Since his Casbro had returned from the trip without the girls, they hadn't had a chance to catch up or joke like they had before. He'd accepted the mantle of beta on top of dealing with the loss of Laurel and Indra, and the unknown status of Laika. Heston hadn't asked the male about his mate for fear of hurting him, or upsetting him in general. Laika hadn't seemed the type to up and leave, so Heston hoped she'd come back.
He'd been wanting to hang out with his bro again though. Maybe they wouldn't detail an elk this time, but he'd missed the joking talks. The male company. It was nice to have someone around to do stupid things with. He was looking for Casmir now, making his way through the Creek. He didn't want to call, it wasn't urgent. Whatever Casmir was doing might be a bit more important than their bromance. (Unlikely, but he was trying to be polite.)
He also wanted to talk to Casmir about Spring, and his ever-growing affection for her. He felt that it was time to let the male in on his past as well, to explain his hesitation in getting involved with Spring. Plus, Casmir was his friend. He should be honest about his past, about himself. He was a wreck of commitment issues, and even now seeking Casmir out and admitted even this small amount of dependency on the male's friendship made him nervous.
#HELLYEAH
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the snows had already come, and Casmir felt trapped. how could he leave now, when the ground was beginning to freeze? he needed to talk to Spring, but the boy didn't feel right just planning to up and leave during the harshest season. his family might have to wait, and this both saddened and unfuriated the boy. the year was shaping up to be a shit one. the girls were gone, Saena was gone, Laika was gone, and Casmir, with the exception of his friendship with Rowan, felt the crushing weight of loneliness each day.
he needed the company of a friend, and set out to find Heston. unknown to him, the great snowy wolf was searching for him, too; it was not surprising that their paths soon crossed. "hey," Cas murmured, mustering a small, tight smile, even as he dropped his dominant stance. he didn't want Heston to submit; he wanted to hang.[/tr][/td][/table]
They sought each other out unknowingly and so the hunt was a short one. Heston's tail waved behind him when he saw Casmir, and though the man dropped his stance, Heston still kept his at a respectable level. Casmir was his friend, but he didn't want the male to think that he was taking any liberties because of that. He'd submit to the beta if needed, he was simply proud to have someone he could trust in that position. Laika had been a good beta too, of course. He'd never had any reason to not want to follow her lead either.
He noted Casmir's tone though and frowned slightly. Had he not heard any of Laika? "What's up, Casbro? It's been a while since our last talk so I thought I'd fix that." He grinned. "Just wanted to have a chat with a friend, you know? Are you...doing all right?" It was clear Casmir could use this talk just as much as Heston, which brought a measure of comfort to the male. To lean on a friend was easier if the friend needed to lean back on you at the same time.
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of course the first thing Heston mentioned was Laika, and Cas fought back the brief hot flare of irritation that rose in his breast. motioning for the pale man to fall into step alongside him, the young Beta walked in silence for some time. "i can't just sit around and be angry she never came home, you know? i have to go look for her. but i'm not sure how i can leave the Creek right now. there's only a few of us, a couple kids..." he sighed.
"i need to talk to Spring anyway. i wanted to try and see my sibs before it got too bad out there." he jerked his muzzle in the direction of the distant peaks, glanced at Heston, and then faced forward again. "that's the shit going on in my life. what about yours?"[/tr][/td][/table]
Heston fell in with the man's steps with little prodding. Casmir was silent for a moment and Heston did not push or try to change the subject. Suddenly words burst from Casmir, angry and buzzing. Heston had wondered if Casmir had looked for her before officially coming back. Then again, why would he look if he thought the woman was right behind him? He frowned, seeing the man's plight. He followed Casmir's gesture with his eyes, but they did not recognize the peaks as Casmir did.
"You could look on your way to visit. Spring held things down before, when you left. I'm sure she wouldn't be upset at you wanting to visit family and find your mate." Especially with Spring's background. She'd been abandoned by her mate, and Laika was her friend. She'd want Casmir to find her if he could. "Something going on with your family, or is it just a yearly visit type deal?"
He shrugged his shoulders as the question turned to him. "Not much. Maintaining my title as Nightmare to Elk by wearing my tail around. It's more what happened before here that's bothering me, really." It was as easy as segway as could be had. "I didn't want to talk about it before, when we'd first started hanging out, you know? Not 'cause of you, but it was just...shitty in general. Didn't like to think about. Still don't, but it's biting me in the ass all the same." He sighed as well, shaking his head. He wasn't trying to be cryptic, but he wasn't going to word vomit the story at Casmir's feet either, he wanted to be sure the male wanted to know before he waste his time.
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even though he did not look at Heston, Casmir listened, nodding once or twice during the duration of his bro's speech. he was right; Spring would understand. he smiled a bit at the thought. she had done much for him and he needed to do the same for her. despite Saena's words, that did not include taking Silver Creek from the woman who had kept it afloat all these months. "i got into it with my twin brother, and i haven't seen my litter-sis in months. or my baby sisters. i just really suck at keeping in touch."
he chuckled a little. "badass, dude." that elk-tail was the symbol of their best hunt; nothing would ever top that. it seemed Heston wanted to finally talk about his past. in truly manly fashion, Cas nodded and turned his eyes forward, not wanting to pressure his friend with the weight of his gaze. "what's up, bro?"[/tr][/td][/table]
"I didn't know you had a twin." Heston said with surprise. "That'd be good to know before I mistake some random for my Brosmir, don't you think?" He shrugged his shoulders at Casmir's admission of not keeping in touch. "You're going to visit now, better than I can do. Hopefully you and your twin can make up, though, in all seriousness."
He smirked a little as Casmir commented on the tail, but the smirk fell quickly. He was ready to talk about it, but that didn't make it any easier. He sighed, focusing his own eyes to the distance. "So, before I came here to Silver Creek...to the Wilds at all, I was in another pack. I had left my parents, found this pack a decent distance away. Didn't want to fight over borders with my family, y'know? So I find this pack. Alpha seems like a stand-up dude. The other wolves seem nice, I start to make friends with them. I was with the pack for a while, enough to get used to things, to get attached." He paused, frowning.
"There was a girl there that I liked. I was doing the usual shit, you know, giving her gifts and being my general charming self." Though he normally would have punctuated this sentence with a smile, he couldn't bring himself to do it. His frown deepened. "I liked her, a lot. I thought that we might have something. I know it sounds like a line, but I seriously wanted...want...my mate to be someone I spend my life with. I don't just...go at girls, you know? Weak, I know." He managed a half-hearted laugh here, but couldn't bear to look to Casmir to see his own reaction.
"So I courted her, got to know her. She was beautiful, and smart. I really thought..." His lip twitched, a hint of anger appearing in his eyes. "Anyway, so our pack entered into famine. Wasn't shit to eat. All the closest packs met together, our alphas reached an agreement. There would be no fighting, no war, no pack disputes in this time of need. We were supposed to help each other out if possible, but not shed blood. Enough of us were dying already...I lost friends to the famine. Well, one of the packs starts picking at us over borders. They start trying to take it. Our alpha stood his ground, we needed the land for hunting."
"One day, that girl I like...she comes to everyone and says she found a bear dead. It's fresh and it's fat. Lots of good meat, lots of fatty meat. We were starving, it sounded like heaven. We gather everyone, some of them had to carry others because they were so weak. Old ones, young ones, we all went so we could eat. We get to where she's telling us this bear is...but she's gone. We're confused and calling for her...and suddenly the other pack is there. They come from everywhere, bushes, shadows...I'd swear they even leapt from the fucking trees, man."
He fell silent again and nodded quietly. His lips twitched occasionally, but he did not speak. After many minutes he started again, his voice weaker, defeated. "It was a massacre. Our alpha was killed, they killed more than half of us...and then they gathered the rest of us, all of us too thin to fight, worn and bleeding. They told us to submit or die. Some of them joined him. Some of them died, too starved and too sick to run. Some did run. I don't know if they got away. She...the girl...she submit." His lip rose into a snarl, but he lowered it and clenched his jaw. "She had lead us there for that, to be murdered. She had betrayed all of us, all her friends. Barely any of us were left, and she was the reason. I took one look at all of them, her, the bastard who broke the agreement for selfishness and took off. I didn't care if they caught me, or if I died running away. I would not allow him to kill me, and I would never lower my head to him."
He inhaled deeply, then released his air in a slow sigh. "I almost died recovering from that, but I didn't. Eventually I stopped pitying myself for losing them, for running, and decided to make a new start. I found the Wilds not long after." He hadn't yet explained how that was biting him now, but he paused to turn to Casmir. It was a heavy story, a long story, but he looked at the male now, his sad past revealed.
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Cas was impassive as Heston spoke, save for the clench of his jaw from time to time. his friend painted a vivid picture — he had been just a boy, and in love. the Mayfair found that overlaid with the ignorance held by all youth to be particularly relevant, and so his heart ached somewhat at the man's horrible narrative. events that he had never expected had all occurred within moments of one another. he could hardly imagine how Heston had felt. how he felt now.
imagine that the woman you'd loved had been responsible for your family's death. Cas could scarcely fathom it, and that was why he broke the bro-code he'd imposed on himself and reached over to nudge the pale man's shoulder awkwardly. "jesus fuck, that is some heavy shit, man." his voice shook as he spoke — he met the other's eyes. "no wonder you have chick problems." the first woman Heston had trusted had done the unthinkable.
a thought occurred to the Mayfair, and he flicked his ears forward. "you're telling me this because we're friends, or because ..." was there someone at the Creek for who his friend had fallen? was he telling Cas all this as a cautionary tale for his own self, or because he wanted advice? whatever it was, the Beta would do his best to tell Heston what he thought was best.[/tr][/td][/table]
Cas's nudge surprised him a little, but it was welcome. He turned to met Casmir's gaze, touched that he was so taken by emotion over the story. Casmir's voice shook, and Heston swallowed thickly and glanced to his paws. He sighed, shaking his head and about to reply when Casmir spoke again and Heston drew his eyes back up to meet the other.
He spoke honestly. "Both. We're friends, I felt that not telling you the crazy shit that happened wasn't right. I've seen stuff you've gone through, Casmir. It seems...untruthful not to let you know mine. But both. I..." He smiled a little, chuckling. "I like a girl here. I think we're a good match, honestly. I could see myself with her, kids and all that. You know? But...I can't forget what went down before. When I get to thinking too much about it, I get scared and start to pull away. I avoid, or try to play it down to myself. I'm serious about how I feel...but I don't know how to make myself not run. Not after what happened." He hadn't said who it was yet, though he was sure Casmir would be asking him soon enough. He'd answer too, he had no shame. He could trust Casmir.
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somewhere in the cosmos, a Bro Point scoreboard lit up and added like ten points to Heston's total. Casmir's respect for the man skyrocketed — they were on a new level, but like, in a bro way. he nodded as the palefurred man explained. a girl. Casmir had his ideas of who it could be, but kept quiet about that. it was up to Heston to tell him who it was, if and when he wanted. "yeah, man, i get that. i gotta be honest; i don't have much experience here, but ... i think it comes down to just being honest with her."
"this chick isn't that other one. i bet it would be really hard to find a screwed up wolf like she was again. one in a million or something. and it's scary, and messed up, but as long as you let monster-chick be the obstacle, you'll never get ahead. you know?" he finished, turning his eyes on Heston.[/tr][/td][/table]
Heston looked to Casmir as he gave his advice. He nodded, sighing softly even as a smile curled his lips at Casmir's colorful descriptions. "You're right. I try to tell myself something of the same...it's just hard after all that. I think...I think this girl is different, too. I connect with her on a different level. I liked...monster-chick, but...we...I don't know. There just wasn't this...connection that I feel now." He shrugged his shoulders and offered Casmir a goofy grin.
"I'm even trying to..." He shook his head and laughed a little. "I'm going at this hard, Casbro. I'm even trying to learn a new language for her. In secret!" He shook his head, rolling his eyes at himself. It occurred to him that he hadn't said who the female was. Currently there weren't many in the pack, but Casmir could likely narrow it down to Spring or Natashe, he might even have suspected Amber at one point.
"How obvious am I, though? Be honest. Do you know who it is? Or can you guess?" He'd already been told by Natashe that he wasn't hard to read. Had Casmir figured it out as well?