A morning at the river had yielded great success. Thrice she had struck at a fish, and thrice she had caught her prey. Two of these fish she placed a cache she had been working to fill. The third she had other plans for. She did not know how far along Eshamun was in her pregnancy, but she did think that it would be uncomfortable. Hunting had to be difficult as she grew larger and larger, the burden of her children worsening as they grew. Ragna thought to save Eshamun some trouble, and so sought her, jaws clenched around her third catch. The best place to begin searching for any member of the Malkaria was at the shrine, and so it was there that went first.
her time was very near, eshamun knew; the testament to this were the tightening cramps around her lower body, which did not truly hurt but caused enough discomfort to drive the woman from the shade and into the summerlight. her joints were stiff from the weight of her belly, and instinctively she turned toward the shrine of the malkaria. she would attend molech there; the eight-armed one, if it was fit, would remove her weariness, she hoped. she moved among the silent trees, closing her eyes as she paused to bask in the presence of the god, and when she opened them, ragna was there, an offering of fish in her jaws. a smile wreathed eshamun's face, brightening her tired features. "shieldmaiden."
Her instinct had proved correct. She came upon Eshamun beside the shrine, a feature that Ragna had avoided for fear of misstepping. She didn't want to approach it without understanding it, did not want to bring an offering if there was a possibility of doing something wrong. The shrine was carefully tended, offerings piled around it in the form of bones.
Eshamun had grown impossibly round, her due date had to be approaching. Pregnant wolves always made Ragna a little uncomfortable, though she could never quite place the reason. She just didn't know how to act around them. Still, she liked Eshamun, and she wanted to do well by her. Ragna placed the fish near Eshamun's paws, then backed away a few steps to give her space. Eshamun,
she returned, then floundered and blurted, you look... big.
perhaps another woman in eshamun's predicament would take offense, but the ekar-aji merely gave a smile at the kugarru warrioress who attended her. "i am big," she teased in her heavy accent, turning to present the silhouette of her belly to the shieldmaiden. "but soon i shall be small again."
eshamun's smile faltered somewhat as she remembered that her time was nigh, and thus that of the babes, and her viridian eyes alighted thoughtfully upon ragna. surely the others had told her of the impending sacrifice, but a nagging suspicion that they had not did nip at her thoughts. "very soon."
Eshamun's gentle teasing helped smooth out the stutter of embarrassment Ragna felt. It was true that she had very little mastery over her words, but she was generally able to filter out the truly foolish before speaking. She was quickly diverted by the size of Eshamun's stomach. She had been around pregnant wolves before, but most of them had the stocky build of the vikings. Eshamun was slight and angular, and the roundness of her belly clashed with the shape of her frame. This is for you,
she said, nosing the fish closer. I thought it might be hard for you to hunt.
Curiosity that bordered on reverence for the little lives growing inside of Eshamun burned within Ragna. Have you thought of names?
she asked. The faltering of Eshamun's smile was curious, but Ragna knew that childbirth was a painful process. Perhaps Eshamun felt some fear of that pain.
the woman inclined her head. "you are kind to think of me, ragna," eshamun murmured gently, smiling at the shieldmaiden. kurgarru; that was what the warrior was, and the ekar-aji considered bringing to fore the story of the special ones, those who were neither male nor female. but ragna spoke of other things; of names for the children, which dampened the canaanite's spirits, for it became apparent that the shieldmaiden knew not of what was to come.
a deep breath parted her lips briefly. "the children i carry belong to molech. they will not be given names, but will be gifted back to the god upon their birth." she thanked molech for stilling the tremble of her mouth, but now looked rather worriedly to ragna, to see what the snowy wolf made of it.
Ragna smiled softly, sweetly, at Eshamun's words. You have been so good to me,
she offered as an explanation. For a moment she basked in the glow of the moment, but this came to an end. Like thunder, fear struck her. The great fear that in joining the Malkaria she had picked unwisely, that gods and men alike would look upon her and see only her sins. Was she to be complicit in this sacrifice? Her mouth opened and closed several times, and finally, her voice wavering, came her response. I do not know what to think. I am afraid.
It pained her to admit her fear, but she still trusted Eshamun, and who else could she trust with her feelings? She looked upon Eshamun, begging for further explanation.
afraid. eshamun was pleased by ragna's honesty. it was not easy to hear, she was sure; arunik'ra and eshamun had been raised in a culture of sacrifice from their birth, but ragna had not. "do not fear," she murmured gently. "this is as it must be in order for the malkaria to be rooted here. in the years to come, we will give but one child back to molech."
her viridian eyes glowed with affection for the shieldmaiden. "what frightens you?" eshamun murmured, drawing near to stand near the pale wolf.
O-one,
she repeated, holding onto that knowledge. It was a buoy in raging seas. Compared to the sacrifice of an entire litter, one child seemed humane. And then Ragna's mind began to work. An entire litter, one child, either was more humane than the sacrifice of a child raised to die. These would be sacrificed at birth, but Ragna had met gods who demanded the sacrifice of more sapient wolves. She knew of children raised to never see the light until the day they died, ripped apart in the name of a wrathful god.
So there was worse sacrifice, but Ragna still feared for the children Eshamun carried. When Eshamun came near, Ragna turned to press her face into the Ekar-aji's shoulder. I fear that I have made the wrong choice,
she murmured.
ragna reached out to her; eshamun without thought sat and gathered the woman close, preening along her pearled ears gently. she felt the strength of the shieldmaiden's body, the litheness beneath the plush of her coat. molech had guided her steps? they had even a word for ragna's status, one not only respected but revered by the canaanites.
"kurgarru," eshamun murmured. "one who is both. molech gave us this word, and so i have given it to you. kurgarru are sacred to us; they walk between worlds. they are not constrained by worldly mores. consider that we may very well be the only pack who understands who you are, ragna; consider that for this reason, molech guided you here. not to be feared, nor forced into one mold or another, but rather to be free."
With first contact, Eshamun pulled Ragna close, worrying at her ear. Though she eclipsed the Ekar-aji in size, Ragna felt so much smaller. For the first time in a very, very long time she felt as young as she was, and she was wracked by a quiet, tearless sob. She was lost, and thought that she had found somewhere to be. The fear that she could lose that, that she might have to turn away, was difficult to bear.
As close as they were, Ragna could hear Eshamun's chest vibrate with each word. That, combined with the sweet sound of the red woman's voice, soothed the ragged edges of Ragna's fear. Free,
she repeated. Will you tell me more? About the [i]kurgarru?
It would serve as a reminder of why she was there. To protect and, in turn, have this most intimate part of her protected.
a tight breath shuddered the length of ragna's body, and eshamun felt an answering wave of grief in her own veins, but focused upon the pearlfurred woman in her arms. surely molech would soothe her, as the god did for the ekar-aji. she nodded, focusing upon the verdancy of the summertime growth roundabout them. "of course," the scarlet woman murmured.
"our mother goddess is inanna, and in her service are those who do not cleave to either male nor female, but claim both, or none at all. these are the kurgarru, the warriors and interim between the mortals and the gods. many individuals from all places come to canaan to lie with the kurgarru, or to touch them, for they are so holy even the hairs upon their bodies bring favour."
"the kurgarru were created by the god enki from sacred earth, and given life that they may spread the glory of inanna. in canaan, we had a priestess who was neither male nor female. i did not meet this wolf, for it was before i was born, but molech had never smiled so warmly upon the malkaria as when the kurgarru was in service among us."
Her breaths were wet and shaky, but they were calmer than she felt. As Eshamun spoke, Ragna let the words smooth over her. From the way Eshamun spoke of them the kurgarru were divine creatures. Ragna's brow furrowed. She did not feel very divine. But she liked the thought, and the story of it. For a moment she fantasized about wolves coming from far and wide to merely touch her. There was power in being so beloved, power that appealed to Ragna. That would certainly show Jorunn his mistake, tossing his own sister aside as he had.
Ragna took a deep, ragged breath, and then was calm. If it was her role to be both warrior and a bridge between worlds, then Ragna would. She was not yet divine, but she could be. I do not know if I am equal to such history yet,
she said, pulling away to meet Eshamun's eyes. There was determination in the shieldmaiden's eyes, a fire that would not be quenched so soon. But I will be.
With time she could accept the necessary sacrifice of this litter.