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in the early hours of dawn, Casmir dragged himself out of the den he had once shared with Laika. her scent had faded completely now from the skins that lined the floor, and the boy felt within himself a savage emptiness. and so he crossed the little ridge that led up from the shelter and meandered quietly along beside the frosted stream, his breath rising in a white plume. the forest was still, wholly devoid of noise save for his own footsteps — the Mayfair stopped moving and stood in a reverie, until his ears filled with the sound of his own heartbeat.
unbeknownst, his steps had led him near to where @Rowan Mayfair made her den, but Casmir was not thinking of her now, nor her children. nothingness spiraled in his mind as he stood alone in the wintry forest, and for once he was at peace, and took hold of it and clung tightly to its truth.[/tr][/td][/table]
She felt the shift of the night as it rose around her. The children bedded down, sweet and gentle ad they grew tired. They had not managed to grow so willful as to fight her often, instead, they were happy to snuggle down and Rowan was happy to watch them. Eventually she dozed off but as she often did she woke before her children, leaving them among the furs she'd gathered before their birth to stretch her legs some before she exhausted them again chasing her son and daughter during their play.
A wind swept around her, her plush coat bristling some as she realized it carried Casmir's scent. She followed the breeze as it lead her to Casmir, the dark males fur a stark contrast to the pale world around him. Quiet, respectful, but so appreciative to him - he had done so much for the little family they were growing into. She didn't speak, didn't really need to, just took a seat near him and rested against his frame.
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as if on a whim, Rowan appeared out of the snowy air, materializing to sit alongside him closely. the relief her presence engendered in him was evoked by her scent, and Casmir relaxed muscles he had not know were tense. his golden eyes settled on her as he turned somewhat to seek her gaze, but with Rowan there was no need to speak. she understood. and it was due to this awareness that Casmir did not seek to draw words out of the empty air and give them to her.
it occurred to the boy that he had not pulled his gaze away from her own, as he would do normally, and he gave a small smile before seriousness settled upon his features. still he did not speak.
slowly Casmir sought her shoulder with his muzzle, exhaling in a cloud of breath that turned pale when it struck the air. her fragrance filled his nostrils and he raised his lips to preen the juncture of her head and neck, scarcely believing what it was he did and seeking something in the witch all the same.[/tr][/td][/table]
Rowan accepted the silence, finding the world still and quiet around them. A soft smile lit her features up as his breath only added the fog around them. Casmir was one of the few she had felt no pressure from, no matter what they were doing he had accepted her. If it was telling the children tales, Cortland nestled with a bone to chew and Mona curled into Casmir's plush coat - it all felt as natural as when they ran down prey or trekked the borders. She didn't feel judged as Constantine had made her feel, and she never stopped to consider motives or to fret over what Casmir's intentions were.
It was why when he sought her flesh she did not turn away, instead, as he began to groom and tend to her she relaxed into his touch with a breathy sigh. She tilted her head a bit to the side to give him more room, body shuffling just a bit closer as she sought the warmth he brought out in her.
She didn't bother to be jealous, not of the scent of the Creek hopeful Grace as she clung to Casmir's coat. Casmir was not hers, though Rowan found herself filling all the aspects of her life with the male. Possessive while somehow being casual, she dared to turn her head to press a kiss to his temple, hesitating there just for a moment as she let her touch linger on him.
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her sigh spurred him on and Cas found himself driven by her receptiveness, leaning into her kiss. his eyes met hers for a moment, but there was no sense of awkwardness for him. not here, not now. not with Rowan. he nipped the base of one plush ear and pressed his muzzle against the corner of her mouth, his touches becoming firmer as his confidence grew. the void within him opened and threatened to swallow him — desperation welled, but Casmir held it at bay, focused fully upon the ashen woman beside him and the gentle scent that wafted from her fur. and as he embraced her, as he nuzzled her throat and explored the edge of one shoulderblade, Casmir felt the great rift within him beginning to ease.
another might have considered that there must be degrees of separation between himself and Rowan, due to her history within his fmaily, but Casmir felt no such thing. here only was the kindness and openness she had showed to him always, and now he sought to claim its core, and in return, admit the fulfillment of his feeling for her. [/tr][/td][/table]
Biology and kindness had guided her before, her attempts to soothe Lasher and grow closer to him had been sharply shifted by biology and it's mandates. Rowan never stood a chance. Now, she was standing firmly - and she knew it was thanks to Casmir in large part. He had hunted for her, helped to provide her shelter, he had come home and provided her children love as she had hoped they had known. Casmir was never a replacement for his father - and she would never allow him to think that either. As he nipped and teased at her flesh she gave a little smile, silver eyes fluttering for a moment.
He pressed closer, and Rowan could respect that in that moment he needed the security and he needed the comfort. For Laika to be missing for so long, no doubt ran ragged by her grief, it meant that Casmir was swallowed by his own and Rowan and the children would not replace the family that he had lost but they could make it better. Even in minor ways, they could make it better. She brushed her muzzle against his skull, teeth tugging gently at his fur in some spots. "You should stay with us." She whispered it softly, not wanting to push him or pressure him.
There was the rational part of her that knew if anyone else found them it would bring more questions, bring more judgement. She found however she didn't truly care - their happiness meant far more to her.
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her words gave him pause — he drew away to find Rowan's eyes with his own, his remaining ear floating back against his skull as he realized the implications of her words. with us — did she mean herself and the children? Casmir glanced past the witch toward the den where Cortland and Mona slept, then drew his gaze away and faced forward wistfully. to surrender the den he shared with Laika would be to admit that she wasn't coming back, and he wasn't sure if he was ready to do that yet.
Casmir swallowed; he looked down at the snow between his paws before he drew a breath and sought Rowan's face again. "i want to." but ... it hung in the air between them. his desire had begun to bank down, replaced with the crushing reality of his situation, and Casmir fell silent, turning his gaze firmly upon the misted scene that lay before Rowand and himself, as if it held some answer.[/tr][/td][/table]
Rowan didn't stop the slow progress as she touched and nuzzled into him, sweet and gentle as she could be. She wouldn't pressure him - that certainly wasn't her goal. "For now, just for now." Rowan wouldn't fool herself into believing she was a substitute for Laika in the pack or in Casmir's heart. She could only support him as best as she could, to provide whatever comforts she could manage for the male. "I dislike the thought of you alone in the cold." Rowan offered, as if that would cover up the sharp rise of emotion in her, the thoughts that stewed over Casmir and the state of their family.
She could ramble and say it was for the children, for his sake alone, for any number of things. She could also admit head on that she wanted to be there for him. "I will not cage you." Rowan promised. Not just to herself and her children, and if Laika came back Rowan could graciously let them be happy. This was never the goal, to stand in the way, instead the Mayfair did what she felt should be done.
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"no!" he exclaimed in a hiss, sharper than he had meant his voice to be. "i mean, no. it's not like ... i'm not worried about you trying to pin me down, Rowe." Cas sighed. "she's not coming back. i know it. but giving up our den is like ... giving up. it's admitting. and i'm being really fucking stupid but i don't know if i want to do that...yet." but nor did he want to spend night after night shivering in an empty den from which Laika's scent had completely faded.
he turned back to Rowan then, letting out his breath in a whining sigh, and ran his tongue across one side of her neck. "tell me what to do." he'd heed her, no matter what it was — Cas felt himself on the knife's edge of a precipice and needed to be shoved one way or another. he was too weak to make that leap on his own, and his selfishness asserted itself in a desire for Rowan to make the choice for him.[/tr][/td][/table]
If Rowan wanted to see Laika return no sooner did she need to demand Casmir to her den. It was a common sort of magic, the baiting and temptation of irony, and after losing so much didn't they deserve that bit of happiness? "And if she did come home - you know I would want nothing more than your happiness, right?" Rowan asked, eyes flashing over the dark boys face for a moment. She had to know he knew she wasn't manipulating him. She sought nothing he did not give freely already; his companionship and affections could be just familial and Rowan would be happy just the same.
"If I could make it easier for you I would." Rowan said softly, snout finding the soft flesh beneath his fur as she kissed over him. "And if I was a better woman perhaps I would be more wary knowing she will always have a part of your heart. Instead I respect that - and I can live with that - knowing we have been happy as we are just the same." Rowan could share him, she believed, if Laika came back to them. The pale woman offered no threat to the former beta, she was not seeking to replace the missing pieces of her family anymore than Casmir was. Factually they worked together. Blended, they became something beautiful.
"When we are together I am happy, the children adore you as well. I could not ask for more, really, so long as you are happy too." Rowan watched his face eagerly - hoping that he was as pleased as she was, even if he was more conflicted.
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he nodded, wilting somewhat. "i know." there was something here that was causing Rowan to repeat herself over and over again when it came to Laika. "but i wouldn't throw you aside because she came back. that would be wrong of me, even if you were all right with that," Cas intoned, his golden eyes coming to bear on the witch's lovely face. "that's not me." as much as he missed Laika, the Mayfair boy wasn't about to sacrifice these feelings for Rowan on the altar of correctness.
"you know i love them," he mumbled. he knew that the choice was clear now — he just didn't want to make it. "and i truly am happy when i'm around them. and you," Cas added in a shaking breath. "so ... uh. i'll come."
Cas felt the book close softly on the chapter of his life he had shared with Laika; it stung, and he knew he'd feel the true pain of it later. "every woman i've ever loved has left me in some way, Rowan," he gritted out. "Behati died — Aria moved on. Laika never came back."
his eyes found her own. "and i couldn't handle it another time, Rowe," he whispered. he wanted her, wanted the comfort of her body and her den, her gentle words, her natural warmth. but to love her as fully as he had adored the others — Cas was unsure if the capacity was still inside him.[/tr][/td][/table]
Rowan sucked in a quick breath, her eyes fluttering as she looked Casmir over. They had both experienced great losses but she wouldn't abandon him. She would never. Rowan pressed herself into his plush coat and shook her head. "I will always be there for you, Casmir. You and the children are my world." Rowan promised. Even if their first month had been spent without him she knew what she wanted. She was willing to compromise to get it, too, no matter the cost to her own heart.
"We are Mayfairs - we love as stronger as he can, as much as we can, no matter the cost to us. We cannot help it." Rowan could no more just stop than she could will her own heart into stopping, after all. It was impossible.
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he wanted to believe her, he really did. Casmir gathered Rowan against his chest and was silent, save for a gentle "love you." perhaps without the formality of gazing into her eyes and saying the words, it was easier, and a genuine smile tugged at his lips. he closed his eyes, inhaling her fragrance. this was home, he decided — there was nothing to take out of the old den he'd shared with Laika. he would start over with Rowan and her kids; everything would stay the same, except that he'd curl up with them during the cold nights, and fuck whoever had a problem with it.
their breath rose in a twin white feathering and he was content to merely remain as he was, their pelts mingling with one another until he could all but feel Rowan's heartbeat near his own.[/tr][/td][/table]
Love - that was at the crux of it, this thing Rowan craved and feared all the same. She blinked back her shock, giving a small whine as she nestled into him further. "I love you too," Because she did, though in what sense she could not tell yet. There was no expectation between either of them - she did not expect him to stand in for his father, not with her, not with the children, and she did not think he expected anything in particular from her either. She breathed in his scent and let the world just settle even as her mind wandered and she fretted over things.
She had grown fond of him months ago - his ease and his demeanor, his sense of humor and honor. The feelings had only deepened as time went on, he had helped to secure her a home and he had opened himself up to her many times. He let her in when others had barricaded themselves. She wanted nothing more than his happiness and success, and wasn't that love? The feeling she got when watching him with the children - that was love, wasn't it?
It was certainly enough to give her pause, and as the entire world was still around him she found herself feeling more alive than ever. A soft breeze swept up around them, moving the snow lazily, and Rowan drank it in. She needed nothing else.