She'd socialized some and for a while that made the loneliness and anxiety stop. It had been surprisingly warm for the past few days, this one was no exception and she thought going to the stream was a good idea. So went she did, choosing a spot she thought was a good one and laying down. Normally the stream's bubbling music calmed her but not today, today the flowing water caused tears to drip down her face as her brain tossed the horrible notion that perhaps Grey had gone off to die, like he had wanted to when she found him. She stood up trying to stifle her loud sobs, not wanting the tears to make her eyes puffy or stiffen her fur or the noise to draw any attention and stepped into a shallow spot of the stream, dipping her muzzle in and allowing the water to wash over her face. She quickly stepped back out, the fur along her legs and belly plastered down to show the shape of her body where the water had hit when she crouched.
Back at Golden Ranch she had known all the Odolfs, it was after all their family who allowed her in and helped keep her safe. She had gotten to know Grayson and Harrison, Emerson, Addison and all the rest. The one Odolf she had always avoided was Dawson. The girls always fawned over him, sang his praises, said how eloquent and kind and caring he was, how he spoke to them. Lilah had always secretly thought that it was too good to be true, she could at least find one fault with Grayson and Harrison and the sisters, one thing that made them Imperfect but whilst studying him from afar she hadn't found a single thing wrong with Dawson. That in itself was wrong to Lilah...he was like a god.
So when Dawson was the one to arrive, his silver tongue speaking the one question she dreaded and at the same time yearned for most she simply stared. Between his beautiful fur and striking eyes and the way he spoke kindly to her he was almost too much for the gentle, affection hungry woman. She swallowed and looked away, ears shifting back as she fought against the natural heating of the fur beneath her cheeks "I failed someo-" she stopped and released a shaky sigh "I fail everyone...even myself. I'm sure you've heard though...from your siblings" a sad and mildly bitter smile formed as her eyes remisted. Sure she had made a person offering to Grayson and she was learning but she'd never be perfect and she felt it made her less desirable. "I am learning though and I will be alright but thank you for your concern Dawson" she said gently, forcing a smile onto her maw as she recalled Addison's first lesson, never pity yourself.
He was so confident and reassuring that before she could even help herself her eyes had filled with tears and were drip dropping down the soft downy fur of her cheeks. He said things that all made sense, that with time and work she would be back in a good place. She wouldn't be in poor standings for very long. She gave him a watery smile and ducked her head, quickly wiping her eyes on the fur of her legs. "You're right Dawson. I only need to prove that I am still a useful wife and in time everything will smooth over" she said and took a slow inhale, releasing it after a moment. It was then that he made the comment of Grayson and she almost gasped, her eyes flying wide and then dropping to her paws. Ouch. That rubbed salt right in the almost closed wound. He continued to dig in the Barbs and while they stung she held her tongue, sighing softly.
It was impolite not to answer and he was being so sweet she couldn't even consider trying to avoid the question. So she looked up at him, expression open and showing her confusion and sadness. "I did love him, My whole life. I wanted nothing more but to please him. But...I do think I was more of a kid sister to him or perhaps just...a damsel in distress" she said this without bitterness, a small smile curving her lips as she looked off into the forest. "Now though, I've realised I am not to be his wife. He's always loved women of all kinds yet he really hasn't given me much of a glance and I'm no longer bothered, because I do love him just not romantically any more, as a friend and maybe a sister. I wish him the best and I pray his chosen treats him like the fine gentleman he is." the answered flowed from her lips, pryed from deep inside of her by the honeyed truth serem that was Dawson's poetic words.
She felt freed by the sheer truth of what she had said. She smiled brightly, light coming back into her eyes "One day I will be given a man to love and satisfy. When that day comes I will love them with the attention I gave Grayson, except this time there will be no mistakes" she said this with certainty, with strength. Her heart shone in her eyes and for the first time, Lilah began to see herself as a woman worth loving, a truly beautiful specimen of feminity and it showed.