Wolf RPG

She awaited @Erzulie's return with shame burning beneath her frame, an emotion that was overlaid with a yearning stoked by the month they spent apart.  She'd tainted their reunion and the anger on her lover's face had settled in her gut like a stone.  It made her dread the conversation that was coming as much as she ached for it.  She imagined there was a lot to be said, and not nearly all of it pleasant.

She hadn't realized how quickly Erzulie would embrace the siren's fold, but when the choice had been laid bare, she'd made it clear where she would remain.  It shouldn't have cut Rosalyn like it did, and she knew it.  She admired that unlike herself, the honeyed woman would stand and fight.

But Rosalyn had banked on the fact that, if she said she needed to leave, Erzulie would come.  And she'd been wrong.

She knew why Caiaphas wanted her - they were too similar for her not to, because if roles were reversed, her mind would fall to the same thing.  Their kind had two sorts; those they loved, and everyone else.  Falling in the latter group, there was only one reason she could imagine for Caiaphas to endanger her family to keep her there.  She was a victory, and a feather in the cap of her precious grotto.

Not that the pirate didn't respect that.  After all, she'd have done the same, wouldn't she?  And it didn't change the fact that she owed Caiaphas a debt for sending her wolves into the cliffs to attempt to free her.  She'd lost a crewmate there, and that would need repaid one day.  Rosalyn drew her uninjured foreleg through the sand before her, idly stroking out a path as she lay thinking.  She'd cross that bridge when she got there.

things had not resolved between them. rosalyn had consented to be treated, but the harlot had felt an inescapable distance stretch painfully between them, something that filled her with wistfulness and hurt her heart. 
rosalyn was her lover. rusalka was her home. drageda was their enemy. if erzulie departed, she and the pirate would be condemned to wandering again. she would have turned her back upon caiaphas, and eurycrates' sacrifice. and the wretched ghouls upon the cliff would have succeeded once more.
she came upon her love now, stretched in the sand. hesitating only a moment, erzulie limped forward and settled herself alongside rosalyn, facing out to sea.
a muscle jumped in her cheek, but the chai-tea woman said nothing.

Rosalyn heard Erzulie return, silently settling next to her.  She let the silence stretch for a moment, feeling the affection that always came war with the complicated thread of her current state.  She'd have given anything to know what Erzulie was thinking in that moment, because it was easy to pin the worst on it.  That she was weak, for having been taken.  That she was a coward, for wanting to flee.  Or maybe that she was too disfigured to want to keep in sight.  She really didn't have the words to fight any of those, because she felt them, and had been ever since realizing she wasn't going to be killed outright.

She kept her face turned, but after a while she knew she needed to say something at least.  Ceasing her playings in the sand, she raised her eyes to also stare at the ocean.  Maybe it would help.  I'm sorry.

There wasn't a lot else she could say, aside from that, without knowing what this distance was.  She could try and put her reasons to words, but she was having a hard time finding them at the moment.

for a long moment, neither of them spoke. the silence was as endless as it had ever been, punctuated only by the rush of the ocean upon its banks. and then rosalyn's voice came, and erzulie's mouth twitched with sorrow. she could not bear to look at the other woman, not yet, merely steeled herself upon the sight of the lapping brine.
"i do not want to lose you," the harlot murmured, thankful that her voice did not falter. from her tones could not be kept the hurt of the last moon, the remnants of the terror she had felt upon believing she would never see rosalyn again.
her throat clenched, and she was quiet once more.

Rosalyn felt her heart clench at that return statement, and she closed her eyes.  It gave some answer, but not enough.  Enough to start, maybe.

I didn't think they would let me leave.  And I've never been so scared to die.  She'd never wanted to, but she'd never feared it.  She'd thrown herself into danger a thousand times over and always done it with a confidence that occasionally bordered stupidity.  I've never loved anything like I love you.  Her voice faltered on this admission - not because she was afraid to say it, but because it held so much feeling.  

It took her a minute to get the rest gathered, but she owed some sort of explanation.  I've tempted death too many times.  And this feels like courting her again, staying right beneath their noses.  If I meet them again, they'll end this for good, and if they find out their message didn't work, they may send another. Now she was just talking, and it almost felt like she was speaking with the ocean herself.  It did help, actually.  I couldn't bear it if that message was you.  I've never fought for a place.  I've never had a place I've considered home.  Not even Ironsea.  She'd led there, but she hadn't fought for it.  She'd have given it to the bear in an instant if it meant her crew was safe.  But if you love this place, then I'll fight for you.  I can't lose you either.

Finally, she fell silent, waiting to see what her reply would be.

Erzulie didn't fear them, maybe, but Rosalyn did.  They had numbers and ire behind them, and while perhaps they would leave Rusalka alone, she would never leave this territory north and not be on guard for their presence again.  Likely even to the west she would be on edge, because given a single chance, she had little doubt that woman who led them would tear her throat out on sight.

Finally she turned, her good eye tracing Erzulie's face as she spoke, deadened one kept away.  She too felt her anger rise at the pain in Erzulie's tone as she relayed the state she'd been kept in.  More damage that they would likely never atone for.  Somehow, Rosalyn had no desire to attempt to make them, even with the hatred she felt.  It would only bring worse in the end, wouldn't it?

She shook her head when Erzulie spoke of home, then of her leaving.  She'd planned on it, and hadn't thought she would waver on that course.  But not if her lover wasn't following.  A month, or two, perhaps she could stomach, if Erzulie had felt she needed to help them to recover here.  Not this.  This will never be my home.  She reached over, pressing her muzzle to Erzulie's cheek.  You are my home.  Where you go, I go.  Always.  Then she quieted, her uninjured ear pressing back.  At least, as long as you will have me.  She never assumed anything was endless, and life had taught her plenty of times this wasn't the case.  But she was all in for as long as this lasted, heart and soul.

Similarly to Erzulie, Rosalyn had accepted that she couldn't ask the woman to leave again, not when she would obviously be leaving something so important behind.  Just because Caiaphas and her wolves meant little to Rosalyn didn't mean the same was true of her lover, and that they had bled for the both of them made this acceptance only easier.  

Forever.  She felt the rest of her tension ease at that revelation, because a part of her had still worried.  It was probably an insult to think Erzulie so shallow or so hard as to resent her for any of this, but rationality hadn't been her mind's greatest strength lately.  Hopefully, with time, she could find it again.  Here, it was enough to hear it.

Rosalyn figured that she would give Erzulie anything in that instant, if she had the power to give it.  But what came out of her mouth was so unexpected that she lifted her head and turned it, fully, to stare at her straight on.  Ch... children?  She asked to verify, totally floored.  It was impossible, yes?  Not only that, but Rosalyn had determined long ago that she was in no way fit to be a mother.  Children?

She hadn't heard wrong.  She'd never considered it, and actively prevented it, for so many years.  Children needed stability, love, attention, and all of those were things she hadn't felt able to offer.  She knew that she wasn't a giving creature when she did not want to be, and selfish wasn't something a parent was. Not one worth anything, at least.

She enjoyed the image of Erzulie as a mother, though.  And maybe, with her, Rosalyn could start to see it.  She still wondered though because in her mind it wasn't possible.  Not with just the two of them at least.  How?

Of course.  She mulled it over, though, wondering exactly how feasible this was.  Would a male willingly give this and not wish to step into the role of father?  Rosalyn didn't at all mind the thought of the deed, but what followed, that was what worried her.  If Erzulie were to carry them, she would love them, but would they feel like hers knowing another man had provided them?  Conversely, would she be willing to offer herself for that?

She had no idea on either account because she had no basis against which to begin to compare.  First, we ask. She agreed, moving carefully to close the space between them on the sand.  The rest she could worry about later.  It might not even matter, if the siren refused their request, or if a male couldn't be found.  She smiled though, not minding that the pull of it twinged the healing tears.  Children.

there were many things upon which to work. what mattered was that rosalyn was alongside her, the pressure of her body promising the harlot that she did exist, that she did live, and that she did breathe the air of ankyra sound as her lover did. 
returning her lover's smile, erzulie kissed rosalyn's cheeks gently, content to remain with the pirate upon the beach, the two of them, for as long as their moment continued.