@Avannon :) Takes place before Asterr returns.
The voices, even though dimmed by the scorching pain he felt in his leg, didn't stop whispering horrible things to him. He had tried everything, even with his broken limb, but nothing would work. He had trapped himself in the lair, untouched by healer hands and unloved by his tribe. He didn't feel like what he had done was wrong. He had wanted to protect Asterr from all the loners or other pack wolves outside their home who saw raping much like how the voices saw it. It was necessary to force yourself upon someone, because everyone was selfish. If the world was this way, the voices would let him play along, even though it went against all his morals.
He was scratching the earth with one paw, digging a small hole out of boredom and pain. The voices didn't go. Why would they? He had not satisfied them-he had not taken the little dragoness that he felt a lustful love for. He was going absolutely crazy for her touch, anyone's touch, so much that it made him lick himself from time to time to somewhat feel satisfied.
The hole in the ground, mad scratches everywhere-even on the walls of the somewhat cave he had nestled himself in with his broken leg-, was created by a beast. Tears started welling in his eyes as he looked upon it. So this was how he was going to die. Alone, confused, unloved, unsatisfied.
Avannon paused briefly outside the lair, she had wanted to speak to Jolon for some time now. The last time she had spoken to him was when she had joined. She could smell the desperation coming from the spot where Jolon had dug himself in. Her heart ached for the male, and her eyes moistened as she picked up a more recent catch of prey, and slowly made her way toward him. When she grew Near, she dropped the small piece of food and nudged it toward him "Eat..Jolon. You'll starve. I....im just gonna say it. Im sorry for your loss, i have been through something similar with love, and it seems like it will never get better. But the truth is, if you let the heartbreak take you over, you will slowly and excrutiatingly die. I haven't talked to you at all. Not a real conversation but i know what happened." she said speaking quickly with her ears laid back against her head, eyes darting to the side nervously.
She scanned the broken form with sympathy and noticed his leg "ouch. i dont know anything about medicine that will help that, just little things. I wonder if cold water would help that as well..." she murmured to herself. "are you cut anywhere?" she asked. The least she could do was clean his wounds.
He growled lowly as someone approached, the fresh scent of food drifting in his safe space as well as the scent of a female who had been acting rather nervous around him. He didn't care- they better be afraid of him in this mental state. As time passed he had felt himself becoming the opposite of what he had always seen himself as. He had been so compassionate, so friendly in his own ways, even helpful. Now he was a raging beast filled with lust and anger, ready to tear even a friend apart in the wrong circumstances. It had started when Noctura had said he was like a certain star. Jolon had promised to stay himself, but he guessed he had broken that promise by now.
He clamped his maw shut around the food Avannon had brought, shaking it in rage before swallowing it in big pieces. It wasn't much nor as good as a fresh kill with juicy organs, but he guessed it did calm the hunger clawing at his stomach. He looked up in confused rage, a deep snarl erupting from his throat as she continued her story. Who told you that?
He questioned. The voices said to kill whoever was telling his secrets. Only he was aloud to speak about Ezimette, only he was aloud to talk about his problems.
He pulled his leg closer to his body as she, unlike Leo, noticed the somewhat oddly angled leg. I'm fine.
He lied.
Avannon flinched slightly, but stared straight back at Jolon not entirely as afraid as she should be. She huffed a sigh " Texi" she replied. Noticing how he hid his leg she made a soft tsk tsk and narrowed her eyes " Please do not lie. You dont want to be crippled forever do you?" she asked calmly. Noticing his Enraged state she drew herself back a bit her muscles tensing. " I fell in love once...a wonderful feeling. I thought he loved me too, he called me sweet nicknames and spent most of his time with me. I thought he was a loner. My rookie mistake was not noticing the scent of pack on his fur. For many months we courted, and on the night i was supposed to be mated to him he led an attack on my family's pack, killing everyone but me, then he chased me out. For a while my grief was merely at the loss and betrayal of a lover, but then once i realized that he was no good anyway, i began to grieve for my family, and then i got better. Depression slowly lifted, and i lived once more. The scar always remains, but it can get lighter, and fade" she said her eyes looking straight at the ground. "i..i dont know you, but i think i know what you are feeling. Despair, Rage at being betrayed. Voices...voices telling you to hurt others, and that you weren't enough and that was why she left." she said her voice cracking as she remembered the pain all too well at that moment. She cleared her throat and looked down at him once more "if you can make it, i believe the cool water might ease some of the pain. I can get you more food if you wish? I dont mind hunting" she offered, her voice part worry and part hope.
Of course it had to be Squirrel...
He rumbled irritated. Ezimette had been her sister after all. He should've never shared secrets with her that were not entirely secrets. He growled again as he declared Squirrel an enemy. He would never trust her again with personal business. Never would he share it with anyone anymore if it wasn't easy for one to just shut up about it. What does it matter to you if my leg is broken or not?
He asked with a rumble from somewhere deep in his throat.
Oh boy, if he could chew his ears off, he would. He didn't want to hear whatever sort of love life this barely friend had. He almost wanted to call out: "Hey, good idea, let's tell depressing stories to a depressed wolf! WHAT COULD GO FRICKING WRONG?", but he refrained from using sarcasm as humor. He refrained from using any kind of humor with the voices in his head. He wasn't listening anymore, voices becoming louder the longer the female kept ranting. Only when she mentioned going to the river did he shake his head. I'm not going anywhere and I don't want food. Is it so hard to understand?
He sighed as he closed his eyes. I want to die here.
Avannon kept her gaze steadily trained on his face as he snapped at her again. "It matters because I don't want a member of my new family to die. You won't die. Bite me, yell at me, whatever it takes. I wont let you die. " she responded her voice stern as her blue eyes flashed waiting for him to bite her.
You're no family of mine, foolish little girl!
His voice cracked, almost a demonic tone, as the voices took over his anger and fear. He arched his back as he fought. He would not hurt her! She doesn't deserve it! Yes she does, she didn't listen. She and Squirrel must suffer. No!
He yelled, his voice higher and more Jolon-like. He bit his tongue, very quickly having a mouth full of blood that dripped from the edges of his mouth.
Avannon scrambled backwards, a startled whimper escaping her maw. Her fur bristled Slightly as she watched jolon fight against something she couldn't see. "Whether we are family or not, I'm here for you, I care." she growled moving forward and briefly touching her nose to his shoulder before jumping away again and sitting down. " don't let the darkness get you jolon. Dont let the voices turn you into something you can never come back from" she said her voice trembling as her instincts told her to run, but her mind told her he might need her.
He felt satisfied, or the voices, he couldn't tell the difference anymore, when she scampered back in fear. It gave the illusion of power, something the voices craved. Her next words didn't touch him, though perhaps they touched Jolon's heart in a way. He wanted to cry out for help so badly, but the voices were the only company he needed- they said. No! You don't! No one does!
He rumbled, trying desperately to not attack. As she came closer, the felt threatened, and with a low growl and a snarl, he denied her acces to his shoulder. You can't tell us what to do! Leave!
Avannon's reply to the voice that was so obviously a madness deep within Jolon was her own snarl, as her blue eyes flashed. "All you are is the fear deep within all of us, the fear that we will be abandoned, unloved, alone. No matter what you say, i wont leave Jolon's Sidem whether it means wounds, or emotional pain. See, the thing about you, about the darkness, is that you are pathetic, you wait until someone is weakened to take hold. I wont leave, because you cant tell ME what to do" she said her hackles rising as she spoke to the darkness that held jolon's mind and body captive. "You aren't alone Jolon. It doesnt matter to me that i barely know you, it only matters that we are family of sorts now, and i will protect and care for my family no matter what. You aren't alone Jolon, Im here, and if you need to you can hurt me, i've taken hits before" she said her voice strong with resolve
His ears pricked when she snarled. She was threatening his well-being. She was threatening an immobile wounded wolf. Even her voice sounded desperate and angry, and Jolon's brows furrowed. How dare she threaten them? They were above her, they were more powerful. No, you're pathetic.
He hissed. You truly believe we care? You truly believe your words mean anything to us?
He panted. His mouth began to water as he thought of biting into her flesh, and his tail was already wagging with anticipation as his hackles raised even further.
He shot forward with his head, trying to clamp his jaws around one of her front legs, not even listening anymore.
Avannon's voice cut off into a startled yelp, stumbling over herself in an attempt to get away from jolon, who had lunged at her. She felt fangs connect with her front leg, and the yelp lengthened into a shrill keey-ii of pain. Eyes wild she tugged at his grip, snarling and whimpering with fear "J-Jolon stop! you're hurting me!" she pleaded, fear and shock evident in her voice as her wide blue eyes stared at him. She pulled back hard, only suceeding at making her flesh tear in his jaws, worsening the pain and causing her to lower her front to the ground, almost in a bowing positiion to lessen the pain. "i wont cause you any more harm than you've done to yourself. you aren't a wolf anymore its obvious. im sorry she left you. but if you cant see that you still have wolves who care, than nobody an do you any good." she said panting, her whole posture filled wth hurt and resignation.
Jolon's mind went black as the fusion of good and evil turned grimmer. They suckled at her wounds, clamping down only harder as she began pulling. that wouldn't do her any good, they knew. They trailed their tongue over the blood of their teeth on the inside of their mouth, the iron taste of the crimson liquid fueling their existence. Her screams and shrieks were like music to their ears, a soft buzzing sound to whatever was left of Jolon. They closed their eyes, enjoying this moment and savoring it for now. What if they didn't let go, stay there with her forever?
Suddenly, a voice penetrated the walls the darker being had put up around Jolon. They froze as Jolon took control. He was hurting again, he was paining her. No, Vector was. Vector was the one who was trying to take control, and Vector was the name he had given it. In a split second, Jolon had let go of her limb, drool and blood hanging out of the corners of his mouth as he looked at what he had done for a moment. He then turned his head away, his own voice now saying;
Leave.
Avannon held up her foreleg, her ears lay flat against her head as her widened fear filled eyes stared at him, her body stiffened with shock. She watched as the change happened, as jolon came back to his broken body and she whimpered "Just wanted to help...im sorry.." she said her voice trembling with pain and hurt as she turned to leave. As she limped away, she paused "If you stop fighting your demons, you are just as bad as they are" she said, trying to steady her voice, a flash of regret and sorrow in her expressing eyes.
She licked her wound, her own blood spreading across her tongue making her nose wrinkle in disgust. she lifted her head and walked away, her whole body drooping as she she hobbled to safety, feeling like a failure to her tribe, her new home, her family.
AVA OUT!