It had been five days that she was tucked away inside the den. Five days of not moving, not eating for three of them, only inhaling the sweet scent of lavender Daivya brought. It wasn't that she wasn't being fed, she just refused what was brought to her. Oryx came and went and upon returning always looked so troubled and gave her these sympathetic looks, especially after Addison's howl had rang up and Oryx had gone off and been gone for a while. Sympathy often meant she was in trouble or that nasty things were being said about her, so her resolve to get up and moving lessened and she remained curled up and hidden away with her stomach making loud complaints. She had no idea who would say bad things about her but if she had to guess, it would be Grayson. He was the only one who had something bad to say all because she had said he hurt her feelings and was done being used.
After having a bite for herself, Addison pulls a fresh hare from near the top of the cache and begins the short trip she'd been putting off--a visit to Lilah's den. The sweet scent of heat grows stronger as she walks, becoming almost overwhelming as she reaches the small entrance. No wonder Grayson has her sequestered away. No man could resist this.
She, herself, can barely. . .
Lilah,
she cuts into her own thoughts, setting the hare near the woman's forepaws and sitting down as gracefully as she can on her belly. Still smarting from some of the wounds the witches have given her--- How are you feeling? Can I do anything for you?
The revelation of her sharp words to Grayson doesn't upset Addison; she knows her brother for what he is: disingenuous to the core. He likely deserved every bit of it. She doesn't really hold it against Lilah, though she wishes the fae would have done better at holding her tongue. Bitter, open disagreements were not the Odolf way. She should know that by now.
She hadn't expected a visit from Addison, they weren't exactly close and held no bond other than sisterhood, being women in the same pack. When the Odolf woman appeared at the front of her den and settled down with a hare dangling from her maw that for a moment Lilah eyeballs, her stomach shouting for the food though she mentally recoiled and looked away Immediately. She rest her chin down on her paws as Addison set the food down near her and then slid into a sitting position. "Hello Addison. It's nice that you're back" she said softly.
She gave a weak sort of chuckle and shook her head "I'm miserable but it's my own fault. I realized I didn't enjoy Grayson using me to look like a hero and make me seem so weak. I was hurt, I loved him, and I...well I didn't really hold my tongue. I...snapped at him. Said I wouldn't keep drooling over him while he used me." she gave a short summary, ears flattening back against her skull. She sighed softly, a long, slow, sad sound before she tried a weak smile, lifting her gaze to the corner of Addison's "If you can teach me how to not mess everything up constantly, I'd appreciate that. If not...Nah... I'm ok on everything else." she joked weakly though there was a bit of genuine hope there. "And you? How are you?" she asked.
She does not miss that Lilah takes a pass on the offered prey, and scowls a bit, though her face softens when Lilah begins to speak. She hears out the woman's side of the story, not even offering a nod at increments—just staring at the other, her disconcerting white gaze unblinking, drinking in the words. When Lilah finishes with a question, Addison gives a small shrug. She is not interested in talking about herself, today.
Well enough, I should say,
she answers succinctly, adding a small smile to illustrate the feeling. Lilah. . .you need to eat. You're thinner than when I last saw you, and you haven't even touched the hare I brought you.
Her face becomes stern as she continues. You are not the first woman to love my brother, nor will you be the last,
Addison says. So you are not special. Others have suffered in silence; why did you loose your tongue? If you would have held it, you wouldn't be in this position. If Grayson can get under your skin, God knows what else may make you crumble.
It is cruel, but it is the only thing she knows. And despite it all, she does love her brother, and respects him a great deal. She will not tolerate insubordination toward him, no matter the cause. And love is not a good enough excuse.
She shifts uncomfortably at the suggestion to eat, mouth salivating and a guilty look on her face. She knew she was thinner and that it wasn't healthy, she just hadn't felt like eating. Even when her stomach was begging for food, she couldn't bring herself to move and eat anything. However, she feared that Addison would literally force the food into her maw if she didn't eat so she nodded slowly and took the hare, tearing off a chunk and chewing as Addison began to tear into her.
Lilah swallowed despite a lump growing in her throat, both angry and hurt and shocked by Addison's words. "I know I'm not special. I've known that my whole life. But I've also been his tool to get women my whole life Addison. All I said to him was that he didn't need to use me to get women, that he's attractive enough by himself" she couldn't understand why she was being seen as the bad one here for this. It was a man's job to take care of a woman, ensure her safety and make her want to stick around. Grayson wasn't doing that. Not for her at least. The part about her sensitivity sank in and she frowned, ears going slowly back against her skull. "You're right, he's right. I am weak. I am sensitive and lack confidence and I am easily hurt and it makes me act out of the ordinary." her voice shook but she inhaled quickly and forced a smile to her maw "I won't be weak anymore though. I won't let myself. I don't love Grayson anymore. Not...like i used to. I will always care about him, be grateful for him, but I won't drool over him. That gets saved for my husband and I have never thought Grayson would be mine." as she spoke a sort of strength creeped into her voice, she was unsure of herself but she was sure that she would change, be better.
Addison listens; it is the most she has ever heard Lilah speak, and she is intrigued at the fountain of words pouring from her maw. There are contradictions within—why lash out at Grayson if she knew she never had a chance?—but that is to be expected from a woman in the throes of estrus. A woman so affected by her emotions, bottled up for moons.
Too often, women mistake their place as being weak,
the Odolf girl says softly, after Lilah finishes her speech. We cannot afford to be weak, Lilah; we must be strong. Silence and obedience is not weakness. Only through strength can we truly serve this world as women.
She licks her chops thoughtfully, the smell of the rabbit nearby tempting her to take a bite. She is suddenly ravenous.
No more of this self-pity. You will eat, you will grow strong, and you will carry on.
Her eyes level into the other like shards of ice. There is no other choice. My brothers want obedience, not weakness. Is that understood?
My brothers and I, she thinks sourly, but she knows she cannot voice it aloud.
She hears, suddenly, the singing of the witches in her ears, high and keening.
She's confused with herself. Confused by how long it took her to realise what was happening, Confused by why she was so upset about what happened even though she knew she was never going to be his wife. Perhaps because she had at least thought them to be friends. She had thought he really cared and now she knew he did but not for her just....about losing little ol' lilah that he can parade around as proof of how good of a man he was. She was also confused still as to why he acted like that. He needed no help getting women. Everyone would faint if they got the chance to be his wife. Even with the arrogance and the carelessness he treated them sometimes, they would still see the gain in being an Odolf. Yet he still had this false cover...he pretended to be perfect and used her to add to the illusion. She had just fallen for it, been the last piece to that puzzle. She realised Addison was talking and zoned back in, pretending she had been paying attention by nodding slowly with an ashamed look on her face while she obeyed the commands and immediately took a bite of the rabbit. The chewing would give her a few moments to steady herself. Her ears pinned back against her head as she was scolded and commanded to take care of herself to which almost instinctively she nodded quickly, swallowed the food and issued a "Yes Ma'am...".
Strong. She had to be Strong. She's never been strong has she? Not in the way Addison was. She had never been a lady. She needed some help. Oh lord did she need help....
"Addison.....would you please...please help me learn how to be a lady? I'm always just...so clumsy and skittish" even then she sounded like a shy, scared girl instead of a graceful woman who would make a fine wife. She sounded like a damsel in distress, not a woman requesting the assistance of another. She tried again "I only ask because you are the prime example of what a woman should be. I won't ever be an Odolf but I want to at least be able to act like one." she flattered the woman, hoping that her decision to cater to the Odolf ego would do her some good. She wasn't even lying, she did want to be able to at least have the etiquette of an Odolf woman and Addison was the best example around of an Odolf woman not to mention the only one.
Finally, Lilah eats, and Addison lets her face relax slightly. She watches the girl, unblinking, expression only changing when she speaks up again. There is an unmistakable note of pride in her voice as she answers.
Of course, Lilah,
the Odolf croons. Her tone is sickly sweet, like a snake luring a mouse into a false sense of security. Yet there is something genuine there, too, though whether she is happy for her own sake or for Lilah's is unclear. We all must learn. I am not without my own flaws. To be the ideal woman is something that must be practiced at all times.
Her lips curve in a smile. Shadow me. Do as I do. Ask questions of me. I will teach you all I know.
She pauses. You will learn to leave the hurt and self-pity behind and then—only then—can you serve a man, body and soul. Bear his fruit. You will learn. But you must obey me.
Addison leans over to plant a kiss on the velvet-soft crown of Lilah's head. Rest, Lilah. Regain your strength. Our lessons will begin soon.
She blinks once at the girl, then turns and leaves the den, resolve growing warm and strong within her.
Like she had hoped, Addison agreed and began to speak about what she could do to become an ideal woman. The Odolf even said she had faults and Lilah wondered how true that was, she couldnt see any visible faults. The only one she could find in the woman was perhaps being too cold. She said nothing though, instead nodding to show she understood what was being asked of her. She took another bite of food and thought over what she had to do. She would watch Addison, ask her anything she was confused about and she would do as the woman told her to. She'd become...a student of sorts. An Odolf apprentice. "I can do that. Thank you" she said as Addison kissed her forehead. She lay her head on her paws and eyed the rabbit, deciding to save the rest for later an take a nap.