Wolf RPG

@Indra 

Disappearance of Bernard was concerning Wraen. Especially, since her friend had gone without a single word and left virtually no trace, save for some older scent marks along the borders. Had bears got him? She hoped not, but at times the not knowing was a more difficult thing to bear than knowledge of your comrade's certain death. It would still be devastating, but at least you knew, where things lied with the dead. But now... this link was left open to all of the "what if"s in the world and miserable hope that one day truth would come out.

But Wraen had long since discovered that work was the best remedy to any troubles of mind, therefore she decided to make acquaintances to Easthollow's next door neigbours - the Bearclaw wolves. She did not know it for certain at this point, but it was quite possible Sunspire pack would head this way, when they left the mountains and being on good terms with all the neighbours - far and near - was very important. Two mortal enemies were enough, in her opinion.

She had found the location, but was not sure, how should she approach the diplomatic matters, therefore she decided to think about this, while hunting in the nearby meadows. Somehow exercise and food helped to stimulate the problem-solving part of her mind.

the russet redleaf had been on her way out of bearclaw, her purpose clear: find lucas. such an endeavor took her well out of the reach of bearclaw's realm, and before long she was in an unfamiliar basin, which sported an unfamiliar wolf in its depths. all intention to further scout for lucas were put on temporary hold as she sized up the stranger, finding her fur on end by the surprise.

yet her coldness was unwarranted, for as she drifted closer, the shadows gave way to gunmetal, and then eventually, soft silver -- wraen's form was unmistakable.

she strode forward more confidently, her posture friendly and features softened: "hey!" the redleaf barked, her tone warm yet with a shade of worry -- "wraen, it's good to see you -- but, have you seen a small piebald pup, white and tawny?"

Indra's and Wraen's meeting had taken place a long time ago and the latter had not run into the russet she-wolf ever since, even though she often frequented Rising Sun Valley, during her hunting and scouting trips. She had not entirely forgotten her distant relative, but it took a bit of time for her to recognize the person, once it came into sight and spoke to her. 

"Oh, hi, Indra," she returned a little awkwardly, but this passed, when she heard the reason, why the girl was out her. "I am sorry, but I don't believe I have. Did the puppy disappeared long ago or very recently?"

admittedly, indra's approach was rather abrupt. being a wolf innately rough around the edges, she was used to witnessing the drawback - and patiently as she could afford, waited for the surprise to settle and for wraen to recognize her sudden appearance. it was certainly understandable that indra's sudden arrival had taken her by surprise - it had been months since their last meeting, though indra was not one to forget a face.

wraen's answer at first seemed stifled, though indra assumed it was simply in reaction to the redleaf's rather too-direct mien. she could not help the coldly creeping desolation in her heart, for no matter who she talked to it seemed none had seen lucas. "it's been a few weeks, but we're still looking. he's my sister's son. he's white and tawny, with blue eyes - his name is lucas."

Indra had described the exact looks of Treason, but Wraen was pretty sure that the guardian of their pack was not a puppy anymore, was not lost and was definitely a female. So, all she had to offer was a shake of her head and a: "I am sorry - no."

"But I promise, I will warn my packmates, just in case the boy shows up. I do hope though - that you will find him," though with a puppy being gone for weeks, the chances of him turning up somewhere happy and well, were very slim.

"Do you and your pack live somewhere here in the vicinity?" she asked, because the last time Indra had not been very open about the whereabouts of her home. Since Wraen had not turned out to be a deranged psycho-stalker-murderer that time, she hoped that Indra would be more open about things this time.

there was no hiding the crestfallen look in indra's eyes as wraen shook her head; no, she had not seen lucas.

indra steadied herself, but felt her legs were weak as if suddenly made water; a wobbling column of water in which she could barely be held afloat. she nodded dumbly, wrapped in her own thicket of bramble-like thoughts, as wraen promised to let her know if she saw him -- her gaze flickering upwards to the steele-grey of wraen's features as she asked of where they lived.

"bearclaw valley --" the revelation followed by a flick of her paw in the direction of the cliff's summit -- "it's right next to easthollow." there wasn't much else indra could provide; she had never been a conversationalist, and her will and hope were fading - meanwhile lucas was no less gone, and her task no less urgent. "do.. do you know of wolves that are bad here?" her tone wavered, and a fear crept into her heart to think of such things - but for lucas' safety, she must.

"Oh, I would have never guessed," Wraen had assumed that Indra's home was located somewhere in the mountains, because it had been there, where she had met her relative the last time. So - they were close neighbours with Easthollow and this immediately raised a question, whether this choice was based on some mutual agrement between the two packs or they were pretty close as such. 

But this would be a thing she would ask another time, because it was clear for even the practical and straight to the point Wraen that Indra had different and more important matters on her mind than just to quench someone's curiosity. "Bad wolves? I know that there are quite a few packs located here - one by the river," she beckoned towards Swiftcurrent creek, "and one in a forest further North - runs by name Morningside. I have met some of their members and they have seemed to be pretty decent folk." Well, she had met a puppy only from the former pack, but - if there really had been some bad stuff going on, the valley inhabitants would have been the first to know.

"But I can't speak for those, who roam on their own here. I could accompany you to the other packs in the area to spread the word that a pup is missing. And, if he - by any chance - shows up, they could bring you the news," she offered.

indra was fretting as wraen spoke, though an ear was turned to the silver she-wolf. she had heard morningside before -- where? her thoughts were too scattered to properly sift through, and another time she would remember she had met the very alpha. for now her thoughts were clouded by fear and worry, and it showed in the anxious frown that riddled her face.

it was a small comfort that wraen didn't know of any wicked packs nearby. indra didn't either; she stifled the memory of the loner that had ambushed her and stolen her tail, quick to ruthlessly bury it deep under her conscious, where other repressed memories snarled and swam in an ever-evolving dark.

wraen's offer brought indra some comfort; she hated the idea of approaching any pack right now, but with a friend it sounded somehow more palpable. her worried expression did not soften but there glimmered in her gaze appreciation for the offer: "what about you and your pack? if you come with me, won't they miss you?"

"With two other leaders at the helm - highly unlikely," Wraen shook her head, but there was a slight tint of sourness in these words. The last meeting between the three leaders had not gone exactly well and she had been left with the feeling that her brother considered himself somehow better and higher up in the rank just because he was a guy and a mercenary by trade. So be it then.

"Besides you are my friend and I want to help you - that's more important now," she added with a smile. "I say we go North from here - there is a very decent pack called Morningside - I have some friends there. I assume that you have spokeon with Easthollow already?"

it would have been hard to miss the bitter pall that tinged wraen's words, and indra sat a moment on their utterance, giving weight first to the query wraen proposed to her. she had not gone to easthollow, and a shameful stir of her ears betrayed it. "no -- that's xan's family, they know him and... i think they would have come if they saw lucas. but i should have.." it was an oversight; indra had searched far, but she had not searched close to home.

her first mistake.

she picked her way down the slight incline, avoiding the tumbling rocks with a frown. "what was that about the two leaders? do they not like you?" indra found such a proposition unlikely, but had not forgotten the sharpness of wraen's words then, and wished to know more as they traveled.

"Then Morningside it is," Wraen concluded and began walking alongside Indra. When asked about her relationship with the other two leaders, the beta felt both pang of shame for feeling the way she did, but at the same time she realized that it was neither Rannoch's and Terance's fault. They were great comrades, great team-mates, but she was slowly coming to realization that something in this constellation did not work for her. She yearned for more than she was already given. 

"Quite the contrary - Rannoch is one of my best friends and Terance is my brother. Though we have butted heads together on more than one occasion this year. We are either in a state of fragile peace or in bitter disagreements," she explained. "They are trustworthy, loyal, capable and... frankly speaking, pretty much perfect. And yet... I have come to a realization that this kind of "perfect" does not really work for me," Wraen cast Indra a glance and smiled. "But maybe it is a phase that I just have to live through and get over with."

indra walked in musing silence along wraen, digesting what had been divulged with a careful interest. the walk to morningside would be interesting to say the least, the beta concluded - for there was much about the tungsten-clad she-wolf indra did not know.

the scenario wraen described perplexed indra; she knew of terance, but not of rannoch -- but in what world were men "perfect"?

not in her world, certainly.

maybe, indra and laurel just got all the bad ones -- they couldn't run away from imperfect men quickly enough, and here wraen was, surrounded by them.

she kept her doubts to herself, giving considerable weight to her thoughts before speaking. "if it is not working for you, what will you do? where will you go? and how do you know that whatever you're going towards, is better than what you already have?"

"Do I have much to lose, if I try out and see, what is out there?" Wraen responded with a rhetorical question. She had not yet made a solid decision to leave, it would take time and some serious going through all of the important matters. But the idea of "what if..." had already been planted in her mind. 

"If it is not better out there, then I will learn to better appreciate all that I have got now," she concluded. "Who else is in your pack? A family at a core or a patch-work band like the majority around here?" she asked.

here was a wolf that challenged indra’s every ideation. to be loyal to your commitments, to be steadfast to your family. yet perhaps wraen was loyal to herself above all else - maybe she had a corner on this miserable business called life that Indra didn’t.

maybe she was smart to leave before her unhappiness overwhelmed her.

indra was heavily examining her values. she believed that reek and saena, at their core, were selfish bastards. yet here was a wolf indra did not believe was selfish, nor inherently bad.

perhaps the reason for leaving was complex, and wolves at their core could not be assigned good or bad in such black and white strokes.

but you would be letting your family down, wouldn’t you? indra’s statement was spoken more as a question than an accusation. it’s all family. i couldn’t leave.

"But I am leaving adults behind - they are big boys and girls, they will know, how to take care of themselves," Wraen explained, guessing that Indra's statement was based on a different life-situation. Maybe she had little children at home to raise - were it so for the young Redleaf-DiSarinno wolf, she would have a different perspective of life as well. 

"I want to have a family of my own - my mate, my children, my land - and this is not going to happen, where I live now. I could spend lifetime of taking care and raising kids that were not mine, but to what end?" she asked rhetorically. "What good is being an exemplary leader and packmate, when you feel empty inside?"

they were adults. the solemn redleaf processed this quietly, an attentive ear focused on her smoke-furred comrade as they walked. she had to admit wraen had a point - what use was it if she felt empty inside?

the question lingered in the air long after it had been uttered. it was a heavy statement and Indra tread around it warily. do you think all of those things would make you happy? after all, Indra had those things and she wasn’t happy.

"I don't know really, but I have never had this - I would like to try and see, how it works out," Wraen shrugged. Frankly speaking, she had no idea, what it was she was looking for, what were these extrinsic factors that would make her feel happy and whole. Yet she had a feeling that happiness was something you found within yourself. And, if your soul was shining and radiating, then everything else would work out as well.

"Do you have a word of advice?" she asked.

a frown had managed to worm its way across the bearclaw wolf's features. she despaired that wraen felt empty inside; to muster such words and breathe life into them by sharing them -- well, that spoke of just how heavily this lack of actualization must have been around wraen's neck.

she slowed her step and sighed. she was the last wolf anyone should take advice from - she was jaded, cynical, bitter and most times, just plain wrong - she had shut almost everyone out of her life save her family, and it was not a life she envisioned wraen would enjoy living. "no... i don't think you should take advice from me.. so... is your first step, find a mate?"

Wraen noticed that Indra was very elusive, when questions were asked about any details of her personal life. Come to think of it, apart from some scraps of information she had gathered, she knew hardly anything about the russet wolf.  Should she worry about this? Maybe if it was a different person, she would have had second thoughts about continuing the conversation. But this introvert girl had something about her that made Wraen trust her. And, if she did not wish to talk about herself much or at all, this had to be respected. 

Therefore she made it easy for the quiet and inquisitive girl by filling the silence with her own words. "I don't think it is that simple," she said with a light-hearted laugh. "I doubt that you can just wish upon a star or whatever you believe in to grant you a suitable husband or wife. From, what I have seen... It kind of happens. You either click with a person or not. Or... you are good friends long before you seal the deal. That's, how it went for my parents and, if I am any judge of character, I think that it worked for them very well."

She paused for a while and then went on: "Honestly... I would be happy to have this one very good friend that you can trust, that you feel happy to be together with... Life-friend, so to say. And it does not have to neccessarily end in mateship or children... So, that I never feel lonely in the crowd again."

if there was one thing indra was capable of, it was listening. she might not be receptive, or overtly sharing -- but she could weigh the words of a friend or foe, and take them to heart if need be.

wraen easily filled the silence between them; if indra kept her heart hidden, wraen wore it on her sleeve. yet despite the contrarian nature of their friendship, this forwardness or ease of sharing ones' thoughts did not perturb indra; it was almost as if she liked such forthright natures, for it spoke of a genuine manner that was easy to trust.

she thought about all that wraen had shared; about how it might not be so simple, how even finding a spirit that had a shared connectivity would be enough. indra wondered if the same could be said for herself; even though she had tadec, she did not feel complete or whole. there was purpose there still missing, though merrick and nunataq and marten came close to completing it.

"so you find a friend first; then see where it takes you. but where is your first step -- as in, where will you head from here? do you know the region beyond sunspire well?" it was not to say indra doubted wraen's capabilities alone -- she assumed wraen to be quite able-bodied -- all the same, she wondered if the she-wolf would enjoy what she found beyond sunspire's sphere -- or if like so many wolves, she would come face to face with unswerving reality -- to see the dream become dissolution, and lose all hope.

"I do," Wraen had traveled around quite a bit on both sides of the Sunspire mountain range, and it occurred to her that, were she not bound to the pack, she could have and would have wandered further as well. It had been a long time, since she had last seen the coast and the ocean, there was a whole different land located on the other side of the Moonspear. So many options and possibilities. If only she did not have to "bungee" back and forth all the time.

"I have not really thought about it in such detail, I have not yet been gone yet after all. I might decide not to leave in the end," she shrugged, but the idea once there plante inside her mind was very, very tempting. "What about you - have you done much traveling besides living here?"

commitments had a way of derailing traveling plans; were wraen to lament her bungie-lifestyle, indra would have commiserated -- family, children, mates - it did all get in the way of any self-discovery journey.

much like wraen there were things in indra's secret heart she wished to see: the coastline, the roaring rivers of the south, the warm honeyed plains beyond the valley. these realms sat in her imagination becking with their temptingly undiscovered footpaths, but indra did not obey their call. her roots were deep in the valley, black roots as they were, they were still ingrained thickly. merrick. laurel. the apaata children. tadec.

selfishly indra hoped wraen would stay, so that they could remain in contact. if wraen traveled beyond the sphere of the valley, would indra ever see her again?

"i traveled a lot before bearclaw." indra commented, the tone of her voice suggesting it was more out of necessity than leisure. "we moved around a lot when i was a puppy. our parents were... hmm. i guess they were mates before we were born, but broke up. if one was in the picture, the other one wasn't." she nudged a small pebble with a paw as they walked:

"and then one day, they weren't in the picture at all. so laurel and i did a lot of wandering, just trying to survive. that's how we found bearclaw."

"That's unfortunate, really," Wraen replied, feeling sympathetic for Indra and all that she had had to go through. The russet she-wolf had not revealed much, but from the few facts that were implied, she had been able to sketch an outline of the possible story. One of the many reasons, why she and Indra were so different.

"But I am glad you survived and you made it this far here," she continued after a pause and in a fleeting moment of sincere honesty added, "I would not have met you and... have you as my friend. I like you a lot - you are one of a kind."

it was unfortunate -- and something that, as much as indra was loathe to admit, had entirely shaped (she would argue warped) her life and outlook. she tried to put on a stoic face, to shrug it off - but even then the gesture was thin.

the sincerity that came thereafter caused a flutter of surprise in the red woman, who pulled back and regarded wraen with a rather inscrutable look. such forthright honesty was refreshing - something she had come to expect from the silvered woman -- but why was such transparency only reserved for women? what was it about them that made them so opaque in their motives?

"the same could be said for me -- you are my friend also, and i like that you are so genuine. most wolves are not." wraen would find indra's loquacity sorely lacking -- but it did not mean she didn't appreciate wraen for all she had shared. "why cant more be like you?"

It did not matter, how many words one used to express themselves. What mattered was, how well you chose them. Wraen found it facinating, when one could say so much with so few. This was a rare skill that not even she possessed. "Why - thank you - I hope that it stays this way for many years to come," she said in a way, as if making a vow. Maybe - she did. 

"Oh, now you overestimate me - if you asked my brother Terance, he would groan and ask, why couldn't I be easier to live with," she said with a light-hearted chuckle, picturing her brother's face perfectly in her mind. "I think... that we simply click well. Not that any of us are perfect or better than the rest. And... ain't that beautiful? That two imperfect beings meet and create something wonderful together?"