internal territory exploration! looking for a MORNINGSIDER!
Korei had loved the stars. And every time she saw them, she thought of her friend, and wondered if the pale girl was staring at the same sky.
It was their only connection.
Lily came up here every once in a while, when slumber evaded her. It was quiet and cool, bathed in moonlight some nights and others, a deep but peaceful darkness painted with distant, dazzling pinpricks. Her eyes glowed like twin torches here, the rest of her blending into the evening. A shooting star trailed quickly across the vast expanse, and she watched it, thinking. . .
Why did things feel so wrong when they were going so right? Her feelings were at war with circumstance, lately. It was impostor syndrome at its finest.
"The second exit to the cave system behind the Falls leads to a small finger of rock where overhead the stars seem close enough to touch."
well im not a morningsider but i hope its okay to slip in here! :)
lately delight has been up at night, finding the stars bring some clarity daylight evades. there's big feelings in him he's only starting to be able to put words to, but the words are frightening, and he doesn't know if it's even something he
can name -- easier to hold it in for now. (at least until he can talk to seabreeze, because he suspects it'll be easiest to go through things with her, first).
tonight his wandering brings him into company -- lily, illuminated by the stars. a shooting star pulls his eyes across the expanse of the sky as he approaches, calling softly,
"hi." he hasn't spoken to lily, really, since his return on the heels of alarian's departure. she represents -- complications. but she also probably knows, better than anyone else still here, what it's like to lose alarian, and she deserves more from him than shy avoidance.
of course bb!! <3
The voice made her turn, and she smiled, slightly disarmed but not perturbed in the least by his presence. Delight,
she said warmly, moving over to make more room for him to settle in. Haven't seen you in a bit. How is everything?
They had a weird dynamic, Delight and Lily. They were once bound by a tenuous thread--Alarian. Now that thread had been severed, and she was struggling to find something--hopefully stronger, this time--to replace it. She was keen to ascend the walls he'd built around himself, if not break them down all together. But it would take time, and trust. She had learned that all too well. . .from Alarian, oddly enough.
she allows him to join her, kindly as always. her question brings an uneasy laugh out of him (really, isn't his status something of a joke by now? it should be), but he is genuine when he answers, "it's okay." he's making it work and that has to count for something, probably.
sheepishly he adds, "sorry i've been, uh, sort of avoidant lately. it's a bad habit of mine when ... things aren't going well." an understandable one, or so he's been told, but it doesn't make it less of a burden on the wolves around him and he knows that. sometimes knowing that isn't enough to stop him, like watching yourself crash the car in an out of body experience. but he figures apologies never hurt, nor does actually trying, when he can manage it. enough about him! "how have you been?"
Avoidant. Speaking of Alarian. . . But she shook her head, waving off his apology. It's quite all right,
Lily said kindly. We all deal with things differently. Though hopefully things are looking up, for you.
Perhaps. Solomon was still missing, and Mali and Brilliance still sour. It would take a long time, she thought, for Delight's life to settle down into something resembling peace.
I'm doing fine,
she responded. Maybe an understatement, but she didn't want to make a big scene of her good fortune as of late. Just keeping myself very busy. Always something to do around here.
That was closer to the truth. Really, though, she wouldn't want to have it any other way.
She lifted her eyes to the sky again, gaze hopping from star to twinkling star. It's so beautiful,
the blackbird whispered. So peaceful here.
are they already at the cave system exit btw? :00
she's gracious enough to dismiss his apology; delight doesn't push it, not trying to drag out his one-boi pity party.
"i'm getting there," he agrees, coming to take a seat beside her. if he knew her better he'd push her a little more --
fine! what an understatement, really -- but he doesn't know if that'd be going over a line. instead he watches her for a few moments and smiles, saying softly,
"i'm glad to hear that."
he's never been one to stargaze, though mato had given him a certain appreciation of the sky, and he knows olive cares for it, too. her words ring true anyway.
"it really is," delight echoes, tracing aimless patterns with his eyes. there, a wolf-shaped smattering of stars. who would he name a constellation after? alarian? no, nor queenie.
seabreeze, he thinks absently, and dismisses it.
looking away from the stars, he gets up, stretching his legs -- not to leave, just restless.
"lily," he says suddenly,
"i'm glad you're still here."
yeah, they're outside!
Well, "getting there" was certainly better than nothing. When did "getting there" ever stop? Did one ever "get there"? She kind of thought she was "there," but some days really shook her faith. Lily supposed that was just part of life, though. Good days and bad.
He stood up, and she assumed he was going to leave, bored already with the stars. But then Delight spoke, and she turned to him, surprised, though still with a smile on her face. Well. . .same to you, I should say,
Lily said, laughing a little. We've both stuck it out quite admirably, haven't we?
She sighed softly, crossing her paws in front of her and looking down at them. There was nowhere else for me to go, really,
she mused. Could have gone back to my family, I suppose. I almost did, once.
Rushing water suffused her senses, suddenly, as if she were drowning once more. Her head throbbed. It was a memory best left to the past.
But nowhere else close,
Lily continued after a beat. She glanced up at Delight. I was a girl who had no idea what I was doing, you know, when I found Alarian--in a tree, of all places!
The blackbird giggled, shaking her head. Tagged along, of course. Didn't know what else to do. Bracken--Elysium--became my home. You lot are my family, now. I could never leave.
She lifted her chin, inquisitive. Why did you stay?
she asked. Instead of going with Ali? Why did you choose to stay?
srry this is bad :(
it's the most she's spoken to him in one go -- he's had the sense she's chatty from their meetings, but it's sort of pleasant to be the sole subject of it. delight likes just being able to listen, nodding along with her, though what she says strikes him as sad. not in a pathetic way, but in a -- hm. what would it be like if he could go
home? elysium is his home, sure, but how she means it. before he came here home. buried under ten feet of snow home. it's there, surely, and probably filled with skeletons, literally.
that strikes him as grimly amusing, and a sharp chuckle escapes him before he can help himself.
"sorry," delight mumbles, his expression turning more somber at her question.
"honestly," he says, sucking in a breath,
"i couldn't leave seabreeze. not again." his love for alarian was no match against seabreeze; his reunion with her had kept him together and she'd been the one to nurse him back from death's door. she'd been the one to take in his children despite their ... more difficult tendencies. no, really, it'd been no contest.
"i love her," he murmurs,
"always have -- after everything we've both been through, i never want to let her go again."
embarrassed by his admission, delight stares at his paws, rather glad he's more or less hidden in the darkness despite the stars illumination.
"and alarian was... capricious," he says, deciding on the word hesitantly,
"not - he didn't mean to be, i don't think, but there's only so much my heart can take."
Her ears turned back slightly at his laugh, but relaxed within seconds. She nodded along with him as he responded, giving a soft murmur in agreement to his praises of Seabreeze. She was growing to love the woman, too. Perhaps not as deeply as Delight--she likely never would--but there was something there that went beyond respect. She was family, now.
And as for Alarian. . . No one would ever blame you for staying,
Lily said gently, though perhaps he didn't blame himself in the least. You deserve happiness too, Delight. Someone who will stand by you. Who won't just. . .run away, when things get difficult.
She blinked at him, the stars in her eyes. I'm glad you stayed,
she whispered, reaffirming her earlier sentiment. Not just for our sake, but for yours. You belong here, with your children. With us.
And perhaps there was someone waiting in the wings for him, somewhere. Who really knew?
lily's av is so cute!
as the words leave his mouth he feels himself tensing, worried that speaking openly of alarian will ruin the moment, but lily seems to understand what he means. his expression softens. alarian was -- is -- an unstoppable force of nature, a magnet for chaos. being swept up in his hurricanes had been exhilirating at the best of times but mostly exhausting for delight, who is too quiet, too delicate, too boring for such affairs.
"i agree," he says, and then adds, a touch sheepishly,
"that i belong here, i mean. and i'm glad i stayed too." overhead the stars seem so close and bright. a secret selfish part of him starts to think,
if only mato could see this. he does not dwell on it. instead:
"i'm going to try more," he starts, color flooding his cheeks,
"to be present for -- for us. i can't keep letting everyone else -- i mean, i'm not a child anymore." maybe it's weird to make this declaration but -- lily is kind and, despite all appearances, he knows for a fact she brokers no bullshit. he suspects, hopefully, she will hold him to this, for elysium's sake.
aww thank you!
She canted her head slightly, pleased but interested in the sentiment. I've never known you to be childish,
she responded. Just. . .troubled. You've had a lot of things to handle, and--
She broke off, pursing her lips for a moment before speaking. I'm glad. We need to stick together. Alarian would run off without notice when we needed him, and it just can't be like that anymore.
Lily blinked in apology at Delight. Not that I think you would do that,
she assured him. But. . .I didn't really think Ali would, either. And yet here we are.
She let out a gusty sigh, eyes trailing across the stars. Was Alarian staring at the same sky, too?
he laughs, a breathless sound; as with before, his own thoughts, not lily's overly kind words (though he'll accept troubled). "thank you," delight murmurs, straightening. his thoughts drift to alarian, scattered fragments of memory, their time together. "i didn't either -- but at the same time, maybe i did?" he says, thoughtful, "in one way or another. i guess after someone almost dies on you more than once, you start to think something is inevitable, you know?" not necessarily leaving in the way he did, but some kind of leaving. he grimaces at himself. "sorry, that's a little cruel of me," he says, though he doesn't feel particularly sorry at the moment -- in fact, he feels a little embolded for admitting out loud the thoughts he'd been holding secretly since alarian's first brush with death. (and who can blame him? everything leaves in the end. like he told olive -- it's him, not them.)
Sometimes the truth is cruel,
Lily murmured, thinking of her own dark past opinions on the subject. I understand completely. But then, to leave and not come back. . . That shook me. He always came back.
Except when he didn't. Perhaps Delight was right. It was inevitable.
She stifled a yawn, stretching slightly. I'm tired,
she said honestly, blinking over at the Shiva. I think I'm off to bed. Join me on the walk back?
she offered, ears cupping forward atop her head in inquiry. They could continue their conversation while maneuvering down the path; it would take her mind off whatever shadows--physical or spiritual--hid in the clefts of the cavern.
except when he didn't, delight's own treacherous thoughts echo unknowingly. lily has a point in any case. the truth is often cruel in his experience--his existence has been somewhat cruel, if you'll indulge him the maudlin thought. in any case he doesn't have long to dwell on it, as lily rises. he's tired too, feeling it sink into him suddenly. straightening, the shiva nods and murmurs "good idea." his thoughts still swirl anxiously between his ears, but he thinks fatigue will win out in this case, and maybe he and lily can turn to slightly happier topics as they walk back.