@Menta , this takes place before Asterr returns.
His nights were spent awake and suffering, the pain he was feeling both in his heart and limb unbearable and the empty space between him and a loved one thick with smoke. He often thought of jumping off the mountain if Asterr did not return-or worse; pregnant with a loner. He didn't want to live this life anymore if no one was willing to live it with him. Life wasn't a solo-game and he was a party player. But, he was placed without gear nor weapon in this cruel game where all the odds were against him. He wanted to disappear so that no one could hear him screaming as he made his last breath, but with this limp he couldn't go far enough. Then again, if he could get to the roof, he could jump off.
He didn't know what to do anymore, as everyone in his head was screaming too loud to understand. He moved his head to his shoulder. He was so hungry, both for love and food, enough to make him bite into his own flesh. It hurt, but it was nothing against the pain he was feeling inside. He felt his own blood fill his mouth, his tongue feeling numb as only a small piece came off of him. Soon the pain was bad enough for him to stop, licking up the blood that was dripping out the fresh wound he had just created himself-thinking to himself what in God's name he was doing.
The stench of blood was enough to make Menta's approach one of apprehension and caution. She knew it came from a fellow pack member, but the danger that had given it to him - she knew it was a him, had smelled this particular male throughout the packlands many times before - could undoubtedly still be present. Golden eyes searched out for this unknown threat as the Italian got close enough to see the dark male licking frantically at his shoulder.
How can I help? she asked, a mixture of both sympathy and pack obligation painting her immediately response as she came to an abrupt stop. Menta was no healer - perhaps she knew a couple of minor tricks, but nothing in depth - but she saw the pain in his actions and the dejected way he held his body. Who did this to you? came the next question, a little more stiffly a she tried to further assess the situation.
He growled loudly at the approach of a female he barely knew. He didn't want anyone seeing him like this. He was pathetic, but the voices made him think otherwise. Don't.
He rumbled deeply as he crawled backwards until he couldn't go any further. He grunted as he did so, as every move made a hellish pain shoot through his body.
I did, now go!
He shouted, feeling quite threatened by the sudden attention. What if she had heard about what he had done to Asterr? He was weak now and easily kill able. he just wanted to be alone to die, was that too much to ask?
He backed away and growled a halt, which was more than enough for Menta to take her own couple steps backwards. It was almost as if he felt cornered simply by her presence - he had backed himself up as much as possible, and his eyes looked wild. The cream wolf didn't know if he was afraid, enraged, or -- simply mad? She concentrated on taking several even breaths as he disclosed that he had done this wound to himself and growled at her to go away.
But she was a pack member, and surely a pack member could be no threat to another. Menta made no move to go but stayed frozen in what she considered a safe distance - she was no good at comforting others in times of anxiety, but perhaps she could try if it was needed. I just want to help, the female wolf tried again, attempting to acclimate her low voice into what she hoped was a softer tone.
He wasn't scared of her in the slightest, he was scared of himself. He didn't want to hurt her. He was fighting the voices for her safety, if only she knew. She backed up, creating the illusion she was truly leaving him alone, but no one listened to his orders- ever. What happened with respect? Privacy? Did that not count for him anymore? He wouldn't allow her close, wouldn't allow anyone close. Leave me the fuck alone!
He scowled, eyes burning with the fire of the voices that fueled his every move.
She was naive if she thought pack member couldn't hurt each other. It was lies she was feeding on, and she needed to get her head out of her ass. Well, that was what the voices thought. Oh, how Jolon wished to be in control, to say everything was fine. You'd help yourself by going!
He growled, the stinging of his wound bringing tears to his eyes, but he blinked them away.