Wolf RPG - and if you don't love me now

Thought we could use a thread, @Hemlock ^^;

A full moon's cycle had come and gone since the last time Sirius had thought about his real mother. His siblings and his father had fled his thoughts what seemed like eons before that, and the child had simply moved on after a traumatic shifting of his emotions. He acted out, not only because he'd been confined most of his matchstick life due to illness, but also because his spirit was unsettled by something he could only remember in his dreams. He'd barely been a toddler when she left, and now he was a child, with emotions beginning to grow too large for him to forget. And he was understanding himself more and more too, which made it doubly hard to simply get over things. As he had gotten over his first mother.

He dreamt of Her tonight— her sweet face departing, and her dulcet voice fading. She probably didn't even sound the way he imagined, but the memory was there all the same; tormenting him while he slept...

Sirius jolted awake, surprised by how dark it was in the den. He didn't typically wake up at night, being a particularly (almost scarily) sound sleeper, but he was up now— and he realized he was cold. If he had shifted from Hemlock's side during his rancid dream, or if she simply wasn't there in the den, he couldn't tell at first. He reached out for her with all of his senses, a small whine on his mouth.

"Mama?" he called blindly for the red-furred woman he "understood" to be his mother.

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Absolutely! sorry it took a bit to get to

For a moment Hemlock had watched the stars, eyes peering curiously into the skies as the heavens shifted lazily above them. The movement wasn't one she could track, not directly, instead it was just the shift of clouds above. She had retreated once Sirius was deeply asleep, the little trembles and shakes of dreams moving him every so often. When she heard his little cry she turned and came further into the den, nuzzling against him as she wound herself around the small boy. "Hemmy is here," She said softly, not correcting him - he was probably calling out for the distant memory of Olive, though still she wanted to be mother to him, she was selfish and she loved the little boy.

Tenderly she nosed over him, giving a little sigh. "What's wrong my sweet?" She asked quietly, hoping if she kept her voice low it might soothe him and maybe make him sleep easily enough again. It was still early and so she wanted him to rest some more if it was possible. Otherwise perhaps she'd draw him out to see the stars - maybe a story would soothe him back to sleep.

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Sirius swallowed at the coming pawsteps, his mouth hanging open as he panted anxiously, threw his reedy tail in all directions as Hemlock's warm, familiar scent washed over him. Hemmy is here, she assured the whining stormcloud, perhaps yet unaware that his neediness was just a symptom of his budding issues with abandonment.He knew the word to mean herself, as he had called her this at first, but after careful thought— formulated mostly through observing the way Lotte treated her children and comparing it to his relationship with the Kali wolf— the boy had ascertained that she was his mother. Not the she-wolf Hemlock insisted was out there, invisible and waiting. Not the terribly beautiful stranger in his dreams. But her.

"Mama," he repeated, stumbling to his feet so that he might climb her as puppies tended to do. He scratched up her forelegs and buried his nose into her chest, happy and eager to find her there even though he couldn't exactly see all her features. "I hadda bad dream," he whisper-mumbled into her fur, extending himself as tall as his body would allow so that he might bury himself into the ruff of her neck, which he couldn't quite reach.

"I don' like dose dreams, mama. Dey make me... Dey make me feel..." He got exasperated trying to explain, unable to describe the intensity of the sadness yawning inside his chest like a great and terrible beast. "Does I haff to sleep, mama? I can stay up for.. forever! I can -- yep -- I can! Okay, mama? B'cos I jus' really, really wanna stay up, ok? I can stay up an-an' you can stay up wit' me, right? Right, mama, right? We can jus' stay up forever?"

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This comfort was stolen; she did not deserve the little boy who looked up to her with such trust and love. She nuzzled against him, kisses tender and gentle as he climbed against him. She smiled gently, watching him with the same love-soaked eyes that she always had. He was a tender child most of the time, of course as he grew so did his temper and his pushing of boundaries but he wasn't a malicious thing. She leaned down as he nuzzled into her, face tucked into the soft downy fur of his youth to breathe in his scent. "Bad dreams happen, sweetling," She cooed reassuringly as he explained what was wrong. She nodded towards the entrance of their little home - where if she looked just right she could see the King Sequoia where the Fearghals stayed no doubt curled around their rambunctious crew.

"Come here, darling." She said with a little hum as she drew herself back to the spot she'd occupied before and laid down for him to nestle in next to her. "When you have bad dreams, sometimes....they can be scary, or very sad," There was no part of her that lied to the boy, she was honest with him as was appropriate for his age - and maybe a little bit too honest at times, too. "Talking about them helps." Not always, but who could know truly until they tried? His childish hope made her smile and she pressed a kiss to his temple. "Oh but staying awake would be so very hard, wouldn't it?"

Hemlock was tormented often in her dreams and hoped that those bad thoughts did not hop from her own miserable mind to her boy's. "Would you like to hear a story?" She asked, hoping that maybe the offer would help to lure him into sleep again. It wasn't so chilly that they couldn't rest just where they were, as summer approached the days and nights were both warming. It was pleasant, ultimately.

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Sirius fell to his feet as she turned from him, a whine becoming ensnared in his throat as he realized that an invitation for him to accompany her had been given. She's not leaving! The boy galloped after her, stopped only by his skull, which he butted into her open side readily—as if to nurse. A habit he would be shorted of soon. But he seemed to realize that he hadn't originally been going for the teat, so he clamored against her side for some time before finally settling in; his dark grey fur pressing neatly into the foxfire pelt of the worshiped caretaker. He looked up to her, ears standing as tall as they could as she explained that he might want to talk about his dreams...

The stormy child made a face. Tightening his lips in a manner not typical of his usual chattiness. Apparently standoffish about such things— or maybe just unwilling to try and again describe the intense sadness he felt. It shone in his still-blue eyes. "But I'm strong 'nough now, mama—you telled me I'm gettin' so strong all th'time—so I can stay up, right, because I'm strong now?" he protested thinly, licking at her chin as she bathed him affectionately. His tail thumped as he felt the hum of her voice against him, and he nodded eagerly at her invitation to tell him a story. "Is there a a'venture gonna happen? I wanna hear a a'venture story!"

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Oh, if she truly had carried him, birthed him from her body - she had not of course. She had only come along after he had been born and his life, and his parents, had swept the pack up into chaos for a duration. When he nuzzled against him she pressed her snout to his brow, tender and gentle for a moment until he chirped up at him. "Oh but you are so strong." She cooed with a smile, peppering kisses along his brow. "But it would take so much more to never sleep ever again." Hemlock could only imagine how drained a wolf would get even after a day or two. She'd done it chasing down that cougar, and the hellcat had been crafty to say the least. She did not like the idea of Sirius being as strung out as she had been, and she wouldn't let that happen to him.

"An adventure story? I could tell you one," She said with a smile. "There were two couples. Both lived in the Ravensblood Forest, happy and settled with their friends and Family. I was happy with my husband Palisander. He was funny, and he was brave, and he was kind. Your parents, Olive and Dakarai, were there too. Olive was gentle and kind and sweet and Dakarai was her protector. He took care of her, made sure she was happy. It was happy times - but then," Hemlock let out a breath, considering the way that everything had played out. How hard things had been when they changed. "Palisander fought a massive cat - he died protecting our Forest. Protecting me, protecting your parents, protecting our Ceannasach." There was no doubting that her husband had been a foolish man, to not call his pack and to bring them down together but he had done what he felt like his duty was.

"He was a savior, and he scared the cat off. And your Hemmy," She would do her best not to muddle the lines of caregiver and parent when she could. "I went after the cat. It grew so cold and the ice would cut my paws - there was so little to eat, and so little to find but then the snows began to shift and melt. I tricked that cat, and when I killed him, I brought his skull back to keep watch over our Forest like my Palisander had and scare all the bad things away." She curled her tail around Sirius, breathing out a soft sigh. "He would have adored you, my little wildling." She said with a smile. "And your parents - they had gone out to explore. Crossing over all kinds of lands and seeing all sorts of things. They fought other wolves, came back to our Forest, and you and your brother and sister were born. You were so small when we came to our Strath - when we left our Forest behind. So small and so tiny, we had to carry you all here." She had not, on principle, unable to keep her contempt in check.

"When you are older and bigger we will go exploring. I have a special place to go show you, but we must wait longer because it is such a long journey. It is a meadow full of sunshine and flowers and beautiful butterflies." Hemlock had not gotten to take Palisander back like they had promised. She would someday take her boy, then, and maybe he would understand how emotional she might get.

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Sirius listened to his guardian raptly, although at some parts he thought he recognized the tale she wove him. One day he might remember the whole story and come to find it as fact, but for now it was a just a fairytale adventure— one he enjoyed hearing. One he enjoyed imagining. The boy leaned his head against Hemlock's shoulder, feeling her voice as much as he heard it, and sighed to himself as he nestled into the vocal vibrations passing through her chest. He was quiet in this moment, marking one of the rare instances in which he didn't interrupt or otherwise ask too many questions. He enjoyed stories enough to hear them start to finish, and it was in these moments that he felt closest to Hemlock.

"You hads to carry me?" he asked in childish incredulity. "Nuh-uh! I can walk! I'm the bestest walker ever. I'm strong 'nough, remember, Hemm— mama?" He couldn't remember a time when he he was unable to walk, and knowing now that he didn't like to be carried at all, it seemed an improbable thing. He was distracted, however, by the time his sentence had ended, and he'd accidentally co-mingled the names he had for her. He didn't remembered making the decision to stop calling her Hemmy, but her constant reminder of it often put the word unwillingly in his mouth.

He had enough forethought to say then: "I don' wan' you t'be Hemmy ennymores."

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Sirius was doing well to be patient with her and listen. It filled her heart to near bursting to have him tucked at her side so close, her bright fur mixed with his silvery pelt. "Oh but we did!" She responded with a chuckle. Pendragon had come and gone just as quickly, barely a memory during the time as she had been so focused on Lotte - he might have carried one of them for awhile. "Your mother and father carried you often, you and your siblings were smaller than the little puppies are now." Hemlock kissed his forehead, warmth flooded her at the title. It was sweet, even if it was a slip up.

She pulled back enough to meet his eyes, regarding his statement with a little curiosity. "But who else could I be if not Hemmy, Sirius?" Hemlock asked, wondering if the boy had put that much thought into it. She was who she was, and while she could understand and try and keep her distance she knew it was vastly different for a child so young to understand a life so complex.

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